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GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 


GROTON    SCHOOL 
VERSES 

1886-1903 


PRIVATELY    PRINTED 


Copyright,  190Jf.,  by  William  Amory  Gardner 


D.  B.  Updike,  The  Merrymount  Press,  Boston 


TO 

MR.    AND    MRS.    JAMES    LAWRENCE 

AND 

TO    ALL    GROTONIANS 


Ml2G45iM 


PREFACE 

T HE  folloiQing  veraes  contain  a  more  or  lessjaith- 
ful  History  of  Groton  School  during  the  better  part 
of  its  twenty  years  of  existence .  The  Christmas  Poems 
formed  a  part  of  the  annual  festivities  at  the  Home- 
stead and  usually  took  the  form  of  a  duet  between 
Mr.  Billings  and  Mr.  Gardner  in  the  capacities  of 
Oracle  and  Questiojier.  Uifortunately  Mr.  Billings 
did  not  always  preserve  his  MSS.  a?id  the  Christ- 
mas Poems  are  in  conseqiience  qflen foagmentary . 
Thanks  are  due  to  Messrs.  H.  D.  Chandler  and 
J.  Hinckley,  Assistant  Poets  in  1901. 

WiLUAM  Amory  Gardner 


Groton  School 
Easter,  190^ 


TABLE  OF   CONTENTS 

1886    BIRTHDAY  j 

1886  CHRISTMAS  g 

1887  BIRTHDAY  15 

1888  BIRTHDAY  23 

1889  BIRTHDAY  33 

1889  CHRISTMAS  43 

1890  BIRTHDAY  53 

1890  CHRISTMAS  63 

1891  BIRTHDAY  69 

1891  CHRISTMAS  gl 

1892  BIRTHDAY  37 

1892  CHRISTMAS  99 

1893  CHRISTMAS  IO9 

1894  BIRTHDAY  129 

1895  BIRTHDAY  jgg 

1895  CHRISTMAS  141 

1896  BIRTHDAY  151 

1896  CHRISTMAS  lg5 

1897  BIRTHDAY  Ig] 

[  ix  ] 


CONTENTS 

1897  CHRISTMAS  193 

1898  BIRTHDAY  205 

1898  CHRISTMAS  219 

1899  GROTON    CLUB   OF    HARVARD  239 
1899  BIRTHDAY  247 

1899  CHRISTMAS  263 

1900  BIRTHDAY  271 

1900  CHRISTMAS  287 

1901  BIRTHDAY  303 

1901  CHRISTMAS  323 

1902  BIRTHDAY  341 

1902  CHRISTMAS  359 

1903  BIRTHDAY  377 
1903  CHRISTMAS  397 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 


BIRTHDAY 

188G 

WELL,  what  a  bouncing  two-year-old! 
Was  ever  such  a  sight! 
Our  infant  School  we  celebrate — 
'T  is  two  years  old  to-night. 

They  talk  of  Western  limestone  air 

To  make  the  fellows  grow; 
But,  bless  me,  n>e  are  twice  as  big 

As  just  two  years  ago. 

I  look  about  me,  in  this  room, 

At  all  the  dear  old  faces. 
It  seems  as  if  but  yesterday 

When  first  you  filled  these  places. 

And  yet  within  these  two  short  years, 
We  've  made  this  infant  thing 

The  pride  of  the  United  States — 
A  theme  for  bards  to  sing. 

In  order  to  fathom  this  singular  mystery. 
We  must,  in  the  first  place,  examine  our  history, 
And  see  unto  whom  all  the  praises  are  due  — 
To  all  of  the  boys,  or  to  just  one  or  two; 
Although  at  first  sight  I  'm  inclined  to  suspect 
That  the  foi*mer  surmise  is  more  likely  correct. 
However,  I  think  the  chief  causes  we  '11  find, 
If  I  pick  out  a  few  that  occur  to  my  mind. 
[  1  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  first,  without  question,  I  think  you  '11  agree 

In  awarding  the  palm  of  success  to  Rublee, 

Our  only  alumnus  of  whom  we  're  so  proud. 

That  though  he  's  but  one  he  's  as  good  as  a  crowd. 

The  first  fruit  of  Groton,  reward  of  our  toil. 

Transplanted  to  flourish  in  Cambridge's  soil. 

May  he  grow  there  in  wisdom,  if  such  things  can  be, 

Till  he  captures  a  summa  cum  laude  degree. 

Having  thus  crowned  the  hero  the  foremost  in  peace, 
Now  give  me  a  moment  to  look,  if  you  please, 
For  the  foremost  in  war,  and  when  that  is  done,  then 
For  the  first  in  the  hearts  of  all  countrymen. 

Now,  when  I  consider  the  foremost  in  war, 
I  am  met,  at  first  glance,  by  a  dozen  or  more 
Who  have  carried  our  flag  through  the  ranks  of  the  foe. 
Though  they  sometimes  get  beaten,  it's  not  always  so. 
And  the  day  draweth  near  when  that 's  over,  we  hope. 
When  our  heroes  shall  meet,  with  the  prowess  to  cope. 
Of  elevens  from  Hoppie's,  and,  chiefest  of  larks. 
The  day  when  we  meet  on  the  field  of  St.  Mark's.^ 

And  first  in  the  hearts  of  her  countrymen  all. 

Who  have  known  her  since  she  came  among  us  last 

fall. 
Who  have  loved  her  each  day  that  we  knew  her,  the 

more. 
For  the  love  she  returned  us  so  freely,  and  for 
Her  own  self,  we  '11  praise  with  a  thirty  times  three. 
Our  one,  unapproachable,  own  Mrs.  P. 
[2  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1886 

Thus  having  awarded  the  laurels  to  those 
To  whom,  in  each  matter,  the  School  the  most  owes, 
Let  us  cast  a  brief  glance  on  the  changes  we  've  seen 
Since  the  year  'eighty-four,  and  October  fifteen. 

Oh,  where,  oh,  where  is  the  red  barn  gone?  ^ 

The  lovely  crushed  strawberree, 
With  the  smuggler  bold  and  the  Lady  Corinne;  ^ 

Oh,  where,  oh,  where  can  they  be? 

And  what  is  this  stately  wing  of  brick,* 

With  apartments  rich  and  rare. 
And  the  newly  developed  menagerie  show 

They  tell  us  of  up  the  stair? 

And  now,  as  the  shadows  of  evening  fall. 

What  sound  salutes  mine  ear? 
Like  a  ship  in  distress,  with  a  broken  shaft. 

An  artesian  well  I  hear. 

And  down  by  the  river  a  symphony 

Of  colours  most  dread  to  behold, 
A  boat-house  appears,  of  a  greenish  blue 

And  horribly  dirty  old  gold. 

And  soon  on  our  \ision,  amid  the  trees 

Of  Groton's  orchard  green, 
A  brand-new  Gym  shall  arise  and  see 

Full  many  a  wonder,  I  ween. 

But,  chiefest  of  all  the  improvements  new. 
The  many  a  young  recruit 
[  3  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Who  has  joined  our  ranks  since  the  days  of  old. 
And  quickly  has  taken  root. 

For  while  I  am  talking  of  boys  that  are  new, — 
Why,  bless  me,  how  time  does  fly!  — 

They  've  become  old  boys  of  the  dear  old  place. 
And  know  more  about  it  than  I. 

And  Chauncey  is  getting  as  old  as  the  hills. 
And  Hoppin  wears  long-tailed  coats. 

And  Robb  is  a  prefect,  and  most  of  the  kids 
Are  so  many  full-fledged  goats. 

But  some  things  are  just  as  they  used  to  be 

In  the  golden  days  of  old. 
The  black  mark  still  holds  iron  sway. 

And  Potsey  ^  won't  do  as  he 's  told. 

And  a  crow's  nest  still  is  in  Cochrane's  hair,® 
And  McKuhn  is  as  sniffy  as  ever;' 

And  in  spite  of  the  sound  of  the  chestnut-gong, 
Professor's  ^  puns  still  are  clever. 

And  Mrs.  McMurray  can  not  play  whist. 
And  Goddard 's  still  shaking  to  pieces; 

And  the  Groton  quartette  cannot  find  anywhere 
A  tenor-soprano  like  Gleece's.® 

And  Gushing  's  the  same  haughty  sister  of  yore, 
And  still  pounds  the  shaky  planner. 

Mr.  Billings  has  ghost  stories  which  he  still  tells 
In  his  quaint  and  delectable  manner. 
[4] 


BIRTHDAY    1886 

Yes,  every  one,  each  of  us,  feels  every  year, 
As  we  see  autumn's  reds  and  its  yellows. 
Though  the  months  may  roll  by,  and  the  seasons  may 

fly. 

They  're  the  same  old  magnificent  fellows. 

And  as  to  the  new  boys,  to  mention  their  deeds 
'T  would  take  us  the  rest  of  our  lives 

To  tell  about  Ashton  and  Neddy  Cartere, 
Polk,  Jay,  Scott,  King,  Briskie,  and  Ives, 

Whose  names  I  select  from  a  dozen  or  more. 
And  put  in  for  the  sake  of  the  rhyme ; 

For  to  tell  all  the  new  boys,  and  what  they  have  done. 
Would  take,  as  I  said,  too  much  time. 

We  've  got  a  museum  of  queer  curiosities. 
Beautiful  creatures,  and  homd  atrocities. 
All  of  which  go  to  contribute  their  share 
Towards  making  our  School  such  an  institute  rare. 

Hast  heard  the  pup  ^^  entune  a  song. 

Or  witnessed  the  heifer  ^^  play  the  fiddle, 

Or  seen  the  fox  ^  the  football  kick. 

Or  the  boy  with  bear's  legs  below  his  middle?  ^^ 

Hast  seen  a  biddij  ^*  run  a  race. 

Or  a  rabbit  ^^  setting  the  style  of  collars? 

Hast  seen  a  hen  ^^  that 's  six  feet  high. 

And  a  chipmunk^''  sporting  among  the  scholars? 

[  5  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

If  not,  poor  wight,  thou  canst  not  know 
The  wonders  we  have  on  exhibition. 

For  these,  and  things  like  these,  have  raised 
The  School  to  its  present  proud  position. 


[  6  ] 


NOTES 

*  "Score  10-2.  First  touchdown  made  for  Groton  by  Hev- 
ereiid  W.  G.  Thayer,  who  afterwards — eheu !  — became 
Head  Master  of  our  rivals. 

^  Burned  by  lightning,  May,  1886. 

^  Gilpatric's  sled. 

*  The  short  dormitory  —  Brooks  House. 
^  Austin  Potter. 

®  A.  Lynde  Cochrane. 
7  R.  B.  Potter. 
^  Gordon  K.  Bell. 
®  J.  G.  Gilpatric. 
10  H.  P.   Whitney. 
"  5.  V.  R.  Thayer. 

12  E.  F.  Fitzkugh. 

13  C.  R.  Sturgis. 

"    Warwick  Potter. 
15  J.  M.  Hare. 
i«  R.  B.  Potter. 
1'  E.  F.  Chauncey. 


[  V  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1886 

[Fragment] 

Ting,  Ting,  Ting, 

I  hear  a  tiny  bell. 
The  chestnut  season  now  is  past. 

Yes,  sirs,  I  know  it  well. 
And  yet  you  see  as  Christmas  comes 

(Yourselves  you  have  to  blame). 
Though  chestnutest  of  chestnuts,  I 

Have  come  here  just  the  same. 

If  Blake  or  Bell  could  check  their  pens 

From  filling  the  Grotoiiian 
With  all  their  fierce  poetic  fire, 

I  might  not  be  the  only  one. 
But  as  you  see  they  're  all  used  up. 

No  room  is  left  to  doubt  it, — 
Blake  with  maltreating  Bugaboo,^ 

And  Bell  with  verse  about  it. 

So  once  more  I  am  called  upon 

To  tune  my  fiddle  up, 
And  sing  a  song  of  sixpence  loud 

As  our  dear  yellow  pup.^ 
At  the  sound  of  the  last  mentioned  word 

Did  you  see  Howdy  Cushing  start.-* 
I  must  to  some  theme  have  referred 

That  lies  very  close  to  his  heart. 

[  9  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Ah,  yes!  he  is  lonely  to-night. 

The  world  is  but  frivolous  stuff; 
He  's  come  here  without  his  delight, 

His  only  adorable  Snuff.  ^ 
The  digression  forgive,  I  pray, 

I  '11  do  nothing  more  of  the  sort, 
But  say  all  my  little  say 

In  poetry  spicy  and  short. 

A  thought  comes  o'er  me  now  and  then 

As  holidays  arrive: 
What  do  the  various  gentlemen 

To  keep  themselves  alive 
When  all  their  occupation  's  gone. 

And  books  are  left  behind.'' 
How  do  they  pass  the  time  forlorn.'' 

How  occupy  their  mind.^ 

I  asked  a  little  bird  to  tell 

If  they  were  n't  bored  to  death. 
"  Oh,  no,  they  manage  mighty  well," 

Said  he  beneath  his  breath. 
"And  if  you  won't  give  it  away. 

Or  only  to  a  few, 
I  '11  tell  the  sort  of  things  they  say. 

And  also  what  they  do." 

Sam  Blagden  —  Ah!  I  need  not  tell 

How  he  the  time  beguiles. 
He  casts  upon  New  York  the  spell 

Of  his  enormous  smiles. 

[  10  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1886 

Webb  *  issues  invitations  for 

A  little  sausage  party, 
With  grape  milk,  buckwheat  cakes  and  all 

That 's  wholesome,  crisp  and  hearty. 

But  first  he  trims  his  flowing  locks 

And  clips  his  shaggy  beard. 
Look  at  him  now  with  parted  mane  — 

How  exquisitely  weird  ! 
Professor^  walks  Fifth  Avenue. 

The  damsels — now  don't  wince  — 
Set  caps  at  him  as  did  the  maid 

Of  Groton  not  long  since. 

And  Mr.  Billings,  every  day 

Receives  some  telegram 
From  Queen  Victoria,  Prince  of  Wales, 

Or  John  L.  Sullivan. 

The  Biddy  ^  is  resolved  to  gain 

Admittance  to  the  Choir, 
For  since  Jim  Hare  got  in,  it 's  plain 

The  humblest  may  aspire 
To  join  the  sweet-voiced  tenor  crew, 

So  Austin  he  entices. 
Who  duly  tunes  his  phililoo 

While  Biddy  R.  practises. 

Burgess  upon  arriving  at 

The  outskirts  of  the  Hub, 
Pours  ice  water  into  his  hat. 

And  takes  a  morning  tub. 

[  11  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

This  done,  he  scarce  can  wait  an  hour 

Unless  it  chance  to  rain. 
But  if  by  luck  there  be  a  shower. 

He  takes  a  bath  again. 
At  last  he  reaches  Dedham's  shore. 

But  no  contentment  hath, 
Until  some  four  or  five  times  more 

He  takes  a  thorough  bath. 

Robb  brushes  out  his  siders  straight. 

And  whistles  soft  a  tune, 
Appropriate  to  his  old  round  face. 

Called,  "Whiskers  on  the  Moon." 
Parker  don't  lose  a  moment's  space. 

But  with  some  urchin  small. 
Retires  to  some  lonely  place 

And  practises  baseball. 

For  five  days  after  reaching  town 

Pete  Jay  will  scarcely  speak. 
He  eats  from  dawn  till  sun  goes  down  — 

This  sometimes  lasts  a  week. 
And  then  if  he  perchance  is  ill, 

'T  is  somewhat  of  a  bore. 
But  ne'er  takes  he  the  famed  black  pill. 

He  eats  for  a  week  more. 

And  Heifer  Thayer  '^  parades  the  streets 

In  holiday  attire. 
I  cannot  tell  how  much  he  eats,^ 

I  did  not  dare  enquire. 

[  12  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1886 

But  I  can  scarcely  have  a  doubt 
He  finds  it  great  relief, 

To  go  on  making  himself  stout 
On  really  black  corned  beef. 


[  13  ] 


NOTES 

^  A  beautiful  hat  belongijig  to  Joe  Hoppin. 

2  H.  P.  Whitney. 

'^  Mrs.  Peabody's  dog — abhotred  of  the  Sixth  Form. 

*  F.  G.  Webb — -first  hut  07vner. 
5  Gordon  K.  Bell. 

*  War7vick  Potter. 
7  S.  V.  R.  Thayer. 


[  14] 


BIRTHDAY 
1887 

WHEN  summer  days  and  summer  joys 
Are  over  for  our  idle  boys, 
They  settle  doAvai  to  lessons  sober. 
When  presto!  15th  of  October 
Arrives,  and  they,  forgetting  study. 
Forgetting  books  and  football  muddy, 
With  one  accord  fly  learning's  cloisters, 
Gird  up  their  loins  and  gobble  oysters. 
A  little  meal  of  rhyme  and  reason 
Put  in,  the  edibles  to  season. 
Will  not,  I  hope,  go  very  wrong, 
Especially  if  not  too  long. 
So  let 's  treat  in  a  manner  cursory 
Our  doings  since  last  anniversary. 

I  fain  had  devised  an  original  form 

To  dish  up  the  story  in  sizzling  and  warm; 

But  bless  me,  what  think  you  a  fellow  can  do 

Who  has  to  grind  verse  for  such  critics  as  you. 

Two  or  three  times  a  year,  on  all  manner  of  things! 

So  forgive  some  monotony  in  what  he  sings. 

A  nightingale  warbles  but  one  kind  of  tune, 

And  is  only  expected  to  do  that  in  June, 

While  Christmas  or  autumn  to  you  it 's  all  one, 

So  forgive  me  if  this  is  the  best  can  be  done. 

The  events  will  be  new,  if  the  rhymes  are  the  same 

And  the  versification  a  particle  tame. 

[  15  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Yet  why  should  we  change  as  the  seasons  roll  on?  — 
Groton  School  is  the  same,  though  the  years  may  have 

gone, 
Though  old  boys  may  leave  us  and  new  take  their 

places. 
Though  our  hearts  may  be  sad  as  we  miss  their  dear 

faces, 
The  School  is  unchanged  in  its  hopes  and  its  aim. 
And  its  purpose,  please  God,  shall  be  ever  the  same. 

When  I  returned  to  Groton  green 

The  first  thing  that  I  saw 
Was  a  hole  in  the  ground  men  called  my  house, 

A  hole  and  nothing  more. 

And  over  that  hole  next  spring  I  hope 

At  Easter  Monday's  ball, 
Our  dear  head  Madam  will  open  the  dance 

With  one  of  our  Freshmen  tall. 

While  Mrs.  McMurray  shall  dance  with  me 

A  stately  minuet. 
With  Gleesa,^  McGinness  ^  and  Mr.  Thayer 

To  chasse  and  pirouette. 

I  next  beheld  a  verdant  park 

With  flowers  rich  and  rare. 
And  an  onion  patch  all  hedged  about,^ 

And  marked,  "With  greatest  care," 

At  present  its  fruit  is  widely  spread 
O'er  all  the  lawn  around, 
[  16  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1887 

"Please  mayn't  I  pick  yon  onion  up 
That  fell  on  forbidden  ground?" 

Oh !  that  is  the  song  that  greets  mine  ear 

Whene'er  I  walk  abroad, 
For  the  onion  is  naught  but  a  tennis-ball, 

Got  there  of  its  own  accord. 

And  the  Gym  is  done,  and  we  hope  erelong 
That  the  Chapel  will  be  through. 

And  these  are  the  outside  sights  I  saw, 
So  now  for  the  others  too. 

We  've  a  fine  lot  of  kids  arrived  this  year; 

Did  you  hear  the  youthful  Bow- 
Ditch  *  exclaim  the  other  night  at  tea 

A  rich  sonorous  "Ow".'' 

There  's  a  boy  with  a  healthy  pair  of  lungs! 

And  another  powerful  man 
Is  among  our  ranks,  an  uncle  of  ours, 

One  J.  Something  Sullivan.^ 

TTie  fellows  are  bigger  I  needs  must  admit; 
There  's  Austin,®  his  short  breeches  no  longer  fit. 
Just  look  at  him  now  all  rigged  out  in  his  best. 
He  's  Bobby's  own  brother,  just  look  at  his  vest! 
And  —  isn't  it  dismal?  —  when  Christmas  arrives, 
A  sorrow  will  come  to  o'ershadow  our  lives; 
Those  exquisite  calves  will  be  hidden  from  view. 
Let 's  up  and  prevent  it,  it  never  will  do. 
[  17  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  Bear's  Legs  '  have  shaken  out  two  or  three  reefs 

And  the  fat  little  calves  are  now  regular  beefs. 

The  Biddy®  's  been  seen  to  my  own  certain  knowledge 

With  a  beaver,  rigged  up  like  a  dude  at  a  College. 

Do  stop  it  all,  boys,  we  can't  let  you  grow  old. 

Beware  of  the  fate  of  our  "  Warrior  Bold,"  ^ 

Whose  friends  have  removed  him,  at  least  so  they  say. 

Because  he  showed  signs  of  his  hair  turning  gray. 

Perhaps  you  have  noticed,  I  cannot  recall, 

Such  a  gorgeous  display  of  new  clothes  as  this  fall ; 

The  dudes  are  outdone,  and  in  dire  despair 

Are  selling  their  wardrobes  and  tearing  their  hair. 

While  Rogers  ^^  would  give  his  whole  stock  of  cravats 

To  get  one  of  Dany  Mull's  ^^  white  London  hats. 

The  reason  they  say  is  not  hard  to  be  guessed 

Why  Cowdin  and  Jojo^^  so  gayly  are  dressed; 

Old  Europe  received  a  great  honour  last  summer. 

And  these  are  some  trifles  the  fellows  brought  from 

her. 
Have  you  noticed  the  accent  that  Smith  ^^  has  ac- 
quired.^ 
Mr.  Billings  says  such  a  chose  faisait  him  tired. 
Forgetting  his  English,  while  all  the  Sixth  Form 
To  be  up  to  the  rest  have  begun  to  reform 
Their  accent,  while  Carter  ^*  says  du  and  rien, 
And  Emmons  puts  on  a  new  lug  to  hesoin}^ 

Now  talking  of  Europe  a  few  words  I  'd  say 
About  all  your  kindness  ere  we  went  away; 
The  feast  at  New  York  ^^  is  n't  one  to  forget, 
'T  was  one  of  the  joUiest  ever  I  ate, 
[  18  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1887 

Although  the  next  day  Howdy  "  took  to  his  bed 
And  the  Biddy  ^^  did  likewise  and  wished  he  were 

dead. 
While  poor  Mr.  B.  and  the  Rector  looked  pale, 
And  most  of  the  rest  f-rn-sh-d  f—d  for  the  wh-1-. 
And  the  good  Madam  smoothed  each  poor  sufterer's 

piller. 
Administering  doses  of  Perry's  Pain  Killer. ^^ 
Yet  it  wasn't  the  fault  of  the  dinner  I  'm  sure, 
But  some  poisonous   pills  known  as  "Sea-sickness 

cure." 
So  our  thanks  we  would  give,  and  to  you  the  chief 

share. 
Chief  cook  of  the  dinner,  Montgomery  Hare. 

Well,  it  has  been  a  great  year,  you  all  will  allow ; 
In  athletics  and  studies  we  show  the  world  how. 
To  begin  ^vith  the  former,  I  proved  quite  a  prophet. 
The  St.  Mark's  game,  remember,  and  what  I  said  of  it 
On  last  anniversary,  wasn't  it  true? 
Don't  you  recollect  something  about  ten  to  two.'' 

Alas,  we  can't  do  it  again,  for  this  year 
They  don't  seem  to  want  us  to,  is  n't  it  queer? 
They  'd  rather  descend  to  admiring  histoiy 
With   naught   but   defeats   from   their  sweet   infant 
sistery.^** 

Down  by  the  winding  river 

Where  the  Nashua  lady  ^^  dwells, 

[  19  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  Sam  ^^  with  his  hook,  fat  Jim  ^^  with  his  book, 
Are  the  sights  the  traveller  tells. 

A  sound  to  my  ears  of  frantic  cheers 

Was  wafted  across  the  water, 
And  I  thought  that  some  one  was  playing  hob. 

Or  something  he  had  n't  ought  ter. 

'T  was  a  horrible  noise  of  stalwart  boys, 

With  Whitney  at  their  head, 
And  "Juniper,  Juniper,  hooray  ah!"  ^^ 

Was  the  singular  thing  they  said. 

A  health  to  the  crew  and  the  gallant  two 

Who  covered  their  form  with  glory. 
And  the  paddlers  bold  of  the  tubs  who  told 

A  decidedly  different  story. 

May  the  new  sport  flourish,  may  Nashua  nourish. 

In  these  their  boyhood's  years. 
The  nautical  crews  who  are  going  to  produce 

Next  century's  Volunteers. 

Now  besides  the  crew  we  've  tennis-courts  new. 

Goal-posts,  gymnasium  and  all, 
And  such  like  appliance  to  make  us  all  giants. 

Like  the  Cubans,^^  so  famous  this  fall. 

So  athletics  you  see  are  as  good  as  can  be. 

And  how  about  studies  next? 
How  about  passing  clear  at  Cambridge  next  year.?- 

That  is  only  what  Groton  expects. 

[  20  ]         . 


BIRTHDAY    1887 

For  we  've  cases  ample  to  take  as  example. 

I  'd  take  off  my  hat  were  it  on 
To  our  Freshmen  three  and  our  Soph'more  Rublee, 

And  advise  you  to  do  as  they  've  done. 

So  long  wave  on  high  for  many  a  year 

The  black  and  red  and  white, 
And  a  health  to  the  School  that  we  hold  so  dear 

On  her  three-year  birthday  night. 


[  21  ] 


NOTES 

,/.  G.  Gilpatric. 

F.  Chaunceij. 
The  "lawn." 
H.  I.  Bowdilch. 
J.  Amory  Sullivan. 
Austin  Potter. 
C.  R.  Stuj-gis. 

Warwick  Potter.  He  had  been  travelling  with  the  Faculty 
in  England,  and  7vas  dressed  accordhigly. 
Gilpatric, whose  age  was  proverbial.  Famous  for  the  song 
Warrior  Bold  and  founder  of  the  Groton  Quartette. 
R.  S.  Rogers. 
E.  S.  Mulliyis. 
J.  C.  Hoppin. 

G.  W.  Smith. 

E.  C.  Carter,  who  could  fiot  be  taught  to  pj'OTiounce. 
Favourite  expletive  of  R.  W.  Emmons,  2nd. 
Dinner  at  Brevoort  House  given  by  New  York  Groto- 
nians  to  travelling  Faculty,  July,  1887. 
H.  G.  Gushing — a  poor  sailor. 
Warwick  Potter — another. 
Wonderful  remedy  discovered  by  a  cousin  of  the  Madam' s. 

^**  Controversy  about  masters  between  St.  Mark's  and  the 

"Infant  School." 
2^  A  green  canoe  belo7iging  to  the  Chauncey  family. 
22  S.  P.  Blagden. 
2^  James  Binney. 

2*   The  Third  Form  cheer — invented  by  H.  P.   Whitney. 
25  An  amateur  Football  Eleven — predecessor  of  Emmons  s 
famous  Cuban  Nine. 

[  22  ] 


BIRTHDAY 
1888 

I  AST  Christmas,  when  I  read  to  you 
-^  The  product  of  my  pen, 
I  felt  that  I  had  done  a  thing 

I  could  not  do  again. 
Though  boys  are  new,  yet  gags  are  old. 

And  rhymes  have  lost  their  jingle. 
Yet  as  the  season  comes  once  more. 
Once  more  my  fingers  tingle. 

This  fact  and  birthday  thoughts  combined 

To  colour  my  ideas 
With  scraps  of  old  philosophy 

Appropriate  to  our  years. 
Chestnuts  in  general  are  the  theme 

Of  this,  my  little  sermon. 
Perhaps  a  lesson  they  contain 

Useful  as  Greek  or  German. 

Four  years  are  gone,  each  differing, 

And  yet  each  much  the  same. 
And  some  things  that  once  seemed  such  fun 

Perhaps  may  now  seem  tame. 
The  happiest  man  is  he  who  finds 

As  years  go  hurrying  by 
That,  though  the  world  is  getting  old. 

His  heart  is  young  for  aye. 

Though  legs  may  grow  and  minds  unfold. 
What  once  was  worth  endeavour 
[  -^'i  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Is  worth  it  now,  and  what  is  good 

That  shall  be  good  forever. 
So  if  the  School  was  worth  our  love 

Four  years  ago,  't  is  true 
It  will  be  so  when  we  are  old. 

Though  offering  nothing  new. 

Monotony  is  not  a  bore 

If  energy  is  there ; 
Life  is  monotony  to  some. 

No  matter  when  or  where. 
Forgive  my  sermon — 'tis  a  theme 

That  anniversary  brings 
Up  to  my  mind,  as  I  sit  down 

To  write  the  same  old  things. 

These  same  old  things  are  dear  to  me 

In  all  this  world  of  change; 
Some  things  my  heart  ne'er  wanders  from. 

In  search  of  new  and  strange. 
But  not  to  practise  what  I  preach 

Until  this  metre  's  stale, 
I  break  right  oif  and  change  the  tune, 

So  listen  to  my  tale. 

I  drifted  along  one  summer's  morn 

O'er  ocean's  upheaving  breast. 
And  I  noticed  a  lad  of  appearance  sad. 

Who  looked  as  if  needing  rest. 
"  Oh,  what  are  the  wild  waves  saying  to  thee. 

Miss  Ryan?"  ^  I  said  aloud; 
[  24  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1888 

The  answer  was  drowned  by  a  gurgling  sound. 
As  she  clung  to  the  quivering  shroud. 

The  month  it  was  August,  the  scene  a  ship. 

The  place  was  near  Frenchman's  bay. 
The  occasion  —  like  one  that  occurred  before 

To  Bolly  and  Blake  and  Jay.^ 
What  the  waves  were  saying  just  then,  I  fear 

Would  recall  but  pain  to  some. 
But  I  fell  asleep,  and  the  waters  deep 

This  ditty  began  to  hum — 

''The  waves  of  time  are  rolling  by, 

Perhaps  you  'd  like  to  know 
WTiat  's  going  to  become  of  that  School  of  yours 

As  the  waters  onward  flow. 
A  silence  profound  shall  hang  around 

That  sacred  hall  of  learning. 
Not  a  pin-fall  heard,  not  even  a  word. 

By  the  ear  of  the  most  discerning. 

"Mr.  Billings  dozes,  his  book  he  closes 

('T  is  afternoon  school  of  course), 
And  a  somnolent  air  is  everywhere. 

And  the  black  mark  has  spent  its  force. 
A  distant  growl  becoming  a  howl, 

A  wail!  a  shriek  I  !  a  yell!  !  ! 
Like  thunder  and  lightning  combined  in  one. 

Unexpectedly  breaks  the  spell. 

"Mr.  B.  starts  up,  all  faces  are  pale. 
He  seizes  a  pen  and  ink. 
[  25  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Meantime,  once  more  is  heard  that  roar. 
You  really  can't  hear  yourself  think. 

And  this  is  the  letter  he  dashes  off: 
'Dear  Madam,  just  throttle  Mike, 

Or  Micky,  or  Malcolm,  or  Mucker,  at  once, 
Or  anything  else  you  like.' 

"This  note  is  despatched  'mid  a  storm  of  shrieks. 

Redoubled  faster  and  faster. 
And  the  Madam  declines  for  the  next  three  weeks 

To  speak  to  that  reckless  Master. 

"A  flood  shall  occur,  unless  I  err. 

Sometime  in  the  early  fall. 
And  if  't  were  n't  for  Fitzhugh's  old  tennis  shoes  ^ 

'T  would  drown  the  inhabitants  all. 
But  they  serve  as  boats,  and  each  traveller  floats 

Past  the  cellar's  deeps  and  snares. 
And  the  juniper  shout  *  eggs  on  the  rout. 

Class  races  below  the  stairs. 
And  Robb  will  make  sport  of  the  weather  report. 

And  say  that  the  rainfall  here 
For  the  month  has  been  fully  umsty  steen 

Times  as  much  as  in  town  in  a  year. 

"That  excellent  dish,  the  succulent  fish. 

Shall  continue  to  grace  the  board, 
And  the  corned  beef  I'ed,  I  have  heard  it  said. 

Much  sustenance  shall  afford. 
Van  Rensselaer  Thayer  will  have  a  great  scare 

From  a  corpse  in  a  pair  of  pijarms ; 
[  26  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1888 

He  '11  give  a  loud  yell,  while  Professor  Bell 
Looks  on  at  his  wild  alarms. 

"Just  keep  your  eye  open  by  and  by, 

And  observe  that  queer  condition 
Of  Professor  Bell's,  how  his  lower  chest  swells 

When  he  's  'taking  a  soldier's  position!' 
A  perfect  host  of  squibs  on  toast 

Will  be  served  at  all  times  and  places, 
Either  cold  or  warm,  by  the  gallant  form 

Which  Scott  or  Burgess  graces. 

"I  don't  like  to  mock  a  Faculty  clock. 

But  I  think  it  my  duty  to  say 
Mr.  Ayrault  'd  do  well  his  timepiece  to  sell, 

Or  better,  to  give  it  away; 
For  it  plays  him  such  tricks,  he  retires  at  six. 

And  but  for  the  merest  luck 
He  might  have  held  Algebra  classes  at  dawn. 

Or  Physics  at  seven  o'clock. 

"  A  wonderful  kind  of  spelling  shall  find 

Much  favour  in  Cochrane's  eyes, 
The  familiar  hand  you  will  understand 

If  you  substitute  E's  for  Y's. 
And  B's  for  C's  and  A's  for  D's, 

And  then  if  you  carefully  look 
At  it  upside  down,  and  squint  and  frown, 

'T  is  the  purest  of  Volapiik. 

"I  'm  sorry  to  say  Bamewall  's  going  away. 
For  we  '11  miss  his  graceful  curves 

[  27  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

On  the  baseball  arena;  I  'm  sure  he  has  been  a 
Sore  trial  to  Southborough's  nerves. 

"But  November  ten  shall  witness  again 

The  waving  of  colours  three. 
Black,  red  and  white  amid  frantic  delight, 

And  St.  Markers,  oh,  where  will  they  be.-*® 
For  the  infants  tall  without  clubs  and  all 

The  giants  shall  put  to  rout. 
And  triumphal  cheei-s  shall  salute  the  ears 

Of  the  dwellers  round  about. ^ 

"On  October  fifteen  you  will  see,  I  ween, 

Our  flowers  and  prides  and  joys, 
The  Grotonians  old  restored  to  the  fold, 

Our  dear  old  original  boys. 
Gilpatric  appears  advanced  in  years. 

His  broken  leg  quite  well. 
He  had  a  row  with  an  elderly  cow 

Last  summer,  as  you  've  heard  tell. 

"And  the  Golden  Hen''  will  be  there  again. 

For  they  tell  me  it  is  n't  true, 
He  's  an  ornament  bright  and  the  chief  delight 

Of  the  class  of  'ninety-two. 
A  pleasant  surprise  will  greet  your  eyes 

Revisiting  the  School;  a 
Gentleman  ^  who,  we  hardly  knew. 

Had  already  escaped  from  the  cooler. 

"  He  slew  one  day  in  heartless  play 
The  innocent,  happy  sea-gulls, 
[  28  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1888 

Now  he 's  poor  in  purse  and  we  're  glad  it's  not  worse. 

It  cost  him  ten  golden  eagles. 
You  '11  be  glad  to  see  Mr.  George  Rublee, 

And  to  hear  the  style  of  ball 
Which  Fitzhugh  insists  is  the  one  exists 

Upon  Jarvis  Field  this  fall. 

"  When  we  heard  Sunday  last  that  he  'd  braced  up  the 
V^arsity, 

We  feared  he  'd  do  something  rash. 
But  the  only  limb  he  has  lost  so  far 

Is  his  beautiful  black  mustache. 
Would  that  all  could  come,  but,  alas,  though  some 

Shall  be  for  away  that  night, 
You  '11  think  of  each  one  in  the  midst  of  your  fun 

And  wish  them  a  future  bright. 

"We  'd  tell  you  more,  but  we  dare  not,  for 

Our  sight  is  somewhat  short. 
And  we  don't  want  to  make  any  grave  mistake. 

So  we  give  but  a  month's  report. 
May  the  School  progress,  nor  her  shadow  grow  less. 

Though  her  pride  depart  each  year; 
In  the  larger  school  of  the  world  may  her  sons 

Hold  her  precepts  ever  dear." 

The  waves  stopped  singing,  but  in  my  heart 

Arose  a  loving  prayer. 
That  God  might  guide  us  this  coming  year 

With  His  gentle  and  tender  care. 

[  29  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  that  when  it  has  passed,  as  it  must  at  last, 

And  our  leaders  say  good-bye, 
That  we  who  stay,  when  they  're  gone  away. 

May  hold  her  banner  as  high. 


[  30] 


NOTES 

*    Wanvick  Potter — passenger  on  Yacht  Rebecca. 

2  N.  T.  Robb. 

^  Fifteens.  He  held  the  record  till  surpassed  by  H.  Rich- 
ards. 

^  Fourth  Form  cheer. 

^  Fifhj-tnv  to  nothing! 

^  Fable  in  Grotonian  bif  G.  B.  Blake :  The  Giants,  the 
Infants  and  the  Dwellers  Round  About.  Giants  =  St. 
Mark's.  Infants  =  Groton.  Clubs  =  Masters. 

^  R.  B.  Potter. 

^  H.  Hathaway — -Jined  for  gull  shooting  in  holidays. 


[  31  ] 


BIRTHDAY 
1889 

I  WON'T  begin  to  tell  my  story  yet. 
Since  that 's  the  way  with  poets  laureate, 
Until  I  shed  some  tears 
About  the  trials  I  've  been  through 
In  trying  to  get  something  new, 
Unmentioned  in  past  years. 

When  I  sat  down  and  took  my  pen, 
I  pondered  for  a  time,  and  then 

To  write  some  squibs  I  tried. 
"There  's  no  one  's  been  a  bit  ridiculous. 
There  's  not  a  joke  that 's  left  to  tickle  us," 

In  blank  despair  I  cried. 

If  this  performance  comes  each  year, 
I  shan't  have  left  one  new  idea 

To  put  into  my  rhyme. 
I  don't  know  what  to  write  about. 
My  little  jokes  are  all  played  out. 

And  have  been  for  some  time. 

'T  is  true  the  kids  have  never  heard 
Of  our  old  chestnut  jokes  a  word, 

And  yet  they  know  my  style. 
My  Sunday  squibs  ^  upon  the  board 
No  longer  merriment  afford 

And  scarcely  raise  a  smile. 

[33  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  yet  here  comes  our  birthday  round. 
Some  entertainment  must  be  found 

To  help  digest  our  meal. 
Before  we  turn  to  rougher  play 
And  with  the  graduates  ballet 

In  the  Virginia  reel. 

So  while  I  dress  up  my  ideas 

In  rhymes  you  've  heard  the  last  five  years, 

Just  give  me  your  attention. 
And  if  you  think,  without  excuse, 
I  've  plagiarized  from  Mother  Goose, 

The  fact  you  need  n't  mention. 

Ride  a  cock-horse 
To  see  Popper  Cross,^ 

And  hear  him  recite  his  Greek. 
If  he  puts  iodine 
On  his  brain,  I  opine 

It  will  strengthen  the  part  most  weak. 

How  doth  the  luckless  Willie  Hare 

Delight  to  bark  and  bite. 
Though  now,  alas,  he  '11  bite  no  more 

Since  his  eventful  fight. 

Beware  the  name  of  Sullivan, 

Beware  the  champion's  fist. 
Perhaps  New  Jersey  's  never  heard 

Of  Boston's  pugilist. 

[  34  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1881) 

Percy  Haughton  came  to  Groton 

On  an  autumn  day. 
Heiferfinger  ^  hove  in  sight, 

"Aw  let  me  gaw/'  he  'd  say. 
And  oh,  it  doth  our  hearts  dehght 

To  see  the  kids  at  play. 

Rabbi  Ben  Issachar/ — may  his  tribe  increase, — 
Got  the  school-room  floor  all  covered  with  grease; 

The  audience  saw  him  perform  on  his  knees 
A  menial  job,  and  he  's  since  had  no  peace. 

He  frightened  Beef  Meredith's  poor  little  brother  ^ 
Till  he  could  n't  tell  one  verb  from  another. 

Since  then  at  all  gladiatorial  shows. 

He  's  president,  dressed  in  rabbinical  clothes. 

Jack  Sprat  could  eat  no  fat. 

The  Heifer  can't  eat  fish, 
I  notice,  however,  that  almost  never 

He  anything  left  in  the  dish. 

Biddy  ^  had  a  little  pipe. 

Its  colour  brown  as  dirt. 
And  every  time  that  Biddy  smoked. 

His  health  was  sadly  hurt ; 
He  smoked  it  all  one  summer  mom. 

Soon  after  leaving  School, 
Next  time  we  met  he  looked  forlorn, 

And  said  he  'd  been  a  fool. 

[  35  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Rub-a-dub  dub,  I  've  ate  so  much  grub 

I  don't  know  what  to  do. 
For  Rogers  and  I '  had  a  race  eating  grapes, 

Oh  golly.  Oh  golly.  Boo  Hoo! 

Hark!  Hark!  St.  Mark,  St.  Mark, 

In  Lancaster's  fair  town. 
Boys  in  rags  and  waving  flags. 

Hurrah!  for  Groton's  down. 

Now  you  have  'em,  now  you  don't. 

Master  or  no  master. 
Now  we  will,  and  now  we  won't. 

Do  make  your  minds  up  faster. 

Burly  Bob  will  do  the  job 

At  that  not  distant  day. 
Uncertain  people  often  are 

Uncertain  in  their  play. 

George  Smith  of  Williamstown 

Went  to  School  on  Monday, 
Graduated  Tuesday, 

Went  to  College  Wednesday, 

Woke  a  Soph'more  Thursday, 

Joined  a  fraternity  Friday, 
Got  a  pin  on  Saturday 

To  astonish  the  natives  Sunday.^ 

One  poor  mouse 

In  the  Prefect's  part  of  the  house, 

[  3G  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1889 

He  frightened  poor  Austin  most  out  of  his  Ufe, 
Bob  Emmons  seized  hold  of  a  carving  knife, 
The  noise  was  Hke  kids  when  engaged  in  'strife. 
Poor  small  mouse. 

I  watched  the  drill  last  Wednesday  till 

I  almost  died  of  laughter. 
Majestic  trod  the  awkward  squad. 

With  Converse-ation  ^  after. 

To  Catsy  Polk  ^"^  a  mournful  joke 

Occurred  one  summer's  day. 
Oh,  the  suffering  sore  of  the  Commodore 

Of  the  fleet  of  Black  Rock  Bay. 
The  Rebecca  beheld  the  most  pitiful  sight 

She  had  seen  for  many  a  day. 

Wicked  Jimmy  Sullivan, 
Naughty  little  gentleman. 

Out  upon  you,  fie! 
Instead  of  feasts  in  your  new  hut 
You  gave  me  sausage,  true, — ah,  but 

It  hit  me  in  the  eye. 

Edgy  ^^  got  into  a  laugh  one  day. 

And  laughed  himself  black  in  the  face. 

At  Chapel  he  's  undertaker  now, 
A  most  appropriate  place. 

"I'm  better  to-day,"  I  heard  the  child  say. 
As  he  lay  in  his  little  white  bed. 
[  -37  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

"My  winter  flannels  are  on — with  love 
Moncure" — was  all  he  said.^^ 

Who's  handsome  Eddy? ^^ 

"I  know  full  well/' 

Said  Professor  Bell, 
"But  I  won't  tell/'  he  cried. 

The  gentleman  said  nothing,  but 
He  "blushed  with  modest  pride." 

There  was  a  little  Flam  ^* 
And  although  he  did  n't  cram. 
All  full  of  learning  was  his  little  head, 
head,  head; 
So  brilliantly  he  shines. 
In  all  literary  lines 
That  it 's  turned  his  wavy  locks  a  gorgeous 
auburn,  auburn,  auburn. 

Mr.  B.,  Mr.  B.,  where  have  you  been? 

I  got  on  my  horse  and  he  galloped  like  sin. 
Mr.  B.,  Mr.  B.,  where  did  you  go? 

He  tore  to  the  stable  while  I  shouted  Whoa. 

'T  is  the  voice  of  the  Pect'ral,^^ — I  heard  him  declare 
To  the  Varsity  Glee  Club,  "I'll  sing  you  an  air;" 

As  the  door  on  its  hinges,  so  he  with  his  voice 
Makes  Harvard  resound  with  mellifluous  noise. 

There  was  a  man  in  our  School 
And  he  was  wondrous  wise, 

[  38  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1889 

He  's  brother  to  the  gentleman 

With  astigmatic  eyes; 
They  call  him  Calf  or  little  Veal,i« 

Diminutive  of  Beef, 
Sum  never  takes  an  object,  dear, 

In  the  "accusatif "  ^'^ 

Heigh  diddle  diddle. 

Six  feet  round  the  middle, 
Bow  window  ^*  was  sitting  on  Calf, 

The  little  dog  ^^  laughed  to  see  the  sport. 
And  we  all  know  the  Whitney  laugh. 

Yes!  five  long  years  have  past  us  flown, 

I  've  seen  them  come  and  go 
Since  I  was  just  old  Foxy's  ^^  age. 

Till  now  I  'm  white  as  snow. 
My  little  squad  of  table  boys 

Is  now  reduced  to  three. 
How  well  I  can  remember  now 

The  blushes  of  Austin  -^  wee. 

How  Meredith  Hare  and  I  *d  dispute. 

And  Bob  cried,  "Sick  him,  Towser," 
And  Edgy's  big  brother  put  little  black  dolls  ^ 

In  the  pocket  of  my  trouser. 
And  yet  as  I  look  about  to-night 

And  see  so  many  faces 
Of  those  we  've  loved  for  these  five  years 

In  their  accustomed  places, 

[  39  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

I  almost  think  it 's  all  a  dream 

And  we  are  back  once  more 
At  the  fifteenth  of  October 

In  the  year  of  'eighty -four, 
When  the  Rector  and  Mr.  Billings  and  I 

Retired  to  bed  at  ten, 
And  rang  the  outside  bell  and  gongs, 

For  there  were  no  prefects  then; 

Ere  our  dear  Mrs.  P.  had  come  to  the  School, 

And  Malcolm  did  n't  exist. 
And  Robb  was  a  kid  and  so  was  the  Bid, 

And  Mullins  a  vocalist. 
Oh!  the  Groton  quartette,  I  remember  yet, 

And  often  I  have  told 
How  well  Horatio  ^^  crossed  the  bridge 

In  the  brave  days  of  old. 

And  Bearsy^*  was,  oh,  such  a  sweet  little  boy. 
And  Cochrane  was,  oh,  such  a  pickle, 

And  the  Golden  Hen  ^^  had  love  affairs. 
But  even  then  was  fickle. 

Oh !  boys  of  to-day,  may  you  be  true 
To  the  standard  the  old  boys  raise. 

May  the  School  be  as  proud  of  her  younger  sons 
As  of  those  of  bygone  days ! 


[  40  ] 


NOTES 

1  Mr.  G.  Hopes  2  C  his  friends  at  T. 
^   W.  R.  Cross — painted  biceps  rvitk  iodine  to  make  him- 
self strong. 
3  S.  V.  R.  Thayer. 

*  Ellery  Sedgivick  —  later  a  Master. 
5  J.  D.  Meredith. 

^  Warwick  Potter — a  Freshman. 
"'  A.  R.  Sargent. 

*  And  was  married  ahnost  immediately  after. 

®  H.  C.  Converse — John  Bones,  Archbishop  of  Groton- 
bury. 

F.  L.  Polk — a  Sound  Yachtsman. 
Reverend  E.  F.  Chauncey  —  an  ungovernable  laugher. 
Moncure  Robinson's  telegram  to  his  grandmother. 
E.  B.  Bartlett. 
J.  S.  Francis. 

L.  T remain  —  Cherry  Nose;  hence,  Cherry  Pectoral. 
J.  D.  Meredith. 

New  Jersey  and  Pennsylvania  protmnciation  of  words 
ending  in  ive. 

W.  A.  M.  Burden  —  Rex  Hcedorum,  King  of  the  Kids. 
Payne  Whitney. 
E.  F.  Fitzhugh. 
Austin  Potter. 

St.  Valentine  favours  from  D.  C.  Chauncey. 
H.  Bigelow.  1st  Hare  and  Hounds  run.  Rescued  from 
R.  R.  bridge. 
C.  R.  Sturgis. 
R.  B.  Potter. 


[  41   ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1889 
[Fragment] 


You  know  the  mid-term  tests  we  had. 

Our  Sixth  Form  all  got  A, 
And  lost,  by  overdoing  it, 

Their  B  half  holiday. 

"I  guess  that  I  will  try  the  Choir, 

My  voice  might  well  be  worse. 
They  need  sopranos  to  sing  higher," 

Says  slouehy  John  Converse. 

Oh,  have  you  seen  my  map  of  Greece? 

Have  you  read  my  proclamations. 
In  flowing  style  to  decipher  which 

Needs  liberal  educations.'' 

Oh,  fie!  my  friends,  beware 

Of  sudden  retribution. 
You  're  wasting  the  precious  chalk 

Of  the  pauper  institution. 

I  looked  through  the  catalogue  one  day. 

And  fluttering  o'er  its  leaflets 
I  found  such  a  joke — Now  what  do  you  think 

Was  the  middle  name  of  Beeflets.''  ^ 

Four  hats  in  the  confiscation  closet 
Six  days  in  the  week  kept  in. 

[  43  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

You  hardly  need  to  ask  what  was  it, 

'Twas  Dennis,  what  could  it  have  been? 

"Now  stop  the  play,"  the  Captain  cried, 

"Let  everybody  wait. 
A  brand-new  theory  Freddy  ^  has. 

One  that  he  wants  to  state." 

"Oh,  Bob,  why  couldn't  this  be  done  — 
Our  stalwart  guards  can  shield 

The  backs  so  well  that  I  will  snap 
A  goal  from  centre  field.''" 

The  waves  they  wobble  with  wavy  motion, 
The  eels  may  squirm  in  the  billowy  ocean. 
But  what  is  the  wobbliest,  squirmiest  thing 
You  ever  beheld  in  your  wandering .'' 

Many  quivering  quakes  have  met  mine  eyes. 
But  for  willowy  grace  —  I  confess  surprise 
That  you  need  to  ask — Just  look!  Look  there, 
'Tis  Wobbly  Willie,  the  Jersey  Hare.^ 

"Oh,  where  have  you  been,  Billy  boy,  Billy  boy.-** 

Oh,  where  have  you  been.  Little  Billy.''" 

"I  've  been  pulling  big  chest  weights, 

Though  it 's  something  my  soul  hates, 

I  'm  a  fat  boy  and  somehow  must  get  thinnex*." 

"To  play  centre  rush,  Billy  boy,  Billy  boy, 
To  push  Murray  Forbes,  Little  Billy.''" 
"Yes,  and  he  will  have  to  hustle, 
[  44  ] 


CHRISTMAS    188y 

If  he  beats  me  with  his  muscle. 

We  are  fat  boys  and  somehow  must  get  thinner." 

"Who  threw  the  putty  I  got  on  my  pants 

And  my  hat  and  my  coat  and  my  face  and  my  hands? 

Speak,  kind  friend,  who  was  it,  please, 

Got  the  school-room  again  all  covered  with  grease?" 

The  two,  who  threw  what  they  had  n't  ought  ter. 

Were  Gerard  and  the  lovely  Fanner's  Daughter.^ 


,  5 


Pray,  tell  me  what  are  these  shrill  cries? 

What  makes  this  dismal  noise? 
These  wails  that  on  the  air  arise  — 

Is  't  playful  cats  or  angry  boys? 

"I  'm  quite  too  awfully  furious, 

My  nerves  are  all  unstrung, 
Our  Club  is  scorned  —  it's  curious. 

Our  songs  are  all  unsung." 

"Well,  let  it  go,  it 's  better  so. 

We  're  young  boys  —  there  's  the  rub. 

You  have  to  be  old,  not  musical, 
To  join  the  real  Glee  Club."^ 

Can  you  tell  why  Mr.  Gladwin  's  pale? 
Is  he  ill?  Good  friend,  what  can  him  ail? 
I  'm  afraid  that  something  has  gone  wrong. 
For  he  's  certainly  looking  far  from  strong. 

The  wife  of  the  dancing  master  smiled, 
Can  you  wonder  he  turned  as  weak  as  a  child? 
[  45  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

He  buried  his  face  in  a  bushy  beard 

To  escape  the  smile  of  that  woman  weird. 

Oh,  come,  Dr.  Warren,  come  over  and  see 
What  matter  there  is  with  my  wretched  old  knee. 
I  've  swaggered  for  one  that  we  never  have  met, 
I  've  never  been  caught  in  a  mesh  of  your  net. 
My  muscle  is  broken,  but  no  one  can  wait. 
My  knee-cap  is  floating,  a  terrible  state. 

On  came  the  physician  without  any  vest; 
Through  all  the  small  village  his  steed  was  the  best. 
Save  douches  and  plaster,  he  weapons  had  none. 
Fire  gleamed  in  his  eye  as  he  rode  all  alone. 
"The  last  one,"  he  shouted,  "I  gladly  will  come. 
All  masters  and  boys  have  been  under  my  thumb." 

Have  you  seen  little  Rouge.''  "^  He  's  simply 
huge, 

'T  would  fill  you  with  delight. 
What  on  earth  does  he  say  in  his  artless  way 

Just  after  his  daily  fight.'' 

"Mein  Herr!  Die  Katze!  Was  is  dass.-" 

Ich  punschen  Sie  das  Head. 
Gut'  Nacht,  mein  Freund!  Hoop  la!  Come  on! 

Ich  schlag'  das  Beeflein  dead." 

"Please,  sir,"  to  me  a  small  boy  cried, 

"No  black  marks  can  I  write; 
My  sleeves  were  long,  a  big  bo}'^  tied 

My  hands  quite  out  of  sight." 
[  46  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1889 

Who  did  it?  —  No,  he  will  not  tell ; 

But  stay,  the  rascal 's  caught. 
Who  'twas  we  all  now  know  full  well  ®  — 

'T  was  tied  with  a  sailor's  knot. 

"Chop  that  wood  up  quickly! 

Get  your  hands  all  dirty! 
Go  to  work  like  busy  B's! 

Briskie,  Bill  and  Bertie."  ® 
This  I  overheard  in  the  forest  t'  other  day- 

Who  's  the  tyrant  thus  to  make 
Three  lazy  boys  obey.'' 

Hush!  he  might  hear  and  lick  you. 

Keep  it  dark,  be  sure. 
The  mighty  man  of  valour 

Is  the  terrible  Moncure.^'* 

Jack!!  11 

Alack!! 

Thwack!! 

Crack ! ! 

Is  it  murder.'' 

No,  it 's  fun, 

Sellery  's  having  with  his  chum 

The  "Senior  Prefect"  and  Fleissiger  Freund. 

"Rethpect  the  Rabbi  and  learn  to  mind." 

Where  did  you  get  those  socks. !* 
Where  did  you  get  those  hose.^ 
[  47  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

/  want  some  Plymouth  Rocks 
About  the  shade  of  those. 

Bertie  ^^  had  a  dozen  pair 

LoveHer  than  the  dawn. 
Patten  called  them  loud. 
So  Bertie  the  proud 

Just  sold  them  for  a  song. 

Can  you  speak  the  language  the  prefects  speak.'' 

If  so,  you  're  more  clever  than  I. 
I  've  been  practising  now  about  a  week, 

And  should  like  to  hear  you  try. 

Mose  Coony — a  good  old  Saxon  word; 

Frowzee — a  Dickens  term;  and 
DuBuck,  Mein  Schmutziger  and  besoin  — 

It 's  the  Sixth's  idea  of  German. 

Why  are  the  boudoir  walls  so  bare.'' 

Where  is  the  bric-a-brac? 
What  are  the  distant  wails  we  hear 

Mingled  with  many  a  thwack.'' 

Oh,  nothing,  Malcolm 's  swallowed  up 

A  china  candlestick, 
A  work-box,  chair,  and  photograph. 

And  now  perhaps  he  's  sick. 

Last  week  he  tore  the  books  all  up. 
This  week  he  smashed  the  clock, 
[  48  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1889 

Twisted  the  fender  into  bits. 
Spilt  ink  upon  his  frock. 

Amid  the  ruins  of  the  room 

He  sat  him  down  and  smiled. 
One  must  not  complicate  the  tastes 

Of  such  a  simple  child. ^^ 

Elihu  has  sent  us  a  messenger^* 

To  tell  us  to  "feed  our  faces." 
This  evening  "sure"  'twere  footless  to  fail, 

And  how  much  that  word  embraces. 

The  concert's  been  "smooth"  the  singing  "slick/ 
Quite  "chast,"  as  Elihu  would  say. 

"Oh,  Easy,"  we  all  reply  with  a  shout — 
Is  our  language  the  style  of  the  day.^ 


Old  Christmas  comes  to  us  again. 

Old  and  yet  always  young. 
With  Peace  on  Earth,  Good  Will  to  Men, 

The  song  by  angels  sung. 

Once  more  with  music  and  with  mirth 

The  Homestead  Hall  is  gay. 
The  joy  of  our  Redeemer's  birth 

Fills  us  once  more  to-day. 

From  far  and  near  old  Groton's  sons 
Return  to  join  the  cheer 

[  49  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

That  warms  our  hearts  at  Christmastide 
With  each  revolving  year. 

Though  tempests  fierce  may  rage  without 
And  darkness  shroud  the  earth. 

The  Star  that  shone  on  Bethlehem 
To  light  our  Saviour's  birth  — 

Oh,  may  it  shine  within  our  hearts 
When  the  world's  storms  shall  beat; 

Through  cold  and  darkness  may  it  guide 
To  Bethlehem  our  feet. 

Ah,  memories  of  Christmastide, 

The  Light  Divine  shall  shed 
A  radiance  upon  our  souls 

From  that  poor  lowly  bed. 

There  as  we  kneel  before  the  Child, 

To  guide  us  on  our  way. 
Out  of  the  storm  and  darkness  wild 

Unto  His  perfect  day. 


[  50  ] 


NOTES 


^  Joseph  Delink'  Meredith. 

2  F.  Gilhooly  Webb. 

3  W.  H.  Hare. 

*    fV.  A.  M.  Burden. 

^  D.  Farrington. 

®  H.  R.  Rcinsen,  Duke  of  Bilgewaler,  started  a  Glee  Club 

which  ivas  suppressed  bij  a  vwb, 
~'  Flaynbard — J.  S.  Francis. 
^  R.  W.  Emmons. 

9  G.  Z.  Gray,  W.  S.  Patten  and  R.  M.  Winthrop. 
'**  Moncurc  Robinson. 
^^  John  Adains  after  diving  from  his  nnndow  in  his  sleep 

was  compelled  to  room  with  Ellery  Sedgnick  of  the  Sixth 

Form  on  the  ground  Jtoor.  They  often  disagreed.  Each 

was  nicknamed  Buck. 
12  R.  M.  Winthrop. 

1*  Quotation  from  the  Madam's  "Precepts  for  Parents." 
"  Pierre  Jay. 


[  51  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1890 

ROUND  flies  the  wheel  of  time,  the  year  is  past, 
.  And,  lo.  Page  one,  first  Volume,  Chapter  last, 
A  fat  and  lively  Volume  too,  still  growing  bigger. 
Quite  three  to  one  of  what  it  was,  or  near  that  figure. 
To  satisfy  these  numerous  appetites 
Taxes  a  cook  these  Annivers'ry  Nights, 
And  taxes  worse  the  wretched  poet's  wit 
On  each  and  all  of  all  this  horde  to  sit; 
Especially,  since  lately  he  's  been  taught 
Sitting  holds  dangers  of  unlooked-for  sort. 
Whoever  dreamt  of  such  a  deadly  snare, 
A  piece  of  chewing-gum  beneath  the  chair. 
So  looking  carefully  throughout  the  list 
Of  victims  as  on  mills  to  grind  his  grist. 
He  has  selected  two  or  three  as  fit 
And  safe,  whereon  he  now  proceeds  to  sit. 

Fat  Frank,  the  fleshy  Frenchman,^ 

Is  visiting  this  shore, 
So  we  've  made  him  Fancy  Corpulent 

Of  our  military  corps. 
With  gleaming  lance 
He  will  proudly  prance 
At  the  head  of  the  marching  column. 

And  gayly  prod 

The  awkward  squad 
With  an  air  quite  "To  To"  solemn. 

[  53] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Behind  him,  mid  the  bravest. 

The  skirmish  Hne  advances. 
With  all  the  fighters  well  in  front 

And  those  vv^ith  warlike  fancies. 
Sing,  Muse,  the  valiant  warriors. 

No  Hectors  here  nor  Troys, 
But  epic  verse  to  celebrate 

A  troop  of  Groton  boys. 

The  fighting  men  of  Scotland, 

The  Douglases  of  yore. 
The  Sullivans  of  Boston, 

Could  learn  the  art  of  war 
From  their  namesakes  and  admirers 

Of  this  more  recent  date, 
With  doughty  Robeson  Sargent 

Their  zeal  to  stimulate. 
Oh!  doughty  Robeson  Sargent 

A-sitting  in  the  grate. 
And  Johnny  Rogers  fighting  hard 

For  fear  he  might  be  late. 
Run,  Johnny,  run,  the  bell  has  rung. 

Run  Mighty  Sargent  too. 
Or  Heniy  Clews  and  Freddy  Hale 

Perchance  may  hustle  you. 
By  the  way,  I  'm  glad  to  see  Freddy  here. 

He  thought  he  might  n't  do  so. 
But  stay  all  alone  in  the  School  forlorn 

Like  a  lonely  Robinson  Crusoe. 
In  warfare  of  old  we  often  read 

Of  deadly  battering-rams, 
[  54  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1890 

But  the  army  corps  which  I  next  discuss 

Consists  of  no  such  shams. 
No  battering-rams  we  now  possess. 

As  our  ignorant  ancestors  did. 
But  the  modern  style  of  artillery 

Is  the  deadly  Rollicking  Kid. 

He 's  of  various  kinds  — now  short  and  fat. 

With  newspaper  clippings  inside  his  hat, 

And  funny  ideas  on  this  and  that. 

And  answering  to  the  name  of  Pat.^ 

Or  then  again,  he  is  long  and  thin. 

And  studies  when  he  's  not  kept  in. 

The  queerest  type  I  have  ever  met  —  oh! 

So  long  drawn  out  like  an  odd  stiletto.^ 

I  might  have  said  something  more  severe. 

But  five  good  pounds  of  Huyler 

Have  arrived  for  the  gentleman  hinted  at 

Reserved  for  his  reviler. 

Sometimes  it  acts  \\'ith  silent  grace. 

With  a  smile  on  its  Ameseable  *  face. 

And  another  kind  goes  with  a  shriek  and  a  scream 

Like  little  Joe  Meredith  letting  off  steam. 

One  speaks  a  queer  language  that  none  understands ; 

We  call  it  a  Jaffray^ — from  foreign  lands; 

One  speaks  not  at  all— like  Baker ^  you  know; 

And  one  all  the  time,  Bertram  Longjumeau.'' 

Oh !  we  do  these  things  better  than  olden  times  did, 

No  battering-ram  's  like  a  Rollicking  Kid. 

[  55  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  Commissariat  is  in  charge 

Of  a  Burden  ^  of  proportions  large. 

With  chewing-gum,  stingarees  and  tongue 

And  a  box  of  Mellin's  Food  for  the  young; 

While  ammunition  is  supplied 

In  the  shape  of  powder  scentified, 

Cosmetics,  puffs,  and  what  you  like 

In  the  cubicle  of  his  brother  Ike.^ 

The  nobility  and  gentry 

Bring  up  the  next  array, 
Third-Formers  chiefly  with  haughty  mien 

And  an  impressive  way. 
Long  John,  the  Lord  Archbishop,^" 

From  Falmouth's  distant  sand. 
And  his  disgrace  the  great  Ex-Duke 

Of  Bilgewater^^  so  grand. 
Hail  to  the  Noble  WagstafF 

Of  Hoboken  the  pride. 
Whose  voice  by  a  regular  vocatrice 

Has  recently  been  tried. 
And  who  sings  in  such  exquisite  tenor  strains 

Those  tunes  of  which  cows  have  died. 
And  a  rumour  got  round  not  long  ago 

About  the  Adams  boys. 
That  on  state  occasions  they  are  dressed 

As  Little  Lord  Fauntleroys.^ 

And  Lord  High  Chamberlain  Barret  ^ 
With  a  single  glass,  oh  my ! 

[  56  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1890 

And  other  Lords  in  waiting 

From  other  forms  march  by, 
Each  squinting  Hke  anything  to  keep 

The  glass  within  their  eye. 
And  I  had  a  gag  upon  Moncure  " 

Which  he  would  n't  let  me  write ; 
He  '11  tell  it  to  you,  though,  I  'm  sure. 

If  you  question  him  to-night. 
And  the  old  boys  have  a  special  place 

In  this  part  of  the  procession: 
They  are  our  true  nobility 

When  College  is  in  session. 
We  welcome  our  youngest  Harvard  Kid, 

Our  only  original  Buck ;  ^^ 
And  the  rest  of  the  crowd  of  olden  days. 

And  wish  them  the  best  of  luck. 

A  special  war  correspondent  follows. 
Who  all  the  facts  and  rumours  swallows 
To  produce  forty  pages  of  news  on  Sunday 
With  a  column  of  advertisements  Monday. ^^ 

The  body  of  the  army  corps, 

As  army  corps  should  be, 
Is  armed  with  Greeks  and  Algebras 

And  fighting  shy  of  me. 
One  soldier  thinks  all  problems  solved 

When  once  you  've  learned  to  Tweak  'em.^'' 
And  Scotty  ^^  'd  be  good  at  dead  languages 

If  he  only  could  learn  to  speak  'em. 

[  57  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  Jerry  ^®  is  always  in  abstract  thought. 

And  Dexter  ^*'  is  always  so  meek  'em, 
And  there's  music  in  e'en  the  inflection  of  verbs 

When  you  listen  to  Schmitty  ^^  squeak  'em. 
And  Freddy  Hale  thinks  an  Answer  Book 

Were  an  excellent  Vade-Mecum, 
But  one  and  all  we  do  dearly  love 

To  hear  the  old  Cat's  ^^  Greek  'um. 
And  I  thought  of  a  squib  on  Williams  ^^  too, 

But  it  was  so  awfully  weak  'um. 

Behind  them  marches  a  bigger  throng 

With  war-paint  on  of  brilliant  red ; 
I  need  n't  tell  you  which  form  this  is. 

This  is  n't  a  squib  on  its  worthy  head.^* 
But  if  ever  you  want  a  taste  of  war 

Where  the  enemy  killed  is  Father  Time, 
Just  ask  those  fighters  the  uses  for 

The  Future  Optative — not  in  rhyme.^^ 

The  column  passes  onward. 

And  next  all  eyes  behold 
The  blinker  and  the  thinker 

Like  Socrates  of  old.^^ 
Take  heed  the  line,  stand  firm  and  true. 

Look  out  for  Uncle  Rawle, 
He  's  a  terrible  fellow  for  snaking  through 

When  once  he  's  got  the  ball. 
And  although  this  is  no  football  field. 

When  he  sees  the  marchers  lined, 

[  58  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1890 

They  might  get  suddenly  head-over-heel'd 
He  has  such  an  absent  mind. 

The  music  of  the  army  corps 

Is  largely  instrumental. 
Young  Peter  Bowditch  -^  handles  his  drum 

In  a  manner  most  ungentle. 
And  Jerry  executes  a  roll 

Which  makes  the  windows  rattle; 
While  Sullivan's-*  tricks  with  his  two  drum-sticks 

Recall  a  regular  battle. 
But  the  vocal  music  consists  of  Cross,^^ 

Who  sings  an  obligato. 
Accompanied  by  the  Peabody  babes 

In  high-pitched  modulato; 
While  a  very  impressive  "Newport  Air" 

Accompanies  the  strain, — 
"The  Burden^**  of  the  Song,"  'tis  called, — 

And  a  Dog  ^^  barks  the  refrain. 
This  Dog  requests  a  bind  or  two 

About  poor  Henry  Clews 
To  make  him  blush  —  it  might  be  done. 

But  really  what 's  the  use .'' 
What  use  in  multiplying  squibs 

Or  writing  jokes  by  dozens.'' 
There  's  Barney  ^^  who  will  blush  instead, 

His  blushiest  of  cousins. 

The  officers  I  would  next  describe. 
But  I  fear  I  might  be  so  amusing 

[  59  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

That  Corporal  Chauncey  ^^  would  act  in  a  way 

That  really  would  be  confusing. 
If  I  got  off  one  of  my  worn-out  squibs 

On  Patten  or  Briskie  Gray, 
Or  Emmons  translating  a  Latin  Book 

In  his  very  peculiar  way, 
Or  allusions  to  Dick  ^^  as  Paddlequick, 

Or  the  ancient  Corned-Beef  jokes. 
He  might  swell  up  and  die  with  tears  in  his  eye 

And  wriggles  and  gurgles  and  chokes. 
The  column  marches  across  the  field 

And  enters  a  building  vast; 
They  halt  and  offer  their  glad  salute 

To  the  Future  from  the  Past. 
But,  alas,  two  figures  stand  aside. 

Nor  forward  may  they  go, 
Our  two  that  remain  of  our  olden  pride 

That  Groton  used  to  know: 
Our  Captain,^^  who  '11  bring  one  more  victory  yet 

From  Lancaster's  battle-ground. 
So  long  our  leader,  our  leader  still. 

Well  tried  and  worthy  found. 
As  he  for  Groton  typifies 

The  strength  of  her  right  arm. 
So  by  his  side  the  other  ^^  stands. 

Her  wisdom  and  her  calm. 
And  the  fifth  receives  the  battle-sword  — 

Oh,  keep  it  fair  and  bright 
In  the  days  to  come,  as  of  yore,  my  boys  — 

So  they  vanished  from  my  sight. 

[  60  ] 


NOTES 

^  F.  M.  Forbes — Corporal  "  To  To." 

-  J.  M.  Patterson. 

^  John  ShiUito  Rogers — SlUclto. 

*  F.  Lothrop  Ames. 
^  Arthur  Jajfraij 

«  R.  B.  Baker.' 

7  B.  F.  Bell. 

8  W.  A.  M.  Burden. 
'  /.  T.  Burden,  Jr. 

"  H.  C.  Converse. 

^  H.  R.  Remsen,  nee  JVagslaJf. 

^  The  Adams  Inins,  Henry  and  John,  at  the  tvedding  of 

their  .lister. 
^  Cecil  Barret. 

*  M.  Robinson. 
'  E.  Sedgmck. 

*  J.  M.  Patterson. 
'  F.  G.  Thomson. 

H.  D.  Scott. 

S.  K.  Gerard. 

^  Endicott  Dexter. 

21  P.  L.  Smith. 

22  C.  Thomson. 

23  C  H.  Williams. 

2*  J.  S.  Francis  —  Flambard  the  Rouge. 

25  Famous  controversy  between  the  aullior  and  Professor 

Higley. 
2^  J.  Aertsen  Rawle. 

27  H.  I.  Bowditch  — Peter  the  First. 

28  J.  A.  Sullivan. 
^   W.  R.  Cross. 

[  61  ] 


NOTES 


30  /.  T.  Burden,  Jr. 

31  P.  Whitney. 

32  A.  H.  Barney. 

33  E.  F.  Chauncey. 
3*  R.  Wheatland. 

35  R.  W.  Emmons,  2nd. 

36  Austin  Potter. 


[  62  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1890 

[Fragment] 

When  winter  storms  begin  to  celebrate 

High  carnival  with  wind  and  cold  and  sleet, 
And  training  's  broken  and  boys  congregate 

In  study  and  in  school-room  just  to  eat, 
And  twirl  their  thumbs  and  don't  know  what  to  do 

(The  rain  without  is  coming  down  in  torrents), 
And  every  one  is  waxing  rather  blue. 

An  invitation  comes  from  Mrs.  Lawrence. 

Then  stir  and  bustle  fills  those  stagnant  halls  — 

The  Glee  Club  takes  its  music  from  the  shelf. 
And  clears  its  throat,  and  warbles,  coos  and  squalls. 

And  one  can  hardly  listen  to  one's  self. 
Sam  Blagden  flits  impressively  around 

And  "manages"  you  all  know  with  what  skill. 
Banjos  are  polished  up  and  fiddles  sound. 

And  strains  melodious  the  class-room  fill. 

The  Choir  's  practising  some  new  cantata, 

The  kids  e'en  cease  from  their  perennial  fight. 

While  thoughts  of  doughnuts  make  the  mouth  to  water. 
And  dreams  of  festival  now  heave  in  sight. 

From  distant  Cambridge  and  more  distant  Eli, 
ITie  followers  of  the  Crimson  and  the  Blue 

Once  more  in  the  old  Homestead  are  united, 
Not  Yale,  not  Harvard,  but  Grotonians  true. 
C  63  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  Oracles  then  hold  a  conversation. 

And  tear  their  hair  and  rail  upon  their  fate, 

And  the  result  of  all  their  consultation 

In  varied  rhyme  they  now  propose  to  state. 

0  'tis^  a  treasure, 

O  't  is  a  pleasure, 
O  'tis  a  lovely  flower  to  the  view; 

O  't  is  a  Violet 
That  met  my  eye  o'  late. 

Oh,  'tis  a  Fair  Field^  wherein  it  grew. 

Thayer  is  my  stanza, 

Thayer  is  my  answer, 
Thayer  is  the  best  thing  the  Faculty 's  done 

For  many  a  season. 

And  Thayer  is  the  reason 
We  think  Mr.  T.  has  acquired  the  bun. 

We  '11  welcome  her  to  our  School  and  our  hearts 

With  gladness  and  with  joy. 
And  she  shall  learn  how  true  and  warm 

Is  the  love  of  a  Groton  boy. 

And  in  the  spring  when  violets  bloom 
We  '11  all  appear  at  the  marriage. 

And  send  three  good  old  Groton  cheers 
To  speed  the  rice-strewn  carriage. 


[  64  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1890 

Now  feed  your  faces,  footless  kids. 

Open  your  mouthlets  wide; 
It 's  easy  fruit  for  Chittenden, 

He  's  such  a  big  inside. 

Yes,  "that  are  it,"  thinks  Stalking  Horse,^ 
And  Preston  's  always  Reddy,* 

Hutchins  and  White  will  eat  to-night 
And  all  the  kids — and  Freddy.^ 

Roberts  and  Farrington  and  Cross, 
They'd  like  to  "eat  a  batch"; 

"Dead  easy"  'tis,  as  you  will  find, 
"Beschmerk  and  tweakumsnatch."  ^ 

For  all  the  fine  performances 

And  all  the  pretty  tunes 
Are  over — supper's  now  the  "faze"; 

You  '11  find  it  "full  of  prunes." 

Devens  and  Brown  and  Whitney  too, 

Barney  and  all  the  gang. 
Go  show  by  your  big  appetites 

That  you  've  enjoyed  "those  sang."  ' 


Christmas,  glad  Christmas,  blessed  feast. 

Most  joyous  of  the  year, 
Telling  'mid  cold  and  winter's  storms 

Of  home  and  parents  dear. 
[  65  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  best  of  all,  the  love  of  God 
Most  high  come  down  to  earth. 

Dai'kness  is  past^  the  day  has  dawned 
Of  our  Redeemer's  birth. 

And  o'er  this  world  with  all  its  ills, 
With  healing  in  His  wings. 

The  Sun  of  Righteousness  has  risen. 
And  all  creation  sings 

The  song  of  joy  sung  long  ago 

By  angel  hosts  above. 
Glory  to  God  most  high,  and  peace 

On  Earth,  good  will  and  love. 


[66] 


NOTES 

^  Engagement  Just  announced  of  Reverend  fV.  G.  Thayer 

and  Miss  Violet  Otis. 
'  Miss  Otis  lived  on  Fairjicld  Street. 
^  Hugh  Auchincloss. 
*  Carl  Preston  (^Reddi/). 
5  F.  Hale. 

^  Remarks  of  R.  Emmons. 
^  Quoted  words  are  specimens  of  Yale  dialect  imported  by 

Pierre  Jay. 


[  67  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1891 

I'D  about  made  up  my  mind 
That  the  School  was  growinjT  old. 
And  childhood's  follies  left  behind, 
'T  would  be  thought  a  trifle  bold 
For  your  everlasting  poet 

To  trot  his  chestnuts  out; 
But  I  found  I  'd  got  to  go  it. 

There  's  such  lots  to  write  about. 

This  whole  concern  is  on  the  boom  — 
Circumspice!  Behold  this  room! 
If  you  a  monument  require, 
The  school-room  you  will  please  admire : 
Our  system  of  electric  light 
That  goes  out  every  other  night, 
And  leaves  the  home-sick  little  boys 
A  chance  to  make  their  fiendish  noise; 
Studies  in  blue,  and  ones  in  red, 
A  large  suite  for  the  prefects'  head. 
Each  fitted  out  at  great  expense 
With  carpets  of  magnificence. 
Measuring  nearly  one  foot  square. 
For  fear  the  flooring  might  look  bare. 

A  sanctum  for  Grotonian's  wit 
(We  hope  'twill  help  a  little  bit), 
Though  none,  alas,  exists  as  yet 
For  the  St.  Willibald  Gazette. ^ 
[  G9  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  over  at  the  other  School^ 

Supreme  once  more  the  owner^  's  rule 

Over  a  recitation  room. 

Who  says  that  things  are  n't  on  the  boom? 

You  should  have  heard  last  Monday  morn 
Upon  the  distant  breezes  borne 
The  voices  of  the  First  and  Second 
Shrieking  in  sweet  accord  —  I  reckoned 
The  School  v^^as  booming  out  of  sight 
To  hear  that  music  class  recite. 

But  better  than  these  transitory  things 

Is  one  improvement  which  your  poet  sings. 

'  T  was  greeted  with  loud  triumph  when  it  came, 

I  know  that  no  one  needs  to  ask  her  name. 

Hurrah,  then,  for  the  Rectoress  of  Ayer, 

And  three  times  three  be  given  for  Mrs.  Thayer. 

Ere  one  to  these  improvements  farewell  bids, 
'T  were  meet  to  say  a  word  about  the  kids. 
But  never  was  there  such  a  lot  of  names. 
Jaw-breakers  to  find  rhymes  for  —  picture  frames 
To  shrine  the  youth  in,  his  true  form  conceal, 
For  names  do  seldom  character  reveal. 
Whoever  could  make  decent  verses  now 
To  rhyme  with  Chickenfeed  or  Brindlecow.-'  ^ 

After  I  'd  sought  a  rhyme  for  Buckinghorse  * 
(I'd  studied  Life  and  Judge,  and  Puck  in  course) 
I  gave  it  up  and  turned  to  Postlethwaite, 
And  there  I  met  with  such  an  awful  fate 
[  70  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1891 

That  in  despair  I  turned  to  Crazyhead,' 

And  in  the  darkness  of  my  mazyhead 

I  came  to  the  conclusion  that  I  'd  stick  names 

Of  boys  who  had  as  yet  no  rhymeful  nicknames 

Safe  in  the  middle  of  my  fluent  verse. 

For  I  was  going  on  from  bad  to  worse. 

Though  here  I  'd  like  to  pause  and  say  a  good  word 

For  such  an  easy  name  to  rhyme  as  Woodward. 

And  I  might  rattle  off  a  couplet  glibly, 

Making  all  sorts  of  rhymes  with  Dibblee. 

I  went  to  the  animal's  fair. 
The  Dog  ^  and  the  Cat ''  were  there. 
The  Study  boys  made  most  of  the  noise 
With  the  Pelican  *  in  the  Chair. 

And  this  was  the  song  they  sung. 
Till  the  very  rafters  rung. 
Chock  full  of  squids  on  the  newest  kids 
So  fearfully  fresh  and  young. 

Oh,  Bobo,^  thou  lubberly  boy. 

Is  thy  heart  not  filled  with  joy.-* 

And  King  Bully  Burden  and  Sullivan  Jim 

You  've  so  many  kids  to  annoy? 

To  begin  with  tiny  White,^** 

He  's  had  such  an  awful  fright, 

That  he  went  and  hid,  the  poor  young  kid. 

In  the  boot-box  the  other  night. 

[  71  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

He  did  it  just  to  see 

How  awful  the  spot  might  be. 

But  't  was  only  an  error,  his  object  of  terror 

Is  quite  a  nice  place  to  be. 

For  little  Jack  Minturn  bad, 

That  awfully  mischievous  lad. 

Had  been  pulling  chairs  from  beneath  unawares. 

And  making  poor  Whitelet  sad. 

A  regular  mine  of  gold 

The  boots  of  Hawkins  hold,^^ 

For  thrifty  David  has  carefully  saved 

Ten  cents  for  each  night,  I  'm  told. 

For  fear  they  should  not  be  blacked, 
So  he  's  punctual  and  exact. 
And  pays  in  advance,  nor  risks  the  chance 
That  attention  should  be  lacked. 

The  newest  kid  of  all  ^^ 
Who  arrived  this  current  fall 
Is  a  little  dot,  a  mite  of  a  tot. 
Who  does  nothing  now  but  squall. 

She  weighs  nine  pounds  and  a  half. 

And  's  as  fat  as  a  well-fed  calf. 

But  she 's  done  what  good  such  a  little  thing  could. 

She  got  us  a  holiday  half. 

The  Barneys  have  purchased  a  store 
Of  milliner's  goods  galore  ; 

[  72  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1891 

And  I  can  tell  you  they  'd  like  to  sell  you 
An  exquisite  pinafore. 

Lace  handkerchiefs  and  collars 
For  the  use  of  the  younger  scholars, 
And  petticoats  for  the  kids  and  the  goats — 
The  whole  for  a  couple  of  dollars. 

There  's  a  boy  with  a  great  round  face  ^' 
And  uncommon  degree  of  grace. 
He  won't  play  ball  nor  notliing  at  all. 
But  just  loafs  about  the  place. 

He  won't  go  in  to  swim, 
But  I  '11  tell  you  the  trouble  with  him: 
His  grandfather  got  in  the  water  one  time 
And  escaped  with  life  and  limb. 

But  't  was  quite  a  close  shave,  they  say, 

A  yellow  dog  came  that  way. 

And  grandfather  caught  and  held  on  by  his  tail. 

And  learned  to  swim  that  day. 

And  once  an  Injun  chief 

Came  terribly  near  to  grief: 

He  sank  and  came  up  a  frozen  corpse. 

Though  the  tale  seems  past  belief 

So  he  dreads  the  water  cold, 

This  younger  Curtis  bold, 

While  his  brother  Ellicott  's  terribly  delicate 

And  don't  know  beans,  I  'm  told. 

[  73  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  eldest  Hooker  sat  ^* 

One  day  in  a  puddle  flat. 

With  a  cry  of  despair  in  a  pond  in  his  chair. 

And  a  sploshy  one  at  that. 

Once  when  Mr.  Billings  gave 

Rebuke  with  this  sentence  grave, 

"  A  black  mark  to  you,"  —  said  Emmons, "  Do  you.'' ' 

I  fear  Bobletine's  a  knave.  ^^ 

Jim  Sullivan,  as  it  seems. 

Of  the  Parker  House  restaurant  dreams 

Like  a  grown-up  man,  shaved  as  clean  as  he  can 

With  the  best  of  Meltonian  creams. 

There's  little  O' Roberts  now,i« 

As  fresh  as  a  green  hay-mow. 

But  to  be  impartial,  he '  s  about  as  Martial 

As  a  gentle  and  elderly  cow. 

Why,  Hale!  little  fellow,  well  met," 
But  don't  you  wish  you  'd  eat 
The  watermelon  which  just  now  fell  on 
Your  floor  and  made  it  wet? 

'T  was  all  along  of  Jerry,^^ 

For  though  it 's  trying  very 

To  have  a  chum  who  is  always  glum. 

He  's  awful  when  always  merry. 

They  've  been  treating  you  most  unkind. 
He  has  to  walk  behind 

[  74  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1891 

In  the  drill,  and  they  call  him  a  squunt  until 
He  is  almost  out  of  his  mind. 

Hast  ever  noticed  Cracked  Head's  walk?  ^* 
'T  was  caused  by  wounds  —  so  runs  the  talk  — 
Received  when  on  the  football  team 
Of  Andover,  as  it  would  seem. 

Alas,  the  football  days  are  over. 
We  fear,  for  us,  our  days  of  clover. 
For  Bertie  won't  consent  to  play-* 
Upon  our  team — ah,  well  —  aday. 

Sentenced  to  pass  beneath  the  pump 
Was  any  throat  that  felt  no  lump. 
When  Jei-ry  read  extracts  from  Solon, 
Was  any  cheek  no  tear  did  roll  on  ? 

When  Corbin  said  in  accents  sad,^^ 
"We  fear,  dear  Bertie,  you  are  bad. 
And  by  this  grave  and  learned  throng. 
Decide  your  conduct 's  been  most  wrong." 

Oh,  what 's  struck  little  Patterson,  I  wonder,^^ 
Since  the  Chicago  nine  has  gone  to  thunder? 
It  must  be  that  these  oft-repeated  shocks 
Brought  on  his  bad  attack  of  chicken-pox. 

To  gayer  themes  now  turn  your  ears  away. 
The  Pelican  's  a  dirty  bird,  they  say, 
But  little  Cousin  Bayard  chirps  and  tweets 
Like  Phililoo  bird  ^^  when  abroad  he  meets 
[  75  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

The  stalwart  Johnny  Rogers  in  pursuit, 
Or  rough  Moncure,  who  now  is  turned  a  brute, 
And  plays  fierce  football  lest  perchance  his  figure 
About  the  waist  continue  to  grow  bigger. 

Oh,  have  you  heard  the  sweet  aesthetic  manner 

In  which  the  Fair  young  Child  smites  my  pianner?  ^4 

And  can  you  find  a  refuge  anywhere 

From  the  sweet  fife  notes  made  by  Dennie  Hare? 

How  merry  go  the  fiddle-strings  when  sti-oked 

By  little  Poplet  ^^  Corbin's  muse  invoked, 

While  Mr.  Gladwin's  organ  squawks  and  squeaks. 

And  Beef  makes  music  if  he  merely  speaks.  ^^ 

Who  says  that  no  material  is  here 

To  form  the  Glee  Club  of  again  this  year? 

Talking  of  that  you  're  eager,  I  suppose. 
To  grant  your  bard  a  merited  repose. 
So  after  one  remark  more  I  '11  sit  down  — 
A  greeting  to  our  boys  come  up  from  town. 

Gilhooly,  we  had  heard  of  your  attire,^'' 

And  fully  ready  were  we  to  admire. 

And  Squirt,  old  Bert,  we  're  glad  he 's  living  yet,^^ 

Nor  fallen  a  victim  to  the  cigarette. 

Hurrah !  for  Emmons  and  for  'ninety-five, 
Indeed,  the  wisest  Freshman  class  alive. 
Your  President  will  win  you  laurels  sweet. 
When  Blue  and  Crimson  on  the  field  shall  meet. 

[  76  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1891 

To  Wheatland,  Patten,  Austin,  and  the  rest 

Of  Groton's  pride  our  greetings  be  addressed, 

Graduates  of  whatever  year  or  date. 

You  don't  know  how  much  you  've  been  missed  of  late. 

We  need  a  few  good  old  Grotonian  faces 

To  make  us  feel  at  home  in  these  strange  places. 

Some  ties  to  bind  us  to  the  days  of  yore. 

The  golden  year  of  eighteen  eighty-four. 

Still  't  is  the  same  old  School,  the  School  you  knew 
And  loved — and  't  is  the  School  which  still  loves  you. 
And  never  be  the  golden  days  forgotten. 
Which  you  made  what  they  were,  first  years  of  Groton. 

And  as  these  birthdays  come  and  years  increase. 
May  loyalty  endure,  nor  ever  cease. 
And  proudly  shall  our  black  and  red  and  white 
Float  o'er  our  School  each  Anniversary  Night. 


[  77  ] 


NOTf:S 

^  A  treasonable  sheet  described  elsewhere  as  follows:  — 
A  curious  caper  of  a  College  paper 
Has  lately  seen  the  light, 
The  St.  Willibald  I  believe  it 's  called, 
Though  I  think  such  a  name  's  not  right. 
Can  you  tell  me  who  are  the  fonvard  fow 
Who  dare  to  entrench  on  ground 
So  well  occupied  by  our  joy  and  our  pride. 
The  Grotonian  profound  ? 

The  Artist  is  Patten,  and  the  jokes  in  Latin 
Proceed  from  the  pen  of  Pothure,* 
While  the  Ads  they  say  are  by  Webb  and  Gray, 
And  Athletics  in  charge  of  Moficure.f 
And  Dick  I  the  brick  performs  the  trick 
Of  writing  the  poems  and  squibs, 
While  Cil^  the  quill  is  merely  a  frill, 
And  Emmons  %  tends  the  jibs. 

2   W.  A.  G. 

^  C.  E.  Brifiley. 

*  Hugh  Auchincloss. 
^  R.  Craighead. 

^  P.  Whitney. 
'  C.  ThomsoJi. 
8  R.  B.  Cutting. 
^  A.  R.  Sargent. 

10  L.  L.  White. 

11  D.  S.  Hawkins. 

*  Austin  Potter.  f  M.  Robinson.         J  R.  Wheatland. 
^  C.  Barret.  §  R.  W.  Emmons,  2nd. 

[  78  ] 


NOTES 


^^  Rose  Peabody. 

13   C.  B.  Curtis. 

1*  R.  Hooker. 

**    W.  B.  Emmons. 

i«  Marshall  O.  Roberts. 

1'  Frederick  Hale. 

18  S.  K.  Gerard. 

1*  R.  Craighead. 

20  R.  Craighead. 

21  ^.  /?.  Cross. 

22  J.  i\/.  Patterson. 

23  ;r.  5.  C««iw^,  Jr. 
2*  Blair  Fairchild. 

25  J.  W.  Cross. 
2«  ^F.  F.  Meredith. 

27  F.  G.  ^e66. 

28  R.  M.  Winthrop. 


[  79  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1891 

[Fragment] 

There  are  two  things,  my  hearers,  that  never  give  out. 
The  poet,  with  nothing  to  jingle  about. 
And  no  less  remarkable  for  its  vitality 
Our  Hostess's  truly  immense  hospitality. 

With  a  leap  and  a  bound  as  our  numbers  filled  up 
Serenely  she  smiled  and  just  ordered  more  grub. 
When  sixty  made  "  standing  room  only  "  the  rule, 
When  into  the  dining-room  poured  the  whole  School, 

I  heard  her  complain  of  but  one  thing  about  it — 
Those  two  cups  of  chocolate  —  some  went  without  it. 
'T  was  the  greatest  relief  to  my  notions  at  least 
To  find  that  however  the  School  had  increased. 

The  Homestead  was  big  and  its  welcome  still  bigger 

For  a  School  of  a  hundred  or  three  times  that  figure. 

So  tune  up  your  banjo,  my  brother  poet, 

And  sing  them  a  ditty  in  form  of  duet. 

Merry  Christmas  is  here,  and  the  Yule  log  is  blazing. 

So  let  us  indulge  in  our  music  amazing. 

We  *ve  Ustened  to  singing  of  solos  and  Choir, 
Till  with  musical  zeal  the  whole  School  is  afire. 
A  Glee  Club  's  been  started  to  rival  the  first. 
Nay,  rather  outshine  it  in  doing  its  worst. 

[  81  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

They  '11  sing  you  a  song  which  is  rather  complete. 
Their  favorite  beverage  —  something  quite  neat. 
And  Italian  's  not  in  it,  when  Greek  's  comme  il  faut 
The  fair  maid  of  Athens  —  Oh,  SSs  'AyaTroi. 

The  Burden  ^  's  maintained  in  a  dull  monotone, 

Resembling  a  fearfully  rusty  trombone. 

Developing  into  a  grunt  or  a  roar. 

For  Aiz  has  got  going  his  exquisite  snore, 

Like  the  barking  of  dogs  —  Freddy  Hale  has  a  fit  — 

He  doesn't  like  dogs,  not  the  least  little  bit. 

Confusion  reigns  wild,  they  endeavour  to  wake 
The  musician,  when,  lo,  the  whole  thing  was  a  fake, 
'T  was  a  make-believe  snore,  and  the  brethren  alarmed 
Find  Aiz  was  all  ready,  and  thoroughly  armed. 

A  noisy  young  orchestra  starts  up  below 

To  cause  the  librarians  unspeakable  woe. 

The  instruments  chosen,  some  tin  things  to  pound, 

Emitting  an  utterly  horrible  sound. 

Like  a  kid  scrap  and  Beeflets^  rolled  up  into  one. 
Or  the  banjo  quintet  when  indulging  in  fun. 
In  headlong  pursuit  as  they  I'ush  down  the  stair. 
The  musicians  have  disappeared  into  thin  air. 

When  sudden  a  voice  that  would  freeze  every  soul 
Is  heard  making  murmurings  out  of  John's  hole.  ^ 
That  lanky-boned  gentleman  turns  to  Converse, 
And  finds  no  one  near,  only  quite  the  reverse. 

[  82  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1891 

Praeterea  nihil,  't  was  only  a  vox, 

A  mere  ventilator  or  heated  air-box. 

The  librarians  are  crazy,  the  game  must  be  bagged, 

All  exits  stopped  up  and  the  culprits  are  snagged. 

After  which  a  court  martial  is  held  on  these  foe.s. 
And  librarians  return  to  their  wonted  repose. 

Our  eleven  breaking  training 
Is  a  sight  for  men  and  mice. 

With  cake  and  candy  raining 
And  alakuma  nice. 

Miss  Benedict,*  dear  madam. 
Is  at  home  at  half  past  five, 

And  if  a  sweet  tooth  pass  that  way 
He  ne'er  escapes  alive. 

Thanksgiving  follows  quickly, 
Mince  pies  keep  up  the  cheer. 

When  the  eleven  sickly 
Begin  to  look,  and  queer. 

And  words  can  give  no  picture 
Of  the  anguish  Brisky^  feels 

While  Edgy^  from  the  window 
Is  himg  out  by  the  heels. 

And  then  to  clap  the  climax, 
Charles  Bouncer"  has  a  cake 

Three  times  the  girth  of  his  own  waist — 
You  know  what  that  would  make. 
[  83  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Since  then  the  Senior  Prefect® 

Devises  ways  and  means 
To  save  the  poor  eleven 

From  dying  in  their  teens. 

He  starts  a  hare  and  hounds,  sirs, 

To  give  them  exercise, 
And  hopes  no  more  Charles  Bouncers 

With  birthdays  will  arise. 

I  run  myself  a  little 

And  make  the  fellows  laugh 
To  see  me  limp  in  anguish 

From  a  contracted  calf. 

As  Christmas  nears. 

The  culprits'  fears 
Increase  in  ratio  frightful. 

Each  dreads  an  "  Invitation  Home  " 
Or  some  K.  I.^  delightful. 

Imagine,  then,  the  shock  I  had 
On  seeing  all  the  chickens 

Flocking  towards  the  study  door 
Ready  to  get  the  dickens. 

But  such  a  sort  of  dickens^*'  't  was, 

So  comforting  and  mild. 
That  Brinley^^  sweetly  through  it  all 

Slept  like  a  little  child. 

[  84  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1891 

A  little  flimsy,  airy  rag 

Once  hung  on  Jerry's  ^  neck. 
Adding  its  mite  to  the  tidiness 

Of  that  otherwise  slouchy  wreck. 

It  disappeared  from  sight  to-day. 

Which  drove  poor  Jerry  mad. 
And  the  loss  of  his  mascot  he  stoutly  avers 

Was  what  made  his  Latin  so  bad. 

We  went  once  to  Springfield,  alas  and  alack, 
We  went  down  in  crimson  and  came  home  in  black. 
The  stay-at-homes  decked  them  in  red  and  in  blue. 
While  some  wore  no  ribbons,  and  others  wore  two. 

You  ask  how  I  liked  it  ?  —  I'd  rather  not  tell. 
But  we  all  were  delighted  old  Bob^^  did  so  well. 
And  't  was  fiin  coming  home  in  a  millionaire  style 
In  a  special  train  going  per  hour  one  mile. 

There 's  no  use  complaining  of  fortune's  queer  freaks. 
But  the  fellows  said  I  had  a  grouch  for  two  weeks. 

The  famous  old  Gazette^* 

Has  not  appeared  as  yet. 
But  the  editors  are  selected. 

And  I  hope  they  won't  forget 

That  the  article  that's  a- writing 
("  Our  Faculty  "  it 's  called) 

Must  avoid  allusions  biting 
To  Mr.  Willibald. 

[  85  ] 


NOTES 

^  /.  T.  Burden — "  Aiz"  or  "Ike." 

2  /.  D.  Meredith. 

^  A  ventilator  communicating  from  below  with  the  Hun- 
dred-House Library,  near  H.  C.  Converse's  desk. 

^  E.  S.  Benedict. 

^  G.  Z.  Gray. 

®  E.  F.  Chauncey. 

'  C.  B.  Curtis. 

8   fV.  R.  Cross. 

^  Kompidsory  Invite. 

^^  Dickens's  Christmas  Carol  —  read  to  the  School  by  Mr. 
S.  E.  Peabody. 

11  C.  E.  Brinley. 

12  S.  K.  Gerard. 

1^  R.  W.  Emmons,  2nd. 
1*  The  Willibald  Gazette. 


[  86  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1892 

I  WAS  really  obliged  to  make  fun  of  myself 
When  I  took  my  old  fiddle  once  more  from  the 
shelf 
And  tuned  up,  and  tweaked  at  the  rusty  old  strings 
And  tried  to  scrape  over  a  couple  of  things. 
Some  song  of  the  first  golden  years  of  the  School 
To  immortalize  Prefect,  kid,  old  boy,  and  fool. 
Too  conscious,  alas!  your  poor  laureate  feels 
That  where  once  it  made  music,  his  fiddle  now  squeals. 
A  big  population  like  ours  of  to-day 
But  half  understands  any  word  that  I  say. 

When  Fifth  Formers  are  kidlike,  or  kids  act  like  sages, 
And  Sixth,  Fourth,  and  First  make  a  mix  of  their  ages, 
A  handful  at  most  learns  of  what 's  going  on, 
Why,  no  one  knows  Converse's  name  is  n't  John, 
And  I  '11  wager  that  hardly  a  new  boy  has  heard 
That  W.  B.  Cutting 's  not  really  a  Bird. 
When  kid  fights  occur,  no  one  knows  who  got  licked 
Except  the  bystanders,  and  when  I  depict 
Some  uncommonly  ludicrous  study  boy's  joke. 
Blank  looks  from  the  rest  make  me  wish  I  'd  not 
spoke. 

So  if,  in  the  course  of  my  present  effusion. 
In  the  minds  of  my  hearers  exists  some  confusion, 
Just  act  like  a  subsidized  laughing  Committee, 
For  it  really  is  quite  irresistibly  witty. 
[  87  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Columbus  landed,  as  you  know, 

The  12th  day  of  October; 
And  why  this  is  the  21st 

Demands  reflection  sober. 

The  truth  is  that  the  calendar 

Had  got  so  sadly  mixed 
That  every  centuiy  or  two 

It  needed  to  be  fixed. 

Accordingly,  astronomers 

Looked  up  their  X  Y  Z's 
And  found  Columbus  nine  days  wrong 

When  he  sailed  the  stormy  seas. 

So  think  a  moment  and  you  '11  see 

Why  every  loyal  Yankee 
Must  add  a  week  or  so  to  make 

The  almanac  less  cranky. 

By  dint  of  this,  the  School  is  here 

To  celebrate  its  bii*th-day. 
October  15th  its  true  date. 

The  21st  its  mirth-day. 

The  Madam  went  forth  to  the  woods  one  day 
With  three  little  friends  for  a  treat; 

A  picnic  she  thought  was  a  merry  idea. 
With  lots  upon  lots  to  eat. 

Like  little  Miss  MufFet  they  sat  them  down 
On  a  tufFet  of  grass  in  the  sun, 
[  88  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1892 

When  Dennie  Hare  gave  a  yell  of  despair, 
And  Alsop  ^  started  to  run. 

A  wasp  nest  unseen  they  had  landed  upon, 
With  howls  they  lamented  their  fate. 

But  the  Madam,  unmoved  mid  the  din  and  dismay. 
Serenely  she  ate,  and  she  ate. 

The  Reverend  Mr.  Atwood  came 

The  week  before  last  for  a  visit. 
And  seeing  a  friend  with  curly  hair 

Stopped  not  to  enquire,  "Who  is  it?" 

But  grasping  surprised  Mr.  Griswold's  hand 

Said  he  was  delighted  verj' 
That  the  Rector  had  made  him  the  Senior  Prefect 

(He  thought  all  the  time  't  was  Jerry). 

So  if  Griswold,^  First  B,  wants  to  rise  in  the  School 

He  must  get  his  hair  refrizzled. 
And  the  next  time  Mr.  Atwood  comes 

He  '11  take  him  for  Mr.  Griswold. 

There  's  a  hole  in  the  First  Form  B 

For  one  we  see  no  more. 
Nor  hear  the  black  mark's  sharp  report. 

Nor  "  Stand  out  on  the  floor." 

Jack  Mintum  was  n't  in  it 

In  number  of  marks  per  minute. 
VV' at  er  bury  *  idle  boy  it  was, 

I  wonder  who  could  have  been  it. 
[  8t)  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

There  's  great  material  hereabouts 
For  statesmen  and  for  sages. 

The  politicians  throng  the  School, 
All  sizes  and  all  ages. 

Harrison  trembles  on  his  throne 
When  he  hears  we  've  got  a  Master 

Six  feet  and  five  good  inches  high/ 
And  fears  some  dread  disaster. 

But  no,  the  cheering  news  arrives 
That  all 's  not  lost  at  Groton, 

He  's  heard  of  Yours  Respectably, 
Young  William  Politics  Wharton. 

Flags  and  transparencies  abound 

At  Democr'atic  quarters. 
Beside  the  Dormitory  gate, 

And  terrible  the  slaughter. 

The  Democrats  are  big,  't  is  true. 
Their  arguments  are  telling ; 

But  they  're  not  in  it  when  it  comes 
To  kids  to  do  the  yelling. 

Oh,  Yankee  Doodle  came  to  town 

On  little  Jerry's  ^  pony; 
He  soon  dismounted  when  he  saw 

The  face  resolved  and  stony. 

The  clenched  teeth,  determined  eye. 
Of  Mr.  Gladwin  coming. 

[  90  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1892 

"Just  ride  my  horse,"  cried  he,  "a  bit, 
I  think  you  '11  find  him  humming." 

He  mounted  him — he  rode  a  mile, 

He  said  he  was  a  treasure. 
Now  scarce  he  hobbles  round  the  School 

And  does  n't  sit  with  pleasure. 

We  're  glad  that  poor  Whiting  ^  is  with  us  again. 
We  fear  he  has  suffered  a  great  deal  of  pain. 
A  chronic  complaint  we  have  heard  that  he  said, 
But  sixteen  green  apples  —  It's  well  he's  not  dead. 

For  apples  and^hes  can  hardly  agree, 
Especially  apples  when  stolen  from  me. 
We  hope  little  Whiting  won't  do  it  again ; 
I  heard  'twas  sixteen — he  acknowledges  ten. 

W^e  've  got  a  menagerie  here 
Quite  up  to  the  second  year. 
We  keep  them  in  boot-boxes,  lockers  and  such, 
So  the  ladies  need  n't  fear. 

The  circus  goes  on  each  day 
When  the  beasts  are  let  out  to  play. 
The  peanut-seller  is  Charlie  Clark, 
A  ton  is  given  away. 

To  begin  with,  we  've  a  Fox,' 
He  's  kept  in  the  largest  box 
Because  he 's  the  biggest  new  specimen. 
And  wears  number  fifteen  socks. 
[  i>l  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

DeWolf  ^  comes  next  to  view, 
A  Pup  ^  and  a  Cat  ^^  or  two, 
A  nice  little  Hawkinside  ^^  the  next. 
And  then  comes  the  Phililoo.^^ 

Within  the  strongest  cage 
A  Boar  ^^  is  seen  to  rage  : 
A  curious  creature  fat  and  slow. 
The  wonder  of  the  age. 

For  when  he 's  rolled  up  snug 
Some  take  him  for  a  bug. 
And  yonder  there  is  a  grizzly  bear,^* 
And  the  great  round  cushiony  mug 

Of  a  Bobo  Bird  ^^  is  seen. 
With  a  Brindlecow  ^®  between; 
And  a  Balky  Horse  ^'^  in  a  Salty  Stall,^^ 
And  a  Puff  Bird — The  Bouncer,'^  I  mean. 

Now  if  you  '11  take  a  jump 
To  the  cage  behind  the  pump, 
I  '11  show  you  a  sight  to  make  hair  stand  on  end, 
And  hearts  begin  to  thump. 

For  a  Pompadour  Freak  ^*  is  there. 
He  splutters  and  gulps  with  despair; 
But  what  strikes  spectators  the  most  of  all 
Is  the  horrible  state  of  his  hair. 

And  last,  we  will  show  you  free. 
If  they  will  quiet  be, 

[92  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1802 

A  pair  of  kittens  imported  straight 
From  Cheshire  beyond  the  sea. 

Like  love  birds,  side  by  side, 
Demure  and  sanctified, 
Their  Cheshire  grins  subdued  and  sweet, 
Their  conduct  cut  and  dried. 

Behold  the  heavenly  grins 
Of  that  couple  of  cherubins; 
The  unsurpassable,  unapproached. 
Unspeakable,  Motley  twins. 

The  audience  who  attend  the  show 
Contains  some  names  you  ought  to  know. 
That  nobleman  —  observe  his  nose, 
Descendant  of  the  great  Montrose.'^^ 

(Oh!  by  the  way,  three  hours  ago 

Young  Conneir^  knocked — and  wished  to  know 

If  't  was  the  proper  caper  now 

When  his  name  was  called,  to  make  a  bow.) 

Then  Johnny  Bones  has  come  disguised 
As  Baron  Playfair,  different-sized, 
And  there  's  a  little  creature  who 
'S  called  Billy  Rogers,-^  number  two. 

And  talking  of  this  subject  now 
I  'm  sure  you  all  remember  how 
No  poem  ever  could  get  on 
Without  some  reference  to  John.^* 
[  93  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Alas !  the  peaceful  John  's  no  more, 
In  Greek  I  fainted  on  the  floor 
To  hear  him  lead  in  accents  flowery 
A  chorus  all  about  the  Bowery. 

And  Moncure  —  ^^  Ah,  poor!  so  sad  to  endure. 
The  curl  of  his  hair  has  departed,  sure. 

And  a  curly  nose 

Is  all  he  shows. 

But  every  one  knows 

'Twas  football  blows. 
And  I  think  he  's  much  to  be  commended 
For  the  way  his  work  this  year  was  ended. 

The  music  of  this  charming  show 
Is  furnished  by  a  piano. 
Performed  by  Signor  Scotti's  ^^  skill 
'Neath  leadership  of  Billy  WilL^^ 

While  Sullivano  ^^  and  Herr  Schmitt  ^^ 
Tweak  fiddles  till  our  ear-drums  split. 
And  Migolini  ^^  trills  and  warbles 
Much  like  as  when  a  turkey  gobbles. 

And  to  complete  the  Sixth's  Sextet, 
Jerry  ^^  makes  whine  the  flageolet. 
And  till  one  's  weary  of  one's  life. 
Most  all  the  others  play  the  fife. 

But  front  seats  ever  at  our  festal  ring 
Shall  occupy  our  old  boys  whom  I  sing. 
[  94  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1892 

We  've  followed  you  wherever  you  might  be, 
With  hearts  that  missed  you  fellows  terribly. 

We  're  glad  old  Bob  's  ^'  left  off  one  minute's  rushing 
On  Harvard's  end  —  we  miss  old  Howdy  Cushing. 
We  miss  Zabriskie  ^  and  the  Chaunceys  three. 
The  band  of  Potters  and  old  George  Rublee. 

Some  are  in  Europe,  some  are  in  life's  race. 
One  Master  sits  not  in  his  wonted  place. 
While  two  are  taken  from  our  earthly  view. 
And  wait  us  there  where  we  are  travelling  too. 

Old  Eli  had  a  job  for  Corbin  ^  hard, 
To  join  her  Varsity  and  play  right  guard. 
And  though  he  must  stop  plajang  and  is  here 
To  help  us  start  upon  our  School's  new  year. 

Right  guard  is  ably  filled — the  place  still  thrives. 
They  've  got  their  oarsman — Groton's  own  Bill  Ives. 
We  hope  that  soon  we  all  shall  meet  once  more 
When  Scottie  whacks  St.  Mark's  like  days  of  yore.^^ 

And  you,  whom  now  we  welcome  back  to  Groton, 
For  whom  our  eight  full  years  are  unforgotten. 
Who  've   changed   boy's   innocence  for  strength  of 

men. 
Once  more  to-night  you  're  boys  >vith  us  again. 

God  bless  our  Country  with  content  and  peace, 
And  bless  our  Groton  as  its  years  increase. 

[  95  ] 


NOTES 

'  Joseph  Alsop, 

^  Le  Grand  C.  Griswold. 

^  J.  C.  Waterbiiry — temporary  vacation. 

*  G.  D.  Gushing — an  imiquhile  Democratic  orator  whose 
speeches  in  Groton  Town  Hall  produced  a  net  loss  for 
his  candidate  {Clevelajid^  ojfive  votes. 

^  Julian  Gerard. 

^   W.  Whiting — known  as  Fish. 

"^  Austen  Fox. 

8  G.  C.  DeWolf. 

*  P.  Whitney. 
^  C.  Thomson. 

^  D.  S.  Hawkins. 
2    W.  B.  Cutting,  Jr. 

^  A.  P.  Baugh — sometimes  pronotmced  Bug,  sometimes 
Boar. 

*  Le  G.  C.  Griswold. 
^  A.  R.  Sargent. 

6  C.  E.  Brinletj. 

^  Hugh  Auc/micloss. 

^  J.  L.  Salto7istall. 

9  C.  B.  Curtis. 

20  A.  Middleton. 

21  C.  M.  Connell. 

22  H.  C.  Converse. 

23  W.  B.  Rogers  of  N.  Y. 
2*  J.  S.  Rogers. 

25  M.  Robinson. 

26  H.  D.  Scott. 

27  C.  H.  Williams. 
2^  J.  A.  Sullivan. 

[  96  ] 


NOTES 

2«  P.  L.  Smith. 

^  F.  G.  Thomson — "  Miggs." 

^^  S.  K.  Gerard. 

^2  jR.  fV.  Emmons,  2nd. 

^  G.  Z.  Gray. 

^   JV.  R.  Cross. 

^  Thirty-four  to  ten. 


[  97  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1892 

[Fragment] 

Have  you  any  idea 

At  the  close  of  the  year. 
Of  the  fearful  state  of  mind 

Of  Boston,  New  York  and  Philamadelph? 
Nor  to  these  is  it  all  confined. 

A  raft  of  boys 

For  their  Christmas  joys 
Is  launched  at  these  helpless  cities. 

Ah!  poor  New  York!  Poor  Beans!  Poor 
Pork! 
'T  is  really  a  thousand  pities. 

The  Pilgrim's  home 

With  its  gilded  dome 
Pays  penalty  for  its  sins. 

And  terrible  times  are  caused  by  the 
crimes 
Of  the  terrible  Motley  twins.^ 

When  the  Cochrane  pair  ^ 

Do  take  the  air 
For  rest  and  repose  from  their  labours. 

Kid  fights  galore  and  plentiful  gore 
Raise  havoc  among  the  neighbours. 

[  99  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

An  ominous  snifF — of  a  sudden  MifF 

And  Roguey  ^  appear  in  sight. 
That  dreadful  man 
With  his  dreadful  hound! 

How  the  citizens  take  to  flight! 

And  ah  the  girls! 

With  their  golden  curls; 
What  a  state  of  continual  flutter ! 

When  Ames  *  cuts  a  dash  with  his  pussy 
mustache 
And  smile  that  would  hardly  melt  butter. 

And  the  Adamses  two/ 

How  the  Avenue 
Looks  forth  as  the  twain  walk  by! 

For  it 's  heard  the  fame  of  the  football  jjame ' 
And  dotes  on  a  damaged  eye. 

While  Roy  Ball  Baker  parades  the  streets 
No  hayseed — that's  an  error. 

Quite  the  other  way, 

The  good  townsfolk  say 
Beware  of  the  Bunco  terror. 

The  Gray''  boys'  shrieks 

For  the  couple  of  weeks 
Make  people  with  awe  enquire, 

"What  to  goodness  is  it.''  Great  grief — 
not  a  visit 
We  hope  from  the  Gi'oton  Choir." 

[  100  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1892 

But  Bobo,  ah,  Bobo* — a  balm  benign 
From  his  much  persuasive  smile. 

And  his  squint  to  see 

If  you  *re  onto  he 
Spreads  peace  for  many  a  mile. 

And  dear  old  Jones' 

With  his  rattling  bones, 
And  Boblets  ^<*  and  Rubynose,^^ 

And  Saltonstall  and  I  don't  know  who  all 
To  mar  the  old  Hub's  repose. 

But  I  'd  better  shut  down. 

For  this  tiny  town 
Don't  merit  such  lengthy  talk. 

I  would  hear  from  you  what  the  brethren  do 
When  they  swoop  like  a  storm  on  New  York. 

'T  is  time  to  change  cars  and  the  metre  forthwith, 
At   Springfield    drop   Hawkins,   at    W^orcester   drop 

Smith.i-' 
They  '11  wake  the  old  echoes,  yet  leave  us  enough 
To  teach  the  great  city  just  who 's  up  to  snufF. 

The  air  has  grown  thick  in  the  streets  of  New  York. 

Wherever  you  turn,  flying  fragments  of  talk 

You  must  dodge,  or  they  '11  batter  your  ears  or  your 

head. 
Great  pieces  of  drool  fill  your  spirit  with  dread, 
And  baskets  of  hat  talk,  the  boldest  will  quell. 
No  dodging,  no  refuge,  no  mercy — it's  Bell.^^ 

[  101  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Terror  thrills  through  the  breast  of  the  bold  million- 
aire 
When  he  sees  bearing  down  on  him  fierce  Dennie  Hare, 
With  request  for  a  gift  of  a  thousand  or  two 
For  the  Groton  School  Golf  Club,  to  see  the  scheme 

through. 
Though  the  said  millionaire  will  take  comfort,  I  'm 

sure, 
When  approached  for  the  Camp  Fund  by  hustling 
Moncure.^* 

But  New  York  welcomes  back  to  the  land  of  his  birth 
That  learned  and  virtuous  person  of  mirth. 
And  at  last  the  true  accent 's  bestowed  on  each  word 
By  the  chirpy,  the  perky,  the  fat  little  Bird.^^ 

But  one  of  the  choicest  of  all  of  these  shows 

Is  Moncure  as  he  smiles,  and  makes  curtsies  and  bows 

To  his  own  lovely  image  beheld  in  a  glass. 

To  see  whether  he  in  Fifth  Avenue  '11  pass. 

The  Garden  of  Madison  Square  's  enlarged. 
Enormous  admission  I  'm  told  is  charged 
For  to  hear  the  sweet  flute  and  Bull  fiddle  at  play, 
Paderewski  Gerard  ^®  and  the  Spectre,  Herr  Gray.^'^ 

They  're  the  chief  drawing-card  of  the  Christmas  fair. 

Being  held  to  purchase  a  change  of  air 

For  poor  Jack  Adams,  who 's  going  South 

To  study  Deland/^  and  raise  down  on  his  mouth. 

[  102  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1892 

The  Burden  ^®  brothers  I  'd  have  you  know 
Are  holding  an  auction  of  Wilmerding's  ^^  Clo'. 
At  another  table  O' Roberts  ^^  sells 
His  "Sayings  and  Doings  of  British  Swells." 

And  Billy  Hare  's  simply  on  exhibition — 
You'll  agree  he  is  worth  the  whole  price  of  admission. 
And  Julian  ^'-  presides  at  a  gay  Christmas  tree, 
With  birds,  cats  and  dogs  for  his  dormitoree. 

Good  poet,  now  't  is  time  to  tune  up  higher. 

And  tell  the  flutter  of  Philadelphia. 
This  pretty  rhyme  I  thought  up  all  myself,  yer 

Must  see  it 's  hard  to  rhyme  with  Philadelphia. 
That  somewhat  sleepy  city  of  the  Quaker 
At  last  has  something  that  will  really  shake  her. 
When  Baugh  ^*  invades  her,  arm  in  arm  with  Rawle;-* 
And  Forbes  -'  appears  at  the  Assembly  ball. 
With  Scottie,^^  our  own  Scottie  in  the  swim — 
We  know  what  Philadelphia  thinks  of  him. 

Then  Brinley^''  puts  the  citizens  to  flight; 

A  lovely  Brindle  cow  he  got  last  night, — 

From  Migs'  ^*  and  Julian's  ^"^  Christmas  tree  his  share,  — 

And  now  he  leads  it  forth  to  take  the  air. 

And  sounds  of  merry-making  wafted  are 

From  yonder  house  in  Merion  ^^  afar. 

Nay,  Philadelphia,  't  is  no  sound  appalling. 

It's  nothing  but  the  dear  old  Cat^^  er  wauling. 

But  time  on  my  swift-flowing  verse  lays  embargo. 
Or  I  'd  tell  of  the  terror  brought  home  to  Chicago 
[  103  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

When  Pat  ^^  landed  there  with  his  truculent  mug, 
And  his  fierce-looking  two-twenty-five  dollar  Pug. 
How  the  Hookers  ^^  diversified  Washington's  gloom, 
Since  the  recent  elections  as  glum  as  the  tomb. 
Nor  without  tribute  glowing  I  'd  ever  pass  o  'er 
How  Horatio  Lorenzo  ^^  impressed  Baltimore. 
But  the  savour  of  chocolate  steals  on  the  air. 
And  your  poets  withdraw  to  partake  of  their  share. 
With  a  right  Merry  Christmas  and  Happy  New  Year, 
For  the  Homestead,  our  hosts,  and  for  every  one  here. 


Yes,  Christmas  is  come.  Merry  Christmas  once  more. 
With  its  message  as  new  as  in  ages  of  yore. 
Of  gladness  and  peace  by  the  seraphim  sung. 
That  bright  morning  of  old  when  the  earth  was  still 

young. 
Of  home  and  beloved  ones  gathered  again. 
Of  Glory  to  God  and  of  good  will  to  men. 
Each  hearth  shines  in  welcome,  each  door  is  thrown 

wide. 
Each  hall  decked  with  green  for  the  merry  Yule-tide. 

For  the  holly  and  laurel  no  winter  can  kill. 
No  storm  wind  the  glow  of  home  love  ever  chill. 
The  people  in  darkness  have  seen  a  great  light. 
The  Daystar  has  risen  upon  the  world's  night. 
In  Bethlehem's  stable  a  King  has  been  born, 
Death's  shadow  is  past  and  the  darkness  is  gone. 
For  His  sake,  my  boys,  in  the  gladness  of  home. 
Forget  not  the  homeless  to  whom  no  joys  come, 
[  104  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1892 

For  He,  too,  was  lonely  and  friendless  and  poor; 
What  is  done  for  the  least  is  for  Him,  too,  be  sure. 
And  Christmas,  old  Christmas,  bring  numberless  joys 
To  you  now  and  always,  my  dearest  old  boys. 


[  105  ] 


NOTES 

^  J.  L.  and  E.  Motley. 
^  F.  D.  and  J.  S.  Cochrane. 
^  G.  H.  Mifflin's  pet  dog. 
*  Lothrop  Ames. 
^  J.  and  H.  Adams. 
6  Groton  10,  St.  Mark's  6. 
^  E.  and  H.  S.  Gray. 
^  A.  R.  Sargent. 
^  H.  C.  Converse. 
1"    W.  B.  Emmons. 
1^  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr. 
^2  P.  L.  Smith. 
13  B.  F.  Bell. 
1*  M.  Robinson. 

15  W.  B.  Cutting,  Jr. 

16  S.  K.  Gerard. 
"  A.  R.  Gray. 

18  On  Football. 

19  /.  T.  and  W.  A.M.  Burden. 
^  E.  C.  Wilmerding. 

21  M.  0.  Roberts. 

22  J.  M.  Gerard. 

23  A.  P.  Baugh. 
2*  J.  A.  Rawle. 

25  F.  M.  Forbes. 

26  H.  D.  Scott. 
2'^  C.  E.  Brinley. 

28  F.  G.  Thomson. 

29  The  Thomsons'  country  place. 
3**  Clarke  Thomson. 

[  106  ] 


NOTES 


31  J.  M.  Patterson. 

32  R.  and  H.  S.  Hooker. 
^  H.  L.  Whitndse. 


[  107  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1893 

OH,  three  times  three  has  a  merry  sound, 
And  three  times  thrice  we  cheer 
For  the  Homestead  Hall  where  we  gather  round 
This  merry  time  of  year. 

For  we  are  a  three  times  three-year-old. 

And  the  Muses  numbered  nine. 
So  to  ask  indulgence  I  '11  be  bold. 

For  this  little  song  of  mine. 

Old  Hesiod,  as  you  know,  I  see, — 

I  mean  the  older  boys, — 
Says  the  best  Muse  was  Calliope, 

Or  the  Muse  of  the  beautiful  voice. 

So  at  this  tenth  glad  festival, 

I  'm  sure  you  won't  refuse 
A  three  times  three  for  the  songs  to-night 

Of  our  tenth  melodious  Muse.^ 

I  feel  a  little  like  a  man 

At  the  end  of  a  telephone, 
Who  carries  on  a  half  a  talk. 

All  by  his  mournful  lone. 

For  the  oracle  who  provides  replies 

Is  in  Delphi  or  Dodona, 
In  Greece  collecting  fresh  supplies. 

And 's  a  mighty  poor  telephoner. 
[  109  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

So  if  my  questions  stay  unsolved, 
Unechoed  my  sweet  trillings, 

My  rhymes  unfinished  —  metre  short, 
You  must  write  to  Mr.  Billings. 

'T  was  hard,  I  admit,  on  the  kids  old  and  young 
That  our  birthday  went  by  and  their  deeds  were  un- 
sung. 
That  I  let  such  a  good  opportunity  pass 
To  make  famous  the  freaks  of  our  entering  class  — 
Why  Miffy  ^  and  Chit  ^  and  those  heavenly  twins 
For  full  ten  days  before  were  on  needles  and  pins. 
Lest  I  should  be  found  to  be  not  so  severe. 
As  I  was  upon  them  in  the  poem  last  year. 
And  MifFy  wrote  home,  "Send  me  Roguey  *  at  once, 
Tie  his  hair  in  pink  ribbons,  don't  mind  if  he  grunts, 
I  always  am  sad  when  the  jokes  fly  about. 
If  Roguey,  my  Roguey,  by  chance  be  left  out." 
And  the  Motleys  and  Chittenden  wrote  to  their  pop- 
pers, 
"Don't  mind  jokes  on  us,  they  are  all  of  them  whop- 
pers. 
Just  wait  till  you  hear  Mr.  G.  sit  on  Morse, 
On  Hadden  and  Peabody,  Lord  and  of  course 
On  Demi- John  Rogers^ — and  satire  in  torrents. 
Poured  out  on  the  heads  of  three  freaks  all  named 
Lawrence." 

"Oh  quel  est  le  nom 
Of  Monsieur  du  Pont.?"  ® 
{Of  a  Bridge,  it  is  translated) 
[  110.  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1893 

"Don't  you  think  that  Bridget 
Would  suit  that  midget?" 
The  seer  I  interrogated. 

Oh,  who,  oh,  who. 

Has  n't  heard  of  Markoe,' 
And  of  his  hy-pnotic  trance  heard? 

Is  it  stomach-ache. 

Or  a  piece  of  cake  ? 
But  the  question  remains  unanswered. 

Does  he  talk  to  himself 

In  Philamadelph, 
And  take  his  friends  out  sleighing? 

Does  she  go  too. 

Miss  You-know-who — 
But  the  oracle  is  n't  sajnng. 

Polly  Wharton  « 

Went  from  Groton 
On  a  winter's  day. 

When  Polly  met  his  stem  papa — 
What  did  his  parent  say? 

I  never  knew. 

But  black  marks  flew. 
And  Waterburj'  got  one, 

And  even  Mintum  got  a  pair. 
But  pretty  Polly  not  one. 

If  Fifth  Form  scraps 
Should  cause  mishaps, 
[  111  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

When  Walt  *  and  the  Cat  ^**  get  sassy, 
Will  Dennie  ^^  just  loft  the  two  over  the 
fence, 
Or  drive  them  away  with  his  hrassey  ? 

While  the  rest  of  the  cleek 

Look  niblick  and  meek. 
Save  Haughton,^^  who  always  is  mashy ; 

Tommy  ^^  putters  around 

The  battle-ground. 
With  eyes  glued  on  his  volume  trashy. 

When  Monny  ^*  returned  from  a  lunch  at  the  Hub, 
Where  a  chef  had  provided  most  exquisite  grub. 
And  dear  Mrs.  So-and-So,  sweet  Mrs.  Blank, 
Filled  up  all  his  time  writing  letters  to  thank. 
He  found  a  relation,  long  lost  and  long  missed. 
Whom  at  once  with  effusion  he  almost  had  kissed. 
When  the  cousin  exclaimed,  "Are  you  sure  I  'm  the 

right  one. 
Was  the  cousin  you  meant  the  brunette  or  the  light 

one.''" 
"Are  n't  you  Mrs.  Charley.''"  Moncure  asked  in  haste. 
As  he  quickly  withdrew  his  right  arm  from  her  waist. 
"Oh,  dear,  no,  I  'm  only  her  cousin-in-law." 
"Ah,  then,  I  don't  know  you.  Alas,  what  a  bore!" 

There  was  a  little  man. 
And  his  name  was  Nigger  Dan,^^ 
Did  he  ever  get  those  nice  warm  gloves,  I  wonder, 

[  112  ] 


CHRISTiMAS    18U3 

When  he  wrote  to  tell  his  ma 
How  Jack  Adams  was  a  star, 
And  made  St.  Markers  twice  as  mad  as  thunder? 

He  is  captain  of  the  seventh, 

Of  a  team  he  's  one-eleventh, 
And  he  's  quite  a  poet  I  would  have  you  know  too ; 

Have  you  read  his  little  jig. 

On  the  cockatoo  and  nig? 
If  you  praise  it,  he  will  coyly  bid  you  "go  to." 

When  grandpa  ^^  roamed  the  prairies  wild. 

Untamed,  untutored,  savage  child. 

Some  five  and  sixty  years  ago, 

P>e  he  was  caught — he  was,  you  know, 

A  cow-puncher  of  no  mean  fame, 

And  Dunbar  Ferdinand  his  name. 

But  now,  alas!  he  's  grown  so  old. 

He  whispered  once,  "'T  would  be  too  bold 

To  ask  the  question,  but  I  really 

To  be  informed  would  love  it  dearly. 

Oh,  do  you  think  'twould  be  too  rash  — 

The  Rector,  could  he  raise  a  m'stache?" 

The  oracle  answers  never  a  word. 

So  I  'm  going  to  pack  up  a  bag. 
And  send  him  for  Christmas  a  lot  of  old  junk 

In  my  cast-off  box  marked  Wag; 
And  if  he  will  sort  it  and  kindly  send  back 

A  careful  explanation, 
I  '11  send  him  Will  Shakespeare's  statuette,^' 

To  mark  my  appreciation. 
[  113  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  first  I  '11  put  in  at  the  top  of  the  pouch 
A  thing  never  known  of, — a  Faculty  grouch; 
Then  a  pair  of  my  shoes — I  don't  wear  any  more, 
Silk  stockings  are  quite  good  enough  for  a  thaw. 
George  Clarke  sends  a  clicking  and  flying  machine/^ 
Sully   Cochrane    a   mouse  —  they  all    think    it  real 

mean 
That  they  can't  give  a  dance  in  the  school-room  at 

night. 
Mr.  Griswold  gives  black  marks  and  says  it 's  not  right, 
And   Mr.   Woods, ^^   too,  claims   he 's   right   in  the 

push; 
"And  he's  blessed  if  he  will,"  then  exclaims  Mr. 

Cush; 
We  send  him  a  hair  out  of  Ching  Lee's  chin  whisker. 
He 's  paid  for  his  food  and  wants  things  passed  round 

brisker ; 
Then   a   fine   suit   of  clothes  such   as  Wilmerding 

wears. 
And  one  of  his  well-bred  unparalleled  airs ; 
Then  a  pair  of  uncouth  calisthenic  commotions. 
Which  Burden  performs  with  conflicting  emotions. 
With  pantingsand  puffings  and  squirmings  and  giggles, 
A  pair  of  his  graceful  renowned  body-wiggles. 
Then  some  good  things  to  eat  just  to  fill  up  the  whole. 
Soup  a  la  St.  Mark's,  bringing  joy  to  the  soul. 
With  a  couple  of  pies  known  as  Ayrault  ends  over,^" 
A  species  of  very  delicious  turnover. 
Some  cocoa  and  porter  which  Monny  provides 
For  the  afternoon  teas  o'er  which  Converse  ^^  presides, 
Where  the  Faculty  gather  and  peacefully  snore, 
[  114  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1893 

While  Jack  Adams  reads  poems — which  they  think  a 

bore. 
While  a  triplet  of  Willies  sit  trying  to  look  good 

hard. 
Will  Whitney,  Will  Williams  and  httle  Will  Wood'ard. 
For  game — since  the  Bird"  has  become  long  and 

scrawny, 
A  tender  young  Swan  ^  and  a  Dabchickney  ^  brawny, 
With  a  slice  from  the  plump  Bird  o'  Round  Robin 

Reddy,  ^^ 
While  Plawps  rounds  off  the  meal  just  to  make  it  set 

steady ; 
And  finally  just  as  a  sort  of  a  hoax, 
Two  trifles,  absurdities,  couple  of  jokes, 
To  fill  up  the  bag  and  to  round  it  out  well, 
Put  in  Douglas  Cochrane  and  fat  Skippey  Bell. 

The  blessed  time  once  more  is  here. 

The  Christmastide  has  come. 
The  gladdest  days  of  all  the  year. 

The  sacred  days  of  home. 

Forget  not  in  your  Christmas  joys 

That  He  the  Lord  of  all 
Was  homeless  when  He  came,  my  boys. 

His  bed  the  ox's  stall. 

Never  before  has  rung  so  loud 

Within  our  ears  the  cry 
Of  poverty  and  homelessness. 

And  want,  with  Christmas  nigh. 
[   115  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Let  us  the  message  of  good  will 
With  these  our  brothers  share, 

So  shall  we  follow  in  His  steps 
Who  chose  the  manger  bare. 


[  116  ] 


NOTES 

^  Mrs.  James  Lawrence. 

2  G.  H.  Mifflin. 

3  S.  B.  Chittenden. 
*  Miffy's  Dog. 

5  H.  P.  Rogers. 

6  H.  du  Pont. 
'  H.  Markoe. 

8  W.  P.  Wharton. 

9  W.  L.  Cutting. 
^^  Clarke  Thomson. 
"  D.  M.  Hare. 

^  P.  D.  Haughton. 

^'  Stuart  Heintzelman. 

"■  Moncure  Robinson. 

^^  George  Draper. 

^®  D.  F.  Carpenter. 

^'  A  bust  of  Shakespeare,  the  property  of  Mr.  Billings,  of 
which  he  vainly  tried  to  get  rid  in  Europe,  Asia  and 
America. 

^8  A  knee  brace  ivorn  by  Clarke.  A  precious  tool  for  break- 
ing up  Evening  School. 

19  Mr.  C.  S.  Griswold—"Push  Face:' 

^  Responsible  for  the  first  touchdonm  in  the  Ten  to  Six 
game. 

2^  Deadly  revenge  for  the  Rector  s  Sixth  Form  poetry  even- 
ings. 

22  R.  B.  Cutting. 

23  J.  R.  Swan. 

2*  George  Dabney. 

25  C.  Preston  — "Reddy." 

[  117] 


BIRTHDAY 

1894 

BEGINNING  about  twelve  months  ago. 
We  thought  the  time  was  here 
To  celebrate  by  a  spree  or  so 
The  School's  Decennial  Year. 

The  Homestead  Concert  was  the  tenth 

As  stated  at  the  time, 
And  Prize  Day  was  spun  out  at  length 

When  spring  was  at  its  prime. 

And  yet  would  one  but  calculate, 

'T  was  not  exactly  right. 
For,  to  be  really  accurate. 

We  're  just  ten  years  to-night. 

I  pause  for  a  minute  to  gather  wind  ; 

My  verse  is  always  windy. 
I  need  cast-iron  lungs  and  a  throat  well  tinned 

To  celebrate  this  shindy. 

I  fain  would  touch  upon  stories  such 

As  are  told  about  Nigger  Dan,^ 
About  Thomdike-  small,  about  Goddard^  tall, 

Of  Robeson,*  and  Captain  Mahan.^ 

Of  Bumham's®  renown  and  Archie  Brown, 
Of  Blagden  and  Bowditch's  brothers  ; 

Of  Moseley  and  Derby  and  Goodrich  and  Hare, 
And  dozens  and  dozens  of  others. 
[  119  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

From  Demijohn's  ^  whiskers  to  Mr.  B's  ^  beard, 
And  Billy  Post's  fine  head  of  hair. 

Some  gags  on  Moncure  are  expected,  I  'm  sure, 
He  's  a  joke  in  himself —  look  there. 

To  pour  heaps  of  flattery  on  Mr.  Slattery, 

And  the  rest  of  the  Faculty  new. 
Including  the  pair  of  our  own  old  boys. 

Is  a  thing  I  should  like  to  do. 

But  I  've  got  to  wait  till  another  date. 

For  Christmas  is  drawing  near. 
And  really,  I  've  got  to  save  something  to  say 

Of  our  Unidecennial  Year. 

Ten  years  is  really  a  good  long  time 

To  have  spent  in  vain  endeavour. 
To  make  boys  leai-n  section  127  * 

And  find  that  they  do  so  never. 

To  keep  on  patiently  trying  to  prove 

To  each  new  generation 
That  triangular  methods  must  be  employed 

For  a  really  good  translation. 

That  will  I  is  never  the  right  thing  to  say. 
That  marks  are  but  japes  and  vanity. 

That  to  cancel  or  talk  of  changing  signs 
Is  algebraic  profanity. 

I  've  seen  strange  sights  in  these  ten  long  years. 
But  I  'd  give  ten  guineas  sterling 
[  120  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1894 

If  some  one  would  show  me  a  stranger  sight 
Than  Bobo  ^*'  when  dressed  for  girling. 

His  dainty  mustache,  his  necktie  flash, 

Is  quainter  than  anything  going; 
He  's  a  combination  of  turtledove 

And  elephant  out  a-beauing. 

But  his  breakfast  toilet  surpasses  far 
The  most  exquisite  London  fashion; 

A  pair  of  pijamas  with  trimmings  to  match, 
And  a  rather  perfunctory  wash  on. 

I  've  seen  fresh  kids  in  these  ten  long  years. 
Even  Craighead  was  fresh  when  he  came; 

Even  Miffy  was  fresh  and  the  Motley  twins; 
Berty  Bell  a  bit  fresh,  some  claim; 

And  Coster  ^^  was  fresh, — or  his  collars  were, — 
Though  they  've  been  a  bit  mauled  since  then. 

Yes,  I  've  seen  fresh  kids  in  these  ten  long  years. 
But  I  could  n't  say  honestly  when 

I've  seen  a  kid  so  utterly  free 

From  embarrassment  in  class. 
As Here  supply  whom  you  're  thinking  of. 

The  man  with  the  cheek  of  brass. 

I  've  seen  learned  men  these  ten  long  years 

As  the  Faculty  larger  grew. 
And  first  or  nexter,  our  learned  Rector, 

Of  course  I  refer  to  the  Br — ^^ 

[  121  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  one  who  in  Music  and  Dutch  and  Greek 

You  '11  agree  is  a  regular  howler. 
We  wish  though,  alas!  he  were  with  us  to-night, 

Of  course  I  refer  to  the  Gr — ^^ 

And  one  whose  health  isn't  always  good, 
Who  has  often  one  foot  in  the  grave. 

But  who  comes  up  smiling  at  Faculty  feasts. 
Of  com-se  I  refer  to  the  Br — " 

And  I  've  heard  it  said  as  boys  go  to  bed. 

That  discipline  grows  lax 
When  one  is  away  —  so  the  mice  can  play. 

Of  course  I  refer  to  M  —  ^^ 

And  one  who  can  make  the  football  go. 

When  he  does  n't  Mr.  Cush  face. 
And  is  training  a  youthful  but  hopeful  mustache. 

Of  course  I  refer  to  P — ^* 

If  Dennie  Hare's  shoes  are  no  more  use, 
Let  him  carefully  grease  them  with  butter. 

Put  rubber  soles  on  them  to  stop  the  squeak. 
And  present  them  to  Mr.  Nutter. 

I  've  heard  strange  tongues  in  these  ten  long  years 
From  Dagos  with  monk'  and  banan' ; 

But  DeKoven  can  beat,  with  his  accent  so  sweet. 
The  most  talented  hand-organ  man. 

But  the  sweetest  thing  in  languages 
Is  the  French  from  across  the  pond 

[  122  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1894 

Jack  Stedman  uses  when  reading  aloud 
Those  love  tales  of  which  he 's  so  fond. 

I  've  heard  of  queer  food  in  these  ten  long  years, 

But  I  must  expostulate 
With  Delancey  Jay,  who  partakes,  they  say. 

Each  day  of  a  heaped-up  plate 

Of  the  food  delicious  which  I  'd  supposed 

Fifth  Formers  alone  digested. 
Put  up  by  Mellin,  that  sport  who  so 

In  baseball  is  interested.^'' 

I  've  seen  queer  flowers  these  ten  long  years. 
But  for  countenance  round  and  merry, 

The  human  sunflower  takes  the  cake, — 
Mr.  Chadwick  christened  Gerry. 

I  've  heard  of  dark  deeds  in  these  ten  long  years, 

Of  masters  base  and  cruel. 
Of  black  marks,  detention,  and  squibs  to  write  out. 

Of  diets  of  toast  and  gruel ; 

But  Connell  avers  that  the  cruelest  thing 

Is  the  way  Mr.  Gushing  acts. 
"  You  're  an  unjust  man  just  because  you  're  tall," 

Is  his  view  of  the  brutal  facts. 

I  've  seen  queer  football  these  ten  long  years. 

But  the  queerest  kinds  of  trick 
Are  those  entitled  Kill  Barret,  ^^  Paw  Cross,^^ 

Hustle  Bobo,  Push  Cush,  Tickle  Dick.^o 
[  123  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  one  of  the  funniest  football  games 

May  be  witnessed  in  study  hall, 
Five  masters,  ten  graduates,  twenty-five  boys, 

Kicking  i-ocks  hidden  in  an  old  ball. 

I  've  heard  queer  noises  these  ten  long  years. 

But  hark  to  my  gruesome  story 
Of  the  horrid  sounds  that  proceed  each  night 

From  the  downstairs  dormitory. 

A  scuffle,  a  fight,  when  out  goes  the  light; 

A  struggle,  a  tussle,  a  murder; 
'Tis  only  the  efforts  for  order  at  night 

Of  the  ever  watchful  Schroeder. 

Or  stay,  it 's  not  that,  it 's  a  Motley  twin 

Overhead  who  has  lately  slain 
Jim  Barney,  who  tried  to  play  policeman. 

And  never  will  try  it  again. 

I  've  seen  freaks  of  nature  in  these  ten  years. 

And  several  paii's  of  twins. 
But  for  wondrous  resemblance  commend  me  to 

The  exactly  identical  grins. 

And  exactly  identical  tufts  of  hair. 
Which  adorn  young  Krumbhaar's  face 

And  Stanton  Whitney's,  as  well  as  the  nose 
And  other  ideals  of  grace. 

I  've  heard  strange  tales  in  these  ten  long  years. 
But  much  the  queerest  yarn 
[  124  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1894 

Is  the  tale  of  the  wonderful  laughing  horse 
In  Waterbury's  barn. 

He  shrugs  his  shoulders,  this  marvellous  beast, 

And  winks  with  his  left-hand  ear, 
And  bucks  with  his  back,  but  it 's  when  he  sights 
Jack, 

So  perhaps  it 's  not  quite  so  queer. 

I  've  seen  dear  ladies  these  ten  long  years, 

But  the  lonely  condition  of  Adam 
Before  Eve  was  born  was  n't  more  forlorn 

Than  Groton  without  the  Madam.'^^ 

I  've  had  sad  partings  these  ten  long  years — 
Old  boys,  you  don't  know  you  're  missed; 

But  one  of  the  hardest  of  all  has  been 
The  one  that  stands  last  on  the  list. 

It  may  seem  strange  to  see  such  a  change. 

But  St.  Mark's  for  once  has  gained 
At  Groton's  expense,  and  regret  immense 

The  prize  they  have  lately  obtained. 

So  good  luck  to  St.  Mark's  in  her  new  career. 

To  her  Master  and  Mistress  new.-^ 
Though  we  '11  still  be  happy  to  wipe  up  the  ground 

With  her  teams  as  we  always  do. 

I  've  seen  kids  come  in  these  ten  long  years. 
And  I  've  seen  men  go  as  well, 
[  125  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

There's  been  much  of  laughter  and  little  of  tears 
In  the  story  they  have  to  tell. 

I  've  seen  them  grow  and  I  've  seen  them  go 

To  be  eaptahis  of  football  or  crew ; 
To  win  renown  and  the  athlete's  crown 

As  wearers  of  crimson  or  blue. 

Bill  Ives  learned  to  row  on  our  river,  you  know; 

Bob  Emmons  here  made  his  first  rush; 
Pere  Corbin's^^  first  crew  was  a  Squannacook  two; 

Here  Scottie  St.  Mark's  did  crush. 

I  've  seen  them  go  forth  East  and  West,  South  and 
North, 

To  college  and  business  and  life. 
One  graduate  bold  —  how  it  makes  me  feel  old  — 

Has  even  selected  a  wife.^* 

And  Groton  remembers  her  four  dear  sons, 

First  fruits  of  her  eai*ly  love ; 
Her  morning  stars,  who  were  called  to  shine 

So  soon  in  the  world  above. 

Ah !  ten  long  years  of  unnumbered  joys 

Scarce  dimmed  by  an  hour  of  pain. 
Your  memory  bright  cheers  my  heart  to-night 

As  I  think  of  it  all  again. 


[  126  ] 


NOTES 

^  G.  Draper. 

-  J.  L.  Thorndike. 

3  R.  H.  I.  Goddard. 

*  A.  li.  Sargent. 
5  L.  E.  Malum. 

*  IV.  A.  Biirnham. 
7  H.  P.  Rogers. 

^  Grown  in  the  Andaman  Islands. 
®  Irregular  verbs. 

10  A.  R.  Sargent. 

11  E.  C.  Wilmerding. 

12  The  Bru  —  Mr.  Billings. 

13  Gron'ler  —  Mr.  Iliglcij. 
1^  Brave  —  Mr.  Ayrault. 
1^  Max  —  Mr.  Gladwin. 

1®  Pushface  —  Mr.  Griswold. 

"  A  champion  nine  to  which  the  famous  food  company 

sent  caps  as  an  advertisement. 
1*  Cecil  Barret. 

19  W.  R.  Cross. 

20  R.  Wheatland. 

21  Sabbatical  year  for  Rector  and  family. 

22  Reverend  W.  G.  Thayer  became  Head  Master  of  St. 
Mark's  in  1894- 

23  W.  R.  Cross. 
^  H.  A.  Parker. 


[  127  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1895 

WE'VE  reached  a  rev'rend  age, my  brethren  dear, 
Whom  once  again  I  welcome  round  me  here; 
The  number  most  important  under  heaven 
In  all  our  thoughts  —  a  mighty  fine  eleven. 

An  omen  —  't  is  a  number  you  must  know, 
Whose  fame  as  far  as  Southboro  shall  go. 

And  strike  with  dark  foreboding  on  their  ears — 
Beware  the  Infant  of  eleven  years. 

The  Rector  and  the  Madam  have  come  back. 
And  Mr.  Woods's  laugh  no  more  we  lack ; 

While  Mr.  Higley  looks  —  I  won't  say  weird. 
But  somewhat  foreign  in  his  flowing  beard. 

The  Madam  has  brought  home  a  cuckoo  clock 
To  drown  the  voices  of  her  infant  flock, 

Who  fill  the  halls  with  music  all  the  day. 
With  Malcolm  at  the  head  in  fierce  array. 

This  mighty  warrior  and  valiant  man 

In  free  fight  lately  knocked  out  Sullivan. 

I  do  not  mean  John  L.  —  Oh,  no.  Oh  my,  no  ! 
I  mean  that  greater  pugilist,  SuUino.^ 

The  graduates  we  are  glad  to  see 

Can  —  some  of  them  —  still  come  here. 

Though  they  're  getting  engaged  at  a  fearful  rate  — 
Five  or  six  in  a  single  year. 
[  129  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  talking  of  this  when  the  Fourth  Form  read 

Of  the  French  young  man  who  sat 
With  the  hand  of  his  girl  from  eight  to  twelve. 

Jack  Stedman  exclaimed  at  that. 

With  exactness  and  promptness  that  well  displayed 

His  great  mathematical  powers, 
As  well  as  his  knowledge  of  lovers'  ways, 

"  Eight  to  twelve  !  Great  Scott ! — Four  hours  !  " 

Oh,  habeo  tu  video 

The  famous  Groton  School, 
The  subject  for  the  poet 

Of  this,  his  annual  drool. 

Oh,  habeo  tu  video, 

The  Flitlets  ^  saith  —  saith  he ; 
Or  esse  quam  videri,^ 

What  is  there  here  to  see  ? 

I  '11  take  you  for  a  stroll  about 
As  if  you  were  some  mother. 

Or  new  arrival  being  shown 
The  sights  by  his  big  brother. 

I  '11  take  you  round  as  Mr.  Sedg- 

Wick  took  in  Mr.  Cutting.* 
Or  Dibblee  arm  in  arm  with  our 

New  Master,  Mr.  Nutting.^ 

There  is  a  little  Club-room, 
One  of  the  studies  blue, 
[  180  ] 


BIKTHDAY    1805 

And  if  you  'd  like  to  come  along 
I  '11  take  a  glimpse  with  you 

Of  what  goes  on  there  every  night 

When  I  stick  in  my  head, 
To  see  if  everything  is  safe, 

When  boys  are  sent  to  bed. 

There  Jimmy  Haha  ^  gathers  round 
His  knees  his  Fifth  Form  chickens. 

And  reads  the  House  of  Gables  Seven, 
And  other  works  of  Dickens.'' 

I  see  fat  Whitney  *  fresh  and  clean 

From  numerous  ablutions, 
And  Davis  ^  resting  of  his  voice 

From  wondrous  evolutions 

Performed  in  trying  hard  to  reach 

The  goal  to  which  aspire 
Those  Prima  Donnas  unrenowned 

Who  've  failed  to  make  the  Choir. 

I  next  behold  a  Pepin  Bird  ^^ 

Of  plumage  rich  and  rare, 
They  do  say  't  was  a  Hoptoad  once. 

Then  grew  a  head  of  hair. 

Then  two  thick  legs  —  a  pair  of  wings  — 

Because  he  was  so  good, 
A  grouch  ^^  so  sweet,  then  all  complete 

Forth  to  the  world  he  stood. 
[  131  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Then  resting  from  some  wrestling  bout 

Behold  that  pair  of  ponies, 
George  Clarke  and  red-faced  Lobster-Pot/^ 

Called  Venus  and  Adonis. 

A  huntsman  bold  is  spinning  yams. 

Fish  stories  fit  to  stun  one, 
And  of  the  bear  who  chased  him  and 

Most  gobbled  our  poor  Bunyan.^^ 

I  bid  good-night  —  ah,  tristful  sight ! 

You  'd  think  it  would  have  killed  her; 
I  see  the  separation  scene 

Of  Wotan  "  and  Brunnhilde.is 

The  lady  tall,  the  other  small 

But  very  muscular  man. 
Her  first  name  I  am  told  is  Liz, 

His  last  name  is  Mahan. 

How  silent  it  is  in  the  house  these  days 
When  the  boys  have  gone  to  bed. 

No  sounds  are  heard  from  the  sleeping-place 
As  there  used  to  be  overhead. 

For  the  Upper  Sixth  ^®  has  gone  afar 

And  taken  the  noise  away 
Which  used  to  fill  Mr.  Gi'iswold's  room — 

Such  a  charming  place  to  play. 

The  truth  was  the  Chicken  made  such  a  stir 
With  the  marvellous  exercise 
[  132  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1895 

He  went  through  every  single  night 
To  keep  down  his  abnormal  size ; 

And  the  clarinet  and  the  twangolet. 

The  fiddle  and  cornet  and  flute. 
Made  it  rather  hard  for  the  kids  to  sleep, 

So  to  settle  the  whole  dispute 

The  orchestra  simply  has  removed 

To  a  separate  building  now, 
With  the  Upper  Sixth  to  their  Country  Club," 

And  there  they  can  make  their  row. 

There  Puffy  ^^  can  snore,  and  Bell  ^*  can  jaw. 
And  Vance  -"  can  explain  to  the  Onion, 

As  he  did  to  the  lady  at  dinner,  how  he 
Is  Head  Editor  of  the  Grotonian. 

While  the  orchestra  fools  with  his  ^^  science  tools 

And  warbles  a  roundelay. 
For  we  all  agree  he  is  unexcelled 

In  all  species  of  Push  play. 

And  once  a  week,  the  ignoble  brute,^^ 

Alone  in  his  glory  there. 
Trots  out  a  new  tune  on  his  dulcet  flute 

And  gets  a  new  cut  to  his  hair. 

I  '11  take  you  to  the  dining-room  — 

There  smiling  neat  and  fair 
Sits  Coster^;  I  but  gaze  at  him. 

He  wiggles  in  his  chair. 
[  133  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

I  wag  my  baldness  up  and  down, 

I  never  say  a  thing. 
I  merely  stare  ^\'ith  haughty  frown 

Upon  his  diamond  ring. 

He  's  since  confided  to  his  friends. 

He  wished  I  'd  stay  away 
From  meals,  I  make  him  laugh  so  much, 

In  my  engaging  way. 

He  wants  to  get  his  courage  up 

To  face  the  awful  bag 
He  punches  fiercely  once  a  day. 

And  cannot  face  a  7vag. 

The  triangle  has  lost  its  charm 
Since  I  have  brought  him  woe. 

He  roams  round  shouting  \vofxai 
KaTepypfJua.1. —  to  go. 

Alas,  I  fear  it  is  no  cinch 

To  sit  at  meals  with  me. 
And  circulate  the  butter  plate — 

Ask  Shruby  ^^ — he  '11  agree. 

For  when  upon  his  elbow  down 

He  leans  his  weaiy  head. 
If  I  my  tumbler  stir,  with  fear 

His  very  nose  turns  red. 

And  if  I  Birckhead  should  address. 

With  fear  he  's  well-nigh  kilt, 

[  134  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1895 

Lest  I  forget  the  rev'rence  due 
To  a  friend  of  Vanderbilt. 

He  has  the  quaintest  way,  you  know, 

Whenever  he  is  mocked — 
He  in  confusion  hides  his  nose 

To  show  that  he  is  shocked. 

I  next  proceed  to  see  the  kids 

So  sportive  and  so  merry. 
I  pause  and  watch  the  gambollings 

Of  Bumham  and  of  Gerry ,2* 

Of  Morin  Hare  and  Eugene  Thayer, 

Moseley  and  Howard  Gary, 
And  pass  on  to  the  noisy  throng  — 

The  new  kids  fresh  and  airy. 

At  my  approach  I  see  a  youth, 

And  note  a  gentle  Breese,^' 
As  he  remarks  with  haughtiness 

And  manner  quite  at  ease, 

"  I  've  asked  for  curiosity. 

But  nobody  will  say. 
Pray,  who  is  Peter  Higginson.!* 

What  is  he  anyway?" 

They  're  nearly  all  editions  small 
Of  well-known  elder  brothers, 

Krumbhaar  and  Derby,  Bradley,  Brown, 
And  hosts  and  hosts  of  others. 
[  135  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

There  's  Brick  Top,^®  brother  of  the  Black; 

Then  come  two  little  Rooks,^'' 
And  nearer  than  a  brother  e'en 

A  brother-in-law,  named  Brooks.^^ 

And  last  to  come,  although  not  least. 
There  's  Herman's  little  brother. ^^ 

Another  Davis  —  can  it  be  ?  ^'^ 
Exists  there  such  another? 

And  is  n't  there  among  them  one 

Called  Willie  Mannikin? 
If  I  am  wrong  you  '11  set  me  Wright  ^^ — 

To  tease  him  were  a  sin. 

I  pass  the  bath-room  by,  and  hear 

A  fearful  slippery  splash, 
'Tis  Randolph,^^  who  first  soaps  his  tub. 

Then  makes  the  awful  dash. 

I  pass  by  Mr.  Edward's  ^^  door, 

And  hear  the  merry  laughs 
Caused  by  the  compliments  received 

But  lately  on  his  calfs. 

I  pass  the  bed  of  Percy  White, 
That  flower  unknown  to  fame. 

For  in  my  poems  till  to-night 
No  one  has  heard  his  name. 

I  just  thrust  in  my  head  to  see 
If  Mr  Ayrault's  got 
[  136  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1895 

Suggestions  for  the  Varsity, 
And  in  my  note-book  jot. 

For  on  my  word,  I  think  he  's  right 
In  what  he  says  of  Haughton, 

If  Harvard  needs  a  quarter- back 
They  want  a  man  from  Groton. 

I  find  him  trying  on  a  pair 

Of  bloomers  for  his  bike. 
He  tells  me  people  think  him  some 

New  Woman  or  the  like. 

I  stop  at  Mr.  Sedgwick's  room, 

He  's  trying  on,  I  find, 
The  nose  protector — special  make 

He  's  recently  designed. 

How  sweet  he  looks  to-night  —  a  wreath 

Twined  in  his  raven  locks. 
His  trouser  legs  turned  up  to  show 

His  lovely  crimson  socks. 

I  next  go  by  the  sewing-room 

Where  Sawyer  **'s  rubbing  spots  out 

With  a  prescription  he  has  got 
For  taking  stains  and  blots  out. 

It 's  kept  on  tap  not  far  away 

In  the  Infirm'ry  closet. 
Pneumonia  —  excellent,  he  says. 

And  now  we  know  what  was  it. 
[  137  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

I  pass  the  kitchen  door,  and  see 

Reposing  in  a  dish. 
With  Mr.  BilHngs  bending  o'er, 

A  week-from-Friday's  fish. 

Let 's  ask  him  ere  this  ball  is  o'er 

To  give  us  all  a  chance 
To  see  him  execute  for  us 

His  famous  song  and  dance.^^ 

I  cross  the  grounds  'mid  storm  and  wind 
And  tweakling,  twickling  wain, 

Twackling  on  wetched  woad  and  woof, 
I  wun  with  might  and  main.^^ 

Exhausted  by  this  awful  job 

I  then  retired  to  bed. 
And  so  no  doubt  you  'd  like  to  do. 

You  must  be  nearly  dead 

Of  this  performance,  so  good-night, 
I  've  made  my  best  endeavour. 

Happy  returns  of  this  great  date, 
God  bless  the  School  forever. 


[  138  ] 


NOTES 

*  Sullivan  Cochrane. 
2  E.  N.  Potter. 

*  Motto  on  stained-glass  mndorv  in  Brooks  House. 

*  W.  B.  Cutting,  Jr. 

^  C.  R.  Nutter  —  by  710  means  new. 

*  James  Lawrence,  Jr. 
'  As  he  asserts. 

*  Stanton  Whittiey. 

^  J.  Bancroft  Davis  —  author  of  the  Quantitative  Ideal 

of  Choir  Singing. 
10    fV.  W.  Hoppin,  Jr. 
^^  "Monkey-wrench  face. 
12  E.  N.  Potter. 
^^  Hugh  Auchincloss. 
"  L.  E.  Mahan. 
^  F.  Gordon  Brown  —  "Lizzie." 
^*   W.  A.  M.  Burden  —  the  Chicken  or  Onion. 
^'    Upstairs  in  Brooks  House. 
18  C.  B.  Curtis. 
"  B.  F.  Bell. 
^  J.  M.  McCormick. 
^1  i.  e.  Mr.  Pushjace  Griswold. 
^  E.  C   IVilmerding. 
^  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr.  "Circulatory"  system  started  for  his 

benefit.  Water  in  the  sleeve  if  he  leaned  on  his  elbow. 
^  E.  G.  Chadwick. 
^  Sidney  Breese. 
2«   fV.  P.,  brother  of  C.  Blagden. 
^  L.  and  K.  Rainsford. 

^  G.  Brooks  —  brother-in-law  of  R.  W.  Emmons,  2nd. 
^  E.  B.  Krumbhaar. 

[  139  ] 


NOTES 

^^  Steuart  Davis. 

31  M^.  M.  Wright. 

32  A.  B.  Randolph. 

33  Mr.  E.  Sturgis. 
3*  A.  W.  Sanyer. 

3^  Promised  by  the  Rector  and  Mr.  B.  in  case  of  a  St. 

Mark's  victory. 
3^  H.  P.  Rogers,  loquitur. 


[  140  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1895 

[Fragment] 

The  Masters  are  popular  in  School  and  out, 

But  sometimes  it 's  very  grotesque. 
The  rivalry  seen  in  the  school-room  about 

The  seat  that  is  nearest  the  desk. 
Some  fellows  are  plain  in  their  pref'rence  and  blunt, 

Though  of  chairs  round  about  there  's  a  host, 
They  yearn  for  their  turn  in  the  one  that 's  in  front, 

Guy  Cary  first  has  it,  then  Post. 

By  the  way,  though,  while  we  are  a-speaking  of  Bill, 

They  tell  of  a  very  good  gag. 
With  what  do  you  s'pose  that  he  saw  fit  to  fill 

His  alpaca  dirty  clothes  bag.'' 
Bill 's  always  a-thinking  of  books,  he  is — or 

Of  music,  his  fiddles  and  lutes. 
He  'd  not  an  idea  what  a  clothes  bag  was  for. 

And  so  the  lad  filled  it  with  boots. 

A  fearful  decree  goes  foi-th 

As  the  winds  'gin  to  scream  from  the  north. 

The  children  must  not  go  out 

Head  covering  thick  without. 

I  rush  for  my  warm  fur  hat. 
And  wonder  where  it  can  be  at. 
The  Peabody  ladies  wear  flower  pots  red 
Turned  upside  down  on  each  comely  head. 
[  141  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  Flits  ^  puts  on  a  derby, 

And  Derby  '^  wears  a  Potter, 
And  Whitney  ^  fat  gets  a  little  straw  hat. 

And  Bobo  *  a  muff  of  otter. 

And  sends  a  telegram  to  town 

To  summon  his  private  tailor 
To  make  him  a  bonnet  with  ribbons  on  it. 

Or  a  sweet  little  thing  a  la  sailor. 

Puff  ^  wears  a  knitted  stocking, 

And  the  sight  is  really  shocking, 
To  witness  Pat^  in  a  Nestle's  Food  hat. 

And  other  sights  worthy  of  mocking. 

There  once  was  a  Captain  of  brave  renown 

At  skating,  ice  polo,  and  hawky, 
He  got  up  a  squad  with  Commodore  Pot,' 

And  Slino  *  and  Emmons  ®  and  Bawky.^'' 

He  played  so  hard  that  a  pain  in  his  back  — 

Just  consequence  of  his  polo — 
Crept  up  to  his  voice  till  it  made  it  crack,^^ 

So  he  had  to  abandon  his  solo. 

But  Tiddledywinks  '^  stepped  into  the  breach 

Instead  of  the  voice  thus  rusted, 
And  sang  in  the  place  of  that  skater  brave, 

And  the  hawky  team  since  has  busted. 

The  Prefects  through  the  dining-hall  are  scat- 
tered. 
The  other  fellows  sitting  in  their  places 
[  142  ] 


CHRISTMAS    189.5 

In  their  turn  now  make  Mrs.  P.  feel  flattered 
By  challenges  to  croquette-eating  races. 

While  Grandpa  ^^  looks  so  cunning  in  his  specs. 
And  eats  until  you  really  thinks  he  's  strangling; 

While  in  the  air  not  reaching  to  the  ground 
His  jolly  little  legs  are  seen  a-dangling. 

It  gave  me  joy  the  other  day 
To  hear  a  lady  say. 
That  the  cunningest  sight  in  the  wide,  wide  world 
Was  to  see  the  lambs  at  play. 

But  the  lambyest  kids  in  the  ^v^de,  wide  world 

That  ever  the  lady  had  seen. 
Were  Burnham,  the  Guinea  Pig,^*  frisking  about 

And  with  him  our  honey  Eugene.  ^^ 

If  you  want  to  know  the  history 
Of  any  Hebrew  mystery 

Connected  with  Jerusalem  of  old. 
Apply  to  Mr.  Simmy  one.^® 
He  offers  to  tell  any  one 

Whate'er  in  that  connection  's  to  be  told. 

In  the  lavatorj'  splashing. 
The  golden  shekels  flashing. 

He  was  caught  when  very  busy  t'other  night, 
A-washing  and  a-rubbing, 
A-polishing  and  scrubbing, 

To  keep  de  monna  beautiful  and  bright. 
[  1«  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Timmy  Mahan,^'' 

The  big  fat  man, 
With  hair  in  a  quaint  style  of  taste, 

Is  taking  a  course 

To  increase  his  force 
And  diminish  the  girth  of  his  waist. 

Each  day  in  the  Gym 

You  may  witness  Tim 
In  cahsthenic  contortions; 

He  squirms  and  smiles 

In  all  manner  of  styles 
With  wiggles  of  awful  proportions. 

My  reverend  friend 

Must  really  amend 
His  habits  of  stealing  and  picking. 

He  ate  the  chops 

And  the  lolly-pops 
Intended  for  Bill  the  Chicken. ^^ 

He  hoped  perhaps 

That  these  tender  scraps 
Might  make  him  grow  tall  and  stout. 

But  he  's  got  a  long  way 

To  travel,  they  say. 
Before  he  can  work  that  out. 

Though  Burden  and  Burnham, 
The  two  big  Bills, 

Got  mixed  up  the  other  day, 
[  144  ] 


CHRISTMAS   1896 

And  wore  each  other's  shirts  and  pants 
In  a  highly  becoming  way. 

We  've  got  a  skilled  Practeeshoner 

From  Europe  lately  back, 
Woden,i9  the  Mouse,  F.  R.  C.  S.— 

He 's  something  of  a  quack. 

For  Demijohn  -'*  with  a  painful  pain 

Besought  him  the  other  night 
For  a  little  relief,  but  imagine  his  grief 

When  the  medicine  made  him  tight. 

At  least,  so  he  said,  for  all  night  long 
He  said  he  'd  Deliwium  tweemens. 

And  howid  convulsions  and  ghosts  and  things 
That  wavaged  and  wacked  his  dweamings. 

And  talking  of  dreams  and  midnight  fancies  — 
Have  you  heard  of  Jimmy  Jackson, 

His  charming  every-night  romances 
When  candy  brings  attacks  on? 

Each  night  he  's  wedded  to  some  fair 

And  exquisite  new  charmer. 
Next  mom  he 's  clean  forgot  her  name. 

And  she  's  returned  to  marmer. 

The  English  Department  of  Groton  School 
Has  started  a  Shakespeare  revival. 

Macbeth  is  expounded  by  Wharton  or  Swan, 
Or  some  other  shag-haired  rival. 
[  1^6  ] 


GllOTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Alarms  and  excursions — a  rumble  of  drums, 

Oh,  horror!  horror!  horror! 
Enter  Bergquist  ^^  white  in  a  gown  of  night. 

And  blacks  the  boots  for  the  morrer. 

I  sit  at  table  between  a  pair — 

I  'm  white,  they  're  black  ^^  and  red.^^ 

Though  one  is  so  dark  and  the  other  so  fair, 
'Tis  singular,  but  'tis  said 

That  the  dark  one  bathes  ev'i-y  morn,  noon  and  eve 

No  matter  how  most  of  us  shiver; 
And  when  the  tubs  at  the  School  give  out 

He  goes  down  and  bathes  in  the  river. 

While  the  ruby  one  swallows  a  mouthful  or  two 

On  an  average  twice  in  a  fall, 
And  thus  works  a  combine  on  bnishing  the  teeth 

And  bathing  and  washing  and  all. 

I  should  like  to  recommend 

The  invention  of  a  friend, 
'Tis  as  simple  as  is  eating  bread  and  butter: 

A  reform  in  underwear. 

All  in  one  piece,  made  with  care. 
And  worn  by  Truly  yours,  C.  Reinhardt  Nutter. 

You  must  get  in  from  behind 
If  the  opening  you  can  find. 
And  Mr.  Sedgwick  then  will  lace  you  up. 

[  146  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1895 

He  keeps  them  now  in  stock — he  's 
Got  caps,  old  books,  and  hockeys 
On  sale  at  his  new  mission'ry  Coop. 

He  '11  let  you  skates  they  tell  us 

Cheaper  than  other  sellers  — 
They  cost  about  ten  cents  a  day  or  so; 

And  he  has  another  line,  too, 

If  such  you  do  incline  to. 
Of  handkerchiefs  at  half  a  dime  a  blow. 

The  melodies  entrancing, 

And  the  jolly  coon's  romancing, 
We  heard  from  a  young  lady  t'  other  day. 

They  seemed  to  set  on  fire 

And  the  inmost  heart  inspire 
Of  Farrington  when  he  began  to  play. 

His  expression  was  ecstatic. 

His  pose  was  most  dramatic. 
It  seemed  as  though  his  very  soul  was  stirred. 

And  Mr.  Ayrault,  frantic. 

At  IjTics  so  romantic. 
Waved  his  handkerchief  at  every  second  word. 

The  year  is  ending,  bleak  and  cold  the  sky; 

Brief  sunshine,  then  the  death  of  shortening  day. 
Nature  is  sleeping,  on  the  fair  plains  lie 

December's  snows,  the  world  is  old  and  gray. 

December,  saddest  of  the  months  and  drear. 
Icy  and  heartless,  cruel  and  forlorn; 

[  147  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Gloomiest,  darkest  month  of  all  the  year. 
Old  age  of  time,  symbol  of  life  outworn. 

Yet  midst  its  gloom  and  darkness,  lo,  a  light 
Streaming  in  radiance  over  earth  and  sky. 

Lo !  songs  of  angels  through  the  weary  night. 
Rejoice!  Rejoice!  Emanuel  is  nigh. 

Oh,  Light  of  Bethlehem,  Thy  beams  divine, 
Have  turned  December's  darkness  into  day. 

Month  of  all  months  wherein  the  tapers  shine 
And  halls  are  decked  with  holly  and  with  bay. 

The  Yule  log  crackles  louder  than  the  storm. 

Kind  deeds  through  winter's  gloom  their  light  have 
flung. 
Though  all  without  be  frozen — hearts  are  warm, 

The  world  be  old,  yet  hope  forever  yoimg. 

And  home,  most  blessed  place  in  all  the  earth. 
Made  holier  by  the  light  of  Christmas  joys. 

Yet  no  home  smiled  for  His  most  holy  Birth, 
The  homeless  are  His  nearest  ones,  my  boys. 

Forget  not  them  'mid  mirth  of  Christmastide, 
Forget  not  them  when  all  is  glad  and  jolly; 

And  so  farewell,  a  meiTy  time  be  yours, 
And  cakes  and  ale  and  mistletoe  and  holly. 


[  148  ] 


NOTES 

1  E.  N.  Potter. 

^  Richard  Derbij. 

'  Stanton  Whitney. 

*  A.  R.  Sargent. 
5  C.  B.  Curtis. 

'  J.  M.  Patterson. 

^  E.  N.  Potter. 

^  S.  Cochrane. 

*  W.  B.  Emmons. 

^^  Hugh  Auchincloss. 

"  D.  S.  Hawkins. 

'-  Edivard  Gray,  Jr. 

^^  D.  F.  Carpenter. 

"   W.  A.  Burn  ham. 

15  E.  V.  R.  Thayer,  Jr.  — "  Honey  No  Nose. 

i«  5.  B.  Chittenden. 

"  L.  E.  Mahan. 

18  W.A.  M.  Burden. 

19  Dr.  A.  H.  Woods. 

20  H.  P.  Rogers. 

21  E.  Bergquist — Janitor. 

22  C.  Blagden. 

23  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr. 


[  149  ] 


BIRTHDAY 
1896 

TIS  the  voice  of  the  poet,  I  heard  him  declare, 
'Tis  October  ISth^  and  I  'm  still  in  despair. 
For,  look  you,  two  days,  and  the  guests  have  been 

bidden 
To  hark  to  a  poem  that  is  n't  yet  written. 
Our  years  are  advancing,  our  birthdays  a  dozen, 
'Tis  time  the  old  laureate  shut  off  his  buzzin'. 
For  speech  it  is  silver,  the  proverb  folks  say. 
And  silence  is  golden,  and  gold  wins  to-day.^ 

But  speech  may  be  golden  at  times,  I  suppose. 

Provided  it  only  be  written  in  prose. 

When  Groton's  Boy  Orator  ^  squashes  out  flat 

The  other  Boy  Orator  called  "Of  the  Platte" 

(Better  known  as  Boy  Orator  talking  through  "hat"). 

So  I  sharpened  my  pencil,  and  parted  my  hair — 

My  pencil !  Two  dozens  I  used  in  despair. 

Then  sought  round  my  class  for  a  few  dozens  more 

That  of  late  tried  my  nerves  so  when  dropped  on  the 

floor. 
But  though  my  poor  brains  had  been  cudgelled  about. 
No  rhymes  would  appear,  and  the  pencils  gave  out. 
For  Wells  ^  had  exhausted  the  total  supply 
In  making  curl  papers  —  the  School  had  run  dry. 
I  turned  in  my  anguish  to  Prefects  and  kids 
To  get  an  assortment  of  jokes  and  of  squibs; 
But  to  give  one  another  away  they  seemed  loath. 
To  reveal  not  a  word  they  had  taken  an  oath. 
[   151   ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Frank  Alsop  declared  with  the  tears  in  his  eyes 
That  Chadwick  had  grown  to  such  corpulent  size 
That  he  very  much  feared  he  would  lick  him  if  he 
Should  reveal  Master  Gerry's  dark  secret  to  me. 
While  Mr.  Woods  said  he  'd  a  squib  full  of  wit. 
But  that  Black  Dicky  Derby  would  give  him  a  fit. 
Jimmy  Jackson  was  full  of  great  jokes  on  the  twins. 
But  the  Motleys  had  threatened  to  tell  Jimmy's  sins. 
Liph*  told  me  to  go  to  his  brother  and  ask — 
"He's  a  terrible  gabbler,  't  will  be  no  hard  task 
To  pump  him;"  but  he  would  ne'er  pardon  me  if 
I  revealed  what  young  Fuller  revealed  about  Liph. 
Now,  what  is  a  poet  to  do  in  such  case.'' 
My  hearers, — just  put  yourselves  into  my  place. 
If  you  fellows  won't  give  one  another  away. 
What  on  earth  is  there  left  for  your  poet  to  say  ? 
There  was  one  resource  more,  and  I  thought  I  'd  try  it 
To  supply  the  material,  furnish  the  wit, 
And  right  to  my  hand  was  a  hint  I  had  got 
From   a   Bird  of  the  Sixth  so  well  known  for  his 

p —  figure.^ 
"A  little  bird  told  me,"  we  hear  people  say. 
The  Pippin  Bird  said, — and  himself  gave  away, — 
If  the  fellows  won't  tell,  ask  their  sisters ;  they  will. 
"I  learned  from  his  sister,"  thus  quoth  little  Bill. 
So  here  's  the  result  of  my  painful  research. 
When  the  boys  thus  had  left  the  poor  bard  in  the 

lurch, 
I  called  on  a  sister,  an  aunt,  or  a  cousin. 
And  give  of  the  facts  that  I  heard  half  a  dozen. 

[  152  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1896 

They  tell  me  that  Goodwin  * 
Is  Jack  Waterbury's  twin ; 
That  Bigelow  and  Moseley 
Get  on  together  cosily. 

That  a  new  boy  you  have  met 
Is  named  Charlie  T.  Brunette.' 
That  Hoya  ^  says  that  Bryan 
Says  McKinley  men  are  lyin'. 

That  Jack  Stedman  wants  to  know 
If  he  's  cut  out  for  a  beau  ? 
Is  his  dressing  really  neat.'' 
For  he  's  going  girls  to  meet. 

And  he 's  filled  with  some  dismay — 
Do  please  tell  him  Avhat  to  say. 
And  that  Grizzy^  people  begs 
To  admire  his  pretty  legs. 

And  Drexel  Paul  they  say 
Has  a  taste  for  the  ballet. 
While  Nat  Emmons  wants  to  know 
Where's  his  brother's  cupolo.'' 

That  Miffy  ^°  sees  sea  snakes 

If  of  root  beer  he  partakes. 

And  that  Hutchy  ^^  's  quite  sure  of  it 

He  in  London  saw  the  prophet 

Which  the  famous  Sargent  painted. 
And  which  we,  who  are  acquainted 
[  153  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

With  the  Boston  Lib'ry's  halls, 
Always  thought  adorned  its  walls. 

"Well/'  says  he,  "you  won't  dispute 
It 's  a  handsome  London  suit. 
Fifteen  dollars,  greenish  buff. 
And  I  tell  you  it 's  good  stuff." 

They  will  tell  you  of  the  three 
Tall  and  tough  as  a  pine  tree. 
Lean  and  lengthy,  long  and  gawky, — 
Ivy,^2  Timothy,^^  and  Bawky.^* 

Yes,  they  '11  tell  of  kids  and  goats, 
Short-legged  pants  and  long-tailed  coats. 
Wherefore  I  will  now  rehearse 
What  they  told  me,  in  my  verse. 

The  lady  fair  with  golden  hair 

That  about  Dodo  ^^  told  me. 
First  praised  the  grace  of  his  sweet  face 

And  then  went  on  to  scold  me 

Because  I  'd  taught  him  that  he  ought 
When  called  on  to  translate. 

Use  triangles,  rules  three  and  five. 
And  also  circulate. 

And  this  he  did  as  he  was  bid. 
If  I  'd  been  there,  I  'd  lick'd  yer. 

Sprechende  Gleichniss,  he  declared. 
Was  Dutch  for  "living  Picture." 
[  154  ] 


BIRTHDAY    189(5 

And  Farther  Gaul,  he  told  us  all. 

If  properly  translated, 
Was  Pater  Gallia,  a  place 

Readers  of  Caesar  hated. 

Said  Wogers,^®  "When  I  'm  gwown  up,  I 

A  wazor  weal  shall  have." 
To  liim,  John  Thlopth  "  thus  made  reply, 

"Thir!  there 'th  not  muth  to  thave." 

Wogers  wetorted  full  of  wath. 

With  wepartee  so  nimble. 
Thlopth  thaid,  ''You  're  thimply  thounding 
brath. 

And  a  thilly  tinkling  thymbal." 

George  Clarke,^*  he  is  a  beauty, 

At  golf  he  is  a  terror. 
George  Clarke  he  can  play  baseball. 

And  never  make  an  error. 

But  Learning  is  his  strongest  point; 

At  Latin  he  is  great. 
He  says  he  reads  it  perfectly. 

Only  he  can't  translate. 

Great  oaks  from  little  acorns  grow, 

I  take  it  then  for  granted 
That  Bigs' s  ^^  acorn  had  a  start 

When  Bigs's  oak  was  planted. 

He  needs  at  least  a  suit  a  week. 
And  I  would  take  my  oath 
[  155  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

It  takes  two  beds  placed  end  on  end. 
To  manage  one  night's  growth. 

''Oh,  honey/"  my  no-nose,  who  is  this  lady  fair? 

Who  is  this  lovely  lady?  tell  me,  pray." 
"'Tis  but  a  tenth  cousin,  I  have  them  by  the  dozen; 

No,  really,  it  is  not  my  fian9ee." 

How  long  does  it  take  for  a  crew  to  row  nine  miles. 
When  rowing  at  the  rate  of  three  an  hour? 

"Unless  you  tell,"  quoth   he,  "just  how  long  that 
stream  may  be 
To  answer  it  is  not  within  my  power." 

Now  Biddle  is  a  new  Moncure, 

And,  therefore,  much  he  must  endure. 

For  in  this  annual  rhyme 
Unless  his  name  should  find  a  spot. 
Like  Monny  Robinson's,  I  wot 

'T  would  wreck  it  every  time. 

And  did  you  hear  how  he  was  wrecked  ? 
And  could  you,  brethren  dear,  suspect 

How  he  a  ship  would  save  ? 
Pulled  out  a  plug  with  courage  stout — 
'T  was  just  to  let  the  water  out. 

She  sank  beneath  the  wave. 

And  now  he  's  here,  just  come  this  year. 
You  'd  never  think  it,  but  I  fear 
He  's  much  too  far  ahead. 
[  166  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1896 

He  finds  his  Latin,  oh,  so  slow. 

He  wants  to  skip  a  book  or  so. 

That  stupid  stuff  he  's  read. 

There  's  a  youngster  in  the  School 
Who  though  small  is  not  a  fool, 

But  who  wishes  very  much  indeed  to  learn. 
Mr.  Parrish  ^^  is  his  name. 
He  '11  be  some  day  known  to  fame. 

For  his  mind  has  such  a  question-asking  turn. 

He  really  wants  to  know 
About  Groton  School,  and  so 

He  enquired  with  an  innocence  extreme. 
Was  it  Gordofi  Brown,  he  wondered .'' 
Was  it  Archie  .-'  Had  he  blundered  ? 

Who  was  Captam  of  the  Groton  football  team  } 

Oh,  Roger  Derby,  it  is  said. 
Once  on  a  time  he  lay  in  bed. 
When  underneath  a  strange  commotion 
Arose  like  heaving  of  the  ocean. 

Then  Black-Eyed  Susan  -^  'gan  to  shout, 
"Ah !  what  is  this.^  I  can't  make  out." 
But  Fuller  Potter  heeded  not, 
A  heedless  youth  is  Fuller  Pot. 

"Alas !  you  're  shaking  me  to  bits; 
You  '11  shake  me  thin  and  jar  my  wits." 
Next  mom  th'  emaciated  lubber 
Had  lost  quite  twenty  pounds  of  blubber. 
[  157  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Young  Politics  Wharton  ^^  considers  that  Groton 
Don't  give  the  poor  boys  much  to  eat; 

So  after  supper,  just  go  to  that  upper 
Room  where  he  will  give  you  a  treat. 

For  Roosey  ^*  and  he  give  an  afternoon  tea. 
The  nurse  is  endeav'ring  to  train  'em. 

So  Roosey  gets  fat  —  Polly  always  is  that, 
And  it 's  due  to  their  diet  of  granum. 

Oh,  where  is  Coster,  -^  our  little  dog  beau, 

Our  dear  little  Dachshund  fat  ? 
With  collar  so  high  and  with  legs  so  low 

And  presence  as  big  as  that  ? 

He  went  to  call  at  the  Homestead  Hall, 
And  they  promptly  turned  him  out. 

Wrote  to  Wright  &  Ditson's  to  get  him  a  belt — 
They  had  n't  one,  he  was  too  stout. 

At  last  he  fled  to  the  library. 

And  there  on  a  pillar  high. 
They  made  him  pose  in  his  evening  clothes 

As  Mercury  learning  to  fly. 

Said  Brown  ^^  to  a  Master,^'' — his  name  I  won't  say,- 
"We  want  a  good  guard  and  you  really  must  play." 
So  the  Master  began,  with  the  tears  in  his  eyes. 
To  knock  off  fifteen  pounds  of  superfluous  size. 

Much  work  he  performed,  and  but  httle  he  ate, 
And  often  he  sighed  and  just  gazed  at  his  plate. 
[  158  ] 


BIRTH  DxVY    1896 

And  the  awful  result,  when  he  scarce  was  alive, 
Was  a  heft  that  would  not  go  below  sixty-five. 

Take  warning,  my  children,  nor  ask  that  the  food 
Of  the  School,  be  it  fish  or  corned  beef,  be  eschewed. 
For  his  weight  on  that  diet  has  gone  up  so  fast 
That  it  reaches  a  fat  round  two  hundred  at  last. 
And  the  size  of  his  limbs  would,  I  really  think,  shock  us 
Were  it  not  for  the  cut  of  his  vast  knickerbockers. 

Now,  fellows,  let  us  give  three  balls 

For  Groton.  Hip  !  Hip  !  some  one  "*  calls, 

Carried  away  by  zeal. 
Jerusalem,  I  did  n't  mean  it, 
Why,  any  fellow  might  have  seen  it, 

'T  is  but  the  way  I  feel. 

Poor  Simmy  one,  is  trade  so  bad .'' 
They  tell  me  you  are  feeling  sad 

About  those  fifty  dollars 
You  might  have  made  if  you  'd  but  lent  your 
Good  cash  to  Mr.  Cushing's  venture  — 

His  shop  run  by  the  scholars. 

There  is  a  famous  man  in  Groton  town 
VV^ho  's  going  to  turn  poor  Dr.  Warren  down. 
Although  they  say  he  's  something  of  a  quack,^^ 
Yet  brave  ^^  men  have  employed  him  for  their  back. 

But  liniment  of  chloroform  he  should 
Avoid  henceforth,  for  surely  't  is  no  good. 
[  15i>  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Behold  the  truly  horrible  effect 
It  made  upon  the  rubicund  aspect, 

Upon  the  lovely  nose  of  Mr.  Devens, 
Ornament  of  the  best  of  School  elevens, 
Though  some  have  said,  —  but  really  'tis  absurd, — 
The  beauty  spot  was  pecked  there  by  a  bird  ^^ 

That  Shruby  ^^  found  in  bed  the  other  night. 
Which  made  his  rosy  face  turn  pale  with  fright. 
The  bird  had  but  escaped  from  yonder  hall 
Where  Mr.  Griswold  keeps  his  show  this  fall. 
A  whole  menagerie  -of  birds,  beasts,  fishes. 
With  smells  as  scientific  as  he  wishes. 

It 's  perfectly  jolly  to  witness  Colly  ^^ 

Engaged  in  eating  cherries; 
To  make  it  plain,  't  is  an  endless  chain 

Of  those  highly  delicious  berries. 

The  cherry  goes  in  at  the  left  of  his  chin. 
He  's  hardly  had  time  to  begin  it. 

When  the  stone  in  sight  appears  on  the  right. 
He  thus  consumes  ninety  per  minute. 

There  sits  J.  R.,^*  and  he  really  thinks 
That  he  is  a  regular  sly  old  sphinx. 

And  never  a  squib  on  him 
Shall  grace  the  verse  of  a  birthday  night. 
We  know  he  is  lazy,  we  know  he  is  bright. 

But  that  is  material  slim. 
[  160  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1896 

We  've  heard  of  girls  with  their  teeth  of  pearls 
And  how  Hoppin  won  mixed  doubles. 

We  've  heard  of  sighs,  red  cheeks,  blue  eyes, 
We  've  heard  Billy  Burnham's  troubles. 

We  've  heard  of  the  bride  they  would  like  to  provide, 

A  Master's  heart  to  stir  up. 
So  DeKoven  said,  Mr.  Gladwin  fled. 

And  but  just  is  back  from  Europe. 

But  who  would  have  thought  J.  R.  was  that  sort 
If  they  'd  not  seen  his  conduct  frantic 

Each  day  last  spring  the  Swan  spread  his  wing. 
And  warbled  his  note  romantic. 

When  afternoons  are  bright  and  fair 
How  nice  it  is  to  take  the  air. 
How  tiresome  to  have  others  say, 
"Let's  take  a  Choir  hohday." 

Why  should  we  marvel,  therefore,  if 
The  inspiration  came  to  Liph  ^ 
That  even  he  might  eke  aspire 
To  join  that  noble  throng  the  Choir. 

His  voice  was  tried — what  need  to  tell. 
Pronounced  as  clear  as  any  bell. 
A  bell.  Of  course  the  question  rises. 
Why  like  a  bell?  Cut  short  surmises. 

Why  is  Liph  like  a  bell.''  Why,  he 
Has  got  a  pull,  so  now  you  see. 
[  161  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

I  think  you  '11  agree  that  it 's  pretty  near  time 
To  turn  off  my  steam  and  to  finish  my  rhyme. 
For  Roosey  says  he  has  prepared  a  reply 
To  my  squibs,  which  he  threatens  to  read  by  and  by. 

So  let  me  retire  and  give  him  his  chance. 
With  thanks  to  the  sisters  and  cousins  and  aunts 
Who  gave  me  these  points  to  make  rhyme  of  and  fun, 
And  no  doubt  you  '11  be  glad  when  the  Poem  is  done. 


[  162  ] 


NOTES 

*  McKinley  defeats  Bryan. 

2  W.  P.  Wharton. 

3  R.  Wells. 

*  E.  N.  Potter. 

5  Pot—  W.  W.  Hoppin,  Jr. 

*  J.  L.  Goodwin. 
'  C.  T.  Brown. 

8  H.  Hooker. 

'  Le  G.  C.  Grisivold. 
^^  G.  Harrison  Mifflin — author  of  Nahant  Sea  Serpent 

story. 
"  C.  G.  Hutchins. 
^  R.  H.  I.  Goddard. 
13  L.  E.  Mahan. 
1*  Hugh  Auc/iincloss. 
15  G.  D.  Morgan. 
1*  Demijohn. 
"  J.  deK.  Alsop. 
1®  G.  C.  =  Golf  Crazy. 
"  F.  B.  Riggs—6fi.  6. 

20  E.  V.  R.  Thayer,  Jr. 

21  J.  C.  Parrish. 

22  Roger  A.  Derby. 

23  W.  P.  Wharton. 
2*  J.  R.  Roosevelt. 

25  £.  C.  Wilmerding. 
2«  F.  G.  Bronm. 

27  Mr.  Ji6o//. 

28  S.  B.  Chittenden. 

29  Mr.  Woods. 
3"  Mr.  Ayrault. 

[  163  ] 


NOTES 

31  J.  R.  Swan. 
^^  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr. 
33  H.  L.  Whitridge. 
3*  /.  R.  Swan. 
35  E.  N.  Potter. 


[  164  ] 


CHRISTMAS 
1896 

The  Homestead  is  crowded  as  never  before 
In  the  good  Groton  days  since  the  year  'eighty-four. 
'T  is  the  season  for  holly  and  mistletoe  berry. 
And  Groton  is  feeling  uncommonly  merry. 

And  is  rather  disposed  the  good  cheer  to  prolong 
By  further  indulgence  in  fiddle  and  song. 
But  we  crave  your  attention  for  some  moments  yet 
To  the  words  of  our  annual  rhyming  duet. 

One 's    reminded    of    one    of    those    old-fashioned 

things — 
A  circus  that  only  can  boast  of  two  rings ; 
Don't  you  think  it  is  time  to  enlarge  it  to  three.'' 
For  a  new  star  has  risen  in  Waterburee.^ 

As  the  autumn  's  advanced  his  fair  hair  has  grown 

long. 
And  anon  and  again  he  has  burst  forth  in  song. 
Stray  fragments  of  verse  have  been  found  on  his  desk 
From  early  romantic  to  modern  grotesque. 
His  beard  all  unkempt,  his  mustache  got  all  curly. 
And  Jack,  bluff  old  Jack,  become  hopelessly  girly. 

The  Homestead  has  gained  since  we  last  gathered 

here. 
And  Groton  School  lost  in  the  same  rolling  year 
One  ornament  who,  though  I  mentioned  no  names. 
Would  be  known  as  none  else  than  our  Varsity  James.^ 
[  165  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

We  've  missed  him  at  table,  at  work,  and  at  play. 
Though  we  've  seen  him  play  guard  in  his  lovely  old 

way. 
And  we  're  all  mighty  glad  since  we  can't  have  our 

Jim, 
To  come  here  and  wish  Merry  Christmas  to  him. 

Our  old-fashioned  orchestra,  mournful  to  say. 
Has  about  dwindled  down  to  a  single  push  ^  play. 
So  we  've  got  up  a  new  one  with  instruments  queer. 
Which  we  all,  I  am  sure,  are  enchanted  to  hear. 

And  as  to  the  violin,  why,  Billy  Post, 
At  tweaking  the  strings,  in  himself  is  a  host. 
And  Glee  Club  and  Choir,  when  rolled  into  one 
As  a  choral  affair,  simply  captures  the  bun. 

And  for  singing,  we  'd  listen  till  aged  and  gray 
To  our  hostess,  and  ever  once  more  we  would  pray. 
Just  once  more  to  sing,  how  the  flag  of  the  free 
Came  homeward  triumphant  to  old  Tennessee. 

But  now  to  our  business — to  sit  on  our  friends. 
If  you  knew,  dearest  brethren,  how  much  it  depends 
On  your  conduct  ridiculous  during  the  week, 
Ere  you  're  called  on  to  figure  in  verse  as  a  freak. 

You  would  n't  have  been  so  uncommonly  sober 
As  you  were  in  the  opening  days  of  October. 
When  I,  as  I  thought  of  this  evening,  turned  pale. 
And  hastily  went  for  instructions  to  Yale. 
[  166  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

For  there  I  had  heard  of  the  duties  so  hard 
Which  fell  to  the  province  of  Sumner  Gerard, 
Who  must  do  as  I  do,  for  he  's  made  class  historian. 
Get  off  a  squib  discourse,  a  joky  and  gory  one. 

Said  he,  "Do  as  I  do,  put  names  in  a  hat. 
And  invite  Mr.  Billings  to  draw  lots  from  that. 
And  if  you  discover  he  's  bagged  every  freak. 
Just  make  him  give  half  his  collection  unique." 

So  now,  brother  poet,  just  fire  away, 
Select  a  few  freaks  and  let  them  have  their  day. 
And  perhaps  later  on,  when  your  verse  takes  a  rest. 
To  slaughter  some  more  I  will  then  do  my  best. 

The  Head  Master  is  generally  heard  when  he  speaks. 

His  language  and  voice  are  both  stately. 
But  he  talked  in  a  whisper  for  more  than  two  weeks; 

Has  there  been  any  trouble  quite  lately.-* 
There 's  some  mystery  there  that  I  cannot  see  through. 

His  voice  disappeared  for  no  reason. 
We  were  sorry  of  course ;  but  yet  it  is  true 

We  had  peace  at  the  School  for  a  season. 

We  heard  voices  pitched  high  in  the  study  one  night. 

And  wondering  what  had  transpired. 
In  pity  because  of  some  pupil's  sad  plight, 

Charlie  Clarke  issued  forth,  looking  tired. 

I  don't  think  a  bit  that  it  matters  much 
That  older  the  Faculty  's  growing, 
[  107  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  world  appears  better  each  day  to  our  touch 
As  the  sands  of  time  are  flowing. 

Human  age  is  a  relative  thing,  is  it  not? 

And  the  boys  are  all  following  after 
Us.  By  some  we  are  being  so  nearly  caught 

It 's  a  constant  source  of  laughter. 

We  've  a  club  of  old  men,  with  three  members,  in  fact. 

Who  a  dignity  serious  foster. 
One  's  older  by  far  than  he  seems  to  act. 

The  quite  irrepressible  Coster.* 

Two  others  belong,  there  is  Pin  ^  and  there 's  Liph,® 

Who  talk  much  of  life  and  duty. 
Who  like  serious  things  and  work  that  is  stiff. 

Such  as  Cicero's  De  Senectute. 

"Oh,  Doctor,  come  and  barber  me. 

My  hair  is  red  and  long; 
The  football  season  's  past  and  done, 

I  hope  you  're  feeling  strong." 

Then  Doctor  Woods  he  seized  the  shears. 

And  strength  indeed  displayed. 
Cut  Shrube's  '  back  hair  like  a  winding  stair. 

And  an  awful  mess  he  made. 

We  have  tried  at  the  School  to  impress  on  the  boys 

Their  political  place  in  our  nation; 
How  it  ought  to  be  one  of  their  deepest  joys 

To  fill  in  their  land  a  high  station. 
[  168  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

But  we  did  n't  expect  to  affect  the  trustees, 
And  it 's  so  much  the  greater  a  pleasure 

To  see  them  taking  no  thought  of  their  ease. 
And  to  serious  things  give  their  leisure. 

We've  had  Bishops  and  Pastors  and  Schoolmasters  too. 
And  a  jurist  most  wise,  so  our  fate  's  spun. 

And  some  great  business  men,  but  we  none  of  us  knew 
That  we  had  on  the  board  a  fine  statesman. 

You  can  understand  now  that  much  safer  we  feel, 
The  State  can't  hurt  us  now  without  pity, 

For  our  new  representative  *  won't  let  them  steal 
The  loved  river,* — that  grasping  old  city! 

Of  prosperity  now  our  old  town  will  be  filled. 
For  oppression  he  views  with  abhorrence. 

We  have  got  whatwe  long  have  been  wanting — a  pull. 
So  here  's  to  our  own  Mr.  Lawrence. 

Oh,  I  will  tell  you  no  whopper. 

And  don't  you  think  it  a  fake, 
I  know  a  fellow  named  Topper,^** 

Called  Clifford  ^^  till  now  by  mistake. 

And  who  is  the  fat  little  party 
Who  eats  so  and  waddles  about? 

He  cannot  be  Coster  the  hearty. 
He  must  be  the  Sister  stout.  ^^ 

My  dear,  will  you  tell  me  at  once  if  you  can, 
I  'm  ashamed  that  I  can't  quite  remember, 
[  169  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

What  happened — I  'm  sorry  I  don't  understand  — 
Last  month  on  the  fourth  of  November? 

I  know  that  the  world  was  agog  at  the  news, 

And  I  wonder  on  sober  reflection 
If  it  was  n't  the  national  joyous  enthuse 

Over  Major  McKinley's  election. 

Men  flung  up  their  hats  and  they  pulled  off  their 
coats. 

And  together  they  shouted  out  su' thing; 
'Twas  perhaps  the  proportioned  Electoral  votes, 

They  said — forty  and  six  against  nothing. 

Old  Oracle  wise,  it  is  not  very  oft 

That  in  questions  of  fact  you  're  mistaken. 

But  national  matters  at  Groton  were  dwarfed. 
And  our  faith  in  your  memory  's  shaken. 

Why,  that  day  it  was  Waterloo  over  again. 

But  listen  and  I  '11  be  explicit: 
'T  was  a  furious  struggle  of  men  against  men. 

For  Southborough  paid  us  a  visit. 

We  'd  twice  in  succession  hard  lessons  been  taught. 
And  our  fortunes  had  got  to  be  mended; 

We  had  lost  quite  enough,  even  more  as  we  thought. 
So  on  Brown  and  his  colts  we  depended. 

It  was  trying  to  wait  for  the  ball  to  be  kicked. 
But  we  held  in  our  feelings  and  muzzled 
[  170  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

Our  shouts  till  we  saw  they  were  hopelessly  tricked. 
And  each  individual  puzzled. 

'T  was  n't  easy  for  Southb'ro  to  quite  comprehend 
How  the  rules  of  the  game  all  obeying 

We  had  lined  up  against  them  with  so  many  men, 
But  the  boys  in  two  places  were  playing. 

The  St.  Markers  tried  hard,  but  more  men  are  what 
wins. 

Men  strong  and  compact  and  not  gawky. 
We  had  two  Billy  Lawrences,  three  or  four  twins,^^ 

And  several  editions  of  Balky. ^^ 

May  David's^*  new  team  be  of  just  the  same  stamp, 
May  they  follow  Brun's  ^^  lead  and  not  falter; 

And  ne'er  may  our  coacher  from  Groton  DeCamp, 
Decrepit,  but  foxy  old  Walter. ^^ 

Oh,  w^on't  you  come  to  tea  -with  me? 

And  if  you  're  good,  perhaps, 
I  may  consent  to  think  about 

Dispensing  a  few  scraps. 

You  *11  possibly  be  offered  tea. 

But  very  likely  not; 
There  's  just  a  chance  some  slops  are  left 

At  the  bottom  of  the  pot. 

And  if  you  will  not  lie  upon 
The  divan  in  a  heap, 

[  m  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Nor  the  piano  play,  nor  sit 
On  chairs  some  twenty  deep. 

And  if  you  will  not  steal  the  cake 

When  I  'm  not  standing  by, 
You  may  "at  last,"  as  Devens  said. 

Be  allowed  to  say  Good-bye. 

I  find  this  scheme  does  not  please  those 

Who  really  must  have  more  grub; 
So  they  've  started  a  band,  and  the  idea  is  grand, 

They  've  formed  the  Come  Every  Day  Club. 

This  Club  wants  to  pour  out  the  tea  for  themselves. 

To  have  me  do  it 's  really  a  shame; 
So  when  darkness  descends,  in  the  midst  of  my  friends, 

I  indulge  in  the  number  game. 

There  was  a  clergyman 
And  he  had  a  little  gun. 

And  his  bullets  they  were  made  of 
lead,  lead,  lead; 
He  takes  a  pair  of  friends. 
To  the  woods  his  way  he  wends. 

And  a  grand  success  he  had,  for  so  he 
said,  said,  said. 

Four  partridges  so  fat 
And  a  feather  in  his  hat 

Were  the  spoils  these  hunters  brought 
from  the  fray,  fray,  fray; 
[  172  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

And  all  went  well  until 

From  the  butcher  came  the  bill, 

And  we  learned  how  much  these  hunters  had  to 
pay,  pay,  pay. 

All  this  was  long  ago. 

For  they  waited,  as  you  know, 

Till  the  birthday  poem  had  been  safely 
read,  read,  read; 
For  they  feared  what  I  might  write 
Upon  Annivers'ry  Night — 

Oh,  their  bullets  they  were  money  and  not 
lead,  lead,  lead. 

Let  me  give  you  an  example 

How  you  can  a  school-room  run; 
'Tis  no  other  than  our  Madam 

Teaches  how  the  thing  is  done. 

"Helen,  if  again  you  do  it 

You  shall  have  no  nice  ice  cream." 

Up  jumps  Helen,  promptly  does  it 
With  a  nonchalance  supreme. 

But  observe  the  retribution 

On  the  deed — which  follows  fast. 

Hear  the  Madam's  stern  announcement, 
"  Helen,  you  shall  be  helped  last." 

Mr.  E.  Sturgis  seems  quite  dejected  and  down, 
He  feels  that  no  longer  he  's  needed. 
[  173  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

For  Sam  Hinckley's  stern  words  of  command  and  his 
frown 
Quite  as  much  as  a  Master's  are  heeded. 

The  boys  choose  some  one  fit  and  they  put  him  in 
charge — 

The  dormit'ry  's  still,  there 's  no  hob ; 
Their  system  is  good  with  their  Prefect  at  large. 

Poor  Balky  is  out  of  a  job. 

But  the  mournfulest  feature  surrounding  the  whole 

I  will  leave  for  you  all  to  guess; 
The  thing  which  strikes  down  to  the  roots  of  the  soul 

Is  the  "utter  loneliness." 

There  's  a  man  named  Sidney  Breese, 
And  won't  you  tell  him,  please, 

The  number  of  his  street  in  New  York  town  ? 
He  really  can't  recall 
Where  he  lives  at  all,  at  all, 

But  thinks  perhaps  you  might  ask  Jaky  Brown.  ^'' 

For  the  streets  of  the  great  city, 
'T  is  the  truth,  though  't  is  a  pity. 

Remind  him  of  arithmetic  in  class ; 
He  thinks  Jake  's  such  a  terror. 
He  can  answer  without  error 

Questions  he  himself  could  never,  never  pass. 

You  can't  be  all  over  the  school-room  at  once. 
And  while  a  queer  noise  you  're  pursuing, 
[  174] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

Or  showing  a  point  of  good  use  to  some  dunce. 
You  can't  tell  what  the  others  are  doing. 

A  Schoolmaster's  life  every  good  purjwse  serves. 

It 's  a  pleasant  life  surely  too,  but  a 
Most  worrisome  one  if  you  're  troubled  with  nerves ; 

It  is  true,  only  ask  Mr.  Nutter. 

One's  nervousness  also  one  cannot  conceal, 
It 's  in  vain  you  endeavour  to  mask  it. 

But  amazing  relief  teachers  instantly  feel. 
With  their  feet  in  a  waste-paper  basket. 

When  Charlie  LawTance  seems  to  work 

With  singular  devotion. 
It 's  not  his  Latin  nor  his  French, 

Oh,  no,  he  's  got  a  notion. 

He  's  busy  with  the  last  details 

For  crossing  land  and  ocean 
On  his  new  patent  flying  car 

Run  by  perpetual  motion. 

Oh,  I  might  sing  of  many  a  thing : 
How  Frinky  ^"^  drove  the  ball  — 

To  beat  the  record,  which  he  claimed  — 
To  where  he  saw  it  fall. 

Alas,  the  boast,  the  ball  was  lost. 
But  nothing  daunted  he, 
[  175  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Kept  up  his  pride  till  he  it  spied. 
Two  feet  behind  the  tee. 

I  'd  sing  and  coo  like  little  Lou- 
-is  White  whose  honeyed  titter 

Restores  the  temper,  though  the  joke 
On  him  be  ne'er  so  bitter. 

Of  Mr.  Abbott's  rowing  zeal. 
Jack  Min turn's  unknown  age, 

And  Rubber  ^^  Derby's  new  white  pumps. 
And  Richard's  ^^  jealous  rage; 

And  all  because  old  Santa  Claus 

Had  treated  him  so  rough. 
Wasn't  his  stocking  hung  all  right.'* 

Aren't  his  feet  big  enough.'' 

How  Mr.  Gushing  keeps  a  shop, 

And  how  he  sells  thereat 
All  kinds  of  exercising  things. 

Including  Anti-fat. 

For  since  he 's  found  the  skating  pond 

Refuses  to  bear  him, 
Although  it  bears  the  whole  School  well, 

He  must  and  shall  get  slim. 

And  now  to  ourselves  we  all  offer  a  toast. 
And  we  pour  out  a  gen'rous  libation; 

[  176  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1896 

For  we  've  finished  our  work  and  we  're  leaving  our 
post, 
And  we  're  off  for  a  two  weeks'  vacation. 

To  those  who  have  passed  and  to  those  who  have 
failed, 
We  offer  our  congratulations. 
Some  have  headed  their  Forms  and  some  others  have 
failed ; 
In  all  classes  are  various  stations. 

From  our  studies  and  text-books  and  such  things  we 
turn 

To  a  different  species  of  pleasure. 
School  is  all  very  well  and  there  's  much  that  we  learn. 

But  you  can't  study  on  without  measure. 

The  good  cheer  of  this  season  as  always  forbids 

To  impose  on  the  fun  any  strictures; 
But  there  come  to  my  mind  of  the  homes  of  the  kids 

Many  deeply  emotional  pictures. 

Up  at  School  there  's  detention  and  dark-coloured 
marks, 

And  punishment  strictly  is  meted, 
And  no  one  respects  a  kid's  wonderful  larks; 

He 's  as  quite  insignificant  treated. 

But  at  home  he  's  considered  at  just  his  true  worth. 

He  's  a  really  remarkable  child. 
To  call  him  distinguished  from  time  of  his  birth 

Is  only  a-drawing  it  mild. 
[  177  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Young  and  old  boys  alike  don't  care  much  to  roam. 
They're  glad  of  vacation,  they  tell  us; 

And  they  take  a  bee  line  just  straight  for  their  home. 
And  we  Schoolmasters  are  n't  a  bit  jealous. 

We,  too,  are  all  off  very  soon  like  the  rest, 
We  live  much  of  our  time  among  others; 

The  School  may  be  pleasant,  but  of  all  things  the  best 
Is  home  and  our  fathers  and  mothers. 


[  178] 


NOTES 

^  J.  C.  Walerbury. 

""  Javies  Lawrence,  Jr. 

^  Mr.  Pushf ace  Giisivold  of  the  Laughing  Horse  clarinet. 

*  E.  C.  JVilmerding — President  of  Old  Man's  Club. 
^   W.  W.  Hoppin,  Jr. 

6  E.  N.  Potter. 

^  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr. 

^  Mr.  James  Lanrrence.  Massachusetts  Legislature,  1897. 

'  Part  of  the  Nashua  ivas  diverted  for  the  Boston  Water 

Supply.  Much  uneojiincss  ivas  caused  lest  St.  Mark's  catch 

our  river  in  the  Southboroush  Basin. 
^  See  Dickens's  Christmas  Carol. 
^  John  Henry. 
2  J.  L.  and  E.  Motley 

*  Hugh  Auchincloss. 

*  D.  S.  Hawkins— Captain,  1897. 
5  F.  G.  Brown  — Captain,  1896. 

^   Walter  Camp  Ayrault. 
''  L.  Bronm. 
8  F.  J.  0.  Alsop. 
'  Roger  A.  Derby. 
^•^  Richard  Derby, 


[  179  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1897 

YOU  see,  you  've  got  the  same  old  bore  yet. 
The  wordy,  windy  poet  laureate. 
Returned  from  foreign  shores  in  time 
To  perpetrate  his  annual  rhyme. 

His  Pegasus  he  found  in  Venice 

Had  all  but  changed  his  name  to  Dennis, 

For  in  a  gondola,  no  horse 

Gets  proper  exercise,  of  course. 

And  poets  in  the  selfsame  wise 

Grow  stiile  from  lack  of  exercise. 

No  kids  he  knew  of  deeds  absurd. 

Of  freaks  and  squibs  he  ne'er  had  heard. 

No  dormitory  rows  and  fights. 
No  school-room  hob  on  Prefect  nights. 
And  when  he  lay  enwrapped  in  sheets. 
The  only  dreams  he  had  were  skeets. 

Thus  he  is  driven  to  invent, 
For  truth  of  squibs  cares  not  one  cent. 
He  's  only  sure  that  if  Dave  Hawkins 
Declares  there 's  nothing  in  the  talkin's 

About  his  doings  up  in  Camp, 
And  Motley  ^  swears  't  was  not  the  damp 
That  drove  him  home  when  sand  gave  out. 
And  Jimmy  Jackson  casts  a  doubt 
[  181   ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Upon  the  tale  he  saved  a  life 

Of  one, —  perhaps  his  future  wife, — 

You,  knowing  Jackson,  Mouse  and  Dave, 

Just  nod  your  head  with  gesture  grave. 

And  if  not  quite  you  trust  my  verse. 

It 's  'cause  the  truth  's  just  ten  times  worse. 

When  I  returned  from  Dago  land, 

What  do  you  suppose  I  found? 
Why,  Dago  Morse,^  none  other,  of  course. 
Had  hii-ed  some  dozens  of  Dago  cousins 

To  dig  a  long  hole  in  the  ground. 

Luigi  DeKoven  was  hovering  near 

With  monk'  and  banan',  and  smiled. 
He  jabbered  Italian  till  all  the  battalion 
Pronounced  him  a  bello  ragazzo — fine  fellow. 
Or  beautiful  infant  child. 

When  I  returned  from  Europe's  shores, 

Who  do  you  suppose,  I  pray. 
Had  taken  charge  of  my  blackboard  large, 
Rubbed  out  my  squibs  and  jabbed  my  ribs. 

And  said  he  was  going  to  stay? 

My  cousin  Coolidge,^  it  was  no  less, 

But  your  Uncle  B.  said  "Fudge." 
He  may  weep  or  wepine,  he  may  wage  or  wesign. 
He  may  send  out  the  fish  or  any  old  dish. 

But  he  cannot  get  me  to  budge. 

[  182  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1897 

When  I  returned  from  foreign  lands. 

Who  else  do  you  think  was  here 
To  give  sweetness  and  light  to  our  birthday  night, 
To  fill  a  warm  place  in  our  hearts  and  add  grace 

To  our  circle  for  many  a  year? 

Why,  you  see  Mr.  Abbott  was  sadly  in  need 

Of  advice  in  the  care  of  the  crews ; 
He  'd  perfected  his  fours  in  the  use  of  the  oars, 
In  tub  and  in  boat  and  whatever  would  float. 

And  he  thought  he  would  like  to  row  twos. 

We  think  he  needs  coaching,  however,  himself. 

To  give  him  some  notion  of  time. 
For  by  missing  a  train,  —  I  confess  it  with  pain, — 
On  the  very  first  day,  after  man-iage,  they  say. 

He  abandoned  the  theme  of  my  rhyme. 

I  also  found  when  I  reached  these  shores 

That  Sweden  had  sent  a  friend,* 
To  make  the  infirm  old  Faculty  squirm. 
And  make  them  jiggle  and  body  wiggle. 

And  stoop  and  contort  and  bend. 

He  's  found  that  Clifford^  has  classic  toes; 

That  Coster®  's  the  chest  of  a  guard; 
That  Ivy's''  feet  are  a  kilometer; 
That  any  one  willing  should  box  Mr.  Billings, 

"  But  don't  hit  the  little  man  hard." 

That  Timmy's^  two  legs  are  n't  quite  the  same. 
But  the  average  girth  of  his  calves 
[  1«3  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

If  compared  with  Chitty  ®  of  Brooklyn  city 
Exceeds  his  rating  of  chest  inflating 
By  a  kilogram  cut  in  halves. 

He  finds  that  Starr  ^^  is  a  little  too  thin; 

That  laughing  is  good  for  digestion. 
Hence  Wharton's  liver,  if  made  to  quiver 
By  the  laughter  merry  one  hears  from  Gerry," 

Would  be  cured  beyond  all  question. 

He  therefore  advises  jugglers'  tricks. 

The  Wagdog  as  model  to  take. 
And  ere  going  to  bed  to  stand  on  his  head 
And  measure  the  space  if  his  shoes  are  in  place, 

For  untidiness  keeps  him  awake. 

There's  nothing  so  bad  as  clothes  half  dry. 

So  when  Biddle  ^^  got  one  pant  wet. 
He  advised  him  to  throw  in  the  other  also. 
For  the  drying  might  be  uneven,  you  see. 
And  the  dear  child  a  cold  might  get. 

He  says  that  Hemenway  must  have  rolls. 

And  always  must  have  them  hot; 
The  Masters  no  doubt  can  do  well  without ; 
Dr.  Woods,  I  am  told,  prefers  them  cold — 

At  least,  that  is  all  he  got. 

He  said  Mr.  Griswold  is  quite  fagged  out. 
And  advises  a  trip  to  Klondike. 

[  184  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1897 

He  must  get  himself  quick  an  Ispravnik 
Tagblatt  Russikanisehes,  which  word  in  Danish  is: 
"  Spend  your  sabbat  on  a  bike." 

He  finds  the  table  can  be  supplied 

From  the  lower  half  of  the  School ; 
And  he  recommends  to  the  use  of  his  friends 
The  following  diet  and  begs  them  to  try  it. 

Made  up  by  the  following  rule: 

One  pound  of  Bacon,  one  pound  of  Fish 

To  be  got  from  the  good  man  Friday.  ^^ 
Many  pounds  of  fat  Ham" — while  Turkey  and  Cran- 
Berry  sauce  Turkey  Low  ^^  they  say  will  bestow. 
And  a  Robin  ^®  will  come  in  tidy. 

For  sausages  take  the  little  red  dog/'' 

The  brother  is  he  of  the  black  one. 
To  freshen  things,  pop  in  a  slice  of  fresh  Hoppin,^^ 
While  golf-balls  will  do  for  a  fish-ball  or  two 

If  the  bill  of  fare  happens  to  lack  one. 

Let  the  Sargent  ^^  keep  order  and  see  that  each  boarder 

Eats  just  twice  as  much  as  he  wishes. 
Miss  Mary  Ann  Haight  ^  on  the  table  can  wait. 
And  Hinckley  ^^  we  hope  has  at  last  got  some  soap, 
In  which  case  he  can  wash  up  the  dishes. 

When  I  came  back  from  Italy, 
The  land  of  the  Roman  gods, 

[  185  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

I  found  Fuller  Potter  had  gone  and  got  a 
New  phraseology  for  mythology. 
Here  are  some  ends  and  odds: 

The  father  and  mother  of  gods  and  men 

You  must  not,  my  brothers,  confuse. 
King  Jupiter  courted  fair  lo  and  thwarted 
Queen  Juniper  you  know — she  used  to  be  Juno  — 

And  Venus  wears  wings  on  his  shoes. 

I  found  Neddy  Krumbhaar  had  brought  a  twin, 

To  tell  you  it  is  my  duty; 
That  eloquent  Squushy^^  became  quite  gushy — 
He  says  that  he  knows  no  face  like  Greenough's 

For  truly  remarkable  beauty. 

There  entered  the  school-room  one  morning  quite  late 

A  youth  looking  scarcely  alive. 
The  Master  enquired  what  could  have  transpired 
To  make  him  so  late ;  but  the  youth  answered  straight, 

"From  the  Doctor  just  now  I  arrive." 

But  when  questioned  why  he  did  n't  go  to  recite. 

It  was  found  by  the  puzzled  inspector 
That  young  Master  Ladd  ^^  had  merely  been  bad 
And  had  just  been  trun  out,  while  the  Doctor,  no  doubt, 
Was  Doctor  Peabody,  the  Rector. 

When  I  returned  to  School  once  more, 
I  knew,  for  I  'd  felt  it  in  dreams, 

[  186  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1897 

I  'd  find  Mr.  Nutter  preparing  to  utter 
Some  tyrant  decree  in  this  land  of  the  free. 
And  he  did  —  it  was  daily  themes. 

The  victims  step  up  with  new  stories  each  day. 

My!  it  must  be  delightful  reading. 
The  ears  to  tickle,  and  like  a  nickel 
They  drop  in  the  slit,  and  he  reads  them  —  nit. 

And  this  is  the  whole  proceeding. 

When  I  returned  to  this  fair  land. 

What  sound  assailed  mine  ear.'' 
'T  was  Charlie  Lawrance  performing  a  dance 
On  the  tuneful  cornet  in  delightful  duet. 

Which  indeed  was  enchanting  to  hear. 

I  scarcely  need  tell  —  for  you  all  know  him  well — • 

Who  was  pushing  ^  the  keys  of  his  flute. 
And  if  Charlie's  music  has  slightly  made  you  sick. 
Request  him  to  read  you  his  poem  —  a  bijou  — 
At  verses  he  's  simply  a  beaut. 

I  heard  John  Richards  described  one  day 

As  naught  but  an  old  steam-roller. 
Said  he,  "Little  Little,-^  if  you  weren't  so  brittle 
I  hereby  advise  you  I  'd  macadamize  you. 

You  poor  little  thin  bean-poler." 

If  you  'd  been  where  I  was  some  nights  ago 
You  'd  have  heard  the  paint-pot  splash. 

[  187  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

For  they  found  Euey  Thayer  could  n't  raise  any  hair 
On  his  cheeks  or  his  chin,  so  they  painted  some  in, 
And  for  once  he  'd  a  lovely  mustache. 

Rubber  ^^  Derby  gets  words  twisted  once  in  a  while, 

And  a  little  bit  mixed  in  the  letters. 
And  opines  that  young  Farr,^^  though  no  doubt  he  's  a 

star. 
Would  be  nicer  if  he  would  endeavour  to  be 

More  respectable  towards  his  betters. 

An  Anglomaniac  in  his  view 

(It  shows  a  compassionate  feeling) 
Is  a  much  nicer  word — at  least  so  he  has  heard — 
To  use  of  a  thief  who 's  at  last  come  to  grief 

For  common  or  garden  stealing. 

Afflicted  with  spavin,  for  succour  he  begged. 

And  said  in  his  leg  he  'd  a  spasm. 
But  Mr.  Cigar  Stump*  answered,  "Ha!  ha! 
Be  sure  it 's  not  that;  it 's  a  layer  of  fat  — 

These  troubles;  there's  others  that  has  'em. 

A  new  style  of  learning 's  appeared  at  the  School, 
"J-u-j  must  spell  judge,"  says  Lamed. ^^ 

J-a-w-j  spells  George,  I  say. 

One  forty  six  oughts  in  one  answer  he  sports. 
And  then  in  despair  says,  "Darn  it." 

Mr.  Billings  announces  that  he  is  a  wiz, 
But  his  meaning  precise  we  lack. 

[  188  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1897 

Mr.  Ayrault  explains  that  all  of  the  pains 
He  suffered  to-day  in  refusing  to  play 
Are  n't  as  bad  as  one  twinge  in  his  back. 

There  's  Harry  John  Mifflin  who  says  he  must  have 

Some  tribute  in  words  polite. 
But  I  'd  less  than  a  jiffy  to  write  about  Miffy, 
So  he  must  n't  be  lonely,  he  is  n't  the  only 

Golf-ball  on  the  tee  to-night. 

When  I  returned  from  lands  afar, 
And  many  things  seemed  strange, 

I  tell  you  it  was  pretty  nice 

To  find  some  things  don't  change. 

To  find  the  skin  on  Shruby's  ^  nose 
Had  been  rubbed  off  once  more. 

To  see  old  Dave  ^^  go  round  the  end. 
And  just  pile  up  the  score. 

To  see  Jo-ar  ^^  look  wise  and  grave 

When  he  is  n't  so  a  bit. 
But  meditates  another  try 

At  forty-six  to  nit. 

It 's  good  to  see  the  double  paSs 

Performed  by  Motley  twins. 
While  Waterbury  yanks  the  ball. 

And  Hoya  ^^  guards  his  shins. 

To  see  the  ancient  graduates 
Perform  the  shoe-string  trick. 
[  189  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

While  Patten  darts  down  half  the  field 
Backed  up  by  Paddlequick.^^ 

They  tell  me  that  to-morrow,  though. 
We  're  going  to  find  it  torrid 

When  we  buck  up  'gainst  Hoppy's  men, 
So  just  let 's  lick  them  horrid. 

It 's  good  to  see  our  Catcher  Bold  ^* 

Is  with  us  once  again. 
For  when  the  swallows  sing  next  May 

He  '11  cause  St.  Mark's  much  pain. 

And  I  can  tell  you  it  is  good 

When  any  dear  old  grad 
Comes  up  to  grace  our  birthday  feast. 

For  we  have  missed  them  bad. 

Yes,  years  may  come  and  years  may  go. 

One  finds  the  same  old  fire 
Burning  as  brightly  as  of  old. 

Or  warmer  still,  and  higher. 

We  're  thirteen  years  of  age  to-night. 
Older  than  some  new-comers; 

We  've  got  to  set  a  lively  pace. 

For  those  old  grads  were  hummers. 

God  grant  that  you  be  worthy  of 
Our  black  and  red  and  white, 

And  may  you  live  to  celebrate 
Many  a  birthday  night. 
[  190  ] 


NOTES 

1  E.  Motley. 

^  A.  H.  Morse.  Foundations  of  School  House  begun. 

3  Mr.  J.  L.  Coolidge. 

*  Mr.  Skarsirom  or  Cigar  Stump.  Inventor  of  Addykumps. 
5  J.  H.  Clifford. 

«  E.  C.  Wilmerding. 
7  R.  H.  I.  Goddard. 
«  L.  E.  Mahan. 
®  S.  B.  Chittenden. 
"  Louis  Starr,  Jr. 
^  E.  G.  Chadnick. 
'  Moncure  Biddle. 
•*  Stuyvesant  Fish,  Jr. 

*  Gorham  Brooks. 
5  G.  C.  W.  Low. 
«   W.  D.  Bobbins. 

Wendell  P.  Blagden. 
Bayard  C.  Hoppin. 
F.  IV.  Sargent,  Jr. 

20  /.  McV.  Haight. 

21  /.  Hinckley. 

22  E.  B.  Krumbhaar — said  to  resemble  Can'oll  Greenough. 

23  C.  Ladd. 

2*  Mr.  Griswold. 

25  P.  Little,  Jr. 

2«  R.  A.  Derby. 

27   T.  H.  P.  Farr. 

2^  A.  C.  Earned — poet. 

2*  A.  L.  Devens,  Jr. 

30  D.  S.  Hawkins.  Seventeen  to  two. 

31  /.  R.  Swan. 

[  191  ] 


NOTES 

32  H.  S.  Hooker. 

33  R.  WJieatlatid.  The  shoe-string  trick  produced  the  only 
score  for  the  Alumni  team. 

3*  Mr.  S.  W.  Sturgis—"  The  Bold." 


[  192  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1897 
[Fragment] 

When  the  days  grow  dark  and  shorten. 

And  there's  chicken-pox  at  Groton; 

When  the  football  team  's  disbanded. 

And  the  game  is  safely  landed; 

When  the  athletes  have  no  job. 

And  the  kids  raise  merry  hob; 

And  the  Come  Each  Evening  Club 

Has  exhausted  all  my  grub; 

When  the  hai'd-worked  phonograph 

Hardly  serves  to  raise  a  laugh, — 

Some  of  us — it  may  seem  strange  — 

Think  we  'd  rather  like  a  change; 

And  with  curious  aberration 

Feel  we  'd  quite  enjoy  vacation. 

Thus  it  is  that  yew  and  holly 

Seem  particularly  jolly. 

And  the  Homestead  Hall  to-day 

Looks  unusually  gay ; 

And  the  music  sounds  so  sweet. 

And  it 's  simply  bliss  to  eat. 

And  our  Christmas  seems  each  year 

Doubly  merry,  doubly  dear, 

For  this  annual  occasion 

As  a  send-off  to  vacation. 

And  a  proof  how  strong  the  tie. 

Stronger  still  as  years  go  by, 

[  193  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

That  unites  the  Homestead's  Yule 
With  the  hearts  of  Groton  School. 

'T  was  on  a  winter's  evening  I  was  pondering  what  to 
say, 

When  hopping  o'er  my  window-sill  appeared  in  plu- 
mage gay 

A  Bird,^  a  Swan,  a  Crow  it  was,  a  Dodo  or  a  Duck, 

It  might  have  been  a  goose,  perhaps,  we  '11  call  him  so 
for  luck. 

Said  I,  "  Here  is  some  seed  for  you,  come  try  it.  Birdie 

deary." 
Said  he,  "You  give  me  such  a  pain,  in  fact  you  make 

me  weary." 
He  said  he  'd  come  from  Utica  and  flown  on  angel's 

wing,— 
A  lark  more  likely  or  a  turtledove  or  some  such  thing. 

He  chirped  and  said,  *' Just  call  me  any  name  you  like 

on  earth. 
To  make  the  brethren  laugh  and  to  contribute  to  the 

mirth. 
Call  me  a  wren,  a  buzzard  or  an  odd  ornithorhyncus. 
We  birds  don't  really  care  so  much  what  other  people 

think  us. 
Call  me  a  pelican,  an  owl  or  non  extinctus  aar. 
Call  me  a  jay  if  you  insist,  but  don't  call  me  J.  R." 

Rub-a-dub  Blubber  ^'s  a  nobleman. 
Tell  you  his  pedigree?  Yes,  sir,  he  can. 
[  194  ] 


CHRISTMAS    181)7 

He  knows  every  word  from  the  earliest  hour 
When  his  ancestors  sailed  on  the  good  ship  Wall 
Flower. 

The  first  Rubber  Blubber  was  lower-deck  scrubber. 
The  others  were  seasick  like  any  landlubber. 
And  if  you  have  gazed  at  the  passenger  list. 
And  find  that  the  name  from  its  pages  is  missed, 
With  countenance  beaming  your  doubts  he  will  veto  — 
Why,  all  the  nobility  came  incognito. 

There  once  was  a  youth  who  would  fain  beseech, 

Even  as  you  and  I. 
So  he  Pushed  through  the  crowd  and  he  made  his 
speech. 

But  couldn't  obtain  reply. 

The  Master  was  busy,  he  could  n't  attend 

To  a  thousand  things  at  once; 
So  a  bystander  whispered,  "Sam,^  my  friend. 

Take  my  advice,  don't  be  a  dunce. 

"If  you  wish  to  the  favour  of  men  to  climb 
O'er  the  heads  of  the  noisy  and  lesser, 

Don't  wait  for  the  order  of  'One  at  a  time,' 
But  sweetly  say,  'May  I,  Professor .'*'" 

Sam  catches  the  point  and  he  takes  the  advice 

And  alters  his  form  of  address ; 
"Professor,"  says  he,  and  there  comes  in  a  trice 

From  the  midst  of  the  crowd  a  "Yes." 
[  195  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

The  weather 's  getting  chilly  as  the  winter  time  ad- 
vances, 
It 's  hard  to  keep  a  class-room  very  warm, 
And  suffering  and  shivering  'mid  Masters'  songs  and 
dances. 
Distract  the  close  attention  of  a  Form. 

But  pity  the  poor  sinners  who  are  blowzy  with  their 
dinners. 
Poor,  gaunt  and  fragile  creatures  that  they  are. 
The  two  who  cried,  "We  're  freezing,  we  are  wheez- 
ing, we  are  sneezing," 
Were  thin  Richards  ^  and  emaciated  Starr.^ 

— No7v  let 's  look  at  Dupont. — 

Archie  Brown  has  got  an  uncle 

Who  admires  Archie  much; 
He  confided  to  your  poet 

Archie's  golf  just  beat  the  Dutch. 

He  may  look  a  tender  stripling, 

But  his  uncle  merely  begs 
You  'd  observe  below  his  middle 
He  has  got  stupendous  legs. 

Last  summer  when  Burnham  was  crossing 

The  wild  and  restless  sea. 
The  soft-shell  crabs  and  the  tossing 

With  his  happiness  did  n't  agree. 

[  196] 


CHRISTMAS    1897 

But  to  brighten  his  restless  pillow, 

Beside  him  sat  Markoe, 
And  life  on  the  ocean  billow 

In  every  detail  he  knew. 

Poor  Burnham  grew  fainter  and  paler, 
Markoe  never  got  out  of  breath, 

And  Burnham  may  be  a  good  sailor, 
But  he  nearly  was  talked  to  death. 

Meantime  on  the  Bay  of  Murray 

A  rubicund  epicure  * 
Declared  that  a  hog  in  a  hurry 

Was  one  thing  he  could  n't  endure. 

And  our  courtly  society  Gerrj', 
After  whirling  a  maid  in  a  waltz. 

Abandoned  the  company  merry 

(He  swears  that  this  legend  is  false). 

But  as  I  have  heard  the  story. 

When  once  he  his  arm  had  placed. 

He  forgot  in  the  midst  of  his  glory 
To  remove  it  at  all  from  her  waist. 

They  've  been  building  in  the  Gym  of  late  a  sort  of 

prison  grill,' 
With  benches  for  the  inmates  whose  behaviour  has 

been  ill. 
At  least  I  'd  so  supposed  at  first,  but  had  to  stir  my 

stumps, 

[  197  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

When  I  found  myself  involved  in  the  mad  rush  of 
addyhumps 

However,  I  have  learned  at  last  it 's  neither  this  nor 

that, 
But  intended  as  a  cage  to  keep  our  Happy  Fam'ly 

at. 
There  are  first,  the  jolly  giants,  Major  Biggs*  and 

Gen'ral  Cush, 
And  Astral  Swann  ^  projected  and  the  Infant  with  the 

Moosh. 

I  refer,  of  course,  to  Colly,^"  who  don't  care  a  single 

button 
For    anything    but    horses   and   for   ladies   and   for 

mutton. 
There 's  a  great  Brute  of  a  Black  Dog  ^^  and  two 

little  red  dogs  sweet. 
And  next  year  there'll  be  a  White  Dog^^  and  our 

colours  are  complete. 

And  a  little  Brute's  included,  not  a  dog,  but  just  a 

Mouse,^^ 
And  when  the  dogs  and  mice  do  scrap  there  's  music 

in  the  house. 
To  add  to  the  Museum  there  is  Smokes's  ^*  long-lost 

smile ; 
Speak  the  magic  word  and  watch  his  collar  swelling 

out  the  while. 

And  just  to  add  perfection  to  this  perfectest  of  shows, 
Joe  Grew  exhibits  daily  his  elastic  skin  and  nose. 
[  198  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1897 

And  Hugh  Mintum  shows  his  samples  of  a  full  line  of 

cosmetics. 
Four  little  tubes  of  various  kinds  and  lectures  on 

aesthetics. 

And  the  Showman,  ah,  the  Showman  of  this  Happy 

Familee, 
Is  Frank  Alsop,  who,  they  tell  us,  is  a  sight  worth 

while  to  see. 
He 's  a  human  sheep,  they  tell  us,  and  he  bleats 

"Just  luke  at  that," 
As  he  points  out  the  exhibits  and  he  passes  round 

the  hat. 

— Look  at  our  Jim. — 


Hey  diddle  diddle. 

Pray,  where  is  Biddle.''^^ 
I  've  sought  till  I  'm  out  of  breath. 

Is  it  possible  he  finds  his  food  disagree. 
Or  only  a  case  of  Black  Death?  ^® 

Old  Rip  Van  Winkle, 

We  're  onto  your  wrinkle ; 
It  increases  the  winter's  quickness 

If  you  sleep  night  and  day; 

The  time  passes  away, — 
This  accounts  for  your  curious  sickness. 

A  sound  of  war  is  heard  afar, 
A  fight  'twixt  Drexel  Paul, 
[  199] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Competing  for  young  Gi'acie's  ^^  smiles 
With  his  deadly  rival  Rawle.^^ 

While  Banty  Emmons  ^^  holds  the  sponge, 

And  cries,  "Dawawn't  lick  me," 
When  young  McCormick  ^^  makes  attack 

Upon  his  dignity. 

Sidney  Breese  is  always  famous  for  adherence  to  the 

truth. 
And  he  does  n  't  mind  conversing  on  the  subject  of  his 

tooth ; 
He  takes  it  out  quite  cheerfully  and  shows  it  to  his 

friends. 
And  keeps  it  on  his  bureau  among  other  odds  and 

ends. 

But  the  other  day  he  lost  it,  and  his  worriment,  I  'm 
told. 

As  he  sought  'neath  bed  and  bath-tub,  was  most  pain- 
ful to  behold; 

He  'd  cherished  it  like  Minturn's  watch  or  like  some 
keepsake  locket. 

But  just  as  he  had  given  up,  he  found  it  in  his  pocket. 

Addie  Humps!  Addie  Humps!  a  continual  shriek, 
These  days  at  the  School  we  must  mention. 

It  is  n't  Choctaw  and  I  know  it 's  not  Greek, 
Mr.  Skarstrom's  new  call  to  attention. 

You  should  see  his  gymnasium  classes  some  day 

When  there  's  kicking  and  jumping  Buck. 

[  200  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1897 

Not  a  bit  of  allowance  is  made  for  your  age, 
But  you  somehow  get  through  with  good  luck. 

In  that  floor-stretching  motion  poor  Richards  gets  cast. 
And  has  got  to  be  helped  to  his  feet,  and  a  riddle 

It  is  as  to  what  that  strange  boy  has  done  last, 
The   loose-jointed  and  absent-of-mind    Rip   Van 
Biddle. 

We  're  very  much  straighter  at  last  than  we  were. 
And  for  that  we  're  in  debt  to  our  Swedish  Instructor; 
On  the  road  to  sound  health  and  strength  physical, 

sir. 
You  have  been  a  most  helpful  and  pleasant  conductor. 

There  is  a  handsome  stripling  and  the  glory  of  his 

Form, 
And  at  managing  the  sliding-seat  I  tell  you  he  is 

warm; 
He  may  not  make  the  Varsity  at  college,  he  admits. 
But  then  he  knows  of  other  boats  wherein  the  athlete 

sits. 

"Can  it  be  possible,"  says  Jack,  "you  've  never  heard 

them  tell 
There  are  such  things  as  Freshman  boats  that  often 

do  quite  well?  " 
"The  Varsity,"  says  Minturn,  "may  not  know  where 

it  is  at. 
But  there  is  left  the  Freshman  boat  —  I'll  row  four 

years  in  that." 

[  201  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

I  've  oft  heard  visitors  exclaim 

Upon  the  beauty  rare 
Of  Groton  landscape  and  the  Joy 

Of  breathing  Groton  air. 

But  in  our  Upper  Sixth  you  've  found 

A  truly  lovely  picture. 
That  is,  unless  the  owner  's  run 

Amuck  and  nearly  licked  yer. 

Notice  the  atmosphere  of  Joy, 

Observe  the  Ivy  ^^  twining. 
Just  what  the  work  of  art  depicts 

Is  wholly  past  divining. 

Shrube  Devens  is  held  quite  a  musical  shark, 

We  've  all  of  us  heard  him  warble; 
He  knows  Wagner  and  Schubert  apart  in  the  dark, 

And  if  they  the  truth  don't  garble. 

They  say  his  excitement  this  evening  was  great 
As  he  took  in  with  rapture  each  tune; 

But  he  fervently  begged  that  his  neighbour  would 
state 
Who  was  it  who  played  the  cocoon. 


[  202  ] 


NOTES 

/.  R.  Sjvafi. 
Roger  A.  Derby. 
S.  N.  Hinckley. 
John  Richards. 
L.  Starr,  Jr. 

E.  G.  Chadwick. 

Mr.  Skar.ttrom's  Stall  bars. 

F.  B.  Risss. 
A.  Sn'ann. 

H.  L.  fVhitridge. 

Crawford  and  Wendell  Blagden  and  JV.  Grosvenor. 

F.  Meredith  Blagden. 

E.  Motley. 

J.  H.  Smith. 

Moncure  Biddle. 

Compulsory  retirement  to  bed  in  Infirmary. 

A.  Grade  King. 
8  H.  Rawle. 

®  N.  Emmo7is — the  Bantam  Chi-icken. 
20  C.  B.  McCormick. 
^^  R.  H.  I.  Goddard — attentive  to  a  Jair  neighbour. 


[  203  ] 


BIRTHDAY 
1898 

WHEN  the  bloom  is  on  the  apple. 
And  the  field  beside  the  chapel 
Once  more  echoes  with  enthusiastic  cheers, 
I  'm  reminded  of  my  duty 
To  compose  a  rhyme  of  beauty 

As  I  've  done  so  many  times  these  fourteen  years. 

When  the  03'ster  feast  is  ended. 
And  each  belt  a  bit  distended, 

And  the  leafy  crowns  are  hanging  somewhat  lax. 
When  you  're  satisfied  with  stuffin'. 
And  you  've  put  more  than  enough  in, 

You  're  invited  to  consider  certain  facts. 

There 's  an  awful  lot  to  talk  about, 
I  only  have  to  walk  about 

Collecting  the  material  for  my  mince; 
But  I  find  the  whole  collection 
Turns  out  after  close  inspection 

To  be  little  else  than  one  vast  squib  on  Prince.^ 

The  new  kids  are  a  legion. 
And  they  permeate  the  region. 

And  no  doubt  they  're  very  laughable  each  one ; 
But  whene'er  I  ask  a  question, 
I  receive  the  same  suggestion, 

Freddie  Prince,  oh,  have  you  heard  what  he  has 
done  ? 

[  205  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

This  extraordinary  being 

Goes  to  sleep  when  you're  not  seeing — 

The  Rector  hurls  a  book  which  gives  some  pain ; 
But  the  very  moment  after, 
In  the  midst  of  all  the  laughter. 

He  sweetly  smiles  and  just  drops  off  again. 

Though  upside  down  they  stand  him. 
And  a  seat  uneasy  hand  him. 

In  spite  of  warning  kick  or  timely  cough; 
Though  they  treat  him  as  a  loafer. 
Though  they  prop  him  on  a  sofa. 

It 's  no  use,  he  is  always  dropping  off. 

On  one  foot  he  wears  a  slipper, 
Arctic  on  the  other  flipper, 

I  pitied  him  and  asked  the  cause  what  was  it? 
"Two  pairs  nabbed  by  the  old  feller 
What  keeps  order  in  the  cellar. 

And  the  rest  were  in  the  consecration  closet." 

"The  man  what  runs  the  music 

Says  his  singing  would  make  you  sick, 

He  isn't  any  use,  his  name  is  Mud;" 
So  his  sojourn  in  the  Choir 
Was,  he  feared,  a  failure  dire. 

And  he  dropped  it  with  a  fairly  hasty  thud. 

"The  Revenue  what  preaches," 
And  the  other  man  what  teaches. 

Made  him  look  and  find  the  value  of  twice  zero. 

[  206  ], 


BIRTHDAY    1898 

He  thinks  the  name  you  spell 
Double  E-y-r-a-l, 

But  he 's  certain  that  you  must  pronounce  it  hero. 

I  wondered  as  I  glanced  along  the  list 
Of  names  I  had  selected  for  my  verse. 

If  some  one  even  quainter  could  exist, 
I  found  I  simply  went  from  bad  to  worse. 

A  youth  I  saw  of  open  mien  and  frank. 

Expansive,  beaming,  protoplasmic  Heaton"'^; 

And  in  his  hand  he  held  an  order-blank, 
A  blank  indeed,  for  not  a  word  was  writ  on. 

This  youth,  it  seems,  was  trying  to  procure 
From  Mr.  Gushing' s  shop  a  large  inflator 

With  which  to  blow  himself  up,  for  the  poor 
Young  thing  was  thinner  than  a  peeled  potater. 

While  sauntering  the  other  day 

Through  quiet  study  hall, 
I  noticed  that  the  Sixth  Form  talk 

Ran  wholly  upon  ball. 

"Ah,  now,"  said  I,  "I  '11  get  some  points 
Concerning  pigskin  hunting. 

Concerning  Bi-own's  or  Minturn's  runs. 
Or  Tiny  Biggs's^  punting." 

But  no,  I  found  to  my  dismay 
It  was  n't  that  at  all. 
[207  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  Sixth  Form's  minds  were  running  on 
Another  kind  of  ball^  — 

A  ball  where  maidens  fair  are  found. 
The  pastimes  of  last  summer. 

Upon  which  ball  field  I  am  told 
Dick  Derby  wooed  a  hummer. 

She  thought  he  was  a  Freshman  grand — 

At  least,  so  some  one  said; 
But  when  she  found  where  she  was  at, 

This  lady  cut  him  dead. 

They  told  how  Philip  Wharton  said 

He  could  n't  go  to  sail; 
It  was  n't  that  he  was  n't  big. 

Nor  dared  not  face  the  gale; 

That  future  Groton  youth  is  brave. 
He  steers  and  reefs  and  furls. 

But  there  's  no  room  for  such  as  he  — 
"Willie  takes  out  the  girls." 

They  told  of  Minturn,  how  he  took 

Two  hours  to  two  miles. 
That  secret  long  casino  path 

With  frequent  waits  'tweenwhiles. 

They  told  me  how  his  cousin  Hugh 

Counts  his  affairs  by  dozens; 
How  all  the  girls  in  Murray  Bay 

He  claims  are  just  his  cousins. 
[  208  ] 


BIRTHDAY    18D8 

How  Waterbury  would  n't  go, 

With  Mr.  B.  as  witness, 
To  help  him  tie  the  nu})tial  knot. 

In  spite  of  his  marked  fitness. 

'T  was  not  worth  while  unless  he  could 

The  blushing  bride  salute, 
But  Whitridge  stepped  up  like  a  man — 

Yes,  Collie  is  a  beaut. 

He  wanted  to  inspect  "the  Road,"* 

And  that  was  whv  he  went. 
Craighead  inspects  the  selfsame  road 

On  engineering  bent. 

They  told  how  Jackson  gave  away 

School  ribbons  to  a  dame 
Of  certain  age  who  rescued  him 

When  he  in  peril  came. 

How  Lord  ^  can't  bear  to  talk  to  girls, 
"He  gets  so  darned  familiar." 

And  Morin  Hare  his  lady  fair 
Describes  in  terms  to  kill  yer. 

She  has  an  Irish  upper  lip, 

A  graceful  Jewish  nose, 
And  likewise  upon  either  cheek 

A  dainty  whisker  grows. 

That  Loving-kindness  Turkey  Low® 
Adores  a  fair  soprano. 
[  209  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And,  oh,  Markoe  can  ne'er  forget 
His  own  dark  maid  of  Arno. 

She  sought  him  over  Alpine  snow, 

This  Signorina  haughty. 
Barefoot  she  went  to  meet  her  beau. 

The  Princess  PilUcotti. 

Oh,  sing  to  me  heigh  diddle  Biddle, 

And  sing  how  he  drops  on  the  ball, 
And  sing  how  he  smote  Brittle  Little,'^ 

Who  stood  on  his  head  in  the  hall. 

By  the  overturned  foeman  he  lingers. 
And  whispered,  "Oh,  can  he  be  dead?" 

He  placed  on  the  corpse  his  two  fingers. 
And  "down"  was  the  word  that  he  said. 

"Down,  down,  down,  down,"  cries  Biddle, 
"That  makes  four  downs,  'tis  known: 

To  enlarge  my  chest  when  I  take  the  strength  test 
I  indulge  in  massage  with  cologne." 

The  curly-haired  black  Leetle  Beetle  ^ 

Inherits  this  fierceness  of  race ; 
He  came  near  being  hanged  for  the  murder 

Of  a  coachman  who  worked  on  the  place. 

He  held  up  a  dagger  beneath  him  — 

"Sit,  Charles,  sit,"  cried  this  juvenile  thug. 

Charles  sat — to  the  rapture  unfeigned 
Of  tiny  black  Beetle,  the  Bug. 
[  210  ] 


BIRTHDAY    18D8 

Little  Bayard  Sturgis, 

Sitting  'neath  the  pump. 
Scorning  it,  defying  it, 

Calling  you  a  chump. 

Heed  the  fate  of  Thorndike, 

Pumped  by  Mr.  Nutter, 
Or  the  lot  in  store  for  you 

I  refrain  to  utter. 

Mr.  Woods  has  asked  him  — 

Just  to  write  him  out 
Six  or  seven  hundred  stars 

At  a  single  bout. 

Up  and  at  him,  Sturgis — 
Smite  him,  that's  the  stuff; 

If  you  punch  him  in  the  head 
He  '11  see  stars  enough. 

*T  was  once  a  privilege  to  dwell — how  foolish — 
In  swell  apartments  in  the  Country  Club.^ 

The  discipline  was — well  was  rather  Coolidge, 
And  there  was  lots  of  chance  for  secret  grub. 

In  days  gone  by 't  was  thought  the  house  was  haunted. 
Some  rat  or  cat  upstairs,  some  pig  below. 

'Twas  never  seen,  we  only  took  for  granted. 
It  was  a  ghost,  and  so  thought  Bigelow.^*' 

But,  oh,  the  terror  when  the  phantom  seized  him 
With  iron  fist,  and  large  and  larger  grew; 
[  211   ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

He  leaped  from  bed  and  'mid  the  awe  that  freezed 
him 
Beheld  the  fearsome  features  of  Markoe. 

Since  then,  he  sleeps  not,  smiles  not,  laughs  not,  eats 
not. 

An  indigestion  is  his  one  excuse; 
Such  risks  he  thinks  a  kind  that  one  repeats  not; 

For  Country  Clubs  he  has  no  further  use. 

Chickadee,  dee,  dee. 

Up  in  a  twee. 
My  wipsome,  wopsome,  willy  willy  woan. 

My  twinxome,  twanxome  thwush. 

My  diminutive  end  wush. 
My  wollicking  and  weesome  twee  Toad  Sloane.^^ 

When  Charlie  Brown,  big  Charles  I  mean. 
Was  staying  down  at  Quogue, 

It  chanced  one  eve  an  ancient  dame 
Fell  headlong  in  a  bog. 

Gordon  and  Charlie  heard  her  shrieks. 

Ran  at  her  wild  alarms; 
They  gave  a  yank,  the  dame  came  out. 

And  swooned  in  Charlie's  arms. 

Then  Charlie  turned  from  Brown  to  red. 

But,  ah,  this  damsel  ripe 
Found  it  too  dark  to  see  his  face, 

So  Gordon  ^^  got  the  pipe. 
[  212  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1898 

Old  man  Scrooge/* 
He  deals  in  Rouge 

And  rich  tonsorial  cream, 
And  Sidney  Breese  his  treatment  took  — 

It  acted  like  a  dream. 

Screw  Cryder  scarce  a  drop  had  poured. 
Made  Breese  his  head  in  vain  bow, 

When  with  a  leap  his  hair  did  sprout. 
All  colours  of  the  rainbow. 

He  seized  on  Friday's  Psyche  ^*  knot. 

One  which  none  dares  insult. 
He  said  'twas  bear's  grease  of  the  best; 

But  look  at  the  result. 

There  are  two  strange  Whitneys  lately  come, 

A  thin  one  and  a  fat.^^ 
The  fat  one  finds  our  football  sIoav 

And  rather  dull  at  that. 

Accordingly  he  does  n't  feel 

He  's  called  upon  to  cheer. 
But  let  him  heed,  thin  Whitney 's  found 

A  place  for  him  next  year. 

For  in  the  building  going  up 

Are  sundry  hon-id  spaces. 
Which  Whitney  (thin)  thinks  just  the  thing 

For  similar  disgraces. 

[  213  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

He  's  sure  these  holes  are  nothing  else 

Than  boot-boxes  enormous. 
Enough  for  fat  men  who  won't  cheer 

Even  when  Second  Formers. 

When  Blubber  ^^  visited  the  coast 
They  thought  that  he  was  Spanish; 

Well,  his  complexion,  I  admit. 
Is  rather  black-and-tannish. 

He  felt  his  little  brother's  ^^  pulse. 

And  with  a  face  appalled. 
Said,  "You  are  ill  and  your  complaint 

Is  diagnosis  called." 

They  sailed  away  for  Labrador, 

Then  Lloyd  began  to  quake; 
He  seemed  to  find  much  interest 

In  gazing  at  the  wake. 

"Alas,"  said  he,  "I  feel  so  faint. 
My  cheeks  have  lost  their  roses. 

Say,  brother,  do  you  really  think 
That  this  is  diagnosis.''" 

Speaking  of  strength  tests,  have  you  heard 
Frank  Sargent's  eager  question. 

When  Mr.  Richards  bade  him  heed 
His  very  kind  suggestion  ? 

■^'When  at  the  lifting  test  be  sure 
You  're  careful  not  to  haul 
[  214  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1898 

So  hard  that  you  are  hoisted  off 
The  ground  both  feet  and  all." 

Said  Sargent,  "Is  it  really  true 
That  sometimes  men  can  be 

So  very,  very  strong  as  that — 
Might  it  occur  to  me?" 

I  fain  would  indulge  in  a  lengthier  rhyme. 
But  to  do  so  I  fear  would  consume  too  much  time. 
To  tell  of  the  nicknames  your  wisdom  bestows 
On  new  boys,  and  old  boys,  as  every  one  knows; 

The  good  ones  and  poor  ones  to  carefully  winnow. 
To  decide  whether  little  Fish  should  be  called  Min- 
now, 
Or  just  be  called  Saturday  or  Psycholetta, 
Or  whether  just  Fisholene  might  not  be  better? 

And  perhaps  a  good  name 

For  young  Breeselet  the  small 

Would  be  just  The  Zephyr, 
Or  even  The  Squall. 

To  choose  for  young  Pierrepont  ^^  some  nickname  like 

Subs. 
Lloyd  Derby  would  fain  be  diminutive  Blubs. 
Should  the  new  Ladd  from  Texas  be  simply  named 

Laddie  ? 
And  should  the  young  golfer  Charles  Brown  be  called 

Caddie? 

[  215  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Would  Button  Head  Billy  ^^  be  happy  as  Buttons  ? 
And  would  Mr.  Abbott  be  glad  to  be  Muttons? 
I  'd  tell  of  McCoi*mick  ^^  so  startlingly  plain 
That  the  sight  of  his  face  once  arrested  a  train. 

I  'd  sing  of  young  Higginson's  ^^  necktie  display, 
How  he  never  puts  on  more  than  two  in  one  day; 
How  Swan  went  to  sleep  just  when  School  had  begun, 
And  did  n't  appear  till  a  month  was  nigh  run. 

Of  the  strange  little  demon  beneath  the  School  stair 
Who  published  the  banns  'twixt  the  innocent  pair: 
Thomaso  Henricus  Powxrius  Farr, 
And  Gracie/^  and  lots  upon  lots  about  Starr. 

Of  Hinckley  the  younger  who  sat  on  a  cheese. 

So  strong  that  it  held  him  with  infinite  ease. 

How  Hadden's^^  bust  nose  really  caused  him  some 
pain. 

And  how  Hammy-*  drinks  only  the  wettest  cham- 
pagne. 

How  Thorn  dike  's  too  light  for  to  play  on  the  first. 
How  Weaky  got  strong  till  his  shirt  collar  burst. 
I  'd  describe  Mr.  Jefferson's  India  bowls 
Made  in  England — but  well,  I  vriW  spare  these  poor 
souls. 

And  just  a  farewell  for  the  present  I  '11  say. 
And  wish  many  happy  returns  of  the  day. 

[  216  ] 


NOTES 

^  F.  H.  Prince,  Jr. 

2  Perry  Heaton. 

3  F.  B.  Riggs. 

*  Leading  north  from  G.  S. 
5  J.  a  Lord. 

*  G.  C.  IV.  Lon> — brought  up  at  home  on  loving-kindness. 
'  P.  Little. 

«   G.  Biddle. 

'   Upper  apartments  in  Brooks  House. 

^^  Cleveland  Bigelow. 

11  M.  D.  Shane. 

1^   Tobacco  pipe  sent  in  gratitude  to  F.   G.  and  C.  T. 

Brown. 
1^  Ogden  Cryder. 

1*  Stuyvesant  Fish,  Jr.  —  Friday-Fish,  or  Psyche. 
1^  George  and  James  S.  Whitney. 
1*  Roger  A.  Derby. 
"  J.  Lloyd  Derby. 
1^  5.  L.  Pierrepont. 
1^   JV.  Grosvenor. 
^^  Chauncey  B.  McCormick. 
^1  J.  J.  Higginson. 

22  A.  G.  King. 

23  fV.  A.  Hadden. 
2^  G.  Brooks. 


[  217  ] 


CHRISTMAS 
1898 

The  papers  that  we  read  are  full  of  talk  about  expan- 
sion, 

But  for  a  marvellous  example  contemplate  this  man- 
sion. 

It  does  n't  seem  to  terrify  the  hostess  in  the  least, 

Whether  the  School  has  fifty  boys  to  celebrate  the 
feast. 

Or  nearly  thrice  that  number;  be  it  hundreds,  be  it 

ones. 
It  only  is  a  question  of  some  more  ice  cream  and  buns. 
The  School  is  growing  older  and  the  School  is  growing 

bigger. 
Our  little  Dan  is  'most  a  man,  our  chirpy  Sixth  Form 

nigger.^ 

And  Riggs,  though  once  diminutive,  or  so  his  nurse 

declares, 
When  standing  in  the  cellar  finds  his  head  some  flights 

upstairs ; 
And  even  you,   O  brother  bard,  are   certainly  not 

smaller. 
And  with  a  wig  to  make  me   big,  I  also  should  be 

taller. 

But  time  may  go  and  we  may  grow,  it  makes  no  sort 

of  trouble. 
The  Homestead's  smile  is  tAvice  as  wide,  its  welcome, 

too,  is  double. 

[  219  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  Christmas  log  burns  brighter  yet,  the  greens  look 

even  greener, 
The  hostess  even  charminger  than  we  before  have 

seen  her. 
And  though  our  hearts  will   not  forget   the  merry 

times  of  old. 
We  write  the  record  of  to-night  in  extra  brilliant 

gold. 

Well,  Oracle,  here  at  the  Homestead  again 
We  stand  in  these  halls  where  we  sung 

Our  questions  and  answers  so  long  ago  when 
You  and  I  and  the  others  were  young. 

And  now  we  will  sing  some  new  squibs  for  the 
boys. 
We  're  glad  they  continue  to  ask. 
And  we  '11  add  what  we  can  at  this  time  to  their 

joys; 

It 's  a  part  of  our  regular  task. 

This  annual  concert 's  the  fun  of  the  year 

For  all  of  us  now  at  the  School. 
And  some  graduates,  too,  it  is  not  very  queer 

To  turn  up  here  make  it  a  rule. 

I  remember  a  Yale  man  a  few  years  ago — 
I  've  forgotten  just  now  who  it  was  — 

Appeared  without  warning,  so  much  indeed  so 
I  asked  him  to  tell  me  the  cause. 

[  220  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

He  answered  he  knew  he  had  come  a  long  way, 
And  that  while  he  was  fond  of  the  place, 

That  wasn't  the  motive  that  brought  him,  to  say 
That  it  was  so  he  had  n't  the  face. 

At  New  Haven  he  'd  hurried  to  do  everything, 

And  then  he  had  got  out  his  bag, 
And  come  to  entreat  Mrs.  Lawrence  to  sing 

That  glorious  Tennessee  Flag. 

Here  's  a  question  to  answer,  my  erudite  sage. 

The  matter  has  bothered  me  much; 
But  I  'm  always  quite  sure  that  a  man  of  your  age 

Understands  everj'  mystery  such. 

Tell  me  why  is  it  true  that  American  Schools 
Are  so  different  —  their  purpose  and  aim 

Are  similar  quite  — and  so,  too,  are  their  rules. 
And  the  eye  mark  they  take  is  the  same. 

For  example,  Southborough  's  not  like  us  up  here 
(There  's  a  school  in  that  township,  you  know); 

Their  idea  of  sport  and  their  standard  is  queer. 
I  don't  mean  at  all  that  it 's  slow. 

They  discountenance  football,  for  instance,  while  we 
All  prefer  it  —  but  argument's  futile; 

Little  science  in  games  such  as  that  can  they  see. 
And  matches  they  call  very  brutal. 

They  have  no  objection  in  gen'ral  to  sport, 
But  they  don't  care  for  this  sport  at  all. 
[  221  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Apparently  golf  and  such  things  are  their  forte, 
And  they  show  quite  a  knack  at  baseball. 

Now  such  things  as  those  seem  to  us  very  tame — 
Rather  slow;  their  attractions  are  few; 

But  we '  ve  always  been  fond  of  our  great  autumn  game — 
Why  doesn't  St.  Mark's  love  it  too.''^ 

Ah,  but  boys  must  be  able  in  case  of  defeat 

On  the  spot  to  recall  to  their  mind 
Some  games  in  past  seasons  that  they  themselves  beat, 

So  as  hope  for  the  future  to  find. 

And  St.  Mark's  you  and  I  even  see — it  is  sad — 
Have  n't  any  such  hope — do  not  laugh. 

They  only  have  won  in  the  past — it's  too  bad — 
Out  of  twelve  matches,  two  and  a  half. 

This  autumn  if  Aleck  ^  had  only  been  slow. 
And  Jack  *  had  n't  kicked  quite  so  straight. 

They  say  that  to  win  they  'd  have  had  a  fair  show; 
But,  however,  it  now  is  too  late. 

We  thought  through  the  fall  of  our  invalid  team 

As  it  got  invalider  each  day, 
And  we  feared  it  had  not  in  reserve  enough  steam 

For  one  half  very  fiercely  to  play. 

But  November  the  second  they  came  on  the  field, 
And  forgot  all  their  pains  and  their  aches; 

At  the  referee's  whistle  their  sweaters  they  peeled. 
And  their  injuries  seemed  to  be  fakes. 

[  222  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

For  Jack  had  no  throbbing  pain  up  in  his  head, 

Harr\''s  ^  hip  was  in  need  of  no  aid. 
And  as  for  that  harnessed-up  shoulder  of  Ned  ^  — 

Do  you  remember  the  tackle  he  made  ? 

No  boy  in  the  game  was  much  hurt,  and  we  had 

No  need  to  call  in  the  reserves. 
At  times  during  play,  though,  they  felt  pretty  bad, 

And  Charlie  Brown  shattered  his  nerves. 

The  result  at  the  end  was  eleven  to  six ; 

We  suppose  that  it  might  have  been  more; 
But  crippled  so  much  we  were  in  a  bad  fix. 

And  we  're  satisfied  quite  with  the  score. 

VVe  're  sorr\',  dear  Jack,  that  you  now  have  got  through ; 

We  should  like  to  keep  such  fellows  nigh; 
May  success  in  life's  greater  things  still  go  with  you 

And  your  team  —  so  we  wish  you  good-bye. 

Now  we  're  looking  for  wonders  from  Captain  Eugene.^ 

He  '11  >\-in  if  he  can,  and  he  ought. 
He  has  veterans  tried  and  new  candidates  keen, 

And  he  's  certain  of  Groton's  support. 

But  speaking  of  captains  and  giving  them  praise. 
We  must  see  that  we  do  not  encroach 

On  the  merit  that  in  many  indirect  ways 
Belongs  to  the  hard-working  coach. 

A  coach  rarely  's  specially  strong  in  physique. 
But  his  business  he  never  will  shirk ; 

[  223  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

He  performs  conscientiously,  even  though  weak, 
All  his  burdensome  *  back-aching  work. 

Yale  College — and  now  quite  in  earnest  I  am  — 
May  have  Walter,  her  greatest  Eli, 

And  Harvard  in  confidence  cling  to  her  Cam/ 
If  Groton  may  keep  her  own  Guy. 

Oh,  what  will  Arthur  Swann  do 
Through  all  the  long  vacation.'' 

Will  skating  on  a  pond  do 
For  Christmas  recreation.'' 

Or  will  he  do  as  others  do 

And  swoop  upon  New  York, 
And  how  the  little  bi'others  do 

With  sisters  will  he  talk.'' 

Or  will  he  go  to  Washington 
And  see  that  town's  delights.'' 

The  famous  library  that 's  there 
And  all  the  famous  sights.'' 

Oh,  yes,  he  '11  take  the  whole  thing  in, 

A  dollar  you  can  bet, 
Especially  the  parties  where 

They  dance  the  mignonette. 

And  Congress's  great  library, 

A  building  truly  national, 
'T  will  be  a  pious  sight  to  see. 

It  is  so  congregational. 

[  224  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

Blubber  Dubber  ^^  's  going  to  sea. 
Silver  buckles  on  his  knee; 
Admiral,  at  least,  he  '11  be, 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber. 

In  the  distant  Philippines, 
He  '11  command  our  new  marines ; 
Breaking  hearts  of  Malay  queens. 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber. 

What's  he  going  to  do  it  for.? 
Is  n't  he  well  off  ashore. 
Selling  stocks  or  grinding  law. 
Like  a  born  landlubber? 

Is  n't  it  enough  to  reach 
Not  the  ocean,  but  the  beach. 
As  a  pebble  or  a  peach. 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber.? 

No,  you  see  that  mathematics. 
Conic  sections  and  quadratics. 
Throw  him  into  such  ecstatics. 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber, 

That  he  wants  to  serve  the  nation. 
Showing  problem  or  equation. 
As  applied  to  navigation. 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber. 

He  would  fain  among  the  Fijis 
Pepper  forts  and  manage  sieges, 
[  225  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOI>    VERSES 

Scrubbing  decks  with  bloody  squeegees. 
Scrub  her,  Blubber,  scrub  her! 

Like  his  grandsire,  who  he  swore 
Lived  on  man  meat  at  Samoa, 
Blubber,  too,  would  like  some  7nore, 
Pretty  Blubber  Dubber. 

Tell  me,  Oracle,  what  are  these  noises  we  hear 
Everywhere  in  the  houses  these  days? 

They  sound  very  weird  and  capricious  and  queer. 
Is  the  School  getting  into  bad  ways  ? 

Down  the  library  wing  in  the  big  house  by  day. 

And  in  the  old  building  at  night. 
You  hear  "thoo  tha  thay,  thoo  tha  thay,  thoo  tha 
thay"  — 

Are  there  people  that  do  it  for  spite? 

Why,  if  a  Schoolmaster  a  heavy  voice  owns, — 

For  control  is  a  question  of  voice, — 
He  sees  that  an  order  pronounced  in  deep  tones 

Does  n't  leave  to  a  boy  any  choice. 

So  the  Masters  at  Groton  are  learning  to  sing, 
And  the  sounds  that  they  make  are  quite  queer; 

But  their  voices  are  getting  a  musical  ring 
That  is  really  a  pleasure  to  hear. 

There  's  a  danger  that  black  marks  tho',  we  are  afraid. 
If  applied  in  a  sugary  tone, 
[  226  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1808 

Will  be  very  much  less  of  a  punishment  made. 
And  to  mischief  the  boys  will  be  prone. 

A  boy  probably  now  will  excite  a  big  row 

And  possibly  try  to  show  cheek; 
And  purposely  get  misdemeanour  marks  now 

That  a  honey-voiced  Master  may  speak. 

By  the  way,  now  we  're  speaking  about  a  good  voice. 

It  is  k  propos  just  at  this  place — ■ 
If  a  man  were  informed  he  'd  be  given  his  choice 

Should  he  choose  a  good  tenor  or  bass? 

Lydig  Hoyt,  he  can  tell  you — 't  is  said  he  confessed 

As  he  looked  our  society  o'er, 
Though  himself  fond  of  bass,  that  a  tenor  was  best. 

You  attract  all  the  ladies  far  more. 

Shivering  Ben  Moseley, 

Shaking  on  the  stoop 
Of  the  cold  gymnasium. 

Catching  grippe  or  croup. 

Wherefore  does  he  cower  so? 

What  can  ail  the  lad? 
Walking  apparatus  so 

Very  lightly  clad. 

Ben  was  doing  exercise 

Of  the  Swedish  nation. 
Knickybocks  got  whisked  away 

Into  confiscation. 

[  227  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Mr.  Skarstrom  then  departs. 

Takes  the  train  for  Boston; 
Therefore,  Ben  appears  in  clothes 

Somewhat  Hghtly  tossed  on. 

Poor  Harry  Markoe  was  feeling  blue; 

What  ailed  the  luckless  feller.'' 
I  've  heard  it  said  as  he  tossed  in  bed. 

He  raved  about  Isa . 

You  visited  him,  the  rumour  runs. 
As  he  lay  in  the  quarters  cheerful 

They  call  the  Infirmary — popular  spot — 
Did  you  find  his  condition  fearful.'' 

I  took  his  hand  and  felt  his  pulse, 
"Poor  boy,  what  symptoms  ail  yer.''" 

"'Tis  nothing,"  he  moaned,  "I  'm  afflicted  with 
A  plain  case  of  heart  failure." 

I  wish  to  make  a  catalogue 

Of  Varsity  affairs  — 
A  list  of  all  the  graduates, 

The  captains  and  the  players. 

'T  would  be  a  very  lengthy  list 

To  get  in  all  the  heroes  — 
The  deeds  they  've  done,  the  races  won. 

The  seventeens  to  zeros.  ^^ 

Now  whom  do  you  advise  me  to 
Consult  on  these  details.'' 
[  228  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

\N'ho  is  the  great  authority, 
Whose  memory  never  fails? 

Ask  fiery  Jack,  young  Higginson, 

The  fighter  and  authority. 
This  athlete  crank  can  rattle  off 

In  order  of  seniority, 

Extending  back  full  fifteen  years, 

'Mid  thunders  of  applause. 
The  glorious  roll  with  date  and  times 

And  all  the  glorious  scores. 

Have  you  any  idea  why  the  head  of  the  School 
Refuses  to  wear  riding  gaiters  these  days? 

I  know  in  the  saddle  't  was  always  his  rule 

To  wear  them — then  where  did  he  get  his  new  ways? 

I  've  noticed  the  same  thing  exactly  as  you. 

And  I  think  that  I  know  the  entire  reason  why — 

A  stranger  appeared  on  the  grounds  just  a  few 
Days  ago,  and  since  then  of  that  dress  he's  been  shy. 

The  stranger  he  looked  at  the  Head  Master  grim. 
And  examined  his  gaiters  with  care.  '*If  I  can 

I  must  speak  to  the  janitor  of  the  School  Gym," 
So  he  said — "Ah,  it 's  likely  that  you  are  the  man." 

When  Caspar  Bacon  goes  to  bed 
And  idle  dreams  do  fill  his  head, 
The  foolish  little  goosey, 
[  229] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

Do  you  suppose  he  's  feeling  lonely, 
Or  is  it  heavy  breathing  only 

That  makes  him  murmur  "Lucy"? 

Oh,  no,  't  is  no  surprising  fact 

If  you  could  see  how  some  folks  act. 

Throughout  the  livelong  day. 
Charles  Appleton  and  Auchincloss 
And  Browny,  you  'd  not  be  at  loss 

At  aught  that  he  may  say. 

If  A  12  loves  D  and  tells  to  B 
The  state  of  C's  affections. 

No  wonder  B  should  mention  names 
In  slumber's  recollections. 

'T  is  but  a  sum  in  algebra 

That's  running  in  their  head; 

These  love-sick  swains  their  alphabet 
Repeat  each  night  in  bed. 

And  each  in  turn  one  photograph 
Beneath  his  pillow  places; 

They  pass  it  round  and  dream  of  it — 
I  wonder  whose  the  face  is? 

Oh,  have  you  heard  the  style  of  thing 
That  wily  Woolsey  wears?  ^^ 

How  his  binomial  biceps  are 
Encased  from  winter  airs? 

[  230  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

I  know  that  Linzee  Woolsey  is 

A  kind  of  fuzzy  stuff, 
But  for  the  cruel  winter  term 

'T  is  surely  not  enough. 

Oh,  yes,  his  shapely  person, 

From  collar  down  to  toes. 
From  heels  to  head,  is  swathed  in  red 

Tomato  underclothes. 

T'other  day  people  say  there  was  glorious  fun 
At  the  pond — were  things  there  in  bad  straits.'' 

Or  why  did  the  fellows  come  down  on  a  run. 
Not  to  see  Texas'  brother^*  on  skates.'' 

Yes,  that  I  can  tell  you  was  sport  quite  enough. 
Though  William  he  called  it  not  nice ; 

On   the   Western   prairies  —  that's   why  it  seemed 
rough  — 
He  informs  us  they  never  have  ice. 

A  sandy  young  man,  so  he  joined  the  first  squad. 
But  their  pace  was  too  fast,  "dear  me  suz!" 

He  muttered,  "What  chance  for  one's  life  in   the 
horde  ? 
Good  gracious,  and  how  they  do  buzz." 

But  swifter  and  swifter  they  seemed  to  fly  round 

Until  all  bewildered  he  grew; 
And  he  yelled  when  a  friendly  visage  he  found, 

"Mr.  Abbott,  oh,  save  me — won't  you.^" 
[  231  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Have  you  noticed  Polly  Wharton  ?^^ 
He  's  the  oddest  thing  in  Groton ; 

He  wanders  round  distracted  through 
the  halls. 
He  hunts  in  every  cranny 
Like  a  regular  old  granny. 

And  examines  all  the  chinks  in  all  the 
walls. 

With  a  most  distracted  air 
He  will  overturn  his  chair, 

And  say  he  's  only  hunting  for  some 
spiders. 
His  locks  are  wild  and  shaggy. 
And  his  pants  are  getting  baggy. 

And  he  '11  soon  be  growing  quite  a  pair 
of  siders. 

Don't  worry,  brother  poet. 

He  's  all  right,  though  he  don't  know  it. 

He  's  only  lost  his  antiquated  hat. 
Santa  Claus  to  get  the  size 
Stole  it  'neath  his  very  eyes. 

And  his  Christmas  stocking  will  take  care 
of  that. 

And  next  term  his  dormitory 
When  he  comes  in  all  his  glory. 

And  they  hear  his  deep  bass  voice  and 
warning  cough, 

[  232  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

Shall  quake  when  he  displays  it. 
And  on  his  head  arrays  it, 

When  he  goes  to  bed  and  kicks  his  slippers  off. 

Sam  Crocker  wants  to  buy,  please, 

A  belt  of  Groton  colours, 
A  piece  he  'd  like  to  try,  please. 

Not  worth  too  many  dollars. 

Now  tell  me,  brother  songster, 

How  big  a  strip  would  span 
The  waistband  that  belongs  ter 

The  friend  of  this  young  man? 

He  surely  must  have  tested 

And  probably  knows  well. 
Perhaps  the  friend  requested 

That  Sammy  would  n't  tell. 

But  really  now  he  can't,  sir. 

Conceal  it  from  a  bard; 
The  tintype  gives  the  answer. 

The  measure  's  just  one  yard. 

Mr.  Sturgis  was  absent  from  Groton  one  week 
And  we  know  not  what  he  was  a-doing. 

Johnny  Richards,  however,  and  some  of  his  clique 
Said  they  guessed  that  he  'd  gone  off  a-wooing. 

Now  Johnny's  so  expert,  I  don't  take  his  word  — 
Was  it  nothing  but  gossipy  talk.-* 

[  233  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Has  there  anything  happened,  or  what  have 
you  heard 
Of  the  luck  that  he  had  in  New  York? 

Yes,  Johnny  was  right,  he  was  off  on  a  search 
For  something  too  scarce  here,  —  a  wife. 

Quite  successful  he  was  and  not  left  in  the  lurch. 
He  found  one  to  tie  to  for  life. 

There  's  one  point  in  the  matter  that  I  would 
remark  : 
Any  man  can  be  secret  who  tries. 
You  kept  all  your  friends,  VVarrie,  quite  in  the 
dark. 
The  announcement  was  such  a  surprise. 

At  last  we  congratulate  now  that  we  may. 
And  while  we  perceive  your  consarns 

Are  your  private  affairs,  yet  at  least  we  can  say 
She  belongs  to  all  Groton,  Miss  Barnes. 

Will  you  give  her  a  welcome  for  us,  if  you  please. 

We  promise  she  '11  love  it  up  here. 
And  she  '11  learn  just  as  we  have  learned  all  of 
these  years 

Our  surroundings  to  hold  very  dear. 

While  wandering  in  study  hall 

I  observed  a  scene  of  ruin  — 
The  pictures  nicked,  holes  punched  in  the  wall, 

What  have  the  boys  been  doing? 

[  234  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1898 

I  timidly  venture  to  thrust  my  head 

In  the  Senior  Prefect's  door. 
To  find  him  doubtless  absorbed  in  Greek 

Or  some  such  improving  lore. 

But  no,  my  head  I  had  scarce  thrust  in 

When  I  hurriedly  drew  it  back 
In  time  to  escape  a  sudden  death 

From  the  innocent  hands  of  Jack.^^ 

For  round  like  a  windmill  his  weapon  flew  — 

My  ear  it  had  barely  missed. 
What  do  you  suppose  our  Prefect's  at.'' 

Is  he  trpng  to  limber  his  wrist? 

Ah  no,  he  's  afflicted,  he  's  slightly  daft. 

So  we  just  shut  him  up  in  there. 
And  give  him  a  driver  and  just  let  him  loose 

To  make  slices  and  pulls  at  the  air. 

He  mutters  in  language  uncouth  and  weird 
About  putting  holes,  where  can  he  dig  'em? 

He  never  reads  Homer  or  Shakespeare  or  Scott, 
He  murmurs  quotations  from  Whigham. 

While  off  in  a  comer  there  cowers  Monsieur," 
And  dodges  and  ducks  and  quivers. 

While  Jack  is  expounding  some  point,  observe. 
Of  the  merits  of  rival  drivers. 

I  'd  like,  if  I  had  time,  to  ask 
A  lot  of  other  questions; 

[  2;3o  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  get  my  brother  bard's  advice 
And  many  kind  suggestions. 

I  'd  like  to  know  what  happened  when 

Jack  Peabody,  't  is  said, 
Once  took  a  drive  with  a  fair  maid 

Until  his  horse  fell  dead. 

I  'd  also,  for  Luigi's  ^^  sake. 

Be  very  glad  to  see 
If  next  yeai*'s  first  eleven  pads 

Quite  thick  enough  will  be. 

For  Perry  Osborn's  sake  I  'd  ask — 
To  keep  him  in  the  dark  — 

How  many  latenesses  it  takes 
To  equal  one  black  mark.f* 

To  ascertain  the  final  fate 
Of  Richards  who  got  stuck, 

When  cruel  brethren  bootboxed  him. 
And  left  him  there  for  luck. 


But  I  really  must  stop, 

I  am  ready  to  drop. 

To  all  a  good-night 

And  holidays  bright. 
Merry  Christmas  to  all  and  a  glad  Christmas  greeting. 
So  farewell  to  you  now  till  our  next  merry  meeting. 


[  236  ] 


NOTES 

^  ^^SS^  ^^"  —  ^-  I^raper. 
^  Eleven  to  six. 
^  A.  Craighead. 

*  J.  C.  IVaterbury. 
5  H.  S.  Hooker. 

^  E.  Boivditch,  Jr.  —  later  known  at  Harvard  a,i  Peter  the 

Great,  Czar  of  all  the  RiLxhers. 
'  E.  V.  R.  Thayer,  Jr. 

*  Head  Coach  Ai/rault  suffered  cruelly  from  his  hack  about 
this  time. 

^  Cameron  Forbes — Head  Coach  at  Harvard.    Walter 

Camp — Head  Coach  at  Yale. 
'"  Roger  Dei-by. 

"  B.  H.  Dihblee's  score  against  Yale. 
^'  A  =  Applcton. D=?B  =  Bacon. C=  Charles S. Brown, 

Jr. 
13  H.  M.  Woolsey. 
1*   W.  Ladd — brother  of  Texas  Carolyn. 

15  n\  P.  Wharton. 

16  /.  C.   Waterbury. 
"  H.  DuPont. 

i»  L.  H  W.  DeKoven. 


[  237  ] 


GROTON  CLUB   OF    HARVARD 

DINNER  AT  HOTEL  SOMERSET 
1899 

I  WONDER  if  you  remember 
The  mystic  sign  K.  I., 
Which  made  the  poor  kid  to  tremble 
And  the  fountains  fill  his  eye? 

Well,  that  was  what  came  to  me,  sirs. 
At  a  rather  late  hour  last  night. 

From  the  Rector's  study  awful, — 
An  old-time  Kompulsive  Invite. 

In  consequence  here  you  see  me, 

A  crushed  and  broken  thing; 
He  sentenced  me  mthout  pity 

To  open  my  mouth  and  sing 

A  song  in  Groton's  honour 

At  special  request  of  Ben,^ 
And  I  've  had  three  recitations 

And  a  tooth  pulled  out  since  then. 

So  if  my  lines  are  hasty. 

Pray  think  of  the  notice  short. 

You  've  heard  my  rhymes  by  the  thousand. 
And  these  are  the  same  old  sort. 

In  modem  times  we  hear  much  talk 
Of  needful  annexation. 

[  239  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

From  great  to  greater  grew  New  York, 
And  so  with  this  whole  nation. 

And  thus  to  show  as  years  go  on 
That  old  times  are  n't  forgotten, 

The  Faculty  hereby  salute 
Youj  of  the  Greater  Groton. 

And  greater  still  as  years  go  on 

We,  too,  expect  to  grow, 
Although  subscriptions  seem  to  come 

Unusually  slow. 

Yet  there  are  other  kinds  of  growth 

We  celebrate  to-night, 
My  girth,  for  instance,  this  past  hour 

Has  made  my  waistband  tight. 

My  heart  enlarged  has  likewise  been 

By  all  these  genialities. 
By  Hai-vard  welcome,  Harvard  cheer. 

And  Harvard  hospitalities. 

Which  leads  me  to  remark  whate'er 

I  think  of  Filipinners, 
I  heartily  approve  of  this 

Expansion  via  dinners. 

So  hoping  I  '11  be  asked  again. 

And  pretty  fairly  often, 
I  '11  mention  half  a  dozen  names 

To  get  some  squiblets  oiF  on. 
[  240  ] 


GROTON  CLUB  OF  HARVARD  1899 

On  such  an  occasion  as  this 
One  's  expected  to  reminisce, 
So  in  memory  fly  to  the  days  gone  by, 
The  days  of  childhood's  bUss. 

Behold  an  animal  fair. 
The  kids  and  the  goats  are  there. 
And  Rex  Haedorum,  the  King  of  the  Kids,^ 
Is  occupying  the  chair. 

I  incline  to  think  that  it  '11 
Surprise  you  to  know  how  brittle 
And  fragile  a  thing  was  this  kidlets  king, 
In  the  days  when  we  called  him  little. 

Whoever  'd  have  thought  it  then 
That  he  'd  come  to  be  king  of  men. 
That  this  chicken,  this  young  un,  this  fat  little 
Onion, 
Would  succeed  to  the  post  of  Ben.''* 

Of  Ben  the  midget  who 
On  the  msteenth  twenty-two 
Would  wriggle  and  squirm  like  a  Dibbleeized 
worm — 
A  marvel  at  getting  through. 

Ah,  who  would  believe  to-day. 
With  his  temples  crowned  with  bay, 
So  handsome  he  'd  look  in  the  Madam's  scrap- 
book — 
And  beneath  what  the  newspapers  say? 
[  241  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Of  course,  we  always  knew  he 
Whatever  he  tried  would  do;  he 
Was  just  that  kind,  but  what  words  do  we  find? 
He  's  a  greater  hero  than  Dewey. 

At  this  animals'  fair  the  third 
Was  known  as  the  Phililoo  *  Bird, 
A  very  diminutive  quaint  little  cuss 
With  intellect  quite  absurd. 

And  to-day  when  boys  are  blunderous, 
And  the  skating  is  tempting  under  us, 
A  half  holiday  is  declared  straightway, 
For  Bayard's  done  something  wondrous.^ 

Besides  the  Phililoo, 
Another  Cutting,  too, 
Was  known  for  his  quips  and  his  merry  jests. 
But  he  could  n't  add  three  and  two. 

And  Haughty®  could  twirl  the  sphere 
Even  then  in  that  early  year, 
And  diminutive  Doug^  in  those  days  could  slug. 
In  those  days  forever  dear 

To  my  heart — why  need  I  say. 
For  him  who  is  far  away.-* 
Our  gentle,  unselfish  Tiny  Tim,^ 
Ah,  would  he  were  here  to-day. 

The  kids  grow  big,  and  in  their  places. 
Behold,  a  row  of  genial  faces. 
[  242  ] 


GROTON  CLUB  OF  HARVARD  1899 

Instead  of  Douglas,  Ben  and  Walt/ 
There  's  Bobo,^"  Pete,^^  and  Johnny  Salt.'- 

Each  in  his  several  sphere  is  famed, 
I  meant  the  whole  gang  to  have  named. 
To  tell  the  histor}*  of  each  kid 
From  oldest  graduate  down  to  Bid.^^ 

Describe  the  antics  as  a  child 
Of  Grandpa  ^*  in  the  forests  wild. 
How  little  Rook  ^^  was  sometimes  Huffy, 
How  very  quaint  indeed  was  Puffy. ^® 

Of  Howard  Gray  and  also  Teddy ,^'' 
And  of  the  tiny  coxswain  Steady.  ^^ 
How  Farrington  and  Clark  e'en  then 
On  baseball  fields  were  famous  men. 

Of  Lawrences  and  Postlethwaite, 
And  Stanton  Whitney's  bustle  weight. 
I  'd  turn  out  couplets  in  a  jiffy 
Describing  Sully,  Smokes  or  Miffy. 

There 's  lots  and  lots  of  things  to  tell 
Of  Black  Dog,  Shrube,  or  Bertie  Bell. 
I  might  immortalize  the  sins 
Of  the  enchanting  Motley  twins. 

But  as  I  wrote  this  in  the  train, 
I  found  that  I  must  eke  refrain. 
For  though  the  train  was  hardly  fast. 
It  really  did  arrive  at  last. 

[  243  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  so  I  came  to  sudden  end, 

And  now  must  ask  my  worthy  friend 

To  make  the  Gone  Club  ^^  sing  their  ditty, 

They  're  gone  from  School,  the  more  's  the  pity. 


[  244  ] 


NOTES 

1  B.  H.  Dibblee— President  of  G.  C.  of  H. 
"    /r.  A.  M.  Burden — the  Chicken  or  Onion. 

^  Captain  elect  of  Harvard  University  Eleven,  vice  B.  II. 
Dibblee,  rcccntli/  victorious  over  Yale. 

*  W.  Bayard  Cutting,  Jr. 

^  John  Harvard  Scholarship  and  Half  Holiday  at  Groton. 
^  P.  D.  Haughton  — pitcher  in  5-2  and  G-5  baseball  games 
vs.  St.  Mark's  ;  later  Captain  of  Harvard  Varsity  Nine. 
'  F.  D.  Cochrane. 

*  Clarke  Thomson. 
9    W.  L.  Cutting. 

o  A.  R.  Sargent. 

^  F.  L.  Higgin.son,  Jr. 

2  J.  L.  Saltonstall. 

3  M.  H.  Birckhead. 

*  D.  F.  Carpenter. 
^  R.  S.  Rainsford. 
«  C.  B.  Curtis. 

Edward  Gray,  Jr. 
^  J.  W.  Stedman. 

*  Successor  of  Groton  Quartette  and  Predecessor  of  Go-on 
Club  and  Go-away  Club. 


[  245  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1899 

Some  fifteen  years  it  was  ago 

A  small  and  lusty  brat 
Arrived  upon  this  scene  of  woe, 

Healthy,  and  strong,  and  fat. 

The  friends  and  sponsors  gathered  round 
Pronounced  the  child  no  fool. 

The  infant  was,  as  you  '11  have  guessed. 
None  else  than  Groton  School. 

The  Masters  were  a  youthful  three. 
The  dark  one  had  no  beard.  ^ 

The  great  one's  ^  figure  still  was  thin. 
The  third's^  thick  hair  looked  weird. 

So  thick  that  Carroll  Greenough  when 

He  saw  our  photograph 
But  yesterday  said,  "Who's  that  man? 

His  topknot  makes  me  laugh." 

And  one  there  was  whose  warning  voice 
Made  all  those  Masters  hurry; 

The  School's  presiding  genius  she. 
Our  Madam  dear  McMurray. 

The  infant  grew,  its  prowess  spread. 

And  in  the  dormitories 
Have  oft  repeated  been  the  tales 

Of  all  its  early  glories. 
[  247  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Of  Lancaster  and  Worcester  town. 

Of  fifty-two  to  zero. 
Emmons  and  Ives  and  Popper  Cross, 

And  many  another  hero. 

But  finally  it  grew  so  great 

That  to  a  larger  mansion 
It  had  to  move  to  celebrate 

This  era  of  expansion. 

We  moved  last  Wednesday  from  a  scene 

Of  hoi'rible  compi-ession. 
And  after  many,  many  weeks. 

At  last  we  're  in  possession. 

The  building/  I  would  have  you  note. 

Has  bunches  of  facilities 
To  give  us  scope  to  carry  out 

Our  truly  great  abilities. 

I  've  got  a  room  with  walls  so  thick 
That  when  I  raise  my  voice  — 

A  thing  I  i^ery  seldom  do — 
The  Rector  hears  no  noise. 

And  Mr.  Abbott  has  been  put 

Some  passages  away, 
His  gentle  whispering  don't  clash 

With  what  /  want  to  say. 

No  longer  kids  in  school-room  hours 
Upon  the  floor  are  stood. 
[  248  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1899 

Those  brackets  are  the  very  thing 
To  stand  on  when  not  good. 

And  Mr.  Griswold  says  at  last 

He  's  got  a  lab'ratorj'. 
In  future,  physics  class  will  be 

A  very  different  story. 

Ah,  different  indeed  't  will  be. 

In  fact,  the  only  trouble 
Appeared  to  be  it  is  so  big 

He  wishes  he  were  double. 

Accordingly  he  is  resolved 

No  longer  to  stay  single. 
Hurrah,  then,  for  the  wedding  bells. 

And  merry  may  they  jingle ! 

In  Europe  when  we  saw  him  not 

His  conduct  was  so  sly 
That  when  we  heard  of  those  boquets. 

We  winked  the  other  eye. 

We  learned  he  'd  gone  upon  a  toui-, 

A  party  of  professors ; 
But  of  their  daughters  not  a  word 

Vouchsafed  he  to  the  guessers. 

Ah,  little  did  we  reckon  then — 
How  could  we  then  divine — 

That  in  a  few  short  weeks  we  'd  hear 
Th'  enraptured  cry,  "She's  mine!" 
[  249  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

But  when  we  saw  his  London  clothes. 

And  noticed  on  his  mouche 
That  extra  twirl,  we  were  prepared 

To  welcome  Mrs.  Push. 

A  royal  welcome,  too,  we  '11  give. 
These  halls  with  cheers  will  shake, 

For  judging  by  experience 

When  to  themselves  they  take 

A  wife,  the  Faculty  is  blessed 

With  wonderful  success. 
The  Bold  ^  deserved  the  Fair  he  won — 

So  here  's  to  Mrs.  S. 

But  you  '11  wonder  what  I  'm  doing 

If  I  don't  brace  up  and  say 
A  thing  or  two  about  the  kids. 

The  heroes  of  to-day. 

For  on  these  birthday  festivals 
The  kids  first  learn  with  pain 

What  quaint  young  animals  they  are, 
And  don't  do  so  again. 

My  usual  course  in  composing  these  rhymes 
Is  to  tackle  my  afternoon  guests. 

On  Sundays  and  such  other  festival  times. 
And  ask  them  for  points  and  for  jests. 

Last  Sunday,  however,  on  tiying  this  scheme, 
I  found  when  I  entered  my  hall 

[  250  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1899 

That  the  Third  and  Fourth  Forms  had  just  grabbed 
at  the  grub, 
And  fled  without  making  a  call. 

In  future  I  must  be  compelled  to  rely. 

When  trj'ing  to  get  up  my  jokes. 
On  the  heaviest  eaters,  who  're  sure  to  stand  by, 

Such  eaters,  for  instance,  as  Stokes. 

For  behaviour  I  'm  sure  the  First  Form  takes  the  cake, 

Whatever  the  Third  Form  may  do. 
Why,  Prince  ®  thinks  so  much  of  these  afternoon  teas 

That  he  's  nicknamed  me  Mr.  Googoo. 

And  Hadden,''  the  youngest,  prepares  him  and  prinks. 

And  brushes  his  ivory  teeth 
With  carbolic  soap  of  the  kind  the  dogs  use — 

For  cleanliness  give  him  the  wreath. 

McMichael  takes  pains  for  a  whole  week  ahead 

To  practise  society's  airs. 
He  thinks  it  is  wise  to  acquire  the  art 

Of  gracefully  sitting  on  chairs. 

So  he  tried  in  the  class-room  to  tilt  back  his  seat. 
And  with  horror  his  kind  teacher  saw 
(The  chair  lost  its  balance,  it  was  n't  his  fault) 
He  'd  Mc Wiggled  himself  to  the  floor. 

While  Tilney  adorns  his  new  golden-haired  doll. 
And  Newbold  his  nanny-goat  decks 
[  251   ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

With  a  brass-studded  collar  engraved  with  an  "N/ 
And  brings  it  to  pay  its  respects. 

The  nanny  's  not  his,  to  be  sure  he  declares, 

It  only  belongs  to  his  sister. 
And,  oh,  so  respectful  are  Hickup  and  King,* 

And  Osborn  calls  Hemenway  "Mister." 

While  little  boy  Buttons  ^  puts  on  his  best  coat. 
And  the  latest  boy  Butler  they  name  him. 

If  he  thinks  that  the  pun  is  a  trifle  remote, 
I  'm  sure  I  'm  not  going  to  blame  him. 

And  the  little  White  Dog  ^'^  trots  along  of  himself. 

To  do  justice  to  cake  and  to  tea. 
And  Leander  the  Plummer,  with  cast-iron  back. 

Is  n't  backward  in  joining  the  spree. 

I  travelled  wide,  I  travelled  far. 
When  summer  days  were  here. 

To  see  whatever  I  might  see. 
And  hear  what  I  might  hear. 

Where'er  I  went,  all  people  talked 

About  the  devious  ways 
Of  the  mysterious  Kissing  Bug, 

Myotis  Picipes. 

But  't  was  n't  till  I  had  returned 

At  last  I  came  to  know. 
The  Kissing  Bug  was  caught  at  last. 

Its  name  was  Turkey  Low.^^ 
[  252.  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1899 

His  maple-sugar  kisses  were 
The  sweetest  thing  on  earth. 

Like  Roosevelt  ^^  at  the  candy  pull 
When  maidens  in  their  mirth 

Threw  the  molasses  at  his  face. 
Or  Randolph/^  whom  they  say, 

Southampton  maidens  greeted  in 
A  most  effusive  way. 

Heart  failure  was  his  ill,  he  said. 

They  held  him  by  the  hand 
To  feel  his  pulse, — these  maids  declared, - 

And  Bertie  thought  it  grand. 

And  now  he  asks  that  some  kind  friend 

Will  place  at  his  disposal 
The  very  latest  formula 

For  making  a  proposal. 

And  Alvah  Crocker,  too,  't  is  said, 

To  follow  the  example 
Of  Mr.  Griswold  is  prepared. 

And  we  're  not  sure  but  the  scamp  will. 

We  all  allow  the  new  boy  Howe  " 

Of  learning  is  a  star. 
But  spelling  turnip  's  not  his  forte. 

He  writes  it  t-i-r. 

I  hear  lots  of  talk  from  way  back  New  York, 
That  Lipton  can't  get  any  race 

[  253  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Because  of  the  calm  as  dead  as  a  clam. 
And  he  thinks  it 's  a  shame  and  disgrace. 

If  he  'd  only  ask  me,  I  could  furnish  him  free 
Any  kind  of  a  wind  that  he  pleases ; 

For  with  Jimmy  and  Sid  and  Bobby  the  Kid, 
We  rejoice  in  no  less  than  three  Breeses. 

When  Lawrance  ^^  is  n't  building  some  new  boat 
I  wonder  how  he  occupies  his  hours? 

Except  that  his  creations  will  not  float 

They  seem  to  have  all  kinds  of  wondrous  powers. 

A  cat-boat  or  some  other  kind  of  skiff  he 
Will  turn  into  a  full-rigged  ship  or  brig, 

Flying  machine  or  proa  in  a  jiffy, 

Just  twice  as  slow  as  in  her  former  rig. 

But  when  beneath  his  keel  no  longer  gurgling 
Is  heard  the  water,  then  he  comes  to  land. 

And  straightway  to  the  gentle  art  of  burgling 
This  versatile  inventor  turns  his  hand. 

With  mask  and  lantern  and  unloaded  pistol 
His  guests  he  holds  up  in  the  dead  of  night. 

And  rifles  all  their  money,  while  his  whistle 
Osbom  ^®  awaits  half  paralyzed  with  fright. 

The  victim,  as  a  little  bird  reported. 

Had  been  forewarned  and  did  n't  mind  a  bit. 

And  so  the  horrid  purposes  were  thwarted. 
But  Lawrance  was  nigh  scared  into  a  fit. 

[  254  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1899 

We  must  set  Leaky  "  on  this  bold  bad  villain, 
For  he  is  just  the  man  to  catch  a  thief. 

The  trouble  is  that  Leaky 's  never  willin' 
To  testify  and  cause  a  robber  grief. 

Twinkle,  twinkle,  Louis  Starr, 
My!  how  beautiful  you  are. 
When  you  go  to  do  your  shopping. 
Right  and  left  the  prices  dropping. 
Prove  what  your  good  looks  can  do 
When  the  shop-girls  glance  at  you. 

They  call  him  of  Brooks  House  the  Vicar, 

The  hero  I  celebrate  next; 
Perhaps  I  shall  get  through  the  quicker 

By  taking  this  loftier  text. 

McVickar^*  of  Brooks  House  suggested 
He  'd  got  this  new  nickname  of  late. 

Because  he  was  called  Parson  Leggy, 
Instead  of  plain  Mary  Ann  Haight. 

While  Richards,  thin  stripling,  protested 

This  title  was  perfectly  bully. 
This  slinging  of  epithets,  look  at  his  curls. 

Why  should  n't  they  call  him  Red  WuUy. 

But  now  to  return  to  my  Vicar, 

The  Reverend  Billings,  I  mean. 
He  's  tired  of  sitting  at  table 

On  a  chair  where  he  cannot  be  seen. 
[  255  ] 


GHOTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

So  he  got  him  a  carpenter  busy 

Who  made  him  a  high-chair  straightway. 

And  now  from  this  altitude  dizzy, 
He  leads  the  Blue  Bottle  affray. ^^ 

There  was  once  a  Beetle,  his  name  was  Moncure,^" 
His  age  seventeen,  but  his  shooting  was  poor. 
He  managed  his  gun  in  a  manner  peculiar. 
And  when  he  took  aim  he  was  likely  to  fool  yer. 

Now  was  the  gun  loaded?  Just  there  was  the  puzzle. 
He  grabbed  at  the  handle  and  gazed  down  the  muzzle. 
Ay,  laugh  at  his  conduct  eccentric  and  queer. 
It 's  all  very  well,  but  jve  did  shoot  that  deer. 

One  summer  morning  as  I  was  yawning 
And  longing  for  diversion  and  variety. 

As  chance  directed,  my  eye  selected 

The  sheet  which  tells  the  doings  of  society. 

And  there  unheeding,  as  I  was  reading 

I  saw  a  picture  of  a  Four  in  hand. 
And  on  it  sitting  in  costume  fitting 

Quite  the  most  skilful  whip  in  all  the  land. 

The  paper  said  it  must  give  the  credit 

To  one  who  drove  much  better  than  most  men. 

And  all  must  own,  sirs,  that  Tweedle  ^^  Sloane,  sirs. 
Can  drive  a  coach,  though  he  is  not  yet  ten. 

What  will  become  I  wonder  much 
Of  Stockton  ^^  when  he  dies.'' 
[  256  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1899 

This  question  has  been  asked  of  me, 
And  this  is  my  surmise: 

If  Ducky  is  but  lucky 

I  see  no  good  excuse 
Why  he  should  not  develop  to 

A  beautiful  white  goose. 

When  to  these  halls  of  learning  we  returned, 
We  found  no  gasolene  at  Brooks  House  burned. 

And  Mr.  Billings  nearly  had  a  fit. 
When  by  some  lucky  freak  upon  the  scene. 
Boot-black  McCormick  chanced  to  intervene. 

And  some  one  straightway  had  a  flash  of  wit. 

Said  he,  "My  brethren,  I  am  much  surprised 
That  no  one  yet  has  ever  utilized 

The  flow  of  natural  gas  that  streams  from  Chauncey.' 
And  with  the  word  he  quickly  struck  a  match. 
Applied  it  to  McCormick  with  despatch. 

And  dazzling  was  the  glare,  as  you  may  fancy. 

A  solemn  ceremony, 

A  dread  initiation. 
More  horrible  than  funny 

Occurred  on  one  occasion. 

Hark !  while  I  tell  you  of  it ; 

The  idea  makes  me  clammy; 
The  awful  veiled  prophet 

Was  only  gentle  Hammy.^^ 

[  257  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

They  swathed  him  with  dissembUng, 

And  then  the  luckless  kid 
With  quaking  and  with  trembling 

He  kissed  him,  yes,  he  did. 

We  're  pleased  to  notice  Harrison  ^*  — 

How  is  that  dear  old  fogy? 
His  guide,  philosopher  and  friend  — 

How  is  he,  how  is  Roguey?^^ 

I  'd  like  to  talk  another  hour 
Now  that  I  've  got  you  in  my  power, 
And  tell  of  Pot  ^®  the  woman  hater ; 
Perhaps  I  '11  do  so  somewhat  later. 

Of  Bawky's  ^^  shirt  and  Whitney's  ^^  socks, 
How  Thayer  ^^  breaks  through  and  Minturn  ^^ 

blocks. 
How  Mr.  Gladwin  and  the  Brave  ^^ 
Both  tried  their  best  the  Choir  to  save. 

And  when  they  both  had  done  their  best. 
They  sang,  "Who  doth  not  crave  for  rest?" 
Of  Sawyer,^^  Chuchu's  ^^  little  brother. 
Who  said  to  Woden,^*  "You  're  another." 

How  Norman  Prince  at  tether  ball 
Found  Hollister  ^^  no  fun  at  all. 
How  glad  we  are  that  Mr.  Marvin 
Is  in  our  mongst  to  do  the  carvin' 

[  258  ] 


BIRTHDAY    181)!) 

For  lively  kids  like  Paris  Green, 
Or  Grosvenor  Red,  or  Margarine,^*  — 
A  name  well  earned  by  Hodges  fat, 
A  very  walking  butter-pat. 

How  Psyche  ^^  treats  his  mastiff  badly, 
And  Testy  ^  Parrish  goes  round  sadly 
Hunting  for  golf  balls,  midst  the  Heifers 
Who  used  to  be  in  Sparta  Ephors. 

G.  Beetle's  pawn  shop  in  his  mug, 
Robbins's  puffs  when  going  to  slug. 
How  Kobbe  sailing,  found  a  bore 
Got  sea-sick,  longed  to  get  on  shore. 

Of  Charlie  Appleton's  queer  clothes, 
All  of  one  piece  from  nose  to  toes. 
How  Mr.  Gladwin  fed  the  whale. 
How  Draper,  too,  enjoyed  that  sail. 

How  Mr.  Woods  declined  to  laugh 
In  spite  of  all  the  brethren's  chaff. 
How  Dunky  ^^  likes  to  be  conspitious. 
And  Lamed's  nose  looks  somewhat  vicious. 

How  Webb  and  WTiitney  measured  legs. 
And  how  thin  Whitney  humbly  begs. 
And  Watson  Webb  doth  eke  intreat. 
The  size  I  'd  not  tell  of  their  feet. 

How  Ewey  Thayer  congratulated 
The  kid  by  his  good  luck  elated. 

[  259  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

His  birthday  was  the  same  as  Ewey's, 
Of  Blubs  *"  and  other  future  Deweys. 

How  Dooney  Humpy  *^  and  Miss  Kelly  *^ 
Both  loved  a  maiden  christened  Nelly, 
And  bushels  of  such  other  stuff, 
But  really  I  have  said  enough. 

The  School  is  old,  't  is  fifteen  year 
(The  jokes  are  ancient  too,  I  fear); 
But  't  is  the  same  old  place  we  know 
Who  knew  and  loved  it  long  ago. 

And  better  still  't  will  be,  I  ween. 
When  it  has  finished  sweet  sixteen. 
Thus  rising  still  from  good  to  best, 
I  leave  it — you  may  take  a  rest. 


[  260  ] 


NOTES 

^  Mr.  Billings. 

^  The  Rector. 

3   The  Author. 

*  New  School  Building  used  for  the  first  time  October  11, 
1899. 

5  Mr.  S.  W.  Sturgis. 

«  F.  H.  Prince,  Jr. 

7  H.  F.  Hadden. 

^  Edward  King. 

9  G.  Butler. 
^^  Meredith  Blagden. 
"  G.  C.  W.  Low. 

12  J.  R.  Roosevelt. 

13  A.  B.  Randolph. 
1*  George  Howe. 

1^  C.  L.  Lamrance. 
1*  A.  Perry  Osborn. 
"  R.  R.  Leaycraft. 

18  J.  McV.  Haight. 

19  Birthday  Song  of  the  Fifth  Form. 

20  M.  Biddle. 

21  M.  D.  Sloane. 

22  Howard  Stockton — "Ducky." 

23  Gorham  Brooks. 
2^  G.  H  Mifflin. 

2^  Roguey,  his  pet  dog. 
26  J.  W.  Fuller  Potter. 
2''  J.  Auchincloss. 

28  G.  Whitney. 

29  Captain  E.  V.  R.  Thayer. 

30  /.  W.  Mintum. 

[  201  ] 


NOTES 


31  Mr.  Ayrault. 

32  A.  W.  Smvyer. 

33  W.  P.  Blagden. 
3*  Mr.  Woods. 

35  Biiell  Hollister. 
3^  Carroll  Hodges. 
3''  Stuyvesant  Fish,  Jr. 

38  /.  C.  Parrish. 

39  /.  R.  Hooper,  Jr. 
^^  Roger  Derby. 

*i  R.  Duane  Humphreys. 
*2  Shaim  Kelly. 


[  262  ] 


CHRISTMAS 
1899 

[Fragment] 

Good  brother  bard,  I  fear  that  my  report 
Upon  the  School  affairs  is  somewhat  short. 
For  tonsilUtiSj  fever,  aches  and  pains 
Have  carried  off  three  quarters  of  my  brains. 

And  how  could  I  obtain  the  needful  points 
To  write  about,  when  in  my  aged  joints 
Such  havoc  reigned  that  I  have  not  been  able 
To  fill  for  weeks  my  wonted  place  at  table.'' 

And  learn  from  HoUister  the  latest  squibs; 
While  Sidney  Breeses,  Blubber^  tends  the  jibs, 
And  all  the  rest  just  pour  into  my  ears 
The  doings  of  the  brethren  —  and  their  dears. 

Of  other  deers  I  hear  as  well  from  Biddle. 

The  deer  we  shot  —  the  guide  played  second  fiddle. 

The  head  's  been  stuffed  and  that 's  enough  to  prove 

it  — 
Aspersion  on  his  marksmanship — remove  it! 

He  catches  trout  as  well,  he  'd  give  you  warning. 
He  cast  his  fly  and  hooked  the  luckless  Corning.^ 
Yes,  as  I  say,  I  've  not  been  in  the  push. 
And  to  make  matters  worse  e'en  Mr.  Cush 

[  263  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Spends  many  days  away  in  the  great  City, 
Getting  elected  to  the  School  Committee, 
Telling  the  lady  voters  't  is  their  duty 
To  recognize  size^  gallantly,  and  beauty. 

And  as  I  must  depend,  dear  brother  bard. 
On  your  assistance  in  my  problem  hard. 
Just  tell  me  what  you  've  heard  about  each  lad, 
Brilliant  and  stupid,  good,  and  even  bad. 


I  'm  deeply  pained  to  learn  that  kids 

Fail  duly  to  respect 
Their  Masters'  wondrous  qualities. 

For  all  can  recollect 

How  Josephs,  when  he  first  arrived, 
Said  Groton  was  all  right. 

Only  that  Mr.  Nutter  failed 
To  meet  requirements  quite. 

"You  see  he  's  really  very  nice," 
Young  Josephs  thus  began, 

"But  then,  you  see,  that  he  is  such 
A  nervous  little  man." 

He  took  a  bath  one  winter  night 
To  cure  him  of  some  chills; 

Half  boiled,  he  fainted  and  in  fright 
The  nurse  prescribed  two  pills. 

[  264  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1899 

And  Mr.  Gladwin  really  ought 

His  purchases  to  hide — 
A  case  of  PoUywater  came 

The  other  eventide. 

And  Roelker,  Mr.  Ayrault  finds 

A  specimen  unique. 
Who  talks  quite  decent  English 

For  a  man  who  's  really  Greek. 

While  others  say  that  down  the  road 
No  longer  times  are  merry, 

For  Mr.  Marvin  's  quite  cut  out 
By  fascinating  Gerry.  ^ 

The  latter  soon  will  quit  the  field. 

They  say  that  at  the  Boulders,* 
The  name  of  the  new  Sturgis  house. 

The  joy  of  all  beholders. 

That  Gerry  lately  has  applied. 
And  will  not  be  rejected. 

To  fill  the  place  of  housemaid,  nor 
Could  better  be  selected. 

Do  you  know  the  Rector's  nephew  & 
With  the  big  round  head.'' 

He  lately  had  a  birthday 
And  came  out  half  dead. 

[  2G5  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

His  brains,  I  fear,  are  shattered. 
For  in  physics  class — - 

How  does  he  test  the  flotage 
Of  a  piece  of  brass? 


McWiggle  ^  in  the  school-room  slouches 
And  will  not  sit  up  straight. 

The  Master,  in  the  worst  of  grouches. 
Begins  him  to  berate. 

''Unto  your  desk  sit  up,"  he  cries. 

McWiggle,  with  an  air 
Of  somewhat  indolent  surprise. 

Steps  up  into  his  chair. 

JJjwn  the  desk  he  proudly  sits. 

His  graceful,  tiny  feet. 
Directed  by  this  prince  of  wits. 

Rest  gently  on  his  seat. 

Of  course  Mr.  Abbott  was  just  getting  square 
With  McWiggle,  who  said  with  an  innocent  air. 
That  good  Mr.  Abbott  was  just  finance; 
He  was  sure  it  was  true,  spite  of  all  they  might  say. 
For  he  saw  the  whole  School  in  half-holiday  whirl. 
And  he  knew  Mr.  Abbott  had  just  got  a  girl. 


Randolph  is  getting  a  big  boy  now. 
Have  n't  you  noticed  the  little  eye-brow 

[  266  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1899 

Darkly  adorning  his  uppermost  lip. 

And  the  deep  bass  voice  of  his  worthy-ship? 

He  likes  a  big  voice  when  the  owner  is  small ; 
'Tis  better,  he  holds,  than  a  tenor  when  tixll. 
And  the  great  event  of  the  bygone  week 
Was  the  first  shave  applied  to  his  manly  cheek. 

He  'd  better  beware  of  the  shaving  brush '' ; 
Joe  Burden  he  mounted  and  off  with  a  rush 
He  galloped  upon  an  old  nag  of  that  name. 
And  Joseph  since  then  speaks  of  brushes  with  shame. 


They  're  a  fair  lot  of  scholars,  though  some  are  not 
strong ; 

Their  notions  concerning  some  lessons  are  queer. 
And  it 's  not  very  easy  to  show  them  they  're  wrong, 

They  've  a  mind  of  their  own  as  to  studies,  I  fear. 

Bobby  Breese,  for  example,  believes  for  a  fact 

That  the  ancients  had  habits  not  unlike  our  own. 

He  can  see  in  their  words  and  beneath  ev'ry  act 
They  were  flesh  of  our  flesh,  just  as  bone  of  our 
bone. 

He  surprised  the  Head  Master  a  few  days  ago 
As  he  answered  in  class  with  intelligent  look. 

He  was  certain  who  Castor  and  Pollux  ^  were  both. 
They  were  people  who  'd  written  a  modem  hymn- 
book. 

[  2G7  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Do  you  know  why  Captain  Leaky  ^ 

Was  so  hoarse  he  scarce  could  speak?  He 

Felt  really  very  wretched,  weak  and  ill 
With  spinal  meningitis. 
Chicken-pox  or  tonsillitis. 

He  really  had  a  most  alarming  chill. 


[  268  ] 


NOTES 

^  Roger  Derby. 

^  E.  Corning. 

'^  E.  G.  Chad  nick. 

*  S.  JV.  Sturgis — nicknamed  "The  Bold. 
^  Harold  Pcabodij. 

«  P.  McMichael. 

'  Mr.  B.'s  horse. 

*  Query :  Moody  and  Sankey  ? 
'  R.  R.  Leaycraft. 


[  269  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

11)00 

ON  this  festival  occasion 
As  I  tune  my  twangolet, 
I  would  wish  you  good  digestion. 
Trust  you  have  n't  overate. 

And  remarking  that  these  verses 

Ai*e  not  always  strictly  true, 
I  would  deprecate  your  curses 

If  the  joke  seems  up  to  you. 

For  a  poet  only  jots  down 

As  his  Muse  may  chance  t'  inspire. 
Merely,  then,  consider  what 's  down 

Echoes  of  Apollo's  Liar! 

'T  is  unusually  festive. 

Such  a  crowd  we  've  never  seen. 
For  the  School  is  somewhat  guestive, 

And  our  age  is  sweet  sixteen. 

And  we  welcome  with  emotion 

An  occasion  such  as  this  is, 
When  our  dear  old  boys  are  with  us, 

And  just  here  and  there  a  Mrs. 

Et  quant  au  petit  Warwick,^ 

Groton  School's  first  hopeful  grandson, 
Nous  lui  donnerons  un  gateau. 

And  a  table  for  to  dance  on. 

[  271  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Did  it  ever  occur  to  any  one  here 

How  exceedingly  funny  it  is 
To  run  through  the  catalogue,  boy  by  boy, 
"And  write  some  such  poem  as  this? 

Sam  Crocker 's  a  fusser  and  Alvah  's  a  flirt, 

Joe  Burden 's  a  masher  as  well ; 
And  Balky  ^  has  added  a  waist  to  his  shirt 

That  the  ladies  may  think  him  a  swell. 

They  whisper  indeed  that  he  loves  a  Princess, 

And  on  Sunday  in  gorgeous  array, 
He  woos  a  king's  daughter,  while  others  confess 

Of  their  projects  he  stands  in  the  way. 

And  Randolph  chews  sen-sen  and  longs  to  be  told — 
If  you  kindly  would  add  to  his  knowledge  — 

Whether  fellows  in  love  need  to  wait  till  they  're  old. 
Or  can  they  be  married  in  college.'' 

And  under  his  chin  he  applies  vaseline 
To  encourage  the  growth  of  his  beard; 

And  though  there  is  not  very  much  to  be  seen. 
That  little  looks  just  a  bit  weird. 

Macdonald^  objects  to  a  dog-collar  belt 
When  it  circles  a  maiden's  slim  waist. 

He  declares  he  knows  well,  for  last  summer  he  felt. 
And  it  was  n't  at  all  to  his  taste. 

Butter  Pat  *  is  so  bashful,  he  merely  looks  neat ; 
His  fair  one  must  think  him  a  dandy; 

[  272  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

He  climbed  the  car  window  and  hurled  on  the  seat 
Beside  her  his  tribute  of  candy. 

And  Stillman  would  not  be  outdone  by  such  stunts, 
Took  one  hundred  girls  out  in  a  carriage, 

And  his  confidence  to  thena  he  gave  all  at  once. 
And  his  blushes  show  that  must  mean  marriage. 

And  poor  Judge  McMichael,  who  wounded  his  hand, 

Pursued  a  fair  lady  to-day, 
And  asked  her  to  hold  it,  't  would  give  him  relief. 

The  anguish  it  sure  would  allay. 

She  held  it  one  hour,  the  Judge  murmured  "More, 
'T  is  beginning  to  feel  something  like." 

The  lady,  alas,  'gan  to  think  it  a  bore. 

And  bade  him,  "Ta  ta."  Tough  luck,  Mike. 

While  Meredith  Blagden  continues  to  pine. 
He  's  kept  eight  months  all  but  a  day. 

And  pinned  all  his  hopes  on  a  dear  Valentine, 
And  never  will  throw  it  away. 

When  Greenough  ^  goes  out  for  a  knockabout  race. 

Completely  obscured  is  his  rail 
By  a  line  of  gay  parasols,  adding  much  grace 

And  an  area  big  to  his  sail. 

He  wants  to  get  back  for  this  merciless  whack 
By  assaulting  the  three  Derby  brothers. 

Who  ran  on  a  rock  with  a  terrible  shock. 

And  he  likewise  remarks,  "There  are  others." 

[  273  ] 


GIIOTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Ohj  those  Islesboro  boats,  they  're  the  best  thing  that 
floats, 

And  their  cabins  are  all  fitted  out 
With  smelHng-salts  bottles  when  passengers  faint, 

And  implore  that  they  '11  please  come  about. 

And  as  to  North-East,  it  is  rumoured,  at  least, 

That  Corning  is  fond  of  the  lades. 
And  lest  Walter  Bradley  should  chance  to  feel  badly 

I  believe  he,  too,  favours  the  maids. 

But  really,  my  friends,  unless  this  business  ends, 
These  hundreds  of  jokes  about  girling. 

When  I  ask  for  a  jest  I  must  really  protest, 
It  sets  my  poor  bald  head  a-whirling. 

So  since  you  deny  me  the  needed  supply 

Of  squibs  and  adventures  and  jokes, 
I  needs  must  invent,  and  perhaps  you  '11  repent. 

So  let 's  turn  our  attention  to  Stokes.® 

Behold  that  slim  and  graceful  form. 
Behold  those  movements  spry  — 

The  figure  of  a  fairy  sylph, 
But  figures  sometimes  lie. 

He  started  from  the  School  door  once 

With  airy,  skipping  tread ; 
He  fain  would  reach  the  football  field 

Ere  daylight  should  have  fled. 

[  274  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

But  on  arriving  there  at  last 

He  found  he  wasn't  in  it; 
It  took  him,  though  he  ran  so  fast, 

Three  hours  and  one  minute. 

There  's  a  youngster  most  ingenuous, 
Whose  behaviour  's  somewhat  strenuous. 

To  punch  a  fellow's  head  he  's  always  ready. 
Always  revelling  in  gore. 
Always  wiping  up  the  floor 

With  some  other  kid — this  sweet  thing's  name 
is  Teddy.'' 

When  he  left  his  happy  home 
And  his  mouth  began  to  foam. 

There  was  weeping  and  a- wailing  'mongst  his 
pets; 
They  consist  of  fighting  fleas. 
And  a  pair  of  stinging  bees. 

And  another  pair  of  biting  parroquets; 

And  a  pair  of  turtledoves, 
Who  to  manifest  their  loves 

Scratch  their  eyes  out  every  other  day  or  so; 
But  they  wept  and  wailed  sore 
When  the  mighty  man  of  war 

To  a  boarding-school  invited  was  to  go. 

The  dormitory  walls 
Now  reecho  with  the  falls 

Of  the  brethren  who  've  his  violence  endured. 

[  275  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

He  had  only  one  more  foe, 
But  some  Master  he  said,  "no/' 

And   the    bout   was    stopped,   and   so   his   record 

Sewered.'^ 

His  thoughts  are  all  expressed  in  the  language  of  the 
West. 
For  when  morning's  rays  their  golden  light  reveal, 
He  calls  the  witching  time  when  the  buzzer  'gins  to 
chime  » 

The  merry  hour  when  the  chickens  squeal. 

Joe  Potter  went  with  Wode  ^  to  hunt 
When  summer  days  were  hot; 

A  still  hunt  was  the  form  of  sport 
Best  suited  to  the  spot. 

Alas,  poor  Joe  returned  without 

A  single  bit  of  luck. 
(Though  Woden's  guide  shot  Woden's  gun, 

And  Woden  claimed  the  buck.) 

But  why  did  Potter  fail  to  win 

Some  trophy  of  his  skill.'' 
You  see  it  was  a  still  hunt,  and 

Joseph  could  not  keep  still. 

I  hear  there  are  two  rich  voices  who 

Are  bold  enough  to  aspire 
To  add  one  more  throe  to  Nutter's  woe 

By  carolling  in  the  Choir. 

[  270  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

A  very  deep  bass  comes  forth  from  the  face 
Of  the  solemn  and  serious  Plum.^^ 

And  its  echoes  roll  and  they  move  the  soul 
Like  a  cruelly  treated  drum. 

And  Appleton  ^^  quavers  with  voice  that  savours 

Of  misery  lost  and  lone ; 
A  tremulo,  simply  buried  in  woe, 

A  most  exquisite  barytone. 

Chump  Chesterfield  Perkins,  Jack  Higginson  bold  — 
For  these  are  his  full  Christian  names,  I  am  told — 
Is  quite  an  authority,  so  he  declares. 
On  race  horses,  records,  and  sporting  affairs. 

His  riding  experience  counts  but  one  fall. 
Though  his  enemies  say  he  can't  stick  on  at  all. 
They  advise  him  to  cultivate  matters  aquatic. 
And  say  that  he  dives  like  a  lobster  rheumatic. 

Thomas  Henry  Powers  Farr, 
How  original  you  are. 
How  you  horrified  each  soul 
When  you  dashed  for  your  own  goal. 

You  were  tackled  just  in  time 
To  insert  in  this,  my  rhyme, 
Otherwise,  L.  Josephs  would 
On  this  eminence  have  stood. 

Joe,  you  know,  is  good  at  study. 
Even  when  his  clothes  are  muddy. 
[  277  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

When  he  rushes  with  the  ball, 
He  is  geometrical. 

"Lost  five  yards,"  the  linesman  cries, 
"What's  the  matter  with  your  eyes?" 
Mr.  Ayrault  cries  with  pain, 
"  Never  run  like  that  again." 

"Why  this  wiggling,  wandering  gait? 
Don't  you  know  a  line  that's  straight?' 
"Certainly,"  said  Josephs  while 
Beamed  his  somewhat  dopy  smile. 
"You  yourself  have  said  in  class, — 
And  I  'm  sure  that  any  ass 
Could  reply  without  assistance, — 
'Twixt  two  points  the  longest  distance.' 

This  same  gentleman  would  fain 
Have  some  person  tell  him  plain — 
"Could  it  possibly  be  true 
That  to-night  we  'd  have  on  view 
For  the  first  time  in  our  lives 
Each  old  boy  with  all  his  wives?" 

We  wondered  why  this  afternoon 
No  black  marks  were  read  out. 

And  why  the  Rector  seemed  so  queer 
And  looked  a  bit  put  out. 

Surely  School  duties  must  go  on, 
Justice  must  conquer  pity, 
[  278  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1000 

E'en  if  it  is  a  festal  day. 

With  folks  up  from  the  city. 

I  asked  him  why  he  'd  put  it  off 

Till  Monday  afternoon? 
He  answered  by  a  nervous  cough 

A  trifle  out  of  tune. 

Next  Monday  will  reveal  the  truth 

That  cough  revealed  to  me. 
He  doesn't  wish  to  shame  a  youth, 

And  Malcolm  he  has  three. 

When  Charlie  Brown  ^^  went  out  to  drive 
One  dark  and  ghostly  night. 

Two  highwaymen  his  coach  attacked. 
But  Charlie  felt  no  fright. 

He  merely  drove  with  headlong  speed 

And  hid  himself  in  bed. 
(The  highwa}Tnen  were  Jimmy  Breese 

And  Tow  Head  Potts,^^  't  is  said.) 

But  Charlie's  teeth  were  chattering. 
His  heart  gave  painful  thumps. 

To  look  at  him  you  might  have  thought 
He  had  callippyjumps. 

He  said  the  ruffians  were  a  gang 

Of  seven  robbers  bold ; 
The  youngv,st  of  them  was,  he  knew, 

At  least  nineteen  years  old. 
[  279  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Perry  Osborn  rides  a  horse, 

Tall  and  lank  and  bony; 
Perry  is  a  pretty  sight. 

Sitting  on  his  pony, 

"Tell  me,  faithful  coachman,  tell. 

Who  is  the  best  rider?" 
''Miss  Virginia,  sir,"  said  he, 

''No  one  else  beside  her." 

"How  about  myself?"  he  cries. 

With  some  slight  vexation. 
Clinging  to  his  pony's  mane 

In  his  indignation. 

"Sure,  sir,  you,"  the  stupid  groom's 

Answer  came  quite  ready, 
"  'T  is  the  weight  of  your  huge  feet 

That  maintains  you  steady." 

'T  was  Jimminy  Christmas  Gignoux  ^* 
Or  little  Joe  Coolidge  who 
Were  not  quite  certain,  they  could  n't  swear. 
But  still  they  believed  they  knew — 

So  announced  with  demeanour  grave 
And  an  air  which  assurance  gave 
That  a  lady  they  saw  in  the  parlour  one  night 
Was  certainly  Mrs.  Brave. ^^ 

Joe  Coolidge  is  so  polite 
That  when  on  a  recent  night 
[  280  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

He  refused  the  pudding,  he  called  the  maid  back 
To  say  that  he  realized  quite 

Her  kindness  in  making  the  proffer. 
Though  obliged  to  reject  her  offer. 
His  words  were  so  kind  and  his  air  so  refined 
That  she  could  n't  have  thought  him  a  scoffer. 

He  declares  that  when  he  sees 
In  football  togs  S.  Breese — 
Oh,  Gee!  but  Sidney  looks  tons  more  fierce 
Than  at  table  at  breakfast  and  teas. 

Sargent^*  is  a  noisy  youth; 

When  the  moniings  dawn 
He  proclaims  the  tidings  glad 

With  his  nasal  horn. 

And  when  evening  shadows  fall 

As  a  parting  toot. 
Whisking  out  his  handkerchief 

Trumpets  a  salute. 

He  is  skilled  in  foreign  tongues. 
Thinks  my  trusty  henchman 

Who  the  empty  teapot  fills. 
Surely  is  a  Frenchman.^' 

So  with  accent  rare  and  strange 

One  can  hear  him  say, 
"  Monsieur  Percy,  if  you  please, 

Donne  moi  de  la  lait." 
[  281  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Bacon  ^*  is  a  Frenchy  too, 

Thinks  that  I  don't  dare 
To  get  off  a  joke  on  him, 

But  he  will  not  care. 

Being  French  doan  understand 

What  I  would  be  at. 
When  I  squib  him  says  with  glee, 

"Oh,  que  je  suis  fatte." 

At  midday  dinner  once  a  week 
The  corned  beef  and  the  pork 

In  ancient  days  produced  some  pain 
And  not  a  little  talk. 

Mrs.  McMurray  was  resolved 

Our  appetites  to  quicken. 
And  so  to  our  intense  surprise 

She  's  substituted  chicken. 

Imagine  then  our  wild  delight. 

Think  of  our  gluttonie, 
When  we,  instead  of  toughish  pork. 

Are  served  with  fricassee. 

They  talked  of  lifting  her  aloft. 
To  bear  her  on  the  shoulder. 

While  some  encouraged  by  the  change 
Have  bolder  grown  and  bolder. 

And  now  suggest  a  new  idea — 

They  wish  more  frequent  pie  days, 
[  282  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

And  if  it  wouldn't  seem  too  queer 
She  'd  give  us  steak  on  Fridays. 

Have  you  ever  seen  how 
Hiram  ^^  handles  his  cow 

Without  either  stirrup  or  saddle? 
He  clings  to  one  horn 
And  aloft  he  is  borne 

In  a  graceful  and  elegant  straddle. 

But,  alas,  for  his  luck. 
Fur  the  cow  'gins  to  buck. 

And  his  seat  it  gets  wobbly  and  wibbly; 
Poor  Hiram  tunis  pale 
And  slides  over  the  tail. 

And  that  is  the  last  of  poor  Sibley. 

The  Masters,  they  say,  are  getting  gray; 

One  advantage  of  hair  like  mine 
Is  nobody  '11  know  how  old  I  grow, 

'Tis  silky,  they  say,  and  fine. 

But  poor  Mr.  Cash  when  he  gives  a  young  kid 
Black  marks  which  he  does  n't  deserve. 

Serenely  states  the  kid's  conduct  grates 
Upon  his  sciatical  nerve. 

Mr.  Abbott  is  known  to  take  leave  of  his  wits 
In  the  midst  of  a  lecture  in  class; 

While  the  brethren  nervously  glance  at  the  door 
And  wonder  if  they  can  pass. 
[  288  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

He  took  leave  of  his  wits  on  an  automo-trip — 

Last  summer  some  wicked  deceiver 
Beguiled  him  to  pilot  poor  Bel-tie  and  Charles  ^^ 

To  the  shores  of  the  Lake  of  Geneva. 

When  asked  if  Jim  Jackson  could  run  fast  as  he, 
With  scorn  he  retorted,  "Why,  that  man. 

He  would  n't  be  in  it  an  instant  with  me  — 
Yes,  he  runs  fairly  fast  for  a  fat  man." 

Oh,  you  should  have  heard  Mr.  Marvin  discourse 

When  suffering  'neath  the  delusion 
That  a  carload  of  kids  were  Grotonians  new, 

And  making  a  lot  of  confusion. 

He  lectured  them  sharply  and  said  that  such  noise 

Was  not  what  we  do  at  this  School; 
But  they  came  from  St.  Paul's,  and  not  Groton  at  all. 

So  he  felt  just  a  bit  like  a  fool. 

And  young  Morton  Prince,  without  e'er  a  wince 

And  never  a  muscle  did  flinch, 
Leaned  over  the  table  and  loudly  exclaimed, 

"Say,  ain't  Mr.  Ayrault  a  cinch.''" 

And  poor  Mr.  Gladwin  's  the  easiest  thing 

You  've  met  with  for  many  a  year. 
A  hard-hearted  youth  had  a  Brooks  brothers  box 

And  was  struck  with  a  brilliant  idea. 

The  clothes  he  took  out,  and  with  string  tied  about 
The  box  on  the  floor  did  deposit. 

[  284  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1900 

And  my!  how  Max  ^^  pounced  on  it,  seized  it  with 
glee. 
And  whisked  to  the  confiscate  closet. 

One  word  more  at  parting.  These  sixteen  long  years 
Have  been  full  of  deep  joys,  many  smiles  and  few 

tears. 
The  School  has  grown  great  in  contentment  and  peace 
And  the  love  of  her  sons  as  her  seasons  increase. 

But  deepest  of  all  of  our  deep-treasured  joys 

Is  our  pride  in  the  record  of  Groton's  old  boys. 

Old  boys,  we  have  missed  you,  our  own  hearts  know 

best 
The  tie  that  unites  us,  nor  needs  be  expressed. 
And  though  years  may  roll  on,  and  though  old  we 

may  grow. 
The  flame  still  bums  warm  as  in  days  long  ago. 


[  285  ] 


NOTES 

^    Warmck  Potter  II — emerged  from  cake  at  dinner  and 

said  Bon  Soir,  as  he  couldn't  speak  English. 
^  J.  Auchincloss. 
'  Gordon  MacDonald. 

*  Carroll  Hodges. 

®  C.  P.  Greenough. 

«  H.  P.  Stokes. 

'   Theodore  Roosevelt,  Jr. 

8  Sen^ard  Wehb. 

»  Mr.  Woods. 

^  Leander  A.  Plummer,  Jr. — "Clam." 

1  F,  R.  Appleton,  Jr. 

^  C.  S.  Brown,  Jr. 

^  Howard  Potter. 

*  G.  C.  Gignoux. 

^  First  perso7i  singular,  future  perfect  passive  of  mitto. 

«  F.  W.  Sargent,  Jr. 

^  Percy  Gordon. 

^  R.  L.  Bacon. 

^  Harper  Sibley. 
^^  Randolph  and  Lawrance. 
^^  Mr.  Gladwin. 


[  286  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1900 

The  sight  of  this  laurel  and  holly. 
The  general  atmosphere  jolly, 
The  common  delight  of  this  festival  night. 
Inspires  poetical  folly. 

So  once  more,  respectable  pardner, 
Just  put  on  your  jaw  muscle  hardener, 
And  tune  up  your  lyre,  ye  Muses,  inspire 
Bard  Billings  and  Oracle  Gardner. 

The  cruel  exams  are  all  ended. 
Results  have  been  something  quite  splendid; 
And  for  those  in  the  soup,  there  's  a  chance  to  recoup, 
For  vacation  by  one  day 's  extended. 

Thanksgiving,  you  see,  is  so  festive 
For  bovs  whom  School  food  has  made  restive, 
That  't  was  feared  that  the  Hub  with  inferior  grub 
Might  damage  their  organs  digestive. 

To  avert,  then,  this  threatened  disaster. 
Up  here  we  ate  more  food  and  faster. 
With  a  fine  minstrel  show  and  a  warble  or  so 
And  attacks  on  a  bald-headed  Master. 

While  the  chimes  with  their  clashing  and  banging. 
Their  dinging  and  donging  and  whanging. 
Excited  the  Bold  ^  and  the  Brave  -  and  the  Young,^ 
And  doubtless  will  end  with  the  hanging 
[  287  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

In  a  musical  true  lover's  knot 
Some  day  the  unfortunate  ringing  artist.* 
He  says  that  each  chime  is  in  exquisite  time, 
And  others  again  remark,  "Rot." 

But  enough  of  this  tragedy  fearful. 
To-morrow  we  part — oh,  how  tearful — 
For  eighteen  long  days  on  our  several  ways. 
And  to-night  we  are  feeling  quite  cheerful. 

Can  you  solve  for  me  the  riddle 
Once  propounded  by  G.  Biddle, 

That  chatterbox  impossible  to  squelch.'' 
Can  you  tell  if  Powell's  rabbits, 
Just  to  judge  them  by  their  habits. 

Are  genuine,  or  are  they  merely  Welsh  .^ 

Biddle,  of  course,  supposes. 

By  the  wiggling  of  their  noses. 
Those  rabbits  are  indisputably  foreign. 

For  wherever  they  are  found. 

They  are  always  wobbling  round 
In  a  fashion  that  recalls  their  cousin  Morin.^ 

No,  child,  the  cuspidor, 
When  the  savage  bull  doth  roar. 
Is  not  the  feller  managing  the  show; 
Nor  is  the  good  corned  beef, 
Of  the  bill  of  fare  the  chief. 
Quite  the  same  as  sirloin  roast,  I  'd  have  you 
know. 

[  288  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1000 

Inform  me,  wise  seer — for  I  know  that  you  can  — 
Why  Professor^  remains  here  at  Groton  so  much? 

Last  year  every  month  to  New  Haven  he  ran — 
Did  he  want  with  the  students  to  get  into  touch  ? 

Oh,  no,  't  was  n't  men  that  he  cared  about  so. 

Professor  knew  well  what  he  wanted  down  there, 
And  got  it,  so  now  he  's  no  reason  to  go. 

We  've  seen  that  the  Fniulein  has  come  to  the 
Herr. 

Why  are  certain  lives  with  such  luck  always  filled.'' 
There  are  others  we  know,  as  fine-looking  men,  too 

(The  gen'ral,^  for  instance,  just  think  of  his  build). 
Old  bachelors  still,  spite  of  all  they  can  do. 

Don't  grumble,  dear  fellow,  we  're  very  young  yet. 
Just  wait  a  few  years  till  the  loneliness  ends ; 

For  the  present  remember  the  comfort  we  get. 
The  pleasure  we  take,  in  the  wives  of  our  friends. 

So  every  new  wife  we  are  glad  to  see  come, 
Frau  Griswold  we  welcome,  our  liking  is  plain. 

We  're  glad  she  has  come  up  to  stay  with  us  here. 
New  Haven  has  lost,  but  Grotonians  gain. 

Tell  me,  poet,  if  you  're  able. 

What  disturbs  the  weighty  Lummox  * 

When  we  're  sitting  at  the  table 

Putting  things  inside  our — waistbands.'' 

[  289  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Though  the  room  be  rather  chilly 

And  unlighted  is  the  fire. 
Like  a  beet  he  looks, — poor  Stilly, — 

And  commences  to  perspire. 

He  's  a  sensitive  young  creature, 

And  since  Caspar  Bacon  's  near  him, 

Lummox  cannot  stand  red  pepper. 
And  Tabasco  seems  to  queer  him. 

But  a  mound  of  mashed  potato 

With  a  sprig  of  parsley  in  it. 
If  applied  when  hot  and  tempting. 

Will  restore  him  in  a  minute. 

Oh,  Turkey  Low  ^  is  such  a  beau. 

Why  is  his  razor  blunt? 
Has  he  been  carving  names  with  it. 

Or  doing  some  such  stunt  .^ 

Nay,  but  the  bushy,  bushy  brows 
That  shadow  Turkey's  forehead. 

He  tried  to  shave  to  make  them  thick, 
I  think  he  would  look  horrid. 

I  hear  in  the  city  of  Greater  New  York 

They  're  full  of  all  kinds  of  diseases  unclean. 

But  why  in  the  country  is  there  so  much  talk 
Of  injection  of  something — they  call  it  vaccine.^ 

You  feel  much  discomfort,  your  arm  it  gets  sore, 
Of  skating  and  hockey  you  lose  all  your  share. 

[  290  ] 


CHRISTMAS    lfM)0 

The  boys,  1  should  think,  would  regard  it  a  bore  — 
What  is  it  that  causes  this  terrible  scare? 

I  guess  I  've  a  tip  that  will  help  you  a  bit. 

They  'd  worked  Dr.  Warren  as  well  as  could  be. 

To  do  what  they  did  was  n't  decent  or  fit, 
It  suited  their  purposes,  though,  to  a  T. 

They  got  him  to  say  it  was  helpful  to  skate; 

The  virus,  because  of  the  falls  and  the  bumps. 
Would  take  all  the  better.  He  said,  though,  he  'd  hate 

To  have  them  attempt  to  go  through  Addyhumps.^** 

The  doctor  is  popular,  ever}'  one  knows, 
It 's  nice  to  be  given  instructions  by  him. 

But  here  is  the  risk — what  the  Rector  says  goes. 
And  I  noticed  the  patients  went  straight  to  the 
Gym. 

Webb  says  that  Boyer's  sandless  if  he  hasn't  kissed 
a  girl. 
But  what  is  Webb's  own  catalogue  of  crime.'' 
Whitney  and  Monkey  Fay  ^^  upon  last  Thanksgiving 

Were  each  kissed  by  three  fair  maidens  at  a  time. 

But  Boyer  loves  the  ladies  at  so  much  per  pound  of 
weight, 
A  hundred  and  ten  pounder  is  his  style ; 
And  if  the  damsel  fail  at  this  point  to  tip  the  scale, 
He  throws  a  mournful  languish  of  a  smile. 
[  291  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

But  tell  me,  brother  poet,  if  Sam  Crocker  has  reformed 
Since  the  Birthday  poem  labelled  him  a  fusser; 

In  the  dormitory  high  have  you  kept  on  him  an  eye? 
Is  he  better  now,  or  is  he  growing  wusser? 

When  the  brethren  have  retired  and  the  lights  are 
all  put  out. 
And  Sargent  breaks  the  darkness  by  his  snore. 
And  F.  Biddle's  strange  demeanour  with  his  laugh  like 
a  hyena 
Adds  a  horror  to  his  neighbours  on  that  floor. 

Then  Sam  is  heard  to  murmur  in  the  visions  of  his 
sleep 

One  name  and  many  episodes  of  bliss; 
So  we  're  on  to  his  affairs,  and  he  now  no  longer  cares 

To  conceal  the  fatal  passion  which  is  his. 

For  he  cannot  read  the  -WTiting  of  his  fair  one's  billet- 
doux. 
So  he  seeks  a  kindred  spirit,  Billy  Ladd. 
Ladd  shows  the  bright  bronze  hair  he  is  known  to 
always  wear 
In  a  locket  next  his  heart — oh,  it  is  sad. 

So  Sam  just  guzzles  candy  and  thus  tries  to  drown  his 
woes. 
But  even  that  small  comfort  is  denied; 
For  you  see  the  Master  knows  with  the  assistance  of 
his  nose 
Certain  facts  that  may  be  taking  place  inside. 
[  292  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1900 

"Oh,  who  is  that  old  gentleman 

Who  reads  the  Christmas  tale?" 
Said  Gavin  Hadden  Sunday  evening  last. 

I  really  cannot  tell  a 

Naughty  fib — he  said  "old  fella"  — 
But  I  feared  the  truth  might  make  you  stand 
aghast. 

"That's  Mr.  Peabodee,"^ 

Rae  Rogers  cried  with  glee. 
"He  and  the  Rector  look  like  one  another 

So  very  much  that  he 

A  relative  must  be. 
The  Rector's  nephew,  or  at  least  his  brother." 

But  the  little  Lawrence  girl. 

Her  brain  was  in  a  whirl. 
And  without  a  bit  intending  to  be  naughty. 

When  Sam  Hinckley  came  to-night 

With  a  transport  of  delight. 
She  greeted  him,  "Why  hello.  Uncle  Cottie." 

A  new  little  lady,  a  new  little  gent,^^ 

Have  come  to  the  School,  though  they  can't  read 
or  Avrite. 
Do  you  think  they  have  any  idea  what  is  meant 

By  the  talk  of  the  boys  who  get  up  to  recite? 

Oh,  bless  you,  my  friend,  they  are  not  here  to  learn, 
But  just  to  give  favours  in  some  jolly  way. 

Young  Jeff's  reputation  he  yet  has  to  earn. 
But  Susan  began  with  a  half  holiday. 
[  293  ] 


GllOTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Miss  Susan  's  all  rights  and  we  hope  t'  other  one, 
When  his  bearings  are  got  and  he  knows  what  is 
called 
Important,  will  do  just  as  Susan  has  done. 

Here  's  health  to  young  JefF — may  he  never  grow 
bald. 

I  often  give  squibs  to  the  Sixth  Form  H 

On  Homer  and  kindred  matters. 
They  don't  always  do  them,  but  nobody  cares. 

Their  knowledge  is  made  up  of  smatters. 

One  day  the  three  graces  appeared  in  the  verse; 

I  told  them  the  sweet  names  of  two. 
But  could  n't  remember  the  third,  so  I  said, 

"I  '11  leave,  then,  the  question  to  you." 

Now  Disgustus  Hummingbird  ^*  thinks  that  he  knows 

A  good  deal  about  the  three  graces. 
So  he  hunted  with  diligence  page  after  page  — 

Can  you  tell  what  he  found  in  all  places? 

One  name,  one  name  only,  confronted  his  view. 
Though  he  searched  through  a  mountain  of  books ; 

Though  two  graces  might  differ,  yet  ever  the  third 
Rejoiced  in  the  surname  of  Brooks. ^^ 

With  a  shave  of  his  whiskers  and  general  prink. 

And  his  charming  society  smile. 
This  third  of  the  graces  sits  yonder,  I  think ; 

You  could  tell  't  was  a  grace  half  a  mile. 

[  294  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1900 

I  've  often  been  puzzled  and  never  have  learned 

Why  Richards  is  g^o^^^ng  so  stout. 
He  sits  next  to  Heaton;  I  've  thought  it  might  be 

'T  is  catching,  but  never  found  out. 

The  question  what  fills  him  is  simple  enough  — 
I  heard  him  exclaim  last  Thanksgiving, 

With  one  of  his  well-known  poetical  bursts, 
"I  'm  filled  with  the  pure  joy  of  living." 

Why  is  n't  the  School  more  concerned  at  the  fact 
That  meat  has  gone  up  in  its  cost  all  around  ? 

It  was  thought  we  should  feel  very  bad  when  we 
heard 
We  had  to  pay  more  by  just  five  cents  a  pound. 

Yet  nobody  seems  very  worried,  for  meat 
Is  put  on  the  tables  the  same  as  before ; 

But  somehow  we  cannot  compel  boys  to  eat. 

Do  they  think  we  '11  go  bankrupt  in  case  they  take 
more? 

Oh,  no,  it 's  not  wholly  regard  for  the  School, 

They  're  thinking  of  health    and   physique,  and 
they  've  heard 
That  to  grow  big  and  strong  they  must  make  it  a 
rule 
To  give  up  their  meat  and  their  fish  —  it 's  absurd. 

Twelve  biscuits  a  day,  that  is  all  that  they  want; 
The  School  thinks  it 's  great,  for  it 's  cheaper,  I 
ween. 

[  295  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

It 's  a  sort  of  sour  milk  and  of  sand  that  they  take, 
A  wonderful  thing,  Brother  Miles's  Protein.^^ 

It  makes  no  allowance  for  study,  one  sees; 

You  walk  many  miles  and  play  fives,  but  I  wish 
Boys  knew  that  for  brains  and  exams  and  degrees. 

For  things  such  as  those  there  is  nothing  like  fish. 

Do  you  understand  the  language 

Of  the  dainty  summer  girl? 
Sign  language  is  a  thing  I  've  never  learned; 
But  a  maiden  once  last  summer 

Set  my  pulses  in  a  whirl. 
She  held  her  left  hand  out,  I  felt  concerned. 

But  though  I  asked  the  question  of  my  little  friends 
at  School, 
What  the  gesture  meant,  what  token  did  it  hide. 
No  one  could  tell  the  answer,  why,  not  even  Seward 
Webb 
Had  known  it  from  his  dusky  Indian  bride. 

Ask  Dooney,^^  he  can  tell  you,  when  a  girl  her  left 
extends. 
And  offers  you  her  dainty  little  fist. 
It  means  that  she  is  willing  just  to  be  the  best  of 
friends. 
Though  Dooney  says  it  means  she  's  to  be  kissed. 

"I  've  heard  of  culling  grapes  from  thorns 
And  figs  upon  the  thistle, 
[  296  ] 


CHRISTMAS   1900 

But  there  's  a  Thorn  who  owns  a  plant 
More  quaint  by  far,"  says  Kissel.^* 

Now  Latin  roots  I  do  not  doubt 

He  digs  when  he  has  leisure. 
But  out  of  all  his  garden  strange 

What  plant's  his  special  treasure? 

The  tree  which  flourishes  the  best 

In  his  plantation  stony, 
Producing  fruit  three  times  a  week 

Is  called  the  maccaroni. 

One  point 's  in  my  mind  that  I  want  to  suggest 
Of  things  in  the  future;  and  you,  famous  bard, 

Are  wise  in  those  matters,  it 's  part  of  your  task 
To  answer  me  whether  it 's  easy  or  hard. 

This  new  year  that 's  coming,  how  full  will  it  be 
Of  victories  for  Groton  —  decided  ones  too? 

Will  boys  take  a  brace,  and  again  shall  we  see 

Some  Brown  or  Dave  Hawkins  or  Harry  Markoe  ? 

Defeats,  my  good  friend,  if  they  do  not  last  long, 
Are  good  for  the  character — steady  us  all. 

Our  Groton  's  still  Groton,  the  spirit 's  still  strong, 
I  '11  show  you  my  meaning  next  spring  and  next 
falL 

November  the  seventh  's  a  very  sad  day. 

But  the  School 's  been  united,  of  that  we  're  agreed, 

[  297  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  sixteen  to  nothing  's  a  cheap  price  to  pay 
If  all  the  boys  rally  to  help  the  School's  need. 

Our  prospects  have  never  more  fav'rable  been. 
We  '11  pull  all  together  the  boys  and  the  men. 

The  captains  are  fine  ones,  we  surely  shall  win. 
Here  's  a  rousing  good  health  to  both  Lydig  and 
Ben.i9 

Lloyd  Derby  is  so  silent,  so  mature,  and  so  profound, 
That  I  fear  that  something  's  happened  to  the  lad. 

What  makes  him  look  so  glum  and  rubber  listlessly 
around  ? 
What  is  it,  brother  poet,  makes  him  sad."* 

Is  it  Islesboro  he 's  thinking  of  and  summer  and  its 

joy? 

Or  has  he,  do  you  think,  a  painful  pain? 
Perhaps  he  does  n't  like  it  to  be  called  an  older  boy. 
It  may  be  Mr.  Ayrault  could  explain. 

Yes,  poet,  you  have  hit  it,  for  misled  by  his  mustache 
With  the  older  brethren  once  he  him  did  mix; 

Beguiled  by  his  appearance,  and  though  maybe  it  was 
rash. 
He  caught  him  Tuesday  night  and  slapped  him  six. 

Of  Charlie  Lawrance  I  fain  would  know 

About  his  automobile. 
Will  moonbeams  really  make  it  go? 

Or  is  the  whole  thing  a  steal.'' 
[  298  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1900 

For  he  's  offered  me  shares,  and  Ed  Girning  declares 

That  the  outfit 's  straight,  he  's  sure. 
He  has  been  down  to  Ayer,  seen  the  factory  there, 

And  would  buy  one  if  not  too  poor. 

Not  moonbeams,  good  poet,  but  wind  makes  it  mote. 

If  he  wants  it  to  Bubble  with  ease. 
He  '11  just  blow  on  the  cornet  an  ear-splitting  note. 

And  Sidney  will  furnish  the  Breese. 

When  autumn  rains  began  to  pour 

In  buckets  on  the  head. 
The  lads  of  the  third  twenty-two 

Just  broke  up  ranks  and  fled. 

Now  what  to  do  no  player  knew 

While  storm  was  raging  loud. 
So  to  the  children's  play-house  straight 

Flew  the  whole  dripping  crowd. 

And  how  to  pass  the  dreary  time 

They  really  could  not  say. 
Tell  me,  good  poet,  what  they  did. 

To  while  the  hours  away.  «  ' 

Chauncey  McCormick  undertook 

The  throng  to  entertain. 
He  talked  until  the  rafters  shook 

And  quite  drowned  out  the  rain. 

The  ladies  listened,  and  they  longed 
The  cruel  storm  might  pass, 
[  299  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

But  Chauncey  talked  till  darkness  came 
And  then  supplied  the  gas. 

Oh,  Spiggotty  Nick  ^^  is  Nature's  Child, 
And  Baa  Lamb  ^^  is  Nature's  Freak — 

Got  toothpowder  tangled  one  day  in  his  wool. 
And  his  hair  it  was  white  for  a  week. 

And  Butter- Pat  ^^  wishes  his  teeth  were  long 
Like  Addison  Thayer's,  for  example. 

Just  so  he  could  eat  till  he  'd  gobbled  enough 
And  enlarged  his  proportions  ample. 

But  what  was  Lowell  the  poet  about 

When  he  dashed  off  the  "Ancient  Mariner".'' 

I  asked  Charlie  Greenough  to  tell  what  he  knew 
Anent  that  eccentric  foreigner. 

The  question  has  puzzled  the  critics'  wits. 

But  Charlie  asserts  that  Lowell 
Just  wanted  to  show  how  much  he  did  know. 

And  Coleridge  did  n't  write  so  well. 

'Tis  a  treatise  on  birds.  "Don't  be  cruel  to  pets. 

Especially  albatross, 
A  creature  quite  plenty  and  one  which  in  strolls 

I  often  have  come  across." 

Good  poet,  we  are  growing  just  a  trifle  stale  and 
hoarse 
With  singing  rhymes  as  year  succeeds  to  year. 
[  300  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1900 

Perhaps  we  'd  better  stop  and  give  some  other  folks 
a  chance; 
There  may  be  others  we  might  Hke  to  hear. 

Oh,  yes,  there  's  bards  in  bunches,  at  the  table  where 
you  sit. 

Sweet  Singer  Lamed  ^  sits  enwreathed  in  laurel. 
His  soul  just  brimming  over  with  rich  melody  and  wit; 

He  's  the  centre  of  a  famous  poet's  quarrel. 

Jack  Peabody  and  Woolsey  and  like  great  poetic  souls 

One  day  a  competition  held  in  verse. 
Jack  cribbed  from  Rubaiyat  and  Woolsey  cribbed  from 
Scott, 

And  Lamed  said  he  never  had  seen  worse. 

As  to  Scott's  he  said  that  Woolsey's  verse  was  full  of 
bad  mistakes, 

While  Peabody's  was  simply  tommy-rot. 
He  proceeded  then  to  show  how  the  verses  ought  to  go, 

W^ell,  'twas  very  fine  indeed — I  pity  Scott. 

So  if  ever  Mrs.  Lawrence  wants  a  better  set  of  rhymes. 
She  's  only  got  to  call  upon  your  table; 

For  tragedy  or  comedy  or  lyric  or  romance, 
Or  to  write  a  corking  sonnet,  they  are  able. 

And  Cryder  wants  to  join  them  for  the  practice  that 
it  gives; 
He  also  wants  to  be  a  bard  divine 
That  he  may  make  a  living  by  inditing  Easter  cards, 
W^ith  here  and  there  a  tender  valentine. 
[  301  ] 


NOTES 

^  Mr.  Sturgis. 

2  Mr.  Ayrault. 

^  Mr.  F.  Young. 

i  "Bot"—Mr.  Abbott. 

5  M.  S.  Hare. 

^  Mr.  Griswold. 

^  Mr.  Cushing. 

*  E.  Stillman. 

9  G.  C.  W.  Low. 

^  Popular  Sivedisk  exercises. 

1  H.  H.  Fay,  Jr. 

"   The  Rector's  father. 

^  Children  oj"  Mr.  Sturgis  and  Mr.  Jeffersoiu 

Augustus  Hemenway,  Jr. 

Gorham. 

Mr.  Miles' s  visit  gave  rise  to  a  vegetarian  fad. 

R.  Duane  Humphreys. 

TV.  Thorn  Kissel. 

B.  Joy. 
20  /.  D.  Nichols. 
2^  B.  Sturgis. 
2^  C.  Hodges. 
23  Albert  Cecil. 
2*  Ogden  Cryder. 


[  302  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1901 

OH,  listen,  my  children,  and  I  will  tell 
A  mournful  tale  of  a  summer  hotel, 
And  the  fate  of  brave  Don  Nichols.^ 
'Twas  the  night  of  the  annual  summer  ball, 
And  the  tables  were  moved  from  the  dinincr-hall, 
And  gone  were  the  doughnuts  and  pickles. 

The  fiddles  were  tuned  and  the  band  struck  up, 
The  floor  was  smooth  for  this  hotel  hop. 

And  here  my  tale  begins. 
Oh,  Spiggotty  Nick  is  Nature's  Child, 
His  figure  is  fierce  and  his  eye  is  wild; 

He  's  a  dancer  from  neck  to  shins. 

That  night  he  'd  bidden  a  lady  fair 

His  fate — for  that  evening  at  least — to  share. 

And  her  heart  went  pitty  pat. 
She  arrived  an  hour  before  the  dance. 
He  had  n't  appeared,  she  took  in  at  a  glance. 

So  waiting  she  patiently  sat. 

She  sat  for  an  hour,  she  sat  for  two. 
But  nary  a  Nick  rejoiced  her  view. 

At  intervals  she  slept. 
She  sat  all  night  till  the  ball  was  done. 
But  Don  never  came,  —  that  faithless  one. 

And  the  hapless  maiden  wept. 

[  303  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

You  see,  that  night  the  unfortunate  Spiggotty 
Was  looking  so  handsome  and  feeUng  so  biggitty 

That  he  thought  it  would  do  quite  well 
If  he  wore  his  flannels  and  no  dress  suit. 
From  his  yachting  cap  to  his  polished  boot 

He  was  really  no  end  of  a  swell. 

But  the  hard-hearted  ushers  had  orders  severe, 
They  found  on  the  whole  his  appearance  queer; 

So  they  said  with  politeness,  "Nick, 
You  're  very  good  looking,  but  can't  come  in; 
Without  a  dress  suit  you  would  look  like  sin, 

So  you  'd  better  clear  out  of  here  quick." 

I  felt  a  little  nervous  lest  this  annual  report 
To  some  would  seem  monotonous,  to  others  rathershort; 
And  so  to  set  my  worn-out  mind  at  rest  from  its  anxiety. 
And  also  that  I  might  present  a  little  more  variety, 
I  hired  two  young  authors — Daland  Chandler  and 

the  poet 
J.  Hinckley.  So  where  praise  is  due,  kind  hearers  will 

bestow  it. 

Extract  the  first,  by  Chandler,  is  choke-full  of  wit  and 

reason. 
With  just  a  dash  of  nonsense  and  with  not  a  little 

treason. 
While  Hinckley's  work  you  '11  recognize  for  its  poetic 

flavour ; 
The  style  is  light  indeed,  but  then  we  would  n't  wish 

it  graver, 

[  304  ] 


BIRTHDAY    11)01 

^  [ "  Once  more  the  festive  day  comes  round, 
To  recollect,  each  one  enjoys. 
That  seventeen  years  ago  to-day 
A  School  decidedly  O.  K. 
Was  organized  for  boys. 

"And  only  think  if  those  kind  men 

Who  met  to  find  out  how 
To  run  a  School  had  disagreed 
And  let  the  project  go  to  seed. 

Think  where  we  might  be  now! 

"And  as  our  memories  revert 
And  fancy  wanders  free, 
Let  us  a  moment  pause  to  think 
Upon  ourselves,  the  only  link 
'Twixt  past  and  times  to  be, 

"Let  us  a  moment  look  within. 

And  see  what  is  the  fun 
Between  the  Master  and  the  boy. 
To  tell  the  truth  what  01  UoXXol 

Has  been  and  gone  and  done. 

"But  let  us  for  an  instant  pause, 

A  welcoming  extending 
To  all  new-comers  with  us  here. 
To  all  of  them,  most  hearty  cheer. 

And  happiness  unending. 

"Rumour  flits  round — as  rumours  do — 
And  tells  a  tale  I  'd  tell  to  you. 
About  our  worthy  Rector. 
[  305  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

In  tennis — though  he  likes  the  game — 
Mixed  doubles  did  he  loud  disclaim 
And  ivas  a  great  objector. 

"But  yet  when  summer  came  around. 
It  found  him  on  the  tennis  ground 

In  doubles  mixed  competing; 
And  as  he  played,  one  well  could  see 
He  and  his  'mixed'  did  so  agree 

That  they  came  near  defeating. 

"But  sad  to  say,  when  they  came  to 
The  finals  and  were  almost  through. 

They  met  with  a  disaster; 
For  though  th'  opposing  'mixed'  were  small. 
They  juggled  with  the  tennis-ball, 

And  vanquished  our  Head  Master. 
And  ?i07v  I  wonder  what 's  his  view 
About  mixed  doubles;  do  not  you.'* 

*'Beals  Wright  this  summer,  so  it 's  told. 
His  reputation  just  could  hold 

Against  our  valiant  Snapper  ^  ; 
For  Snapper  played  the  game  so  well — 
At  least  he  said  he  did — 
That  Beals  before  him  almost  fell, 
P.  Pearson  is  no  napper. 

''Swoboda,  for  the  trifling  sum 
Of  ten  to  twenty  dollars, 

[  306  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1001 

Will  tell  one  how  to  gain  in  strength. 

If  he  his  dictates  'foUers.' 
So  Chapin  theorizing  that 

He  'd  Hke  a  bigger  arm. 
Sat  down  and  to  Swoboda  wrote 
A  practical  explaining  note. 

Ten  dollars — what's  the  harm? 

*'And  now  if  you  should  chance  to  meet 

In  life's  tumultuous  hustle, 
A  man  with  calves  as  large  as  cows, 
Whose  coat  no  extra  room  allows. 

It 's  Louis  and  his  muscle. 

*'One  evening  G.  Low  wished  to  find 

What  chloroform  was  like. 
And  so  he  got  some  liniment 
And  smelt  it.  'What  er  lovely  scent. 

Yes,  what  er  lucky  strike!' 
And  as  he  smelt,  he  zigzagged  round. 
And  fell  at  last  upon  the  ground. 

Intoxicated  quite. 
Ah,  boys,  alas,  I  'm  forced  to  say 
From  Low  you  'd  better  keep  away. 

"WTiat  were  those  curious  things  I  saw? 
They  looked  uncommonly  like  kegs. 
I  wondered  more  and  more  and  more. 
Until  I  ceased  to  wonder,  for 

I  found  they  were  but  Perry's*  legs."] 

[  307  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Here  Chandler's  verses  end,  my  friends, 

Now  hearken  all  to  Julian; 
His  poem  's  not  so  very  long. 

But  still  it  is  a  bully  one. 

['' Hubble  Bubbles,  Rubble  Doubles, 
What  now  troubles  Bubbles?^ 
Just  a  horrid  wild  commotion, 
He  has  got  a  sort  of  notion 

''Something  in  the  cellar  's  brewing. 
Mister  Lawrence,  what  are  they  doing? 
Oh,  Bubbles  Fry,  oh.  Bubbles,  fie! 

I  thought  you  were  a  glutton, 
When  first  I  saw  you  pass  the  door. 

With  pockets  stuffed  with  mutton. 
But  now  I  know  it  was  not  so. 

To  eat  you  had  no  wishes; 
With  pin  and  weight  and  this  for  bait 

You  meant  to  catch  us  fishes. 
You  're  veiy  kind,  but  never  mind. 

We  always  have  enough. 
For  Friday's  meal  is  all,  we  feel. 

That  we  could  nicely  rough. 
That  you  are  quite  a  sportsman  too. 

There  surely  is  no  doubt. 
But  there  are  things  you  should  not  do 

When  you  are  catching  trout. 

"Never  employ  another  boy 
To  loudly  whack  the  water, 

[  308  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

And  never  use  a  safety-pin — 
No  sportsman  ever  ought  ter. 

"Oh,  Bubbles,  when  the  poets'  fount 
For  squibs  is  running  dry. 
Your  deeds  come  ever  bubbling  up 
With  'Did  you  hear  of  Fry?' 

"I  fear  when  comes  your  dread  School  bill 
The  items  will  be  large, 
For  when  you  ever  order  things 
You  always  add,  'Please  charge'! 

"Kind  Bubbles,  I  must  leave  you  now. 
My  Muse  has  caught  afire, 
For  all  of  yous  have  heard  the  news 
That  Woden'  's  in  the  Choir, 

"'Oh,  such  a  voice!'  the  ladies  say. 

'Was  ever  voice  like  that? 
So  firm,  so  true.'  When  he  is  through — 

Oh,  no,  he  's  never  flat. 
We  may  remark  when  he  is  through, 
The  organ's  sharp  a  note  or  two  — 

Organic  trouble  that."] 

Since  those  gifted  authors  now  both  have  been 

heard, 
'Tis  high  time  for  "Teacher"  to  put  in  a  word. 

C  309  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

There  is  quiet  in  the  school -room  of  a  sunny  afternoon, 
And  black  mark  School 's  in  progress  to  the  same  old 

hum-drum  tune. 
Occasionally  hornets  or  mosquitoes  flit  about. 
Occasionally  idle  boys  are  ruthlessly  stood  out. 
The  Rev' rend  Mr.  B.  perchance  indulges  in  a  doze, 
And  all  around  him  breathes  an  air  of  comfort  and 

repose ; 

When  at  the  door  appears  in  state,  that  jewel  of  our 

nation, 
Chauncey  McCormick,  leading  a  Chicago  delegation. 
Then   Mr.    Billings   started  up  and   seemed  a  trifle 

dotty. 
He  shouted  loud  to  Malcolm,^  "You  are  idle,  stand 

out,  Cottie." 

And  when  the  introductions  by  McCormick  were  gone 

through  with, 
Mr.  Billings  had  more  manners  than  he  quite  knew 

what  to  do  with. 
And  so  with  words  of  welcome,  highly  polished  and 

most  fancy. 
The    embarrassed    Rev'rend  gentleman  bowed  and 

shook  hands  with — Chauncey. 

I  was  not  a  little  shocked  one  day, 

On  visiting  the  village, 
Where  all  the  famous  candy  shops 

Submit  so  oft  to  pillage, 

[  310  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

On  entering  the  famous  shop 

Where  good  things  are  dispensed. 

To  see  MacDonald  ^^  and  to  hear 
A  speech  I  give  condensed: 

"Good  Mr.  Bruce,  no  sweets  to-day, 

I  've  come  to  your  bazaar, 
And  wish  that  you  would  give  me  your 

Cheapest  one  cent  cigar." 

A  land  office  business  is  run  as  I  hear 
By  no  less  a  person  than  Charlie  Lanier, 

With  houses  to  let  and  to  sell; 
Four  dollars  a  season  for  huts  is  his  charge, 
With  taxes  thrown  in  for  a  den  not  so  large. 

And  likewise  he  runs  a  hotel. 

Fred  Burnham  was  lazy,  he  could  n't  be  bored 
By  the  labour  of  building  when  he  could  afford 

To  purchase  a  palace  complete; 
So  a  handsome  well-furnished  apartment  he  hires. 
Far  down  in  my  woods  into  which  he  retires. 

When  his  one  great  desire  is  to  eat. 

Oh,  mirror,  mirror  on  the  wall. 
Who  is  the  fairest  of  us  all.^ 
Can  it  be  Larned,^^  whose  soft  heart 
Is  caused  with  anguish  sore  to  smart. 
When  he  an  ancient  lady  wrecks. 
Such  his  devotion  to  the  sex  ? 

[  311  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

In  grief  he  took  him  to  his  bed. 
Where  one  fair  damsel  famied  his  head ; 
Two  others  held  his  burning  hands, 
While  Bertie  murmured  in  a  trance. 
As  anxiously  the  dear  ones  stood, 
"You  girls  have  done  me  heaps  of  good." 

"Nay,"  says  Thorn  Kissel,  "it  is  clear 
Our  true  Napoleon  Belvidere 
Can  be  none  else  than  Billy  Ladd, 
And  some  experience  he  's  had." 

For  instance.  Rose,  the  other  day. 
Punched  Kissel's  head  in  roughish  play, 
When  on  his  neck  he  'd  sought  repose — 
There  is  no  Thorn  without  its  Rose.^^ 

"Such  treatment  I  cannot  permit. 
Familiarity  unfit; 
I  only  wish  such  actions  tender 
From  persons  of  the  other  gender." 

He  's  rather  handsome,  too,  himself. 
Is  Thorny  Kissel,  that  weird  elf. 
Though  his  mustache  is  somewhat  slow. 
In  fact,  well-nigh  declines  to  grow. 

It  really  should  be  let  alone. 
Examined  through  a  megaphone; 
No  wonder,  on  his  lip  quite  bare 
He  can't  discern  a  single  hair. 
[  312  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

We  think  that  Ogden  Cryder,  too, 

Must  be  in  looks  surpassed  by  few. 

On  entering  the  other  day 

The  room  where  he  does  work — and  play. 

His  friends  aver  that  he  was  found 
Whistling  and  waltzing  round  and  round. 
Thinking  of  happy  scenes  last  summer 
When  Islesb'ro'  found  him  such  a  hummer. 
And  every  time  he  by  did  pass. 
He  'd  gaze  enraptured  at  the  glass. 

There  once  was  a  boy  from  Buffalo  tovm  ^^ 

Escaped  from  the  Midway  there, 
He  had  looped  the  loop  and  had  flipped  the  flap 

At  the  great  Pan-American  Fair. 

They  sent  him  away  from  Buffalo  town 

As  a  marvellous  curiosity; 
He  got  a  hundred  in  Greek  last  year. 

And  shows  other  signs  of  precocity. 

His  name  is  Ann,  though  he  'II  soon  be  a  man, 

-Sley  Wilcox  Sawyer  in  full. 
And  to  tell  you  the  truth,  he  's  the  cleanliest  youth 

Ever  heard  of  in  Groton  School. 

For  he  took  a  hot  bath  upon  Saturday  night. 

And  no  matter  how  hard  he  tried. 
He  might  rub  and  scrub  till  he  'd  busted  the  tub, 

He  could  n't  be  satisfied. 
[  313  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

He  gave  it  up  in  despair  at  last, 
"There  's  dirt  enough  here  to  dig, 

And  there  's  no  use  trying,"  said  he,  "to  wash, 
This  water  is  on  the  pig." 

I  once  heard  a  rumpus  in  front  of  the  house 
And  crept  out  to  see  it  as  still  as  a  mouse. 
And  there  I  beheld,  full  of  beauty  and  grace. 
The  Peabody  kids  in  a  three-legged  race. 

When  Lydig  ^^  was  sent  by  the  Rector  to  stop  it. 
Said  he,  "Dearest  ladies,  I  beg  you  to  drop  it." 
"Who  told  you  to  tell  us.''"  the  ladies  replied. 
"'Twas  the  Rector  himself,"  Lydig  said  with  some 

pride. 
"Oh,  ho,  pooh,  pooh,  pooh!  Only  he!"  they  exclaim. 
And  with  perfect  composure  continue  the  game. 

I  grieve  to  state,  in  the  School  of  late 

Fine  dressing 's  the  thing  to  do. 
Freddie  Schenck  has  selected  for  underwear 

A  beautiful  suiting  of  blue. 
And  Shepley's  pijamas  are  perfect  charmers. 

The  rainbow  is  pale  beside  'em. 
And  Jack  Peabody' s  stocking  is  simply  shocking. 

And  his  shirts,  you  might  think  he  'd  dyed  'em. 

But  when  one  so  staid  as  that  dear  old  maid, 
Warren  Robbins,  affects  such  a  fashion 

As  real  fish  netting  for  shirts,  we  're  getting 
A  regular  Bowery  dash  on. 
[  314  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

And  Potsey  ^^  declares  that  two  colours  in  hairs 
Are  the  thing  for  Beau  Brummels  to-day. 

So  he  's  died  half  his  tow  to  a  golden  glow 
In  a  truly  delectable  way. 

But  really  the  line  must  be  drawn  at  some  spot. 
The  remarkable  costume  of  Clam !  ^* 

Not  how  he  was  rigged  up,  but  how  he  was  not. 
When  he  dashed  from  the  Gym  with  a  slam! 

Ah,  me,  it  was  a  sorry  sight. 

On  Monday  evening  last. 
To  see  poor  Grosvenor  "  quit  the  room 

With  blood  down  streaming  fast. 

He  held  his  pocket  handkerchief 

To  hide  his  painful  woes 
Up  to  his  face  —  we  thought  the  gore 

Was  coming  from  his  nose. 

But  no,  it  seems  some  friend  in  play 
Had  squeezed  on  Grosvenor' s  head 

His  sponge  in  lavatory  sport — 

That 's  why  the  stream  looked  red. 

The  annual  custom  and  wisdom  forbids 

That  from  these,  my  brief  lines,  I  should  leave  out  the 

kids. 
Although  opportunities  always  are  few 
To  make  their  acquaintance  and  jump  on  them  too. 

[  315  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

The  kids  take  no  Greek  till  they've  turned  into  goats. 
And  when  I  make  rhymes  on  what  some  one  else 

quotes, 
I  mix  up  the  nicknames  and  get  things  all  twisted. 
And  sometimes  describe  things  that  never  existed. - 

And  since  I  don't  teach  them  for  three  or  four  years. 
The  one  way  to  get  at  the  curves  of  the  dears 
Is  to  ask  them  to  tea  or  to  google  on  Sunday, 
And  so  I  '11  begin  with  what  happened  on  one  day. 

To  roast  a  kid  take  my  receipt. 
Select  one  of  the  softest  meat. 

And  put  him  on  to  Fry.^® 
You  '11  be  rewarded  for  your  trouble 
When  he  begins  to  seethe  and  Bubble 

And  sputter  by  and  by. 

I  longed  amid  the  group  of  quaint  'uns 
To  make  this  Bubble  Fry's  acquaintance. 

So  asked  him  once  to  tea. 
'Twas  Sunday,  so  with  hesitation 
He  asked  if  on  this  great  occasion 

A  Bible  needed  he. 

There 's  a  kid  with  a  name  that  suggests  strong  drink. 

And  his  other  name  is  Gray^^; 
You  never  can  tell  what  this  kid  may  think. 

Nor  what  game  he  is  going  to  play. 

The  place  he  selects  on  the  first  eleven 
Is  short  stop  he  avers. 

[  316-] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

And  second  bass  (in  the  Choir,  not  the  nine) 
Is  the  post  which  he  prefers. 

You  see  since  the  basses  sit  in  front. 

And  since  he's  so  handsome  —  this  Whiskey, 

He  'd  hke  to  be  seen  in  the  front  row,  too. 
Unless  the  experiment 's  risky. 

But,  alas,  Mr.  Nichols  has  vetoed  his  plans 
And  assigned  him  a  humble  position, 

Where  he  only  may  sit  with  enfolded  hands. 
On  the  benches  of  Prohibition.-** 

I  sometimes  gaze  upon  these  kids 

With  trembling  agitation; 
Hog  piles  and  rapid  transit  games 

Fill  me  with  trepidation. 

The  other  day  a  yelling  horde, 

Gus  Gray  was  at  their  head. 
Rushed  in  pursuit  across  the  sward. 

And  Wetmore  saw  and  fled. 

They  had  a  game  wherein  they  'd  drag 

Timmins  or  Turkey  Lum  Tum  ^^ 
Or  Boit  like  lightning  o'er  the  grass. 

And  then  sit  on  his  tum  tum. 

There  is  smiling  Billy  Prescott 

Amid  these  fearful  scenes. 
His  cunning  little  waistcoat 

Swelled  out  by  countless  beans. 
[  317  ] 


GROTON   SCHOOL    VERSES 

Three  helps  he  made  away  with, 

And  then  regretted  sore 
His  distended  shirt  too  tight  with  dessert 

Would  n't  let  him  accommodate  four. 

Which  reminds  me  of  Harold  Stokes, 

Who  's  never  left  out  of  these  jokes. 

The  butter  that 's  raised  on  his  famous  estates 

Is  the  best  in  the  world  as  himself  relates, 

And  so  is  the  maccaroni. 
He  burst  into  tears  one  day. 
For  he  's  had  to  come  away. 
He  was  getting  so  stout  that  his  anxious  nurse 
Feared  seven  more  helps  might  but  make  him  worse 

And  refused  them  with  countenance  stony. 

But  ere  I  return  to  my  muttons, 

A  place  on  the  list  of  gluttons 

Is  reserved  for  Prince  —  Skinny  Prince ,^^  I  mean. 

Who  gobbles  and  gobbles  and  still  stays  lean, 

'T  is  the  fault  of  a  poor  digestion. 
For  he  gobbles  and  guzzles  and  gorges, 
And  indulges  in  sugar  sauce  orgies; 
But  in  spite  of  all  that  he  don't  seem  to  get  fat, 
I  wonder  what  can  be  the  reason  of  that. 

Miss  Burnett  ^^  might  answer  the  question. 

I  fain  would  these  moments  of  laughter  prolong 
And  add  lots  of  things  to  this  annual  song. 
To  tell  of  the  look  that  Ting  2*  wears  on  his  face, 
'T  is  quite  a  pathetic  and  stony  stare  case. 
[  318  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1901 

And  how  Puggy  Osborn  ^^  pursues  his  pug  nose ; 
The  pug  will  turn  tiger  some  day  if  he  grows. 
To  sing  Stewart's  ^^  fame  and  the  raft  that  he  made, 
But  would  n't  sail  on  it,  't  would  sink  he  's  afraid. 

I  fain  would  repeat  how  my  heart  was  made  warm 
When  Jauchincloss  ^^  ventured  to  join  the  Sixth  Form. 
And  sweetly  the  music  resounds  in  mine  ears 
When  at  matches  he  steps  forth  and  leads  the  School 
cheers. 

I  'd  like  to  inform  you  how  Seward  Webb  spells 
An  automobile,  with  three  o's,  e's  and  I's. 
And  talking  of  spelling,  a  place  in  my  song 
Should  be  found  for  C.  Burden's  R-n-g-e  wrong. 

To  tell  of  R.  Hooper's  remarkable  trail 
Over  oceans  untrod  and  dry  land  without  sail. 
How  a  syndicate  's  started  among  the  big  brothers 
Of  Burden  and  Hooper  and  Low  and  the  others: 

Each  chips  in  a  quarter  when  black  marks  are  scored 
And  a  dinner  at  Christmas  will  be  the  reward. 
How  during  a  football  game  list'ning  to  Luce, 
I  found  he  was  singing,  and  pleads  for  excuse ; 

Though  strange  things  he  does  and  mistakes  by  the 

dozen. 
He  's  really  a  peach;  Grinsome  Dan^  is  his  cousin, 
Who  always  stands  up  against  George  West's  abuse. 
And  's  no  end  of  a  comfort  to  woebegone  Luce. 
[  319  ] 


GIIOTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Although  I  confess,  that  perpetual  grinner 

Is  sometimes,  I  fear  me,  a  treacherous  sinner. 

He  's  given  away  how  his  cousin,  that  peach. 

Has  prepared  for  to-night  a  long  typewritten  speech. 

I  'd  also  relate  a  whole  lot  of  mistakes. 

Though  some  may  be  true,  they  are  most  of  them 

fakes. 
How  Cutting — Suydam  thought  the  place  to  keep 

meat 
Was  a  refrigerator  because  of  the  heat. 

How  good  Mr.  B.  said,  ''The  longer  the  task 
The  more  time  to  waste,"  and  how  Prescott  did  ask 
If  portly  John  Richai'ds  was  really  a  Master. 
Since  then  John  looks  proud  and  but  waddles  the 
faster. 

How   Twombly   thinks   helmets   and   long   padded 

knickers 
Are  only  for  captains  and  no  other  kickers. 
And  thought  Mr.  Abbott  a  cross,  fat  old  man, 
While  F.  Prince  thought  eye  teeth  from  the  forehead 

began. 

I  also  a  moment  would  crave  to  explain 
How  Newbold  used  soap  for  a  pain  in  a  vein. 
How  young  Pearson  was  found  all  alone  in  a  bog. 
Sadly  singing  about  the  expiring  frog. 

How  P.  D.  ^*  got  sent  out  to  our  grief  and  surprise 
Because  he  and  C.  Burden  would  make  googoo  eyes. 
[  320  ] 


BIRTHDAY    IDOl 

To  tell  of  the  picture  in  Bunny's  ^**  watch-case, 
And  the  toothpowder  Stewart  employs  on  his  face. 

How  Farr  tried  to  charm  a  fair  maiden  out  boating 
By  singing — that  lady  must  sure  have  been  doting. 
Although  Mr.  Gladwin  indulges  in  song, 
I  would  quote  what  he  says,  but  it 's  rather  too  long. 

One  song's  about  Tubby  and  sit  on  the  sofa, — 
Oh,  not  Tubby  Thayer,   I   don't  mean  that  young 

loafer, — 
And  one  which  has  set  all  our  thoughts  in  a  whirl. 
Goes  thus,  "Oh,  my  Pearl  is  my  only  best  girl." 

B.  Sturgis  grows  musical  when  he  hears  that. 

And  says,  "Let  me  have  women  about  that  are  fat." 

.But  really  I  'm  just  about  tired  to  death 

And  simply  have  not  left  an  atom  of  breath. 

So  here  I  must  finish  and  down  I  must  sit. 

If  you  have  n't  been  mentioned  this  time,  you  are  It. 


[  321  ] 


NOTES 

J. D. Nichols — "Natures  Child "  —  "Spiggotty Nick. 

Part  ofjwem  by  H.  D.  Chandler. 

Petmingtofi  Pearsoti. 

Perry  Heaton. 

Juliaii  Hinckley  s  part. 

John  Fry. 

Mr.  Woods. 

W.  A.  G.  resumes. 

M.  Peabody. 

G.  MacDonald. 

Bartie. 

Thorn  Kissel  and  Selden  Rose. 

Ansley  W.  Sawyer. 

Lydig  Hoyt. 

Ho7vard  Potter  of  the  Sunburnt  Tow  head. 

Leander  Plummer. 

W.  Grosvenor. 

John  Fry — "Bubbles." 

Gray  Zabriskie — "  Whiskey." 
20  "Probationers." 
2^  A.  Low. 
^^  Morton  Prince. 
^^  Infirmary  Nurse. 
2*  F.  Cutting. 

2^  Fairfield  Osborn  aimed  for  Princeton. 
26   W.  R.  Stewart,  Jr. 
^'  J.  Auchincloss. 
2^  Daniel  Davis. 
23  Paul  Draper. 
^^  Henry  Watson. 

[  322  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1901 

Well,  Oracle  dear,  we  are  at  it  again. 

For  seventeen  years  we  have  done  it  before; 
Supposing  we  say  we  will  come  to  an  end 

When  poems  we  've  written  just  seventeen  more. 

Though  no,  we'll  not  stop,  for  the  School  won't  permit, 
Because  Mrs.  Lawrence  has  made  such  a  threat, 

That  she  Avill  not  sing  if  we  let  up  a  bit, 
I  guess  we  '11  keep  going  a  longish  time  yet. 

It 's  holiday  time,  and  the  boys  we  have  made 
To  give  up  their  work  for  a  fortnight  or  so. 

'T  was  hard  to  persuade  them  that  they  'd  be  repaid 
If  studies  and  books  to  the  wind  they  would  throw. 

They  've  yielded,  however;  they  're  off  as  we  thought 
For  home  and  their  fathers  and  mothers  so  dear, 

To  celebrate  Christmas  as  ever\'  one  ought, 
The  festival,  gladdest  of  all  the  whole  year. 

Wilt  tell  me  what's  happened  to  football  of  late.-* 
The  boys  used  to  talk  of  a  vict'ry  with  pride. 

It 's  such  a  good  sport  that  one  surely  would  hate 
To  think  that  a  love  for  the  game  had  quite  died. 

The  School  in  the  past  has  n't  ever  been  quite 
So  proud  of  its  nine  as  its  ball-kicking  band. 

Though  both  sets  of  players  put  up  a  good  fight, 
A  diamond  's  fine,  but  a  gridiron  's  grand. 
[  323  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

You  never  could  come  to  our  Groton  before 

Without  hearing  much  about  rushes  and  tricks. 

They  'd  ask  if  you  knew  of  some  wonderful  score, 
A  forty-six  ought,  or  eleven  to  six. 

But  things  have  been  quiet  for  one  or  two  years. 
The  boys  have  n't  wanted  to  say  very  much. 

Perhaps  they  've  been  waiting,  from  all  that  one  hears, 
To  get  the  St.  Markers  again  in  their  clutch. 

Our  season  just  over  has  been  very  nice. 
And  everything's  easily  now  understood. 

The  boys  have  n't  talked,  but  have  been  cutting  ice. 
And  Lydig  's  been  quietly  sawing  his  wood. 

We  'spected  our  team  was  a-going  to  be  fine, 
For  Lou  ^  was  a  terror  and  Don  ^  was  n't  slow. 

We'd  DrexeP  and  Nathan*  both  up  in  the  line. 
And  out  at  the  end  was  our  stalwart  Greenough.^ 

There  were  Quickety  Sam  ^  and  our  Biggoty  Bayard,' 
And  a  very  good  Link  ^  in  the  line,  so  it  looks. 

The  enemy  shortly  began  to  get  tired, 

AndDiggy  ^  discovered  a  speedway  through  Brooks. 

But  ain't  it  been  fun  to  see  Spiggotty  ^^  run 

When  our  plucky  young  quarter-back  ^^  gave  him 
the  ball? 

The  blocking,  we  know,  has  been  very  well  done. 
The  speed  of  the  back  has  n't  counted  for  all. 

[  324  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

Still  ain't  it  been  fun  to  see  Spiggotty  run. 

To  stand  and  just  watch  him  encircle  the  end? 

We  're  glad  to  have  had  him  in  games  that  we  've  won, 
We  're  proud  such  a  runner  to  college  to  send. 

November  the  sixth  was  a  harassing  day, 

Upon  it  were  centred  our  hopes  and  our  fears. 

We  were  a  bit  worried,  we  may  as  well  say. 
We  'd  waited  to  win  fully  two  weary  years. 

W^hen  DillwjTi  ^^  ran  in  for  his  sixty-five  yards 
And  others  went  over  the  line,  we  could  be 

Quite  easy  in  mind ;  we  'd  a  theme  for  us  bards. 
That  score  of  a  zero  to  just  twenty-three. 

And  Lydig,  my  boy,  you  've  a  right  to  be  proud 
Of  the  game  that  we  played  in  your  year,  for  it  ranks 

As  one  of  the  greatest  of  all  of  the  crowd, 

To  you  and  your  team,  Groton's  heartiest  thanks. 

And  now  that  we  've  struck  as  before  the  right  gait, 
We  '11  win  again  soon  just  as  sure  as  you  're  bom; 

We  're  five  games  ahead,  but  till  next  autumn  wait, 
We  guess  't  will  be  six,  it  is  up  to  our  Shaun.^ 

We  're  even  in  baseball,  alas  and  alack ! 

W'e  hope,  though,  the  record  to  change  pretty  quick. 
Here  's  luck  to  you,  Charlie,^  to  you  and  your  Quack,^^ 

We  believe  you  together '11  accomplish  the  trick." 

[  325  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Are  you  still  a-sitting  there, 
Mrs.  Thayer,  Mrs.  Thayer;  ^^ 

Are  you  still  a-sitting  there,  dearest  lady? 
For  we  heard  you  did  declare 
That  you  really  could  n't  bear 

To  sit  upon  your  chair,  dearest  lady. 

Well,  you  said  yourself,  you  know. 

About  half  an  hour  ago 

That  you  thought  your  former  School 

Would  be  acting  like  a  fool 

If  they  don't  sing  hallelujah. 

So  here  's  a  welcome  to  yer. 

And  we  're  jolly  glad  to  see  yer, 
And  your  husband  too,  how  be  yer.^* 
And  we  hate  to  give  you  pain. 
But  next  year  we  '11  try  again.  ^® 

I  hear  that  Mr.  Griswold  has  his  limit  reached  at  last. 
His  wonderful  endurance  is  a  legend  of  the  past. 
We  always  thought  he  never  could  be  conquered  by 

fatigue. 
He  could  play  a  dozen  football  games  and  run  a  hun- 
dred league. 
But  I  must  ask  you  to  reveal,  oh,  famous  puzzle  guesser, 
W^hat  do  you  think  has  downed  at  last  the  wonder- 
thewed  professor.-* 

He  held  a  recitation  for  two  youths  of  the  Sixth  Form 
Who  don't  take  Grk.,  but  then  at  Math,  they  think 
they  're  rather  warm. 

[  326  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

They  drooled  along  so  peacefully  with  figures  on  the 

board 
That  poor  Professor  Griswold  gave  it  up  and  loudly 

snored. 

They  turned  to  him  to  ask  him  to  elucidate  some  point, 
Their  ideas  of  trigonometry  were  somewhat  out  of 

joint. 
But  what  no  labours  could  subdue,  no  hardship  bring 

to  pass. 
Had  happened — Mr.  Griswold  was  exhausted  by  his 

class. 

Oh,  what  do  you  think  is  the  matter  with  Paul.'*^ 
He  seems  to  my  eyes  quite  sufficiently  tsill; 
In  fact,  I  admire  a  height  that 's  no  bigger. 
But  something  or  other  is  wrong  with  his  figure. 

A  classmate  of  his  tried  to  answer  the  question. 
And  offered  what  seemed  quite  a  happy  suggestion. 
'T  would  fill,  he  is  certain,  a  want  deeply  felt. 
If  Drexel  would  try  an  obesity  belt. 

And  talking  of  belts  at  this  holiday  time. 
Good  Oracle,  can't  you  suggest  for  my  rhyme 
Some  other,  perhaps,  who  his  belt  has  worn  out, 
Bust  through  by  old  age,  for  this  person  's  not  stout? 

Although  if  you  offered  ten  dollars,  he  said. 
He  could  not  bring  his  foot  an  inch  nearer  his  head. 
When  upon  his  great  instep  he  'd  fain  plant  a  kiss. 
He  's  easy,  good  Oracle,  guess  who  is  this.'' 
[  327  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Frank    Sargent,   who  knocked   on   the   pane   till   it 

smashed 
To  signal  a  maiden  on  whom  he  is  mashed, 
Would  answer  requirements,  so  I  should  say 
His  belt  he  has  worn  till  it 's  nigh  given  away. 

And  as  to  the  reason  his  two  ends  don't  meet, 
It 's  partly  because  of  the  size  of  his  feet; 
Though  Hoppin  could  give  him  some  pointers  on  size, 
At  home  on  the  farm  I  've  observed  with  surprise, 

His  slippers  he  uses  as  box  stalls  at  night. 

And  his  boots  for  dog  kennels,  though  somewhat  too 

tight. 
He  's  wondered  and  wondered  why  never  a  word 
About  him  in  these  rhymes  for  four  years  has  been 

heard. 

And  then  it  was  only  to  say  he  was  fresh. 
And  though  he  is  now  a  huge  column  of  flesh. 
That  he  's  turned  very  salt  I  'd  be  hard  to  convince, 
Though  I  'd  hate  to  aver  he  's  been  fresh  ever  since. 

Oh,  what  is  the  matter  with  Perry  ^'^  the  fat? 

He  seems  very  shy  as  he  awkwardly  stands, 
As  though  he  's  not  positive  where  he  is  at. 

His  pockets  are  always  full  up  with  his  hands. 

It  cannot  be  true  he  's  afraid  of  the  cold. 

For  I  know  that  quite  lately  we  had  a  hot  day. 

And  yet  Perry's  hands  were  concealed,  I  am  told. 
As  on  to  the  chapel  he  wended  his  way. 
[  328  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

Ah,  Perry,  in  future  you  '11  learn  to  take  care 

Above  other  things  in  what  way  you  are  dressed. 

Especially  henceforth  I  guess  you  '11  beware 
Of  the  danger  attached  to  a  long  undervest. 

It's  tempting,  now  ain't  it,  to  pull  down  the  sleeves 
And  tie  them  quite  tightly  right  over  your  palms? 

So  Perry  will  wear  from  now  on,  he  believes, 
A  bodice  arrangement  without  any  arms. 

The  mails  have  been  crowded  of  late 
With  letters  and  parcels  in  bunches. 

With  ointments  in  packets  ornate, 
And  all  sorts  of  little  free  lunches. 

Nose  wash,  Mellin's  Food,  and  Wheatine, 
And  wonderful  costly  cosmetics. 

With  soap  of  an  exquisite  green. 
And  treatises  long  on  aesthetics. 

'Twas  all  to  the  selfsame  address, 

Albertus  Caecilius  Lamed. 
The  sender's  name  doubtless  you  guess. 

And  also  why  Barty  said  "Darn  it." 

The  truth  is,  last  summer  his  nose 

Had  struck  with  amazement  the  ladies; 

Its  colour  resembled  the  rose, 

When  richest  and  deepest  its  shade  is. 

And  so  in  the  greatest  alarm 

They  sent  a  round  robin  to  Keely, 
[  329  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

The  gold  cure  man,  begging  some  charm, 
For  Barty  appeared  to  be  wheely. 

The  Keely  Cure  people  in  haste 
Sent  samples  and  minute  direction, 

Saying,  Barty  had  no  time  to  waste 
If  he  wanted  to  save  his  complexion. 

A  Bantam  's  a  kind  of  a  chicken  I  'm  told. 

Perhaps,  then,  you'll  tell  us  why  Banty* 
Has  got  such  a  nickname,  oh,  Oracle  old. 

Can  he  give  you  a  reason,  or  can't  he? 

Oh,  Shoot,  I  must  ti-le  my  ti-i-ie  tighter 
And  my  pa-a-ace  I  must  qui-icken, 

Or  I  shall  be  la-ate  and  find  on  my  pla-ate 
No  ro-oast  du-uck  or  chi-icken. 

What's  this  that  I  hear  about  Baker,^^  his  heart? 

Affected  they  say,  but  I  don't  know  quite  how. 
He  looks  very  well  and  perhaps  a  great  part 

Of  the  trouble  he  had  is  all  over  by  now. 

A  very  queer  symptom,  however,  it  is, 

That  his  heart  is  so  well  in  the  spring  and  the  fall: 
But  winter  'pears  always  to  make  it  to  friz. 

The  thing  does  n't  seem  to  be  beating  at  all. 

It 's  what  Groton  knows  as  an  Addihump  ^^  heart, 
A  local  disease  quite  confined  to  the  School. 

The  doctor  admits  it  defies  all  his  art. 

The  medical  books  for  its  cure  have  no  rule. 

[  ;3;3o  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

Now  Leonard  runs  hard  at  his  baseball  and  such. 
And  his  heart  does  n't  budge  at  his  leaps  and  his 
jumps, 

But  it  palpitates  awful,  you  don't  know  how  much 
If  he  hears  the  bare  sound  of  the  word  addihumps. 

Can  you  throw  any  light,  oh,  Oracle  bright. 

On  Boyer's  perplexing  distress? 
He  wishes  to  know  what  way  he  should  go 

To  attain  the  degree  A.S.S.? 

He's  heard  of  A.B.'s  and  such  like  degrees, 
A.M.,  B.A.D.,  P.D.Q.; 

But  he  said  he  did  guess  that  a  plain  A.S.S. 
For  him  would  assuredly  do. 

He  must  study  up  chimes  and  the  number  of  times 

Some  forty-two  thousand  they  tell. 
You  ring  changes  with  eight  and  he  '11  then  calculate 

Five  thousand  that  makes  on  one  bell. 

J.  Whitney  may  talk  of  baked  beans  made  of  pork, 
Dormy  -•'  learns  how  to  make  grapes  of  currants, 

Clifford  -^  knows  sundiy  lore  of  the  late  Spanish  War 
And  many  a  wondrous  occurrence. 

How  Dewey  commanded  at  Salamis  fight. 

And  Sarac  had  marvellous  legs. 
And  Appleton  states  that  he  Latin  translates 

Flirtatiously  —  hear  him,  he  begs. 

[  3;3i  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

While  Potsey  ^  declares  that  one  dances  a  jig 
In  New  York  at  this  holiday  season. 

In  a  path  zig  a  zag  he  pronounces  zig  zig, 
And  is  simply  not  open  to  reason. 

Mr.  Nichols  has  claimed  —  for  concerning  the  Ark 
He's  a  trifle  unsomid  in  his  knowledge  — 

Not  Moses,  but  Jack,  he  would  like  to  remark. 
Was  head  of  that  animal  college. 

Oh,  yes,  A.S.S.  is  too  easy  I  guess, 

A  duffer  could  earn  the  degree; 
But  as  Sibley  last  week,  a  propos  of  his  Greek, 

Said,  "Thanks,  that's  enough  quite  for  me." 

Little  Mrs.  Ayleshine,^^  sitting  in  the  sun. 
Eating-time  approaches,  lesson-time  is  done. 
Little  Pig  they  call  him,  young  Augustus  Low, 
Tell  me,  gentle  partner,  why  they  name  him  so. 

'Tis  a  reason  funny — he  one  day  of  late 
Had  a  lot  of  honey  in  a  liquid  state ; 
Thinking  he  would  like  it  formed  within  a  mould 
To  a  shape  artistic  when  it  had  grown  cold 
Nought  so  much  admiring  as  his  shapely  foot 
Poured  the  loathsome  mixture  in  his  rubber  boot. 

Wilt  tell  me,  oh,  poet,  what  Watson  ^  has  done 
To  change  his  appearance  so  much  that  you  know 

Boys  hardly  persuade  themselves  he  's  the  same  one 
They  used  to  know  perfectly  well  long  ago? 
[  332  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

There's  something  gone  wrong  with  his  face  I  am 
sure, 

A  whiter  and  much  older  look  has  appeared. 
Perhaps  he  is  trying  to  seem  more  mature, 

I  don't  think  he  's  ill, as  at  first  we  all  feared. 

Why,  Bunny  's  becoming  a  grown-up  young  man, 
And  is  so  much  afraid  he  '11  be  lost  in  the  push 

Of  little  boys  still,  which  he  cannot  now  stand. 
He  's  settled  the  matter  by  shaving  his  moosh. 

Oh,  tell  me,  worthy  poet,  how 
When  Dicky  ^^  birds  do  make  a  row. 
How  can  a  Master  spot  a  lark 
When  lights  are  out  and  all  is  dark.'' 

When  all  is  dark  and  lights  are  out 
The  wary  Master  prowls  about; 
Each  cubicle  which  he  suspects. 
He  visits  and  at  last  detects 

The  culprit  who  his  crime  conceals. 
Each  face  with  fingers  light  he  feels; 
Jim  Auchincloss  in  fashion  weird 
Was  spotted  by  his  bristly  beard. 

And  thus  this  Dicky  bird  was  caught 
For  doing  what  he  had  n't  ought. 
Beware  the  fate  of  unshorn  men. 
'T  was  not  a  lark — 'twas  just  the  Hen. 

[  333  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Minnow  ^^  remarks  we  greatly  err 
Speaking  of  folks  as  him  or  her, 

And  on  our  grammar  sits. 
To  illustrate — with  gentle  gaze 
He  cries  as  he  the  class  surveys, 

"This  room  is  full  of  Its." 

You  see,  poor  Minnow  's  slightly  dotty. 
Last  week  in  a  discussion  knotty, 

A  lunatic  he  talked  to. 
Who  offered  him  financial  aid. 
And  then  a  moral  lecture  made. 

While  going  to  New  York,  too. 

Lloyd  Derby  oft  heard  sounds  the  queerest 
When  Minnow  was  his  neighbour  nearest. 

In  Brooks  House  dormitory. 
But  't  was  the  wind,  that  sound  of  groaning, 
Through  his  unshaven  whiskers  moaning, — 

But  that 's  another  story. 

Are  Butsey's^'^  new  slippers  some  very  queer  sort? 

Or  why  do  the  boys  talk  about  them  so  much  ? 
I  can't  understand  how  his  friends  ever  ought 

To  say,  as  is  said,  that  they  quite  beat  the  Dutch. 

In  Utica  city  they  know  what  is  what; 

The  fashions  are  right,  for  no  farmers  are  there. 
The  young  men  are  known  by  their  coat's  swagger 
cut 
And  the  way  that  they  dress  with  such  scrupulous 
care. 

[  334  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

Oh,  Butsey  is  shrewd;  they  've  advantages  great 
In  slippers  like  his  cushion-made  on  a  last. 

They  go  of  themselves,  and  they  're  very  light  weight, 
No  schoolmaster  hears  you  slip  quietly  past. 

Another  fine  thing  is,  they  point  the  right  way ; 

A  little  bit  out,  it  is  clever  and  neat. 
I  know  if  you  saw  him  in  them  you  would  say 

That  they  were  intended  to  suit  Sheeny  feet. 

When  Skinny  Prince  ^^  takes  walks  abroad 

All  in  his  Sunday  best. 
When  brightly  shines  the  golden  sun 

A-sinking  in  the  west. 

Why  do  the  children  laugh  and  play 

To  see  that  portly  feller. 
Though  Zephyr  s  pushed  the  clouds  away. 

Sporting  an  umberella.'' 

It  must  be  that  he  thinks  he  is 

His  beauty  much  adorning. 
Or  else  to  emphasize  the  fact 

'T  was  raining  in  the  morning. 

Of  all  the  useful  dishes. 

Corned  beef,  hash  croquettes,  and  fishes, 
W^hich  so  often  grace  the  School's  so  bounteous  board, 

Which  dish  rare  and  expensive 

Finds  a  use  the  most  extensive 
And  which  dish  does  most  nourishment  afford.'* 
[  335  ] 


GllOTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Is  it  goat  or  cream  tonsorial 

Of  date  bygone  immemorial  ? 
Is  it  beefsteak,  is  it  salmon,  is  it  trout? 

Babies'  skulls,  or  cake  pagodas, 

Rubber  necks  or  muzzle  loaders? 
Good  poet,  tell  me,  I  would  fain  find  out. 

You  '11  be  startled  when  you  know  it. 

Oh,  my  worthy  bi-other  poet. 
The  dish  that  is  most  often  on  the  table 

Isn't  fish  and  isn't  mutton 

Served  most  often  to  the  glutton. 
But  it 's  Turkey!  Swallow  that  if  you  are  able. 

It  appears  itself  on  Sunday, 

Then  as  hash-on-toast  on  Monday, 
Then  as  fricassee  on  Tuesday  or  "What  is  It?" 

Wednesday's  supper  's  pie  called  "What  Luck?' 

Thursday  morning  it  is  "Pot  Luck," 
And  as  Sat'd'y's  soup  it  makes  its  final  visit. 

Oh,  now  can  you  tell  me  about  a  good  gag? 

Mr.  Cutting,  I  think,  is  the  one  it  concerned; 
A  joke,  I  suppose,  that  was  made  by  some  wag. 

But  why  did  the  boys  shout  so  loud,  have  you 
learned? 

I  know  he  was  making  a  very  fine  speech 

To  a  class  in  the  school-room  engaged  at  their 
books. 
He  seemed  very  earnest,  appealing  to  each 
Without  much  effect  I  should  say,  so  it  looks. 
[  336  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 

The  speech,  I  am  told,  was  considered  all  right. 
The  substance  and  wit  both  pronounced  very  fair. 

At  the  end  of  it  all,  though,  he  had  a  bad  fright. 
He  found  that  the  class  he  addressed  was  n't  there. 

What  a  funny  boy  you  are, 

Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 
Have  you  literary  turned  all  at  once? 

You  ought  to  see  the  pleasure  he 

Takes  in  the  Golden  Treasury, 
In  poetry  I  tell  you  he's  no  dunce. 

You  see  there  is  a  poem, 

Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 
To  a  young  and  lovely  lady  't  is  addressed. 

There  's  an  H  and  there  's  an  R, 

Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 
And  the  bretheren  will  please  supply  the  rest. 

So  accustomed  as  you  are, 

Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 
On  the  first  nine  and  eleven  bench  to  sit; 

Athletics  are  no  bar, 

Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 
To  Cupid's  shafts  which  surely  have  you  hit. 

Oh,  what  is  the  matter,  good  poet,  with  Plum  ?  ^ 
Leander  is  mournful,  Leander  is  glum. 
It  cannot  be  marks,  or  at  least  I  think  not, 
For  a  pull  with  the  Rector  he  says  he  has  got. 

[  337  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  yet  he  is  sad,  though  he  's  not  in  disgrace. 
His  voice  grows  more  mournful  and  deeper  his  bass. 
And  instead  of  his  hghtsome  and  frivolous  manner, 
His  joy  is  all  gone;  what 's  the  matter  with  Hannah.'' 

Ah,  well,  it 's  a  long  and  remarkable  story. 

For  football  is  over  and  with  it  his  glory. 

"His  glory,"  says  Plummer,  "is  now  all  departed." 

And  Plummer,  of  course,  is  well-nigh  broken-hearted. 

Good  Oracle,  here  is  another  strange  history. 
When  with  his  fianzy  one  day  the  good  Mr.  E. 
Sturgis  was  doing  the  rounds  of  the  School, 
They  found  Gammell  engaged  with  a  sharp-edged  tool. 

The  sharp-edged  tool  seemed  to  cause  him  some  fright. 
For  half  of  his  countenance  seemed  to  be  white. 
And  in  fear  and  confusion  he  fleeted  away; 
What  was  going  on,  brother  poet,  oh,  say.'' 

He  got  a  queer  notion  that  all  older  boys 
Used  razors  and  strops  and  such  masculine  joys; 
So  from  pure  imitation  an  hour  he  gave 
To  enjoy  the  sensation  of  having  a  shave. 

A  word  of  thanks  and  then  we  've  done, 
And  ho!  for  holidays  and  fun. 
To  our  dear  hostess  and  our  host 
And  all  the  family,  this  toast: 

"A  Merry  Christmas,  Homestead  dear. 
And  many  a  bright  and  glad  New  Year." 
[  338  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1901 


And  now  good-bye  to  all  the  School, 
And  may  you  ever  keep  the  rule  — 
Where'er  you  go,  whate'er  your  parts. 
That  you  keep  Christmas  in  your  hearts. 


[  339  ] 


NOTES 

'  Louis  Starr,  Jr. 

2  J.  D.  Nichols. 

^  A.  J.  Drexel  Paul. 

*  N.  Emmons. 

*  C  P.  Greenough. 
6  5.  E.  M.  Crocker. 
'  B.  C.  Hoppin. 

*  C.  L.  Watei'bury. 
®  Captain  L.  Hoyt. 
10  J.  D.  Nichols. 

"  D.  Starr. 

1^  Shaun  Kelly  elected  Captain,  but  succeeded  by  Woolsey, 

as  he  left  School. 
1^  Dr.  Woods. 
1*  Groton  5  — St.  Mark's  3. 
1^  Of  St.  Mark's — formerly,  originally,  and  forever  of 

Groton. 
i«  Groton  36— St.  Mark's  0. 
17  Pgrry  Heaton. 
1*  L.  Baker. 
1^  Calisthenics. 

20  Foster. 

21  iJ.  Clifford. 

22  /f.  Po«er. 

23  A.  Low. 

2*  Henry  Watson. 

2^  Dwellers  in  Mr.  Richards' s  dormitory. 

26  5.  W^.  /^«>A. 

27  G.  B/ii/er. 
2^  iVf.  Pri?ice. 

2^  L.  y4.  Plummer. 

[  340  ] 


BIRTHDAY 
1902 

ON  coming  back  to  School  this  year. 
The  sight  that  struck  my  eye 
Was  the  gymnasium's  lofty  roof 
Careering  up  on  high. 

And  when  I  swept  my  gaze  around. 
The  sound  that  struck  my  ear 

Was  all  about  a  Cottage  ^  —  mind  you 
Call  it  that  —  you  hear. 

I  saw  a  pretty  building 

All  complete  from  floor  to  Garret.^ 
But  some  reflections  crossed  my  mind 

Which  I  proceed  to  narrate. 

It  looks  like  an  asylum. 

Or  a  pest-house  or  a  prison. 

This  newest  of  the  palaces 
That  lately  have  arisen. 

But  whether  it  be  old  or  new, 
It  does  n't  matter  what  age. 

It  does  n't  look  one  little  bit 
Like  my  idea  of  Cottage. 

It  stands  there  as  a  pendant 

To  my  own  —  how  shall  I  name  it.'' — 
My  squash-court  or  my  swimming-tank. 

Or  what  you  shall  proclaim  it. 
[  341  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

So  I  suggest  the  course  as  best. 
To  name  the  newest  treasure  — 

The  Dome  of  Pain  in  contrast  to 
The  famous  Dome  of  Pleasure. 

The  doings  down  at  Ipswich  town 

And  also  at  Magnolia 
Have  been  a  little  singular — 

Has  anybody  told  yer 

How  Charlie  Appleton  a  maid — 
He  thought  he  was  in  clover — 

Took  out  to  drive  and  straightway  dumped 
That  hapless  lady  over? 

How  Freddy  ^  had  his  face  massaged 

Each  day  by  a  trained  nurse. 
While  Norman  *  entertained  her. 

And  poor  Fred  grew  worse  and  worse? 

And  Norman's  photograph  appeared 

In  autobubble  Journal; 
The  youngest  bubblist  in  the  land? — 

The  portrait  was  infernal. 

He  dashes  frantic  through  the  town. 

Destruction  in  his  wake. 
He  nearly  knocked  a  depot  down. 

He  could  n't  reach  the  brake. 

While  looking  on  the  sad  sea  waves 
And  gazing  at  the  moon, 

[  342  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1!)02 

Sam  Crocker — here  I  pause  —  but  look 
For  an  announcement  soon. 


There  was  a  young  man  of  renown, 
The  oddest  that  e'er  struck  the  town. 
He  's  never  on  time,  and  all  manner  of  crime 
Is  charged  to  the  credit  of  Brown. ^ 

His  black  marks  amounted  to  twenty, 
With  latenesses  more  than  a  plenty. 
To  serve  them  all  off  like  the  Black  Death  or  Cough, 
In  perfect  health  up  to  bed  went  he. 

When  told  by  his  comrades  one  day 
Of  a  squib  on  him,  Brown  in  dismay. 
Thinking  squibs  must  be  slugs  or  some  new  kind  of 
bugs. 
Tried  to  rub  or  to  scratch  it  away. 

There  once  was  a  fellow  named  Rives,^ 
A  poet — or  so  he  believes. 
Imagine  my  bliss  when  he  handed  me  this 
He  's  jotted  down  on  some  stray  leaves. 

Oh,  there  once  was  a  fellow  named  Rives 
Was  seized  with  a  fit  of  the  heaves. 
He  was  making  a  speech  and  his  speech  was  a  peach, 
And  he  's  thirteen  years  old — he  believes. 

But  a  poet  is  hardly  to  blame 
If  he  cannot  recall  his  own  name. 
[  343  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

And  as  to  his  years,  it  don't  matter,  my  dears. 
He  is  good  at  his  books  just  the  same. 

The  Dormouse  ''  and  the  Potter 
Have  done  what  they  hadn't  oughter. 
And  terrible  the  consequence 
Of  what  they  have  committed. 

Imagine,  pray,  their  feehng. 

No  prospect  of  conceaHng 

Their  crime —  I  think  their  state  of"  mind 

Was  really  to  be  pitied. 

One  day  to  a  physician 

In  the  city  they  'd  a  mission, 

And  whether  't  was  some  drug  he  gave. 

The  reason  is  concealed. 

But  they  fell  into  a  trance,  sir. 

And  'tis  still  without  an  answer 

How  they  woke  and  lo,  they  found  themselves 

On  famous  Soldiers'  Field. 

Of  course,  with  trepidation 
They  rushed  off  to  the  station. 
But  oh,  the  horror  when  they  found 
The  engine  would  n't  stop. 

They  tried  to  tell  the  story 
Through  the  telephone — -but  gory! 
They  were  faint  with  fears,  unhappy  dears, 
And  ready  nigh  to  drop. 
[  344  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

Dormy  gasped  and  Potsey  stammered. 
Though  he  tore  his  hair  and  yammered. 
And  at  last  the  dreadful  story 
Trickled  out  by  slow  degrees. 

Since  then  they  're  sorely  humbled. 
From  their  high  position  tumbled 
To  the  youngest  kids,  and  Potter 
Wishes  some  one  would — oh,  please — 

Sign  this  order  blank  surprising 
He  has  filled  out,  authorizing 
Any  one  in  all  the  School  to  buy 
And  send  him  in  the  bill 

For  a  dollar  and  a  quarter. 

One  much  damaged,  H.  C.  Potter; 

And  Dormy  is  a  door-mat 

To  be  trampled  on  at  will. 

I  looked  at  a  football  match  some  weeks  ago 

And  wondered  why  Woolsey  *  was  running  so  slow. 

His  usual  game  's  like  a  shot  to  a  bullseye. 

But  something  or  other  had  happened  to  Woolsey. 

The  cause  of  the  trouble  I  quickly  inquired. 

B.  Crocker  replied  he  had  merely  transpired 

Through  stocking  and  jersey,  through  shin-guard  and 

panty. 
But  most  of  us  thought  his  apparel  was  scanty. 

The  nightmare  has  been  loose  of  late 
Throughout  the  sleeping  quarters. 
[  345  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Boys'  heads  are  full  of  Newport  girls, 
Bar  Harbour's  lovely  daughters. 

Or  Islesboro's  enchanting  dames, 

Or  less  delightful  themes, 
And  beauteous  thoughts  of  other  sorts 

Have  occupied  their  dreams. 

Pea  Shooter  ^  babbles  in  his  sleep. 

And  Newbold's  shrieks  would  freeze  yer. 

Kermit  ^^  replies  with  eloquence. 
And  Lamed  has  a  seizure. 

He  says  his  lady  fair's  still  nice, 

While  Hammy  ^^  in  the  dark 
Thinks  of  his  Saratoga  girl. 

And — moonstruck  —  '^ins  to  bark. 

Burnham  has  happy  dreams  and  laughs. 

And  Robbins  only  moans; 
While  Tilney  of  some  letter  talks. 

And  Sarah  Derby  ^^  groans. 

While  Teddy  Roosevelt  merely  sighs 

And  thinks  of  lovely  cousins, 
"Long  Island  has  good  food,  good  studs. 

And  maidens  good  by  dozens." 

"Oh,  mother  dear,  bring  on  the  beer," 

Cries  Stevey  ^^  with  a  shout ; 
He  thinks  he's  singing — others  think 

There  's  dynamite  about. 

[  34G  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

Frank  Sargent  dreams  he  's  in  a  race 

With  ladies  five  competer. 
They  all  sail  by.  "Well,  let  them  win/' 

Quoth  he,  "'tis  so  much  sweeter." 

But  worse  than  all  these  nightmares  far, 

Poor  Minnow  ^*  had  a  vision 
About  St.  Mark's  the  other  night, 

And  of  a  dread  collision. 

On  came  his  foe  with  horrid  leap. 
Clutched  at  the  whisker  streaming. 

That  grows  from  Minnow's  beauty  spot. 
And  Minnow  woke  up,  screaming. 

The  coal  strike  is  causing  a  terrible  moan. 

But   much    the   most   luckless   was   poor  Tweedles 

Sloane.^^ 
Suspenders  are  up,  collar  buttons  are  down. 
And  Sloane  has  gone  broke  and  's  a  charge  on  the 

town. 

His  classmates  have  hinted  with  nod  and  with  cough. 
And  at  last  they  decided  to  auction  him  off. 
Eleven  and  a  half  cents  was  all  he  would  bring, 
With  a  discount,  less  clothing  and  diamond  ring. 

Oh,  Teddy  is  a  hot  box  and  Kermit  is  a  scrapper. 
And  little  Farr  's  a  Way  Back  and  Richardson  a  lapper; 
He  lapped  up  fifteen  quarts  of  milk. 
And  Mr.  Hinchman  taught 
[  347  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Young  Kermit  how  to  wash  his  hands 
Each  time  before  he  fought. 

And  Teddy  thinks  the  Pope  of  Rome 

Must  find  existence  dandy. 
For  at  whatever  time  of  day, 

He  always  has  free  candy. 

Oh,  httle  Farr,^®  how  queer  you  are ! 

"Although  a  baby  boy, 
I  must  not  play  with  toys  in  class 

And  Mr.  Woods  annoy." 

How  quaintly  Clark  ^"^  his  own  name  spells, 

'T  is  positively  funny, 
C-1-a-c-k,  and  remarks 

H-u-n-n-y,  honey. 

How  Waterbury  ^^  waves  his  name, 

And  what  a  funny  facy 
Has  little  Norman  Sturgis 

And  the  energetic  Macy. 

He  cried  aloud,  "Kids,  stop  that  noise," 

When  little  Tommy  Hig  ^^ 
Threw  books  about  among  the  boys 

And  acted  like  a  pig. 

Ah,  Billy  Ladd,  't  is  very  sad. 

Thinks  that  the  poet  Bryant 
Ran  twice  for  President  and  failed — 

On  history  too  reliant. 
[  348  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

And  Dana  wants  to  know  if  he 

Requires  special  eyes 
To  be  entitled  to  a  special 

Light  that  suits  his  size. 

"Although  I  am  a  lazy  boy 

And  fat,  I  pay  attention," 
Says  Farnsworth,  loosening  his  belt 

To  give  his  waist  extension. 

Oh,  Edmands  looks  hungrj'  and  Amory  pined, 
Though  I  cannot  explain  what  it  means. 

For  Edmands  eats  hickory  nuts  with  the  rind. 
And  Amory  might  fill  up  on  beans. 

Though  he  comes,  as  he  tells  us,  from  yonder  world's 
Hub, 

He  will  not  touch  bread  when  it 's  brown. 
And  though  of  his  townsmen  the  favourite  grub, 

The  pork  and  beans  will  not  go  down. 

So  hungry  is  he  that  some  chewing-gum  fain 
From  the  Manager  he  would  procure, 

Of  Groton  athletics — not  used  by  the  team, 
'T  would  never  be  missed,  he  is  sure. 

There  once  was  a  stripling  named  Thayer,^ 
Renowned  for  his  thinness  of  hair 
And  thickness  of  waist,  but  his  hair  in  his  haste 
He  pulled  out  one  day  in  despair. 

[  349  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

A  maiden  who  dwelt  in  Wood's  Holl 
Had  stirred  to  the  depths  of  his  soul 
Susceptible  Tubby — he  'd  fain  be  her  hubby, 
His  passion  he  could  not  control. 

Next  year  his  folks  hired  a  place 
That  so  he  might  gaze  at  her  face. 
At  Wood's  Holl,  but  the  maid  was  to  Europe 
conveyed. 
And  Tubby  got  left  in  the  race. 

I  heard  a  funny  tale  of  late 

About  our  friend  McVickar  Haight, 

That  gentleman  of  note. 
And  when  you  've  heard  it  you  '11  agree, 
I  reckon,  brethren,  with  me. 

He  acted  like  a  Goat.^^ 

He  once  was  driving  in  a  hack. 
From  opera,  returning  back ; 

In  bed  he  thought,  no  doubt. 
He  lay,  so  oped  the  carriage  door. 
His  boots  and  sundry  garments  more 

Took  off  and  threw  them  out. 

One  day  a  funny  scene  occurred 
Beneath  the  eye  of  Banty.^^ 

J.  Whitney's  actions  Avere  absurd. 
His  breathing  somewhat  panty. 

It  seems  that  water  had  been  thrown 
On  lavatory  tiles, 
[  350  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

And  VVTiitney  had  to  swab  it  up 
'Neath  Banty's  genial  smiles. 

He  took  a  basin  in  his  hand 

And  waved  it  o'er  the  sf)ot; 
From  time  to  time  his  face  he  fanned, 

But  dry  it  he  could  not. 

To  wipe  the  floor  by  addyhumps 

Is  quite  a  useless  game, 
The  beads  that  dropped  from  off  his  brow 

His  efforts  overcame. 

The  Glee  Club 's  verj'  musical, 

The  Choir,  too,  is  fair. 
But  if  you  really  wish  to  hear 

Sweet  music  in  the  air. 

The  Fourth  can  furnish  you  a  treat 

Of  four  melodious  growlers ; 
Their  name  in  full  was  told  to  me, 

The  Hot  Harmonious  Howlers. 

There  's  Pugwash  ^  and  there  's  Baker, 
There  's  Butts  and  Dopy  Wood, 

And  music  sweet  they  ofler  you 
When  they  are  feeling  good. 

We  call  them  oatmeal,  just  for  short. 
For  when  their  notes  are  sounded. 

The  "Harmony"  ^  we  hear  might  well 
With  oatmeal  be  confounded. 
[  351  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

There  once  was  a  chit  with  a  bit  of  a  wit, 
And  his  name  it  was  Martin,  I  'm  told. 

He  said  that  the  chimney — I  thought  I  should  split- 
Smoked  already,  though  but  one  day  old. 

When  Addison  —  Thayer 
Toppled  over  his  chair. 

The  vigorous  Bunko  Baker  ^^ 
With  zeal  and  with  skill 
Proceeded  to  fill 

The  office  of  undertaker. 

Now  little  Tom  Hig 
Asked,  "Who  is  that  big, 

Bulky,  somewhat  fat  middle-aged  gent 
Who  carried  Thayer  out, 
That  warrior  stout?" 

I  wonder  whom  he  could  have  meant. 

The  Rector 's  fled  to  foreign  shores 

To  get  some  needed  rest. 
For  parents'  letters  by  the  score 

His  weai-y  soul  oppressed. 

But  here 's  a  letter  came  one  day. 

Writ  by  a  loving  mother, 
A  charming  note  in  every  way. 

Would  we  had  many  another. 

"Old  Lou  26  retires  to  bed  each  night 
At  ten  o'clock,  and  takes 
[  352  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

His  bottle  freely,  slumbers  light, 
At  'lev'n  next  morning  wakes. 

"  He  then  arises  for  a  while 

And  takes  some  nourishment. 
This  life  seems  quite  to  suit  his  style. 

He  's  perfectly  content." 

Bubbles  ^  is  quaint,  he  always  was, 
He  could  n't  understand  the  cause 

The  Freshmen  cheered  for  six.^^ 
"Why  not  eleven.^"  Bubbles  cries. 
They  always  were  absurd,  those  Frys, 

At  their  arithmetics. 
He  nailed  his  hut  floor  to  the  ground. 
"Help,  help!"  he  cried  when  he  was  downed 

By  some  new  kid  o'erweening. 
Out  of  my  way!  I  'd  have  you  know 
I  'm  in  the  Second  Form,  ho,  ho ! 

You  understand  my  meaning. 

The  Brooks  House  Dramatic  and  Musical  Club 
Once  called  upon  Stillman  to  visit  the  Hub. 
We  need  pretty  costumes,  oh,  excellent  Lummox, 
And  we  must  have  corsets  to  cover  our  stomachs. 

He  went  to  the  city.  "Good  Madam,"  quoth  he, 
"Do  you  retail  corsets.'' — Oh,  no,  not  for  me," 
He  hastily  cried  when  the  maiden  looked  glum. 
And  feared  she  had  nothing  quite  suited  to  Lum. 

[  353  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

"A  dairy  maid's  cap  I  must  purchase,"  he  added. 
"And  much  cotton  wool — there  are  calves  to  be 

padded." 
The  saleslady  cried, — for  he  'd  driven  her  wild, — 
"For  goodness'  sake,  tell  me,  how  old  is  the  child?" 

And  shall  I  pass  unmentioned  by 
Our  much  enduring  Faculty 

Without  a  single  word  ? 
Nor  tell  you  all  their  funny  ways. 
Nor  spread  before  your  eager  gaze 

The  stories  I  have  heard? 

"V  H  Hist.  S  this  sum,  I  guess 

I  '11  solve  you  in  a  minute." 
So  Mr.  GaiTet  takes  the  chalk 

And  straightway  doth  begin  it. 

And  when  the  shades  of  evening  fell. 
And  when  the  sun  was  rising. 

He  still  was  working  at  the  board. 
His  quickness  is  surprising. 

If  you  will  tell  how  long  the  ship 

And  number  of  the  crew. 
The  colour  of  the  captain's  cat. 

He  '11  calculate  for  you. 

"Oh,  see  my  pretty  scarlet  socks," 
With  pride  quoth  Mr.  Nichols. 

"And  hose  of  blue  and  every  hue 

That  maiden's  fancy  tickles." 

[  354  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

They  found  a  picture  in  his  desk, 
Six  German  maids  were  grouped. 

Just  think  of  that!  'twas  marked  "For  Nat,' 
With  whom  the  loop  they  'd  looped. 

They  say  that  Mr.  Bilhngs  makes 

Latin  so  interesting 
That  Harry  Sargent  goes  to  sleep, 

A  bully  time  for  resting. 

They  say  that  Mr.  Gladwin 

So  cross  with  Potter  got 
He  made  him  walk  the  whole  way  home, 

No  bicycling  for  Pot. 

Although  'tis  said  the  Master,  too. 
To  wreak  his  vengeance  dread. 

Walked  every  step  on  foot  himself. 
Pushing  his  bike  ahead. 

They  say  that  even  Mr.  B. 

Rushed  down  the  study  hall. 
"Where  are  the  ladies.^"  was  his  cry; 

"Oh,  ladies,  hear  my  call." 

His  agitation  was  extreme. 

Until  he  overtook 
The  dames,  and  Brooks  House  went  to  bed 

Before  their  hands  he  shook. 

The  General  ^^  at  Albany 
.     Startled  the  little  Fishes,30 
[  355  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  Mr.  Ogilby,  you  'd  mix 

Him  not  with  Grosvenor  wishes.^^ 

Although  there  's  really  no  excuse 

For  being  so  much  out. 
For  Grosvenor 's  raising  a  mustache. 

The  red  begins  to  sprout. 

When  Mr.  Woods  the  school-room  keeps. 

He  should  n't  wave  his  hand 
At  ladies  in  the  passage-way. 

Though  the  effect  is  grand. 

Poor  Mr.  Abbott  is  so  moved 

By  all  the  fair  beholders, 
That  watch  him  at  the  football  games 

To  see  his  mighty  shoulders, 

And  mighty  chest  and  mighty  legs, 

His  physical  director 
Has  been  obliged  to  order  him 

To  wear  a  heart  protector. 

When  Morgan  is  bothered  by  lessons  and  tasks. 

Detention  and  Masters  and  trouble. 
He  makes  up  his  mind  he  can't  do  the  whole  thing 

And  wonders  which  Master  will  double 

The  task  left  undone  —  so  he  chucks  up  a  cent 
And  decides,  on  the  whole,  the  Professor 

Is  less  of  a  sucker  than  Woden,  so  from 
Two  evils  he  chooses  the  lesser. 
[  356  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1902 

I  'd  like  to  add  a  word  to  close 

The  order  of  the  day, 
To  run  in  squibs  on  all  the  boys. 

Including  Monkey  Fay.^^ 

For  though  he  says  I  never  could 
Include  him  in  my  rhymes. 

He 's  a  perpetual  squib  himself. 
Not  merely  at  fixed  times. 

But  ah,  my  friends,  time  flows  apace, 
We  're  eighteen  full  years  old. 

And  year  nineteen  is  almost  here. 
And  so  my  tale  is  told. 


[  357  ] 


NOTES 

^  New  Infirmary  for  Contagious  Diseases. 

^  Mr.  Garrett  dwelt  therein. 

^  F.  H.  Prince,  Jr. 

*  Norman  Prince. 

^   Thornton  Brown. 

«  F.  B.  Rives. 

'  F.  Foster  and  H.  Potter. 

^  Captain  H.  M.  Woolsey. 

^  Philip  Suter. 

K.  Roosevelt. 

Hamilton  Hadden. 

J.  Lloyd  Da'hy. 

S.  B.  Luce. 

Sidney  Fish. 

M.  D.  Sloane. 

B.  Farr. 

F.  H.  Clark,  Jr. 

R.  Waterbury. 

T.  Hissinson. 
20  J.  E.  Thayer,  Jr. 
2^  Haighi's  nickname. 

22  N.  Emmons. 

23  H.  F.  Osborn,  Jr. 
2*  Hominy. 

2^  L.  Baker. 

26  L.  Starr,  Jr. 

27  /.  Fry.  28  ^go0^ 
2^  Mr.  Cushing. 

3"  Stuyvesant  and  Sidney. 
3^  Because  of  his  hair. 
32  H.  H  Fay,  Jr. 

[  358  ] 


CHRISTMAS 

1902 

A  Merry  Christmas  to  you  all, 

Grotonians,  young  and  old. 
Once  more  the  genial  Homestead  Hall, 

'Mid  winter's  storm  and  cold. 

Flings  open  wide  its  doors  to  us, 

With  welcome  as  of  yore. 
In  the  brave  days  when  we  were  young, 

In  eighteen  eighty-four. 

At  this  glad  feast  to-night  we  miss, 

Alas,  the  faces  dear 
Of  loved  ones  far  across  the  sea,^ 

And  would  that  they  were  here. 

Yet,  't  is  the  magic  of  the  time. 

The  holy  season's  grace, 
That  to  our  hearts  they  're  doubly  near. 

Unheeding  time  and  space. 

A  health  to  our  dear  hostess. 

And  all  good  Christmas  joys 
To  host  and  all  the  family  — 

Now,  let 's  discuss  the  boys. 

Have  you  heard  any  news  about  football  at  School  ? 

Ordinarily  we  in  the  fall  have  a  game 
With  a  Southborough  team,  't  is  a  regular  rule, 

St.  Something  or  other,  I  don't  know  the  name. 

[  359  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

I  remember  last  year  how  we  had  a  fine  score. 

Twenty-three  to  mere  nothing,  and  we  were  so 
glad. 
Did  William  ^  make  less?  I  don't  s'pose  he  made  more, 
Sure  he  didn't  get  beaten — that  would  ha'  been 
sad. 

You  need  n't  be  worried,  the  game  was  all  right. 
Though  scores  are  uncertain  as  every  one  knows. 

And  the  boys  they  were  nervous  I  think  just  a  mite. 
For  St.  Markers  make  very  good  gridiron  foes. 

We  were  confident,  though,  that  the  line  would  be 
crossed 

By  some  of  our  ininners  as  surely  as  fate. 
For  we  knew  that  our  fleet-footed  Dill  ^  had  not  lost 

Any  speed,  nor  his  brother  old  Lou  ^  any  weight. 

With  our  heavyweight  forwards,  the  game  was  pure 
fun. 
And  our  quick-moving  backs  were  not  easy  to  beat, 
For  Banty  *  would  tackle  and  Blubber  ^  would  run 
And  the  sturdy-built  Livingstone  ^  would  keep  his 
feet. 

We  're  much  obliged,  Bill,  to  your  warriors  and  you. 
Your  corking  good  team  had  St.  Mark's  in  a  fix; 

We  '11  remember  the  'leven  of  nineteen  ought  two. 
For  we  're  fond  of  that  zero  to  just  thirty-six. 

So  Dilly,''  my  boy,  it  is  now  up  to  you. 

We  hope  you  '11  do  well  as  the  others  have  done. 

[  360  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1902 

We  are  satisfied  now  and  we  want  nothing  new. 
Bill  has  got  them — you  keep  them  all  still  on  the 
run. 

Have  you  heard  what  has  happened  to  Stokes?^ 

Of  late  he  's  unlike  other  folks. 
He  practises  smiles  in  the  glass  at  odd  whiles, 

And  his  attitudes  really  are  jokes. 

In  spite  of  his  immature  age 
He 's  decided  to  go  on  the  stage. 
He  storms  and  he  raves  and  his  arms  wildly  waves 
In  sign  of  despair  and  of  rage. 

Of  microbes  and  bacterias, 
And  ailments  most  mysterious. 

We  've  heard  a  lot  of  talk  in  seasons  past; 
But  of  all  the  epidemics. 
Mingled  with  our  academics. 

The  very  worst  has  broken  out  at  last. 

Don't  tell  me,  if  you  please. 
For  I  know  the  dread  disease 

Too  well,  alas — I  've  tasted  Groton  milk. 
'T  is  the  foot  and  mouth  complaint 
That  declared  its  symptoms  quaint 

When  every  one  was  feeling  fine  as  silk. 

Unhappy  Billy  Ladd 

Had  the  foot  disease  so  bad 

That  he  wears  a  shoe  whose  size  is  seventeen; 
[  3G1  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

While  the  mouth  disease  afflicts 
Luckless  victims  five  or  six, 

Who  talk  and  talk  from  morn  till  dewy  e'en. 

G.  Biddle  never  stops. 

So  fatigued  he  nearly  drops, 

And  begs  that  you  will  teach  him  how  to  smile 
Like  Stokes's  smile  so  new, 
For  his  old  one  's  worn  quite  through. 

And  he  wants  for  Philadelphia  some  new  style. 

But  he  talks  and  talks  and  talks 
When  he  sits  and  when  he  walks, 

And  he  murmurs  "Dovey,  Dovey"  in  his  sleep. 
And  he  has  n't  time  to  smile 
A  la  Stokes  or  any  style. 

And  his  symptoms  are  enough  to  make  you  weep. 

Oh,  what  is  the  matter  with  Haight?  ® 
Why  is  he  so  solemn  of  late? 

They  've  fed  him  on  goat's  milk 

And  read  to  him  Goldsmith, 
But  nothing  appears  to  go  straight. 

The  truth  is,  his  death  he  nigh  found 
Through  Richards,  whose  figure  so  round 

Made  his  bath  overflow. 

With  a  vast  undertow. 
And  Haight,  standing  near,  was  nigh  drowned. 

There  is  one  of  the  kids  who  's  a  nice  little  chap. 
He  seems  to  inherit  for  football  a  taste; 
[  362  ] 


CHRISTMAS   1902 

But  between  play  and  work  there  *s  an  awful  wide 

gap. 
In  the  class-room  his  energy  all  goes  to  waste. 

T'  other  day  I  was  puzzled  in  Latin  to  see 

Such  a  thing  as  a  book  he  appears  to  disdain. 
Does  he  know  the  whole  business — it  seems  queer 
to  me 
That  an  immature  youth  should   so   trust  in   his 
brain  ? 

Ah,  Reggie  ^^  is  shrewd  and  becoming  more  wise. 

No  Master  may  think  that  he  has  a  fine  gag, 
When  he  says  for  the  foot  of  the  class  there 's  a  prize. 

That  that  boy  must  carry  the  heavy  mail  bag. 

Reggie  gathers  it  up  \rith  a  confident  smile. 

Of  the  things  he  \\'ill  do  he  's  not  anxious  to  boast ; 

But  we  found  the  next  day  he  'd  been  thinking  the 
while. 
For  his  school  books  have  all  gone  away  by  the  post. 

Why  is  Barty  Lamed  languid, 

All  but  one  spot  pale  and  white?  ^^ 

Tell  me,  poet,  if  you  know  it. 
What  has  spoiled  his  appetite? 

Well,  one  day  he  went  a-calling, — 

On  the  mantel  o'er  the  fire 
Was  a  photograph  enthralling. 

Which  he  greatly  did  admire. 
[  363  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Hearing  footsteps  swift  approaching, 
Knowing  it  was  scarcely  right, 

Fearing  she  would  catch  him  poaching. 
Grabbed  and  hid  it  out  of  sight. 

On  returning  to  his  study 

He  unpocketed  his  prize: 
Lo,  a  cunning  little  poodle 

Lay  before  his  wondering  eyes. 

He  had  seized  in  spirit  eager 
The  wrong  photograph  it  seems; 

Now  he  drinks  sweet  oil  Omega, 
And  things  are  not  what  he  dreams. 

Billy  Grosvenor  Rouge  ^^  and  fair, 
I  am  well-nigh  in  despair; 
For  though  I  may  try  to  chaff 
Any  joke  to  make  you  laugh. 

Make  allusions  to  the  red 
Light  that  plays  about  your  head. 
Or  your  solemncholy  smile. 
Or  the  Providential  style 

Of  your  garments — all  I  say 
In  my  most  facetious  way, 
When  the  others'  sides  are  splitting. 
On  the  landscape  still  you  're  sitting. 
All  you  can  be  heard  to  mutter. 
Is — "Won't  some  one  pass  the  butter.''" 
[364] 


CHRISTMAS    1902 

Here  is  the  enigma  solved: 
Rouge  one  day  at  last  resolved 
He  would  rouse  him  from  his  dope 
And  with  mathematics  cope. 

"'Tis  as  plain  as  plain  can  be, 
Mr.  Ayrault,  don't  you  see 
That  these  triangles  is  both 
To  each  other — by  my  troth — 

"As  each  other  is  to  each, 

The  hypothesis  doth  teach, 

As  themselves  is  to  each  other  — 

That 's  explained,  now  ask  another." 

Jack  Simons  and  Blair  are  in  perfect  despair 

Because  in  these  poems  no  place 
For  their  talents  renowned  has  ever  been  found. 

And  they  think  it 's  a  shame  and  disgrace. 

Well,  at  last  they  're  entitled  to  fame, 
For  each  has  obtained  a  new  name: 
A  songster  is  Jack,  and  Billy  Blair's  knack 
As  a  dancing  man  's  simply  supreme. 

For  I  passed  by  their  quarters  one  day. 
Where  Blair  a  new  pas  de  ballet. 
Of  a  fashion  unique  for  some  party  next  week, 
Was  practising  graceful  and  gay. 

While  tunefully  nightingale  Jack, 
To  provide  for  the  orchestra's  lack, 
[  365  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Was  singing  a  waltz,  every  other  note  false. 
While  Blair  did  his  forward  and  back. 

What  was  the  light  mysterious 
That  from  the  windows  glared 

Of  our  new  Gym  that  night  of  late  ? 
I  looked  at  it  and  stared. 

Then  with  a  loud  halloo  a  two 

Dashed  bravely  to  put  out 
The  conflagration  as  they  thought. 

What  was  it  all  about.'' 

Why,  merely  Mr.  Ogilby  and  Richards,  head  to  head. 
Were  having  just  a  talky  talk  together,  it  is  said. 
When   Herr  Professor  Griswold,  with  his  scientific 

mind. 
Thought 't  was  a  fire — called  his  troops — and  started 

like  the  wind. 

He  rushed  to  fight  with  flames  and  smoke 

Headlong  against  the  glare. 
Since  then  it 's  not  polite  to  say 

Red  hair  unto  our  Herr. 

Can  you  tell  me,  brother  poet. 

What  is  JefFy  Newbold's  age.'' 
I  wish  you  would  my  eager 

Curiosity  assuage. 

Although  he 's  more  than  six  feet  tall. 
He  looks  so  fresh  and  green, 
[  866  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1902 

He  might  be  almost  any  age. 
From  six  to  seventeen. 

I  asked  him  and  he  answered  me 
With  somewhat  bashful  mien, 

"Indeed,  I  never  have  been  kissed. 
And  yet  I  'm  sweet  sixteen." 

Baa,  Baa,  Barclay  Farr, 
What  a  ladies'  man  you  are! 
Fickle,  too,  I  greatly  fear; 
Three  best  girls  within  one  year. 

Was  it  this,  oh,  poet  good. 
Or  Thanksgiving  dinner  food. 
That  no  word  he  would  impart. 
Though  a  dame  sat  next  his  heart  .'* 

Dame  Mac  Murray  waited  long. 
But  he  would  n't  w^ag  his  tongue. 
And  the  reason  he  refused 
Was — he  'd  not  been  introduced. 

Pray,  tell  me  how  the  wily  Clam^^ 
The  postman  keen  evades, 

When  he  receives  soft  nothings  from 
New  Bedford's  lovely  maids? 

He  scribbles  answers  on  his  cuffs 
And  poems  on  his  collars. 

And  has  his  washing  all  sent  home 

And  fools  his  fellow  scholars. 

[  307  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Why  does  F.  Biddle  weep  and  wail? 
Why  is  his  face  so  wan  and  pale? 

Good  poetj  tell  me  true. 
Why  is  it  that  he  cannot  sleep. 
Or  dreams  that  make  his  flesh  to  creep 

Will  certainly  ensue? 

Why,  't  is  because  a  vision  dread 
The  other  night  stood  o'er  his  head. 

And  whispered  in  his  ears: 
"Your  brother  George  is  doomed  to  be 
A  clergyman,  alas!"  said  he. 

And  Francis  waked  in  tears. 

Little  Tom  Tittlemouse  Higginson,  who 

Can  tell  me  a  method  to  pacify  you? 

Shall  I  give  him  a  cake. 

Or  will  he  just  take 

Six  pieces  of  sugar — that  innocent  fake? 

Don't  waste  cake  or  dollar, 
But  seize  by  the  collar 
That  erudite  scholar 
And  bundle  him  out. 

He  's  been  so  polite 
Since  yon  fatal  night 
That  the  treatment  was  right. 
There  's  no  manner  of  doubt. 

Oh,  what  can  be  the  trouble 
With  the  orchestra  this  year? 
[  368  ] 


CHKISTMAS    1902 

The  laughing  horse  "  sounds  rough  and  coarse 
And  grates  upon  the  ear. 

The  cello  's  badly  out  of  tune. 

The  drums  sound  somewhat  muffled. 

And  worst  of  all,  Herr  Griswold,  too. 
Looks  just  a  wee  mite  ruffled. 

He  's  had  a  tussle  and  he  's  won 

With  Mr.  Bott  they  say, 
Who  plays  the  murmuring  piccolo 

In  such  a  winsome  way. 

Will  you  believe  he  could  have  been 

Such  an  unfeeling  brute.'' 
He  said  he  'd  lay  his  baton  down 

Or  else  kick  out  that  flute. 

When  the  ^vinter  winds  are  whistling, 
And  the  fields  are  white  with  snow. 

Why  are  Groton  boys  unwilling 
(I  should  greatly  like  to  know) 

To  avail  them  of  permission 

To  go  riding  in  a  sleigh? 
I  should  think  they  'd  rather  like  it. 

But  the  truth  's  the  other  way. 

Well,  you  see  they  've  had  a  warning 
From  Sam  Crocker's  dreadful  fate : 

He  got  dumped  the  other  morning. 
And  the  cause  he  does  not  state. 
[  369  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VEIISES 

While  Bob  Bacon  took  a  peaceful, 
Aged  horse  for  Christmas  green, 

Took  a  header  in  a  snow-drift, 
And  the  trees  on  top  were  seen. 

'Twas  the  twelfth  of  December,  the  year  nineteen 

two. 
And  Masters  and  boys  could  n't  find  much  to  do. 
When  a  band  armed  with  pistols,  with  sticks  and  with 

rocks. 
Went  bravely  out  a-hunting  in  search  of  a  fox. 
Tally-ho  for  Mr.  Hinchman,  tally  Ogilby  too. 
Tally-ho  for  Mr,  Woods  and  Banty  Emmons  staunch 

and  true. 

Oh,  brave  was  their  spirit  and  bold  was  every  soul. 
When  at  last  their  eyes  discovered  what  they  took  to 

be  a  hole. 
They  soon  had  lit  a  fire  and  a  beastly  smoke  had 

made. 
While  Woden  cocked  his  pistol  and  declared  they 

were  n't  afraid. 
Tally-ho  for  Mr.  Hinchman,  tally  Ogilby  as  well. 
And  the  rest  of  the  proceedings,  worthy  brother  poet, 

tell. 

Banty  got  upon  his  knees  at  once  and  blew  about  the 

litter. 
And  the  smoke  came  out  the  other  end,  but  not  a 

living  critter. 

[  370  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1902 

He  takes  a  stick  and  pokes  the  flames  and  down  the 

hole  he  pushes. 
And  thinks  at  last  the  fox  is  somewhere  hid  in  the 

bu-ushes. 
Tally-ho  for  poor  old  Banty,  tally  Ogilby  once  more, 
Their  eyes  were  full  of  smoke  and  the  whole  thing  a 

beastly  bore. 

Then  Mr.  Hinchman  barks  aloud  poor  Reynard  to 

alarm. 
And  Mr.  Ogilby  declares  't  would  surely  do  no  harm 
If  he  should  try  to  imitate  the  squawking  of  a  hen. 
Indeed,  you  would  have  thought  them  all  a  pack  of 

crazy  men. 

Tally-ho,  bow-wow-wow,  tally  Ogilby — squawk. 

Tally-ho,  Banty  Emmons,  and  yards  and  yards  of  talk. 

When  suddenly,  before  they  hardly  knew  what  they 
were  at. 

From  out  the  hole  there  jumped  a  rather  lively  com- 
mon cat. 

He  fled  into  the  forest,  whither  running  no  one  wist. 
And  Woden's  gun  went  off  with  one  loud  bang  at  him 

and  missed. 
Tally-ho,  hark  away!  tally-ho,  what  a  day! 
Tally-ho  for  the  hunters  and  the  cat  that  got  away. 

We  've  got  the  latest  methods  of  a  modern  education, 
We  've  illustrated  squibs  and  such  for  Duffer  and 
for  Star, 

[371  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

So  tell  me  true,  if  I  were  you,  some  telling  illustration. 
To  teach  the  Second  Form  in  French,  the  meaning 
of  voilk. 

Profound  Professor  Gladwin,  with  the  kindest  of  in- 
tentions. 
Cries,  "Voila  Burnham,  there  he  is!"  and  there  he 
was  complete. 
The  class  turned  round  and  gazed  upon  two  cheeks 
of  large  dimensions, 
A  caramel  on  either  side  and  blushing  like  a  beet. 

Frank  Sargent  dropped  a  nickel. 
When  he  wanted  chewing-gum. 

Into  the  Elevated's  box. 

But  nothing  seemed  to  come. 

A  minute  he  looked  flustered. 
And  a  hayseed  was  pronounced. 

When  in  his  dulcet  tones — "I  come 
From  Boston,"  he  announced. 

No  climbing  up  the  moving  stair 

When  ive  the  city  round 
May  wish  to  travel,  but  we  use 

A  vast  hole  underground. 

Our  culture  's  sometimes  rather  queer. 
And  Freddy  Prince  doth  think 

That  Venus  stuffed  her  rosy  hands 
Into  her  mouth  so  pink. 

[  372  ] 


CHRISTMAS    11)02 

We  know  that  Boston  's  somewhat  quaint, 

But  still  we  never  mix 
Our  will's  and  shall's  and  don't  and  ain't. 

Nor  Schools  and  politics. 

And  don't  we  hear  about  New  York 

Extraordinary  truths? 
Or  Philadelphia  or  Detroit 

Or  Washingtonian  youths? 

F.  Biddle  marks  his  toothbrush 

By  breaking  it  in  twain, 
And  Kermit  ^^  has  a  dog  who  barks 

The  numbers  up  to  ten. 

And  Mr.  Garret  says  he  thinks 

That  Chrystie  is  an  eel; 
He  must  go  home  till  he  's  let  loose. 

Or  his  resentment  feel. 

Dill  Starr  thinks  Parricides  are  bugs. 
Brown  wears  a  sportsman's  vest. 

And  Seymour  Blair  shaves  down  —  not  hair. 
And  wonders  if  't  were  best 

To  bring  his  Bible  here  to-night. 

While  Piggy  Low,^^  my  dears. 
Dressed  in  such  haste  that  he  forgot 

To  tuck  in  his  long  ears. 

He  tripped  uf)on  them  and  he  fell. 
Alas,  his  woefiil  plight! 
[  373  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    \T:RSES 

And  Grizzy  Webb  himself  arrayed 
In  clothes  of  colour  light. 

Rives  says  he  's  not  as  innocent 
As  some  perhaps  may  ween. 

And  Macy  's  got  six  Ogilbys, 
And  Wetmore  's  got  fifteen. 

While  Clark  thinks  a  parenthesis 

A  sort  of  addyhumps, 
And  other  cities  fui'nish  all 

Varieties  of  chumps. 

But  we  must  now  go,  for  the  time  has  now  come 
When  we  say  our  good-byes  for  the  winter  recess. 

We  are  glad  to  leave  Groton,  though  probably  some 
Will  be  glad  to  be  back  in  a  fortnight,  I  guess. 

We  are  grateful  to  hostess  and  host,  and  we  trust 
You  will  all  have  a  first-rate  vacation, 

Enjoy  the  short  recess,  you  ought  to,  you  must 
Have  your  fill  of  a  good  recreation. 

While  we  want  Groton  boys  to  enjoy  it  up  here. 
The  studies,  the  games,  and  the  rest. 

Of  all  spots  in  the  world  at  all  times  of  the  year 
Dulce  Domum  is  ever  the  best. 


[  874  ] 


NOTES 

^  Sabbatical  year  of  Mr.  Peabody  and  his  family. 
^  Capt.  H.  M.  fVoohey. 
^  Dillnyn  and  Louis  Sta)T. 

*  N.  Emmons. 
^  Lloyd  Derby. 

*  C  L.  IVaterbury. 

'  D.  Starr.  Captain  of  35-0  eleven  of  1903. 

8  H.  P.  Stokes. 

9  "The  Goat." 
i»  R.  IVaterbury. 
^^  Query:  Nose? 

^^  Grosvenor  of  Providence. 
*^  Leander  Plummer. 

Professor  Griswold's  clarinet, 

K.  Roosevelt. 

A.  Low. 


14 


[  37.5  ] 


BIRTHDAY 

1903 

THE  poet  of  spring  has  his  verses  to  sing, 
Some  folks  do  not  relish  his  rhyme, 
And  the  poet  who  drones  in  mellifluous  tones 
The  delights  of  the  old  summer  time. 

But  away  the  time  flows  and  the  couleur  de  rose 
Is  exchanged  for  a  colour  more  sober. 

So  I  here  make  my  bow  'mid  the  tumult  and  row. 
Your  bard  of  the  fifteenth  October. 

Vacation  was  really  most  awfully  long. 

They  gave  us  a  whole  extra  week. 
And  though  I  've  no  doubt   many  thought  it  quite 
wrong, 

The  rest  showed  a  spirit  most  meek. 

Of  course,  they  were  idle  and  fearfully  bored. 
But  they  passed  the  time  after  a  fashion, 

And  for  want  of  employment,  for  Mabel  or  Maud 
Full  many  developed  a  passion. 

I  might  tell  their  secrets,  I  would  if  I  dared. 
But  they're  awful  when  really  enraged. 

It 's  whispered  about,  but  do  not  let  it  out, 
P.  Boyer — don't  tell — is  engaged. 

George    Richardson    screams    in    the    midst   of    his 
dreams, 
"I  '11  be  true,  I'll  be  true,  I'll  be  true." 
[  377  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  Potsey  ^  his  woes  through  the  bridge  of  his  nose 
Loudly  whistles  to  Jane  or  to  Sue. 

While  Jones  ^  blushes  redder  and  redder  and  redder. 
And  Breese  ^  for  the  tennis  ground  sighs. 

He  sorely  is  missing  that  prime  spot  for  kissing. 
And  Buster  *  Brown 's  wiping  his  eyes. 

The  hearts  of  ten  maidens  this  Buster  has  busted. 
Ten  maidens  who  harked  to  his  slogan. 

He  vanquished  their  charms  by  all  manner  of  arms, 
From  pistol  and  arrows  to  Bogun. 

He  weeps  and  he  sighs  and  the  streams  from  his 
eyes 

At  the  thoughts  of  Long  Island's  fair  daughter 
Don't  furnish  enough,  so  at  table  each  day 

He  spills  every  one's  glasses  of  water. 

While  Shrimp,^  the  young  imp,  makes  the  maidens 
feel  limp. 

From  East  unto  West  as  he  sings. 
And  in  far  Colorado  the  bold  desperado 

Has  got  all  the  girls  upon  strings. 

And  poor  gentle  Dormy's  ^  experience  stormy 

In  Boston  was  really  a  shame; 
For  two  mortal  hours  he  stayed — by  the  powers ! 

But  alas,  the  fair  maid  never  came. 

While  Amory,'  they  tell,  on  a  Beverly  belle 
Bestowed  his  best  Groton  hat-band 
[  878  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

If  that  exquisite  she  for  his  sake  would  agree 
To  wear  it  and  pledge  him  her  hand. 

And  Edmands,  the  Owl,  rolls  his  eyes  to  the  skies, 
As  he  thinks  of  the  falseness  of  woman. 

And  poor  Selden  Rose,  when  he  dared  to  propose. 
Was  spurned  in  a  manner  inhuman. 

The  stout  Skinny   Prince^  was  surprised  not   long 
since 

While  writing  a  sonnet,  they  say. 
In  praise  of  his  fair  one  with  carroty  hair — 

He  entitled  the  song  "A  Hot  Day." 

And  Coly  MacDonald  thinks  oft  of  the  days 
When  the  lady  he  cherished  so  dearly 

Would  hang  on  his  arm  as  he  showed  her  the  way 
From  the  famous  establishment  Brearly. 

And  Pennington  Pearson  was  badly  cut  out 

At  a  ball  at  Bar  Harbour  they  tell. 
Mac  Michael  bore  off  his  fair  partner  and  she 

Declared  he  would  do  quite  as  well. 

But  bind  up  your  sorrows,  ye  merry  men  all. 

There 's  lots  of  good  fish  in  the  sea; 
The  misfortunes  of  others  I  now  will  relate. 

And  perhaps  they  '11  restore  you  to  glee. 

Judge  Michael  Mac  Mike  once  thought  he  would 
like 
To  indulge  in  an  ulligant  swim. 
[  379  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

Each  Bar  Harbour  girl  was  all  in  a  whirl 
And  postponed  her  own  dippy  for  him. 

Himself  then  he  clad  in  the  best  that  he  had, 

Blue  and  red  were  his  little  legs  fat, 
And  the  maidens  declared  when  they  saw  him — they 
dai'ed 

Not  plunge  in  the  briny  with  That. 

Mac  Michael  was  wroth  since  the  girls  were  so  loath, 
And  averred  he  'd  not  go  in  that  day; 

He   retired  with  a  pout,  dressed  again,  and  cleared 
out. 
And  his  blue  and  red  togs  gave  away. 

But  such  a  dislike  took  this  sensitive  Mike 

To  bathing  in  general  that  he 
Gave  all  his  bath  nights  to  Seward  Webb,  who 

No  use  for  them  has,  as  you  see. 

Seward  lives  on  the  brains  of  wild  pheasant,  and  gains 

His  portly  proportions  of  late 
From  a  diet  of  snakes,  and  his  household  pets  makes 

Of  the  snakes  up  in  Shelburne  they  state. 

Oh,  poor  forlorn  and  doleful  Rives, 
His  melancholy  visage  grieves 

My  being  to  the  quick. 
Whoever  'd  think  that  'neath  the  woe 
Depicted  on  his  face,  he  'd  go 

Concoct  a  monkey  trick! 
[  380  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

He  bet  young  Cutting  •  he  could  never 
Project  his  knife  across  the  river. 

Young  Cutting  "Pooh"  did  shout. 
He  hurled  the  knife  —  it  splashed  and  sank, 
Of  course  he  had  himself  to  thank. 

But  he  was  one  knife  out. 

'Tis  just  as  well^  that  fatal  knife 
Had  nearly  cost  young  Cutting's  life. 

For  when  he  tried  to  shave 
In  moment  rash  his  young  mustache, 
He  made  a  gash,  a  horrid  hash, 

Which  brought  him  nigh  the  grave. 

Upon  the  floor  and  desk  his  gore 
Went  spouting  from  the  wound. 

I  tell  you  't  was  a  gruesome  sight, 
And  Tommy  Barber  swooned. 

The  kids  are  most  polite 
I  heard  the  other  night. 
When  Sampson  called  a  Prefect  "Sir," 
'T  was  really  out  of  sight. 

And  Smouchy,^*'  as  they  say. 
When  he  goes  out  to  play, 
Perfumes  his  hair,  and  to  the  foe 
All  signals  gives  away. 

While  to  amuse  the  crowd 
Heard  stands  serene  and  proud; 
[381  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

And  while  his  brethren  work  and  fight 
Plays  the  hand-organ  loud. 

And  At  water — 't  is  fame 
From  proper  sense  of  shame, 
To  hear  his  own  voice  is  too  shy. 
Or  answer  to  his  name. 

John  Parker  keeps  all  in  a  trance 
By  whistling  a  popular  dance; 
He  never  will  stop  till  he  's  ready  to  drop 
If  the  Master  will  give  him  a  chance. 

The  little  Brice  is  awful  nice. 

So  quiet  and  polite; 
You  'd  never  find  him  playing  hob 

Or  rough-housing  at  night. 

Upon  the  football  field  he  stood. 

A  favour  he  would  beg 
From  Mr.  Peabody — now  some 

Might  kick  him  in  the  leg, 

Or  poke  his  ribs,  or  say,  "Look  here." 

Oh,  no,  with  manner  grand. 
Exactly  as  it  were  in  class, 

He  just  held  up  his  hand. 

When  Watson  Blair,  with  artless  air, 

Said  he  had  got  a  hint 
For  me  to  write  and  read  to-night, 

A  thing  he  called  a  "squint," 
[  382  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

I  turned  and  asked  him  was  it  true 

He  never  took  a  shower, 
Or  bath  or  plunge  or  e'en  a  sponge, 

Since  yonder  fatal  hour 

When  first  he  joined  our  Groton  ranks  r 
He  showed  no  sense  of  shame, 

But  honest  pride,  as  he  replied 
He  'd  washed  before  he  came. 

When  Minnow  Fish  ^^  went  forth  to  sail, 
A  cry  arose  above  the  gale. 

Resounding  in  his  ears; 
A  cry  as  of  a  drowning  wight 
Came  whistling  o'er  the  breakers  white. 

Exciting  all  his  fears. 

His  helm  he  quickly  put  about 
To  save  a  life,  with  courage  stout; 

The  tempest  howled  the  brisker. 
After  long  search  he  no  one  found. 
And  thus  perceived  the  source  of  sound 

Was  zephyrs  in  his  whisker. 

The  famous  clan  of  Amory 

Through  all  the  world  around. 

For  famous  feats  of  memory 
Has  ever  been  renowned. 

Oh,  I  should  much  have  liked  to  hear 
My  little  cousin  Charlie 
[  383  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

Before  the  Sacred  Study  class 
Describe  the  famous  parley. 

And  all  the  details  of  the  fight. 

Unless  my  memoiy  lieth, 
With  every  word  and  blow  which  passed 

'Twixt  Jason  and  Goliath. 

Hoffman  is  much  dissatisfied 

With  Gro ton's  simple  fare. 
He  lately  tried  to  suicide 

In  absolute  despair. 

Because  we  do  not  have  each  day 

Expensive  oyster  stew. 
And  life  is  scarcely  worth  the  while 

Where  oysters  are  so  few. 

Mrs.  McMurray  proudly  wears 
The  gem  he  tried  to  foist  U- 

'pon  her  as  a  first-class  pearl 
Which  he  found  in  an  oyster. 

Poor,  poor  Doctor  Moore 

Tried  the  blinds  to  close. 
When  the  blind  most  unkind 

Swung  to  on  his  nose. 

Blind  with  jjain  once  again 

Out  his  head  he  thrust, 
But  the  pane  a  glass  one  proved 

By  the  blind  one  bust. 
[  384  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

See  the  pun?  Ain't  it  fun? 

Different  kinds  of  paiii. 
Never  mind,  if  you  're  blind 

Don't  do  so  again. 

They  say   that   Hardwick  and   hard  work  are   such 

friends 
That  he  doesn't  much  care  if  this  term  never  ends; 

For  during  the  holidays  gay 
Double  portions  of  food  three  or  four  times  as  good 
Instead  of  vacation  are  served  as  a  ration 

To  those  who  prefer  here  to  stay. 

So  Hardwick 's  decided  to  write  to  his  folks: 
He  '11  spend  Christmas  up  here  if  they  think  they 
can  coax 
The  Rector  to  promise  him  true 
That  pillow  fights,  scraps,  and  free  rough-house  shall 

sway 
With  beefsteak  and  turkey  served  three  times  a  day. 
And  fish  and  corned  beef  be  taboo. 

I  gave  a  tea  the  other  night 

And  issued  invitation 
To  half  a  dozen  kids  to  come 

And  taste  of  my  collation. 

But  Dana  Anderson  said  No, 
Was  it  that  he  was  seedy? 

I  later  found  it  was  not  so. 
But  only  he  was  greedy. 
[  385  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

My  tea  and  cake  he  thought  perhaps 

Were  fairly  decent  stuff. 
But  for  a  really  greedy  boy 

They  were  not  half  enough. 

To  yonder  village  swift  he  hied 

For  chocolate  to  munch, 
And  having  lined  his  vast  inside. 

He  came  to  me  to  lunch. 

They  say  when  Mr.  Leach 
Feels  a  longing  for  a  peach, 
Or  an  apple  or  an  orange  or  a  pear, 
"Go  to,  go  to,"  says  he,  "I  need  merely  take  my  key 
And  help  myself  to  all  that  I  can  bear." 

For  this  Faculty  recruit  is  high  guardian  of  the  fruit 
In  the  closet  where  the  odours  sweet  abide. 

Far  different  from  roses  which  salute  the  hapless  noses 
Of  those  who  in  the  studies  blue  reside. 

Yet  why  should  fellows  care  if  he  a  reasonable  tariff 
From  importers  of  those  dainties  should  exact.'' 

And  if,  in  charging  duty,  he  consumes  some  speckled 
beauty. 
There  's  nothing  very  shocking  in  the  act. 

But  the  trouble  that  at  night  is  taken  for  appendici- 
tis. 
Or  at  any  rate  that  makes  him  pace  the  floor, 

[  386  ] 


BIKTHDAY    1903 

Interferes  with  tlie  loud  guffaws  of  the  good  old- 
fashioned  rough-house, 
So  we  hope  he  '11  never  do  so  any  more. 

At  the  wonted  bathing  hour 
He  indulged  him  in  a  shower. 

With  a  towel  lightly  wrapped  about  his  head. 
Harry  Sargent,  young  and  bad,  thought  him  just  some 
other  lad. 

So  he  flung  at  him  a  reeking  sponge  and  fled. 

Poor  Mr.  Nichols,  his  shirt  collar  tickles. 
Or  else  he  's  not  pleased  with  its  style; 

His  cries  of  distress  could  be  heard  for  no  less 
Than  something  about  half  a  mile. 

Oh,  will  you  not  fly,  passer-by,  passer-by. 

And  bring  to  my  Mansion  of  Pain,^^ 
From  the  sewing- room  box  an  assortment  of  stocks.'' 

For  I  ne'er  shall  wear  collar  again. 

You  see  he  expects  that  most  useful  of  necks 
Made  of  rubber — I  hardly  need  mention. 

He  thus  can  acquire  for  use  when  the  Choir 
Won't  pay  him  the  best  of  attention. 

We  heard  he  had  taken  to  bubbling  of  late 

But  the  one  time  he  ever  was  seen 
At  this  sort  of  sport,  or  so  they  report, 

He  was  running  a  sewing  machine. 

[  387  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

But  among  the  misfortunes  with  which  he  's  been 
plagued, 

I  think  the  most  dreadful  of  all 
Was  when  in  the  bushes  he  with  three  wild  rushes 

Attempted  to  fall  on  the  ball. 

And  talking  of  rubber,  't  is  much  worn  they  say 

By  leadei's  of  fashion,  a  few  of  'em. 
By  exquisite  scholars,  in  very  high  collars. 

And  Newbold  and  Gambril  are  two  of  'em. 

S.  Biddle  of  that  clan  unique 
Is  making  a  success  of  Greek, 

He  's  mastered  the  word  ''*Ovos." 
Though  but  the  fifth  part  of  an  ass. 
As  Mr.  Abbott  said  in  class, 

Kai  r/KoXovOeL  $ovos. 

He  thought  he  needed  a  new  vest 

To  grace  the  feast  to-night. 
He  borrowed  one  from  Barclay  Farr, 

He  was  a  lovely  sight. 

Little  Clark,  oh,  little  Clark, 
You  remember  the  remark 
Mr.  Ogilby  once  made 
To  his  listening  scholars  ? 

Coimt  the  fingers  on  your  hand 
If  you  wish  to  understand; 
But  he  wished  he  had  n't  spoke. 
Not  for  sixty  dollars. 
[  388  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

Little  Clark  held  up  his  fist. 
While  the  class  with  wonder  whist 

Thought  him  going  to  blubber. 
But  he  only  smiled  with  joy. 
And  that  else  respectful  boy 

Gently  murmured  "  Rubber." 

Hadden  and  Gaps  "  and  Boyer,  Starr,  Higginson  and 

Sawyer, 
Descended  upon  Newport  just  to  show  them  how  to 
do  it. 
The  Avenue  woke  up  and  stared. 
And  all  the  cottagers  declared 
There  ne'er  was  such  a  season  since 
The  time  when  first  they  knew  it. 

A  group  of  them  descended  in  costumes  strange  and 
splendid 
Upon  the  hospitality  of  Sidney  Fish  so  meek. 
They  only  came  to  dinner  with   the  unsuspecting 
Minner,^^ 
But  he  did  n't  well  get  rid  of  them  for  something 
like  a  week. 

Oh,  the  horrors  of  that  season. 
We  trembled  for  the  reason 
Of  Boyer,  who  sustained  a  really  paralyzing  fright. 
For  Psyche  ^^  up  and  burgled. 
And  Phil  ^^  jibbered,  shrieked  and  gurgled. 
And  insisted  on  two  roommates  for  the  balance  of 
the  night. 

[  389  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

While  Gaps  procured  a  poker — 
He  always  was  a  joker  — 
And  hiding  'neath  a  potted  palm  he  aimed  it 
at  the  head 
Of  the  robber,  grim  and  awful. 
At  his  handiwork  unlawful. 
And  exclaimed  in  quavering  accents,  "  Not  a 
step,  or  you  are  dead." 

Dicky  Gambril,  young  and  fair. 
Lacked  a  Book  of  CoiTimon  Prayer, 

Also  he  loved  candy ; 
When  a  box  from  Huyler's  came. 
How  could  Dicky  be  to  blame 

If  he  thought  it  dandy? 

But  the  Rector  said  not  so. 

"Right  straight  home  the  box  shall  go. 

Sweets  are  not  permitted." 
Back  it  went  against  his  will; 
Dick  who  lacks  a  prayer  book  still 

Surely  should  be  pitied. 

Poor  old  Harding  was  on  a  time  regarding 
His  image  in  a  mirror,  and  he  stroked  his 
whitey  beard. 
"I  am  fat  and  I  'm  romantic. 
But  it  nearly  drives  me  frantic 
To  think  that  in  the  poem  I  have  never  yet 
appeared." 

[  890  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

He  may  be  fat  and  whitey,  and  he  's  lovely  in  his 
nighty, 
And  he  weighs  two  hundred  pounds,  and  that  is 
huge; 
But  he  'd  be  a  bit  more  hefty  if  he  'd  try  the  method 
defty 
Employed  for  gaining  weight  by  Billy  Rouge,^' 

Who  called  his  friends'  attention  to  the  marvellous 
extension 
During  bathing  of  his  own  avoir  du  poids ; 
His  heavy  towel  wearing,  on  the  scales  he  stood,  de- 
claring. 
He  had  gained  full  twenty  pounds,  to  all  the  boys. 

Mr.  Ogilby  fair  has  lovely  red  hair. 

Or  such  is  T.  Higginson's  claim. 
He  begged  I  'd  insert  the  above  in  my  rhyme. 

But  hoped  I  'd  not  drag  in  his  name. 

For  he  's  feeling  quite  feeble,  his  meals  disagree. 

Dyspeptic  and  hectic  his  cough. 
For  good  pork  and  beans  quite  otherwise  taste 

When  consumed  standing  up  at  the  trough. ^^ 

And  he  can't  do  his  work,  he  has  so  much  to  do. 

Detention,  triangles  and  such, 
And  he  begs  you  won't  give  him  a  half  hour  more. 

Poor  Tommy,  't  is  really  too  much. 

But  as  I  have  said,  an  exquisite  red 
Adorns  the  Ogilbian  locks, 
[  391  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

But  the  hue  of  his  tresses  caused  many  latenesses 
To  those  unprovided  with  clocks. 

In  Infirmary  Hall  the  inhabitants  tall 

On  a  system  of  signs  had  agreed : 
A  curtain  he  'd  hang  when  the  outer  bell  rang, 

So  to  worry  they  never  would  need. 

If  a  curtain  of  green  in  the  window  were  seen, 
'T  was  a  sign  they  must  hustle  like  sin ; 

But  they  never  need  hurry  nor  feel  any  worry 
If  a  curtain  of  red  were  therein. 

One  day  he  forgat  and  unconsciously  sat 
With  his  head  on  the  window  reclining; 

Alas,  for  their  fate,  the  whole  outfit  were  late. 
And  they  found  all  the  bretheren  dining. 

The  best  thing  I  've  to  sing  to  you 
Is  hardly  a  new  thing  to  you, 

And  yet,  though  old,  't  is  dear. 
We've  got  a  set  of  faces 
In  the  old  accustomed  places. 

And  I  tell  you  we  are  glad  to  have 
them  here. 

The  Rector  and  the  Mrs. 
And  their  five  young  hopeful  blisses 
Have  come  to  us  again  from  foreign 
parts ; 

[  392  ] 


BIRTHDAY    1903 

They  *re  looking  young  and  sprightful. 
And  I  '11  tell  you  it 's  delightful 

To  greet  them  from  the  bottom  of  our 
hearts. 

But  along  with  the  fair  daughters, 
They  have  brought  us  o'er  the  waters 

An  exquisite  romantic-looking  beast; 
A  dachshund  or  a  collie, 
Or  a  little  pug-dog  jolly, 

Would  n't  serve  us  to  describe  him  in 
the  least. 

I  think  he  is  a  setter, 

Or,  for  want  of  something  better, 

A  greyhound  one  might  guess  but  for 
the  fur; 
But  although  he  is  a  beauty. 
It  remains  my  painful  duty 

To  confess  that  he  is  just  a  yaller  cur.^' 

Oh,  well  do  I  recall  to-night. 

Some  seven  years  ago 
This  very  day,  a  Master  said, 

"My  brother,  do  you  know 

"A  dozen  years  have  rolled  away 
Since  first  we  entered  here 

Upon  the  useful,  happy  work 
Which  now  has  grown  so  dear.-* 

[  393  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

"Could  there  have  been  a  better  Ufa 
Than  God  has  made  our  lot — 

To  do  His  work  and  till  His  field 
In  this  beloved  spot?" 

"Happy  indeed,"  I  cried,  and  still 

Repeat  it  here  to-day: 
"Dearer  and  happier  to  me 

As  each  year  rolls  away." 

God  bless  the  future,  and  our  work 

Bless  as  in  days  of  yore, 
Still  side  by  side  in  mutual  help. 

For  nineteen  birthdays  more.^'' 


[  394  ] 


NOTES 

1  H.  Potter. 
^  A.M.  Jones. 
^  J.  Breese. 

*  Thornton  Brown. 
^  Norman  Sturgis. 
«  F.  Foster. 

''  C.  M.  Amory. 
^  Morton  Prince. 
®  Suydam  Cutting. 
"  H.  Roosevelt. 
^  Sidney  Fish. 

^  Mr.  Nichols  dwelt  in  the  "  Cottage"  Jor  contagious  dis- 
eases. 
^  John  Clark: 

*  G.  G.  Bacon. 

^  Stuyvesajit  Fish,  Jr. 

6  P.Boyer. 

''  fV.  Grosvenor. 

*  Side  table  where  the  ill-mannered  eat  standing. 
'  Pompey. 

"  Mr.  Billings  received  this  day  a  call  to  a  Brooklyn 
Parish.  He  declined  after  some  weeks  of  consideration. 


[  395  ] 


CHRISTMAS 
1903 

I  AM  a  poor,  unaided,  helpless  thing, 
All,  all  alone  to-night  my  song  I  sing; 
For  when  I  ask  a  question,  it  falls  flat — 
The  Oracle  has  gone  on  a  Sabbat.^ 
Instead,  then,  of  the  usual  duet 
Performed  with  him  whose  absence  we  regret. 
Your  poet  is  compelled  to  change  his  tone 
And  do  the  Pythian  Priestess  act  alone. 
But  when  I  offer  problems  to  myself  I 
Must  recollect  I  am  no  more  in  Delphi 
Where  frequent  draughts  of  the  Castalian  Spring 
Might  stimulate  most  any  one  to  sing. 
No,  naught  is  left  but  chocolate  and  cake, 
E'en  tea  I  'm  not  permitted  to  partake.^ 
So  Sunday  nights  when  I  have  sipped  my  choc, 
I  arm  me  with  a  pen  and  paper  block, 
And  make  the  dome  resound  with  my  appeal 
That  each  will  all  the  deeds  of  each  reveal. 
Squibs!  Squibs!  I  cry,  when  round  me  with  a  clamour 
The  kids  my  ear  drums  thus  begin  to  hammer 
And  hope  that  I  '11  embody  in  my  verse 
Some  feeble  jokes  like  these — or  even  worse: 
"Oh,  Burnham  is  fat,  or  Clark  has  no  hat. 
Or  Sargent  does  nothing  but  snore, 
Or  Duffer  ^  in  Latin  don't  know  where  he  's  at,  'n' 
Poor  Krech  was  stood  out  on  the  floor. 
Or  Williams  is  a  well-red  youth. 
He  's  red  all  over,  'tis  the  truth; 
[  397  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

His  underclothes  from  socks  to  shirt 
Are  briUiant  scarlet  they  assert. 
Or  Little  Low,  oh.  Piggy  Low  * 

His  crimson  napkin  waved 
At  an  angry  cow,  and  they  tell  me  how 

His  precious  life  was  saved. 
For  away  he  flew  —  he  was  frightened  blue  — 

To  his  home  in  the  Pig  Pen  dark,"  — 
And  they  give  you  more  of  such  squibs  by  the  score 

On  white-headed  Dixon  or  Clark. 
How  Spiggotty  ^  tiny  endeavours  to  shine,  he 

Declares  he  's  a  chip  -of  old  Don, 
The  family  toothbrush  that  hangs  by  the  sink. 

Or  of  JefFy,®  or  Bubbles,''  or  John. 
Mike  *  and  Grosvenor  are  tramps,  Blair  and  Foster  are 
scamps. 

And  Pompey^  chewed  Smouchy's  ^**  golosh; 
Hunnewell  is  a  swell,  so  is  Warner  they  tell. 

And  acres  and  acres  of  bosh : 
How  Christie  once  locked  himself  into  a  locker, 
And  jokes  about  Bartow  ^^  or  some  other  Crocker. 
How  Rogers  got  locked  in  the  Robing  Room  Closet 
And  Heard  got  a  ten  or  a  zero  —  which  was  it.''  — 
When  he  tried  to  impress  with  his  learning  and  speech 
That  wary  old  bird,  the  acute  Mr.  Leach. 

We  have  listened,  oh,  we've  listened  with  unmitigated 

joy 

To  a  marvellous  performance  unassisted  by  a  boy; 
The  Faculty  they  did  it,  by  themselves  they  did  — 
alone, 

[  398  ] 


CHRISTMAS    11)03 

And  a  special  radiance  over  the  proceedings  they  have 

thrown. 
They  cleared  their  throats  and  struck  up  with  a  har- 
mony seraphic 
A  selection  which  can  only  be  described  in  language 

graphic 
As  quite  the  crowning  triumph  of  all  Groton's  famed 

quartettes, 
Melojious-ojious  murmurings  of  Mr.  Nichols'  Pets.^ 
I  'm  told  they  're  most  irreverently  nicknamed  by  the 

boys 
The  Christmas  aggregation  of  Old  Nick's  rejected 

toys, 
While  Mr.  Abbott  plays  an  obligato  on  the  flute. 
Which  let  us  thank  our  stars  is  but  a  mute  and  cannot 

toot. 

And  now  I  think  of  Mr.  Nichols, 

Have  you  heard  his  fate.-* 
The  very  thought  my  fancy  tickles. 

What  he  did  of  late. 

At  a  shop,  alas,  alack,  he, 

Once  upon  a  time, 
He  essayed  to  buy  some  baccy. 

Costing  half  a  dime. 

He  handed  the  amount  ter 

A  lady  bright  and  clever. 
Who  stood  behind  the  counter 

And  was  just  the  smartest  ever. 
[  399  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

She  saw  his  youthful  trembling, 

She  knew  he  came  from  School, 
So  formed  a  plan  dissembling 

The  Rector's  eye  to  fool. 
"I  'm  sure  that  it  would  save  yer. 

My  little  man,"  she  cried, 
"Some  marks  for  bad  behaviour 

If  I  the  parcel  tied 
Into  a  little  packet 

Resembling  simple  candy  — 
'T  would  save  you  from  a  racket." 

When  with  his  manner  grand  he 
Deposited  his  half  a  dime, 

Snatched  up  the  goods  and  ran. 
He  thinks  it 's  really  almost  time 

They  knew  a  grown-up  man. 
They  say  he  uses  much  perfume 

With  which  with  instinct  wary 
He  tried  to  disinfect  his  room 

In  yonder  Cottage  ^^  airy. 
But  after  all  he  gave  it  up 

And  simply  fled  the  coop. 
The  cackling  of  the  Chicken-Pox, 

The  whooping  of  the  Whoop 
Have  so  disorganized  his  nerves 

That  quit  he  really  ought  ter. 
It  makes  him  feel,  as  he  observes. 

Like  onejifth  of  a  quarter}^ 

Oh,  Kingsford  is  a  merry  little  party. 

It  really  does  one  good  to  see  him  round; 
[  400  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

His  sunny  smile  so  cheerj'  and  so  hearty. 

And  jolly  laugh  are  getting  quite  renowned. 
And  yet  he  was  not  always  so  't  is  rumoured. 

At  first  we  thought  he  had  the  chronic  grumps, 
So  homesick  and  so  melancholy  humoured 

That  every  one  had  nicknamed  him  Jim  Dumps. 
But  what  a  change  has  come  since  his  arrival! 

We  sometimes  scarce  believe  him  really  him, 
And  since  this  altogether  grand  revival 

He  now  is  known  to  all  as  Sunny  Jim. 

Oh,  Butter  Ball,  my  Blubber  Bags,^ 

Why  is  it  when  you  eat 
That  we  so  often  gaze  at  you 

Erect  upon  your  feet.'' 
Methinks  it  simply  must  be  this: 

So  full  you  are  of  food 
That  in  the  cramped  position 

Of  a  sitting  attitude 
You  simply  cannot  stuff  in  more. 

So  j  ust  to  straighten  up. 
You  jump  and  shake  your  dinner  down 

And  thus  make  room  to  sup. 
One  cranny  more  you  thus  obtain 

To  cram  more  morsels  in. 
But  cannot  then  sit  down  again, 

And  now  you  feel  like  sin. 

The  gentle  Wilmer  ^^  sometimes  tries 
The  patience  of  his  teachers, 

[  401  ] 


GROTON  SCHOOL  VERSES 

But  never  his  own  temper  fails. 

This  tenderest  of  creatures. 
When  Mr.  A.^''  throws  books  at  him. 

He  says  in  accents  bland: 
'^Oh,  man  of  splendid  qualities. 

Your  character  is  grand." 

One  day  Johnny  Parker  was  called  up  in  Class, 
And  pronounced  with  some  sternness  a  consummate  ass. 
The  title  John  Parker  accepted  with  glee. 
And  as  squib  for  this  poem  he  gave  it  to  me. 
I  wish  he  would  give  me  a  bit  of  his  hair. 
The  cousinly  tribute  I  'm  sure  he  could  spare. 
Just  look  at  his  Psyche  Knot  worn  on  the  brow 
Instead  of  behind — 'tis  the  fashion  just  now. 

Dan,  Dan,^*  the  wise  young  man. 

Most  wonderful  to  state. 
Has  much  the  best  taste  in  the  School, 

For  when  he  passed  his  plate, 
This  merry  Sargent  lad,  one  day 

For  that  great  king  of  dishes  — 
The  corned  beef  red — "By  Jove,"  he  said, 

"This  Venison  is  delicious." 

And  talking  on  this  subject. 

The  subject  sweet  of  grub. 
The  worthy  Hen  ^^  and  his  merry  men 

Have  started  a  Manners  Club. 

If  puns  are  uttered  by  mistake. 

Or  mouthfuls  are  too  big, 
[  402  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

Or  kids  play  giddy  pelican. 
Or  gobble  like  a  pig. 

Or  overset  a  pitcher — 

To  expiate  the  crime 
Charity  's  made  the  richer, 

They  're  mulcted  half  a  dime. 

The  Sixth  are  puzzled  sorely 

At  choice  of  a  profession, 
And  when  an  opening  shows  ilself 

They  straightway  take  possession. 

Two  courses  have  been  offered  to 

The  subject  of  my  jokes. 
Two  offers  highly  flattering 

Been  made  to  Harold  Stokes, — 

A  French  modiste  or  dressmaker 

Might  offer  some  variety, 
Or  lady  patroness,  they  write. 

Of  a  Good  Works  Society. 

But  Stokes  declines  the  proffers. 

His  health  will  not  permit  it, 
Anonyma  afflicts  his  head. 

He  's  truly  to  be  pitied. 

I  'ra  sometimes  called  upon  to  sit 
In  these  my  rhjTnes  on  Pie  Eye  Schmitt,^** 
Who  when  Jack  Suter  blushed 

[  403  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

At  being  called  the  second  best 
Soprano  in  the  Choir,  confessed 

He  thought  the  speaker  gushed: 
For  Jack  has  grown  so  very  bad. 
That  boisterous,  rambunctious  lad. 

His  cubicle  he  kicks 
In  rage  one  night,  though  he  said  that 
He  gave  it  but  a  tender  pat — 

But  he  got  soaked  for  six. 

Oh,  Pie  Face,  Pie  Face,  there  you  sit. 
Oh,  Minnott  of  the  name  of  Schmitt, 

A  harmony  in  white. 
His  lugs  they  say  are  just  sublime. 
He  rolls  his  pants  up  every  time 

To  just  the  proper  height. 
White  is  the  colour  he  prefers. 
And  Kermit  ^^  in  his  rhymes  avers 

That  in  the  Fives  Court  Hallways 
His  gloves  are  white  and  white  the  ball. 
His  shoes,  his  pants,  his  hair  and  all. 

Only  his  face — not  always. 

I  've  heard  of  the  pleasures  of  hunting  of  Snarks, 

Or  chasing  the  anise-seed  trail. 
But  the  rapture  of  hunting  and  chasing  St.  Mark's 

Makes  all  other  pleasures  to  pale. 
Hurrah,  then,  hurrah,  Dilly  Starr,  Dilly  Starr, 

For  though  I  to  boast  would  not  seem. 
Though  they  may  have  their  share  of  good  points  I  'm 
aware. 

We  just  wope  up  the  ground  with  their  team.^^ 
[  404  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

Jimmy  Howe,  what's  the  row? 

Why  so  green  and  sickly? 
Why,  as  you  often  do, 

Leave  the  Chapel  quickly? 

On  a  day,  as  they  say. 

He  with  box  of  sweets 
Climbs  a  dormitory  beam. 

Where  he  eats  and  eats. 

What  ill  luck!  there  he's  stuck! 

Jimmy  all  forlorn 
Thinks  that  he  starved  will  be. 

For  the  candy  's  gone. 

Nimrod,23  the  mighty  hunter, 

Had  trouble  with  his  valet. 
Who  said  a  few  unpleasant  things 

Not  suiting  Nimmy's  palate. 
His  folks  were  on  a  journey, 

So  Nimmy  thought  he  'd  pounce 
Upon  this  fine  occasion 
.  That  valet  rude  to  bounce. 
The  cook,  however,  followed 

And  eke  the  lady's  maid. 
The  nurse,  the  coachman,  and  the  boots. 

And  not  a  servant  stayed. 
Nim  felt  a  trifle  worried. 

And  then  alas,  alack! 
Their  journey  they  had  hurried, 

And  Nimmy's  folks  came  back. 
[  40.5  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

"  Oh,  father  dear,"  said  Nimmy, 

"  No  words  to  waste  there  's  need, 
I  acted  prompt  and  wisely, 

I  deed,  I  deed,  I  deed." 
The  father  smiled  benignly. 

His  plan  went  somewhat  deeper, 
No  valet  now  he  's  hired  for  Nim, 

But  one  they  dub  his  "Keeper." 

Fry,  Smouchy  and  Brice,  that  trio  so  nice. 

Are  filled  with  a  horrible  dread 
Of  burglars  and  bugaboos,  goblins  and  ghosts, 

And  hardly  dare  get  into  bed. 
They  wake  up  and  scream  when  some  blood-curd- 
ling dream 

Their  pillows  may  happen  to  visit. 
They  yell  for  their  ma's  or  their  pa's,  and  my 
stars ! 

Did  you  hear  it?  Oh,  mommer!  What  is  it.'' 
Parker  walks  in  his  sleep  and  it  makes  their  flesh 
creep, 

Or  they  get  a  dread  glimpse  of  MacVeagh 
With  a  long  shaggy  mane,  like  a  goblin  insane — 

They  gurgle  and  wish  for  the  day. 
They  shriek  for  the  light  in  a  passion  of  fright, 

Oh,  vision  of  fear  and  despair! 
Their  blood  it  runs  cold,  on  a  gibbet  behold 

H.  Rogers  hung  up  by  the  hair. 
The  bard  recommends  to  his  terrified  friends, 

They  go  to  F.  Biddle  so  nice, 

[  406  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

Who  'gainst  sights  infernal,  records  in  his  journal 

The  following  wholesome  advice: 
"I  've  given  up  steak,  and  now  freely  partake 

Of  fish  and  corned  beef  for  repast. 
And  this  treatment  unique  has  produced  in  a 
week 

A  digestion  I  deem  unsurpassed." 

A  fatal  game  of  football  occurred  on  Soldiers'  Field, 
At  which  I  grieve  to  tell  you  old  Harvard  had  to  yield. 
But  have  you  heard  the  sequel,  the  sad  mishap  to 

crown, 
An  awful  visitation  occurred  to  Buster  Brown?  ^ 
His  head  it  grew  and  grew  so  that  by  the  Sunday  morn 
'T  was  seven  sizes  larger  than  when  that  youth  was 

bom. 
He  had  to  buy  a  headpiece,  a  thirteen  and  a  half. 
And  even  then  his  efforts  to  wear  it  made  one  laugh. 
He  jammed  it  and  he  squeezed  it  upon  his  manly  brow. 
But  still  it  did  n't  suit  him  nor  fit  him  even  now. 
To  make  it  slide  on  smoothly  and  further  pain  to  save. 
His  elegant  side  whiskers  he  was  compelled  to  shave. 

A  mighty  man  of  valour 

Is  young  Samson-^ — like  the  old  one. 
Why,  then,  the  ghastly  pallour 

On  the  visage  of  this  bold  one  ? 
He  's  in  a  dreadful  quandary 

Between  opposing  fires. 
And  on  the  case  to  ponder  he 

A  moment's  space  requires. 
[  407  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL   VERSES 

His  orders  are  conflicting, 

For  Blagden  ^^  has  decreed 
That  he  to  football  practice 

This  minute  must  proceed. 
While  strange  to  say  the  Master 

The  ordinance  disdains, 
And  in  the  school-room  Samson 

For  idleness  detains. 
A  moment's  hesitation, 

A  moment's  anxious  doubt. 
The  Master  is  n't  looking. 

And  Samson  just  slips  out. 
He  'd  rather  get  six  black  marks. 

Or  any  dread  disgrace. 
Or  half  a  dozen  Rectors, 

Than  Blagden' s  fury  face. 

P.  Boyer  one  day  got  more  dotty,  they  say. 

And  said  to  the  nurse.  Miss  Potter, 
That  two  boiled  eggs  he  'd  have,  and  he  begs 

She  'd  get  him  a  bag  of  hot  water; 
And  unless  she  did  as  P.  Boyer  bid 

And  sent  for  Hadden  Hammily, 
The  roof  he  'd  raise,  and  there  'd  follow,  he  says, 

A  death  in  the  Potter  family. 

Just  give  him  some  chalk  and  a  line  he  'd  walk 

To  prove  his  perfect  sanity. 
He  wept  and  he  smiled  and  was  savage  —  then 
mild. 
With  a  cackle  of  vacant  inanity. 
[  408  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

His  bidding  to  do,  Miss  Potter  then  flew, 
The  hot  water  bottle  she  brung  it, 

But  he  hid  it  when  she  did  n't  happen  to  see 
And  said  from  the  window  lie  'd  flung  it. 

"Who  is  this  kid  with  tlie  eyes  so  red?" 
"My  name  it  is  MilHken,  sir,"  he  said. 
"Why  are  you  sorrowful,  my  little  lad.-* 
What  has  occurred  to  make  you  sad?" 

"Yon  cruel  Master,  sir,"  he  said, 
"Slung  a  big  black  mark  at  my  head." 
"Him  with  the  specs  on,  there?"  said  I. 
"Yes,  sir,"  said  Milliken,  ready  to  cry; 
"That  big  man  with  the  look  so  grim, 
Him  that  they  nickname  Slouchy  Tim.-' 
He  's  the  new  Master  in  French  they  say. 
Looks  like  a  Dago,  anyway." 
"Oh,  Mr.  Timmins,  I  beg  on  my  knees. 
Take  off  his  black  mark,  won't  you  please?" 

One  day  they  say  that  Sidney  Biddle, 
Though  not  afflicted  in  his  middle. 

Nor  feet,  nor  e'en  his  head. 
In  perfect  health  and  strength  retired, 
A  thing  he  's  doubtless  long  desired. 

To  spend  three  days  in  bed. 

He  was  not  ill,  he  was  not  lazy. 
And  though  his  words  at  times  are  crazy. 
He  's  never  short  of  breath; 
[  409  ] 


GROTON    SCHOOL    VERSES 

But  his  complaint,  ah,  wretched  sinner. 
Tore  him  from  breakfast,  lunch  and  dinner — 
He  suffered  from  Black  Death. 

Within  his  cubicle  reposing. 

His  eyes  in  gentle  slumber  closing, 

A  graduate  once  lay. 
In  dewy  sleep,  with  hair  unkempt,  he 
Had  occupied  the  bed  left  empty 

While  Biddle  was  away. 

When  Grizzy  Webb  ^^  with  stealthy  motion 
Approached  and  had  the  joyous  notion 

To  heave  at  him  a  slipper, 
"Wake  up,  wake  up,  young  Beets,"  he  cried, 
And  at  the  graduate  he  shied 

The  shoe — oh,  wicked  Hipper! 

It  really  is  to  all  of  us  unspeakable  relief 

To  find  that  Mr.  Jefferson  has  not  yet  come  to  grief.^* 

We  had  an  anxious  moment  which  made  all  turn 

faint  and  pale, 
His  voice  might  not  be  heard  here  since  the  owner 

was  in  jail. 
Thank  goodness  that  his  trial  does  n't  come  until  next 

week; 
No  hanging  will  ensue  nor  such  experience  unique. 
We  hope  sincerely  and  that  he,  poor  man,  while  he 's 

away. 
Will  enjoy  the  turkey  which  the  prisons  serve   on 

Christmas  Day. 

[  410  ] 


CHRISTMAS    1903 

The  hours  fly  by  and  Groton's  years  increase 
In  wondrous  joy,  prosperity  and  peace, 
And  still  to  welcome  us  in  dark  and  cold, 
The  Homestead  hearth  burns  brightly  as  of  old. 

The  blessed  Christmastide  has  come  again 
With  holy  message  of  good  will  to  men, 
Laurel  and  holly  and  the  Yule  log's  blaze 
Once  more  proclaim  the  coming  of  the  days 

When  peace  and  kindness,  plenty  and  good  cheer, 
And  greetings  warm  unite  to  crown  the  year. 

What  greeting  warmer  than  the  first  of  all, 
Our  Merry  Christmas  in  the  Homestead  Hall? 
To  all  I  bid  it,  and  my  rhyme  is  done. 
And  so  good  night,  God  bless  us  every  one. 


THE    END 


NOTES 

The  Rev.  S.  Billings,  G.  S.  Delphic  Oracle, ivas  in  Eti- 

rope  taking  a  Sabbatical  vacation. 

Tea  for  younger  boys  was  abolished  in  October. 

R.  Clifford. 

A.  Low. 

Nichols. 

Newbold. 

Fry. 

McMichael. 

Rose  Peabodi/s  yellow  dog. 
**  H.  Roosevelt. 

Bartow  Crocker. 

Messrs.  Jefferso7i,  Richards,  Woods  and  Ogilby. 

The  Pain  Dome. 

Nichol  or  Half  Dime, 

G.  Silsbee. 

W.  Hoffman. 

Mr.  Abbott. 

D.  Sargent. 

J.  Auchincloss. 
20  C.  M.  Amory. 
^^  K.  Roosevelt. 
22   Thirty-five  to  nothing. 
2^  N.  Prince. 
2*  T.  Brown. 
2^  R.  Samso7i. 
26  M.  Blagden. 

2'  G.  H.  Timnwis.  ' 

28  G.  Webb. 
2^  Slander  trial,  Poivell  vs.  Jefferson. 


14  DAY  USE 

RETURN  TO  DESK  FROM  WHICH  BORROWED 

LOAN  DEPT. 

RINEWALS  ONLY — TEL  NO.  642-3405 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below,  or 

on  the  date  to  which  renewed. 

Renewed  books  are  subject  to  immediate  recall. 


^  m 


V  1  >,-     SI 

!      REC'D  LD  JUL 

2371  -sPNlOy' 

SEP 

2  8  1974  '^ 

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